A Plan So Bad Lorentino Would Love It

"This is a bad plan." We were a couple miles out of town, both wearing backpacks full of whatever supplies we had (for me it was the rest of my stolen goods and some jerky, where as Tripp apparently had an entire kitchen on his back from all the jingling).

"You keep saying that." Tripp was in good spirits even though I told him we (and by we I meant me, but he accepted my interpretation it meant him as well) were just kicked out of our homes in the shanties outside of the city we were staying in (notice how I don't name the city? Because its no longer standing, such is the issue with wars).

"It keeps being true." We were on our way to the Lunar Empire, a fringe republic in the north part of what is Red Hand Territory.  Technically they were not in the Red Hand, but they had always existed as a defacto part of it, with the start of the war they had fully cloistered themself off and attempted to enforce a "border".  The Lunar Empire as their name would imply, were nut jobs, they were worshipped the moon in some ridiculous throwback to a tribal belief system (I say that coming from a tribal people who amongst all the gods they worshipped at one time, were freaking wolves!)

"Look Nidget the flyer says right here they are looking for able bodied shorties to work as servants and kitchen staff!" He had the flyer out again, it was written very eloquently and had been nailed up all over the shorty sections of the city, but at the same time I almost wondered if this was some kind of Red Hand trap, since no one else at all had taken them up on the offer.

"And so we work as servants and rob them blind? That's the plan?"

"Do you have a better one?"

"Not yet, but you do realize that they still burn people alive for crimes in the Lunar Empire right? That's their justice code."

"They hang you in the Red Hand, is that better?"

"You've got a point Tripp, I'll be damned that you do, but there it is." And so I shut my mouth and we trudged north.  We avoided any city/group of people for fear of getting roped into the war (it was going bad for both sides to an extent, so they had been just collecting people to fight for them).  Eventually arriving at the Lunar Empire and that as all things in life, is where trouble really came to town.  Not us mind you, but the problems followed shortly thereafter.

Best to Beat a Tactical Retreat

It was a few days later I found myself still playing the poor beggar for cash.  Unfortunately for me, people in the Red Hand are total dicks especially in war time.  Like every attempt to bat my eyes and claim war veteran status was met with contempt and comments of "Get a real job," and "You people disgust me." I tell you it was enough to have me believe that people genuinely didn't like me (which is nonesense I know). I was sitting outside a bar hoping to help up some aristocratic drunk (and help myself to his pockets) when a Red Hand Judge acosted to me.

"Pavarossi," He sneered, he and I had been playing a game of dumb fool chasing after his better for a couple weeks and I was tiring of his accusation (however true, he had no proof).

"Judge Dolan, how nice of you to swing by and check up on me." He had me by the front of my shirt, I had slipped my left hand down the small of my back where I kept a dagger, I didn't want to have to kill him, but if worst came to worst, I was not going to die on my knees.

"You're filth Pavarossi, you and those like you, what are you even doing out here?" Dolan was a bald man by trade, and had more paunch on him then other judges, it wasn't a surprise to me he wasn't out fighting like the rest, he was probably as useless at that as he was at keeping the peace.

"Watching the night sky, this is the best place in the city to do so." He threw me to the ground at this point, thats the problem with being short its not very difficult to be tossed around. I lost hold of my dagger, but thankfully it didn't come skittering out or I'd have been summarily executed I'm sure for "attacking" a judge.

"I want you out of my city Pavarossi, you are done here and you will not come back or I will see you suffer a fate worse than death, am I clear?" His words were harsh and his tone flared up more than other times.

I stood up and dusted myself off (even though I hadn't gotten any dust on me), "Fine Judge Dolan the service here stinks anyway." I didn't hear his response as I made sure to walk away at an elevated pace, and I was getting tired of the city not being a land of opportunity, if anything it had been the opposite and I had lost more money and time there than I preferred.  So it was under these circumstances I met up with Tripp and heard out his horrible plan and so our journey north began.

Most Problems Start Small

"The answer is no." It was mid morning, I had been awake seeking to make a little coin before the day got going for a couple hours now (you have to start early to work a con, especially in war time).  I was dressed in my normal black slacks and short vest with red shirt underneath it. I also wore a long coat (well long for a shorty, about regular size for normals), that was mainly to conceal weaponry/lockpicks/spoils. This was around the time judging from how Trezlan recalls it of when he was exiled from Ronerawth the first time (before the final time, which he gets to later on, trust me its not as exciting as he makes it out to be).  The war was cutting into my business of stealing things, and I was really regretting running away from my family circus and coming up north to the Red Hand lands (there were arguments about stifling creativity and how they always under used me, blah blah blah, childish things but thats what normally happens with family). I'm rambling I'm sorry.

"Come on Nidget, this is a guarenteed money maker." The shorty following me was a chubby guy named Tripp (I think he was named after people falling over him as he was quite short, even for one of my kind).  He was a few years my younger and many leagues of experience away from myself, though he got in more trouble than people double his age.  We were walking through the big sections of the city we currently lived in (coastal one, still controlled by the Red Hand at this point, which meant more guards and even less chances of money).

"Tripp the only guarenteed thing about your plans is that they are guarenteed to get me in trouble with someone now leave me be no one will believe I'm a war veteran if you are following behind me like a lost puppy."

"You're a war veteran Nidget?"

"No you moron, but they don't know that." No shorty was willingly serving in the Red Hand's military.  I say willingly because they had been known to enslave/take thralls from shorties for dangerous/suicide missions, because honestly no one cared when one of us died.

"At least hear me out."

"No! Now leave Tripp before I make you leave." He looked like a scolded child when he turned to me and walked away.  I'll admit I felt bad about yelling at him, but in retrospect since I did eventually listen to him, this whole thing is his fault and I feel better about yelling and wish I'd yelled more! Thats the problem with remembering thing, it just highlights where you made mistakes.  Frankly I'm surprised Trezlan keeps this journal at all, its like a record of his failures to be a decent person throughout his whole miserable life.  Seems like the kind of thing you'd do right before you kill yourself.  All that aside, this was how things started, Tripp had a plan, and I was running out of money, and wouldn't you know it, those two things came together in one awful package.

The Shorty Lifestyle

This may shock you, but Trezlan knows nothing of how shorties live or exist in these modern times.  I know its surprising such an amazing observer of common peoples is such an aloof dick he can't pay attention to simple ways things work.  Basically no matter the country (both Ronerawth and The Red Hand/The Guard have this issue, I have not crossed the ocean to see if my peoples are the same over there, but I'd assume yes) shorties are slighted in life.  We are not allowed to own property in the nicer parts of cities, and as cities expand into places we were living, they kick us out! Its one reason no shorty settlement is made of brick and mortar, because whatever we created would either be destroyed or stolen, better to make wood and just move the structure when the inevitable happens.

What this means is that shorties are always living on the outside of every city they inhabit.  Truely we are on the outside looking in.  Though we do occaisionally get work inside the cities themselves, tough cleaning jobs most of the time (because of our short stature we are frequently used in dangerous places taller people can't reach/don't want to go).  The most common jobs for shorties are sewer cleaners and chimney sweeps, leading most people to think we all smell like shit or ash (how nice of them since without us their houses would burn down and their pipes would overflow!).

Now my family as Trezlan has pointed out has never lived in the main.  We run long job cons and steal from people (look I can admit to this especially since Trezlan already let the cat out of the bag).  So its fair to say I've never worked an honest day in my life (well I hadn't until I ended up Trezlans servant).  My skills are also not really situated for doing honest labor, I know how to pick locks, slice tendons, and steal things without someone even noticing its gone.  Not exactly skills you look for in a laborer.  Which is what lead me to my incident in the Lunar Empire... That I'll finally start telling you about tomorrow.  See I can pick up trezlans bad habits too!

How I Became an Emperor

Nidget here, here to tell you the story of how I became "Emperor Nidget" (pronounced ne jay by the way in course you are some uncultured swine or Trezlan who's a total dick).  This will be a multiple part entry and I'm sure you'll love each and every entry whoever you are thats probably Trezlan after I'm dead.  But in case you aren't Trezlan I've decided to write my entry in red as opposed to Trezlan's normal black entry.

So prepare yourself for tommorrow's exciting start to my amazing legacy.  I'd write more, but Trezlan is do back soon and I don't want him catching me doing this.  Also the incidents where he was stuck on an island and blaming me and Andre for it happening are completely ridiculous and were totally his fault.  In case you thought different or something.  Anyway tomorrow be here!

Campfire Insults

"You eat this stuff? No wonder you are so thin." I had been in camp for no more than five minutes before Toneron had arrived to insult my cooking. He looked like he always did a nice suit (grey this time) clean cut features and no visible sign of having arrived from whereever he came from.

"Thanks for selling me out." I didn't even look up, he insult my cooking (some form of rodent, slow moving, dumb as hell, which probably doesn't speak well for eating it, I mean if its slow and dumb what could be wrong with its meat?). Despite having some trail supplies from Ronerawth I've always been a "use those at last resort" type since they taste so awful, like I'd rather kill whatever I did and eat that then deal with them.

"Don't think of me selling you out, think of it as me buying you in. I mean you are my representative right?"

"Exiled representative."

"Details, I mean what do they want you to do?"

"Win the war."

"Well on the positive thats what we were intending on doing anyway! This just means you have a more vested interested."

"You're a wealth of help."

He harumphed and didn't sit on the log I was occupying, I got the impression because it was far too dirty for him, "Some respect for the man who saved your life."

"ONLY TO PUT IT IN WORSE DANGER!"

"Trezlan if you only look at things in the immediate sense you'll miss the more important aspects of things.

"Such as?

"The war needs you!" He was making grand gestures with his hands, but the words were pure bullshit (I should know I make my money in bullshit).

"Right it needs a pissed off necromancer."

"No," He slumped down to grab my shoulder in the universal sign of 'I'm about to lay it on thick' "It needs a brilliant man who can turn the tide of this conflict and secure us an invaluable resource. FRESH CLIENTS!" The way he said clients did not make it sound like the way I think of them.

"Right."

"Trezlan you're killing my energy here buddy, you need to realize the world may not revolve around you, but it does need you from time to time." He was back to his feet, and looking like he would disappear to wherever he goes.

"And where does the world need me now?"

"North," He pitched me a ring that had an H inscribed in some metal I didn't recognize, "Use that they won't shoot you."

"Where North?" But he was gone.  So it was just north, not like there wasn't a huge tract of north to explore or anything OH WAIT THERE WAS AND A LOT OF IT WAS FULL OF BAD THINGS!

Only Saved To Be Damned

"Are you comfortable?" I was, it was a nice leather padded chair, high back, the kind you can sink right into.  The study I was in was lined with books and smelled of aged wood, the Duke sat across from me in a similar chair, he had a glass of some brown liquid he sampled from time to time.  At the entrance to the room was a couple guards in royal purple, their ceremonial weapons still looked extremely functional should the need arise.

"I'd be more comfortable back home my lord." Always refer to royalty with reverence, because they can and will have you executed, also never get to comfortable, because most of the biggest betrayals have come from positions of comfort (I'd say look it up, but history in this world is awful I swear this journal is one of the few things thats actually logging the stuff and I'm making stuff up half the tim... err writing down the absolute truth every time).

"You are a long way from being able to return home Mr. Lorentino." See what I was telling you about feeling comfortable?

"I figured, so let me guess this is the 'Do what we tell you to do or we'll dump you in a ditch conversattion'."

"I figured you'd catch on, you see I couldn't have the judge ordering you executed with you being so welcomed by the public, but here where no one can see you? Well I could have you killed and thrown into a hole, another victim of success." The Duke said this very politely, a bit creepily so.

"How pleasant."

"Quite, though I have no problem with what you and Hanlon are doing, indeed winning a war against the Red Hand benefits us greatly, but should you lose, well we'll have angered a hornets nest of magic users who already do not like us."

"But they'd be in a weakened state!" In theory of course, I had no idea if the Red Hand won they wouldn't have invoked some super horrible new magic to have done that and thus be stronger for it.

"Sure sure, but they'd also want vengeance and that tends to make people fight harder.  So I'm tasking you with this, you will not be allowed to return to our lands until this conflict is done, we will provide you with troops and supplies when its convenient for us, but you must win this conflict or face execution."

"So go back to the lands of the Red Hand, win a war or die trying either way?'

"Exactly, I was told you were astute and it seems the rumors were true, my men will show you out." The doors opened and I was once again escorted out of the palace (for one of the final times).  It wasn't the first time Ronerawth had tasked me with an impossible goal, but it was one of the few times I really felt hopeless about it.  For their part they gave me a nice armed escort to the Divide and supplied me with a horse and some supplies.  So I wasn't completely alone, just mostly screwed.  And somewhere, somehow I knew Toneron was smiling about the development. I mean it was just one war, how hard could that be to win?

My Day in Court

"How do you plead to the charge of treason Trezlan Lorentino?" The judge had on a ridiculous hat that was about a foot over his head annoucing his position of being a judge to anyone who obviously could not look to the center of a room and see of course he was the judge. I mean its insane has anyone ever been in court, looked to the raised podium in the center of the court and wondered who the judge was until they saw that stupid hat?  "Oh thank god he's wearing his hat, I would never have seen him TOWERING OVER US IN JUDGEMENT AS IF THATS HIS TITLE!" Anyways I'm getting lost on this entry.

"Ridiculous." I had been in prison for a week.  I was immediately arrested for treason upon my getting to the divide.  Apparently while I was gone it had come out that Hanlon was supplying the rebels with weaponry, and I as their only outward representative had been accused of treason for supplying an enemy (though the rebels of the Red Hand were not our enemy, well at least not yet).  I figured this was Kruze's fault, and I also figured Toneron had known they'd arrest me hence why Prince Davan went a different way home and I walked alone.

"You plead ridiculous?" The judge seemed taken back by remarks.  I was to his right, the "prosecution" (I put that in quotes because in this case it the prosecutor was a rep for a competing weapon manufacturer) was to his left.

"Yes I plead that this whole court trial and these charges are ridiculous." Prior to waking up in my cell that morning I had been wearing the remains of the clothes I had been taken into custody with, but that morning I had gotten a gift of a nice suit from Toneron with a simple note wishing me luck in my trial. Such was the overwhelming support from the owner of Hanlon weapon manufacturing.

"Mr. Lorentino please limit your remarks to the question you are asked." The judge sounded bored, but they always did (yes yes its sad I can say that about judges and not like be making an untrue statement, such is the nature of Trezlan Lorentino).

"I certainly will not! This whole trial and these charges are stupid.  This is Ronerawth the land of profit! Who are we to decide that selling weapons to rebels opposing an enemy force is now treason? IT WAS AND STILL IS PROFITABLE!" I was trying to get some fire going in this trial (the emotional kind not the actual kind I'd been shackled during my imprisonment and had no magical ability naturally), "Our competitors are just angry they didn't get a piece of the pie your honor! Indeed the man prosecuting me works with one of those competitors! This entire room is packed full of reps from other weapon manufacturers! So why am I here? Because we made money!" It was a lie, the rebels had paid us exactly nothing to the best of my knowledge, but Ronerawth had bought quite a lot of Hanlon products so we were making money to an extent.

"Is this true?" He was asking the prosecutor who stuttered a response and came up with nothing.

"Of course its true your honor! Have you ever heard of a more ridiculous charge? Treason for selling products? THATS WHAT THIS COUNTRY IS ABOUT! I was raised to believe that if you have a superior product and our willing to do what it takes than the government will not impose its will on your product! And thats what we did! And continue to do! AND WILL CONTINUE TO DO EVEN IF I'M CONVICTED!" I knew that last part because its not like Toneron had any factories to shut down (I mean in theory he did but I never saw them and no one else had either, it was a huge mystery where Hanlon weapons even come from).

"So you plead guilty then?" It seemed like the judge was not being swayed by my argument, but the room was, I heard a lot of muttering.

"Yes I plead guilty, guilty of making money like a true patriot of Ronerawth, guilty of working to defeat a long time enemy and get access to new customers and resources under a new regime. GUILTY OF DOING WHAT EVERYONE ELSE WISHES THEY COULD DO!" And with that I sat back down spent from my completely made up outrage I would be executed for selling product.  The murmur was taking over the court, a lot of those weapon reps were with me in the outrage department, because they knew they too could wind up in court for pretty much the same thing.

The judge yelled at the room to be in silence for his verdict (when you plead guilty the judge then gets to decide on the spot your punishment as opposed to waiting a day and doing it then in normal Ronerawth fashion). "Trezlan Lorentino in light of your guilty plea the Ronerawthian government hereby..."

"Wait!" An even more ridiculously hatted man stood up from the audience, he was a duke or something in the empire, I vaguely recalled his face from some function I had been forced to watch over petulant prince Davan at.

"Duke Rivaldi please do not interrupt the court." The judge meant it to be a simple rebuke, but from the look on Rivaldi's face it had not gone over well.

"Or you'll what future cleaner of my bathroom?" Rivaldi's rebuke was a little bit more directed.

"I'm sorry Duke, please address the court." Powerplay over the Duke won, the judge resumed his subserviance to royalty as was first and foremost in the Ronerawth system.

"Mr. Lorentino is correct, this court is a farce and we should be ashamed of our part in it. The empire will pardon him for his 'crime'."

"So ordered!" The judge bellowed out, despite of course having been effectively neutered in front of his court.  The court was in a roar of cheers when I was unlocked from my shackles and I have to say I walked out of their with a bit more of a spring in my step than when I'd been marched in.  Amongst everyone slapping me on the back the Duke approached with a small entourage of guards.

"Well fought Trezlan."

"Thank you my Lord."

"If I can have a moment of your time Mr. Lorentino, the empire would like to discuss the future of your corporation and the war you have been supplying." I felt one of the entourage lift my arm up in a more insistent gesture of "you will come with us."

"But of course my lord." And with that I went from one trial and on to the next, as is the nature of Ronerawth they are never done with you until you're dead, and even then I've heard of some people not even escaping that either!

Don't Ever Get Sent to Collections

Gun shots never sound great, rifle ones specifically are very scary, with each individual report in close proximity you can feel your life slowly coming to a close (because it is).  For all their deadlyness arrows were very quiet in their murderous capacity (which was scary in a whole different way).  So when all of a sudden while facing down a a group of angry thralls with rifles a roar of gunfire erupted, well I figured me and Prince Davan were screwed.  I'll admit I hit the dirt like it could do a damn against a wave of bullets (thinking back that was a rather silly thing to do, if anything I should have fled). So there I was cowering like a proud man who didn't want to be executed by firing squad when a voice called out to me.

"You Trezlan?" It sounded a bit strange, like it took me a moment to realize I wasn't dead, and that the voice was asking if I was who I am. I opened my eyes (because I was not going to face a firing squad with them open) and I saw a shorty leading a group of very strangely dressed gunmen.  I mean they all had rifles, but their clothing styles weren't uniform, they weren't even all the same time period (I should know having lived through several). It was one of several oddities, like the guy who spoke for the group was speaking in an accent of a people I'd thought died several centuries ago.

"I am Trezlan." I dusted myself off and surveyed the dead, all of the thralls were deceased, the shorties group had been pretty efficient with several of the dead thralls having been shot in the head many times.

"And I take it the young man is Prince Davan?"

"One and the same."

"Excellent.  Mr. Hanlon sends his regards, we'll escort the Prince back to the lands of Ronerawth." He sent two of his oddly dressed men to collect Davan.  He kind of whimpered a bit, but they had the look of not taking no for an answer and so he dutifully followed as could be expected of such a royal pain in my ass.

"Who are you guys?"

"Best not to think of who we are Mr. Lorentino, just think that we are here to help and leave it at that."

"But you aren't taking me with you."

"No, Mr. Hanlon was pretty specific that you come back seperately, don't worry there aren't any Red Hand between here and Ronerawthian border." He said that in a way that seemed to say he was pretty sure there was not a thing between me and them and I did not want to know how he came to that knowledge.

"Kruze has betrayed Hanlon, just thought you'd want to know."

"Oh he knows, don't worry he's in collections."

"I don't think he really has any money."

"We dont' accept any! But we will take what he has, don't worry about that Mr. Lorentino." It was at this point I resolved to never end up in "collections" with Toneron Hanlon. Not that I ever paid him for anything that I could ever think of, but I'm sure he was collecting something from me.  Probably still is!  All of this to say that I didn't get executed by firing squad, I made it back to Ronerawth to face charges of treason all on my own.  Oh wait I didn't get to that part, well then you have something to read about next time!

Morley Really Really Needs Smarter Guys

Feeling better today, I'm floating down a river very fast and I ate some kind of fish, I think it was a fish, it tasted kind of fishy (well fishy and burnt) I still hate Nidget, but thats my life I hate him like hate hates hate, yes that makes sense. Anyway all of that to say life should get better, until I hit whatever waterfall this river is rapidly pushing me toward (thats a metaphor for my life and probably the truth in this situation).

"If I drop my gun it might go off." Yes this is where I left off.  Morley's judge (I assumed Morley because only he would care about capturing me instead of killing me and instructed his minions of this, well that and I assumed he was basically running the Red Hand anyway), was near the exit outside, I couldn't see more thralls behind him, but I assumed they'd be there because there was more than eight people when I had arrived.

"Don't even think about tricking me or I'm cutting this boy's throat." I bit back my reply that he should just cut the kids throat because I'd thought of tricking him from a lot of different angles already. I lowered my pistol, it was one of those "Well I can't trick him without getting him a little off guard moments" calculated risk yadda yadda yadda.

"See lowered my pistol, let the boy go." He sneered, jerks usually do, sneering is the one thing they teach you in being a dick school (its sneering, and then false threats, third lesson is usally dying to someone a lot better than you, but thats more of a life lesson).

"Get over here." He motioned me to come toward him, I could see from where he held the knife to the prince's neck he had cut a bit of a gash there.

"Nope, not until I get something from you." I saw his grip on Davan was slipping (partly because Davan was pretty much unconcious the boy's injury looked worse every moment he stood), he dropped the child and he landed with a thud and a cry of pain.  I marched forward with my sword drawn, the Judge didn't even react at all, he tried to raise his little dagger and I sliced his hand off (I mean seriously you just lost your hostage, why would I not kill you?).  The Judge hit his knees wimpering holding the stump where his right hand just was, I grabbed a hold of his shoulder and grabbed Davan by his foot and by the force of sure pissed off at the situation alone drug them both out of the tomb.

"What are you going to do to me?" The Judge was crying, he looked about nineteen, I swear Morley was using children to try and kill me and it was a sad sad state of affairs. I didn't speak, there was no need, with one flash of my hand I had taken the judges life and given it to Davan.  He cried out in pain as the bones in his leg reassembled, and then he was quiet having passed out from the injury.  I let go of the judges dessicated body whatever life force he had was gone. My duty taken care of I slumped to the ground with my sword and cursed, it was only then I heard the clicking of a lot of different hammer hitting back and looked up to see a lot of thralls in rebel clothing looking back at me.

"One second boys feeling a bit winded." Wouldn't you know it they just didn't listen? I tell you thats the problem with thralls they have no sense of fairness!

Hunger Overcoming words

Out of food, out of mind, out of words, words can't be eaten, book might taste good, can I eat it? Shouldn't eat it, words are not filling, will leave be for now.  Need to eat soon, island devoid of anything.  Next entry better promise, like steak with mushrooms, delicious.

Inthralling

In case you were wondering (as I would be if I were reading this journal instead of writing it) thralls (that being people enslaved by magic) are not affected by normal anti magical things (despite again being enslaved BY magic).  The magic in this case is more for an initial mind break, and less a prolonged effect, so slapping shackles or having the buggers be inside an anti magical tomb would not return them to their senses, because their sesnse are long gone. So with that explination out of the way let me just not talk about what happened in that tomb... Kidding kidding, sheesh learn to take a joke non existant reader of my personal journal hopefully while I'm still alive... MOVING ON!

The door I was hiding behind was not so slowly having more holes put into it than my normal explinations of things happening (ha self burn).  I had little over ten bullets left (look when I had killed the Red Hand people earlier I hadn't been a conservationist), and my sword.  The thralls did not have the hang ups of their masters and were using rifles and other weaponry (probably taken from the rebels).  Also in the back of my mind was "What had happened to Davan?" And "I wish Toneron was here." That last one I don't exactly know why, I mean he hadn't ever directly helped me kill anything before, but I guess just so I could yell at him for leading me to this situation in the first place would have been nice.

The door got smashed open, I was standing to the right of it and chopped the head off the first thrall through (why waste a bullet when he's going to line right up for that).  I had my sword in left hand and my pistol in my right (so like how I normally do magic except magic in this case was my pistol, which in a way is kind of a nice allegory for whats happ... NEVERMIND). I cross the threshold to where the door used to be (because when they just shot through it, great idea to step into their line of fire).  Another thrall had been advancing through the door and I impaled him with my sword and used him as a sort of body shield against the incoming fire, shooting beyond him to the other thralls that had taken up firing positions (it was brilliant and completely accidental, err I mean I meant to do that totally).  There had been six thralls remaining (so eight total including the two I'd killed with my sword) and thankfully because they are thralls and not really genius's they were easy to dispatch while remaining safe behind my body shield. His six friends dead and body riddled with holes I tossed the corpse aside and reloaded my pistol (which caused me to look down while I did it) when I looked back up there was another judge holding a blade to Prince Davan's throat, the young man did not look great (his leg wound was ugly, with the bone almost poking out).

"Drop the gun and step over to me." I hate when people assume things about me.  I also hate being stuck on an island, I'm running on empty here, I've eaten everything there is to eat here (tree bark, some bugs, small slithery creature that got overly bbq'd).  So this is all you get from me today until I find real food.  YES YOU SUFFER TOO!

Morley Needs Smarter Guys

"Lord Lorentino? That seems like title inflation." When in a trap make sure to argue semantics about titles, it really really puts your enemy off guard.

"Morley assumed you had a royal title to go with your royal duties."

"Court jester was taken." Also make sure to take your enemies jokes before he can make them.  The Red Hand Judge was the typical sort, blood red robes, balding head, no pistol or rifle just a sword (such is the nature of people who can't advance with the times, not unlike myself who advances with everything, right now I'm trying a new thing about drying out my socks, seems like it'll really catch on!)

"Always ready to die with a joke on your lips." He had taken a more aggressive posture, unsheathing his blade and staring me down from a distance.

"Well if I eat them it does some serious damage to my hips, I tell you living life royally has killed my figure." Not really, I tend to be thin as a rail because I eat very rarely (a side effect of the necromancy I believe, well that or I worry about being poisoned too much, either or really). I stood at the door, sure it was probably locked, and sure he was coming to shank me, but I still had magic.

"Do you ever stop talking?" He was coming forward now, sword ready, I tried to gather some magic but came up empty.

"Only when I'm about to strike, and unfortunately I'm feeling a bit empty right now."

"A side effect of the tomb, the rebels tend to pick anti magical shelters, don't worry Trezlan I'll take it nice and hruk...." I shot him through the teeth (well mouth, it made a nice hole through his head), see this is the problem when you rely on a magic person not to use a pistol, or really any kind of ranged weapon.  I had evolved in my time without magic, which included of course flat out shooting people.  Sure it meant less time stabbing them and dancing around swinging at each other, but it did mean more time looking at someone with a hole through his head dumbfounded that his opponent shot his teeth out. I was feeling pretty confident until I opened the door and looked on at a group of very angry, very fake rebels.

"Thralls... shit." And then I shut the door.  See thats how I view my problems in life, shut behind a door counting how many bullets I have left and wondering if I should leave a couple for myself (got to make sure the job gets done).  Oh and to follow up yesterdays entry, today I'm all alone on an island in the middle of a river with neither Nidget or Andre around to help, so I got that going for me!

Shocking Turn of Events!

The rebels had their base in what appeared to be a tomb (for those who are long time readers of this journal, yes the exact one Marian had found herself in all those years previous, funny how the old world works isn't it? No no its not). They weren't doing much to hide it was a rebel stronghold, there was artillery in front of it and we passed a few picket lines on the way in (the rebels had secured enough territory to have defenses of that territory, though there weren't definitive lines or anything, it was mostly islands in a sea of angry). They had Davan in a stretcher of sorts dragging him to hopefully a healer to get patched up, I demanded to see Kruze and in that I had been lead to the central area of the compound.

"This is ridiculous, I had set this up to get Ronerawth's support where in the five fires were you idiots?" I was not pleased with this turn of events. The rebels that had been sent to retrieve me were not the talkative kind, they just lead me into what had been the burial chamber of the tomb and then shut the door.  Inside was a desk and a man, I figured it was Kruze but when he turned around it was not, it was a judge from the Red Hand, I had walked into a damn trap.

"Ahh Lord Lorentino my Master will be so happy to see you!" And that's where I'll leave you, because I'm dealing with some stuff at work today, well I say work, but I'm currently in the wilderness with Nidget and his bodyguard Andreyev and I'm really really hoping they know where they are going, because to me IT LOOKS LIKE WE ARE LOST YOU LITTLE SHORTY BASTARD! Ok had to get that out, hopefully next entry will have more time.  Till then!

How I got To Be An Emperor

Hi Nidget here, yeah I'm sure whoever finds this journal outside of me will be really dissapointed that you don't get to read the next boring entry from Trezlan for the next couple of pages, but I've helpfully labeled my entry in red and his are still in the normal black so if you want to skip my awesome story about I became an emperor then thats your loss.  For everyone else over the next few entries I will explain my part in the war of the Red Hand.  Now I won't go into how I became an indentured servant to Trezlan (I have to be his shop boy, its as boring a job as you can possibly imagine), nor will I be talking about how I got my life long bodyguard in Andre.  These are later stories I will go over when Trezlan disappears for a bit and leaves his journal here (something he does frequently, also by the way about his island adventure, that was totally his own fault and him blaming me is completely unfair).

So you have that to look forward to lucky person you who probably will be Trezlan long after I'm dead. To that I say I poisoned your coffee every morning and you loved it.  For anyone else enjoy the next several days of amazing stories, as I'm a superior writer to Trezlan with way less made up stuff of course.

Its not better late than never!

"We're all going to die!" How only a few weeks can change the nature of a young prince from confident foolish child to doomed foot soldier.  Well a few weeks and an ambush attack by some Red Hand magic users and their creepy beast creatures.  I knew this was going to happen, not just because I think of myself as doomed to always be in trouble, but also because I had it leak we were transporting weapons to the enemy and I knew the Red Hand could not pass it up.  What I did not expect was the weird creature enslavement, nor did I not expect that the back up I'd arranged for by the rebels would not show up either (of course because there is nothing quite like a perfectly laid plan going to absolute shit immediately, and this plan wasn't even that perfectly arranged!)

So there I was next to the Prince's dead horse (naturally its why I wasn't riding) Prince Davan was pinned underneath it being an optimist, the guards I'd hired were all dead or ran off (well it wasn't like I hired quality to begin with, I hadn't even paid them!) and we were mired in some bog a couple miles north of the divide (so not anywhere near a place for Ronerawth to come support us). I had my pistol out and I had killed a couple of the creatures through the haze of battle, but I really couldn't see anything between the horse, the prince's flailing and the dirty bog we were mired in.

"You're such an optimist prince Davan, they'll probably capture us and torture us." I saw something move between some weeds and fired at it, the wet smack of bullet on flesh brought a smile to my face.

"They wouldn't torture royalty would they?"

"Yeah, they don't really like you guys up here," I could have sugar coated the truth, but he wouldn't learn if he wasn't in danger, and I also couldn't have what I needed if the Prince just thought things were peachy in the lands of the Red Hand.

"Just kill me Trezlan, I don't want to be tortured." As great as that idea sounded (and let me tell you I thought really long and hard about it) it would have also killed any hope I sought to gain from the royals.

"Oh we'll get out of this you big baby, just hold on, or in your case uhh pretend your dead, so stop talking." I had hoped the rebels would be here (well I'd hoped they'd have been there shortly after we got attacked, I told them to shadow us, but apparently those directions were lost in translation or something), but it was starting to look like the crotchety old necromancer was about to have to become a crotchety young one again (I needed to take a life anyway because I hate getting old, and I hate even more the thought of dying of old age). I was also tired of being knee deep in mud waiting for rescuers that weren't coming. The bog here worked to my favor, I heated the water up with a quick burst of fire and we the air immediately got hot, stinky, and unbearable.  Which while sucks, also made it difficult to see me (and by extention my enemies, but honestly I'm better at killing people when they do not see me coming).

I stalked the swamp, appearing from the mist to slice or shoot an enemy and then slipping back into it.  I heard the Red Hand people calling out in fear as their creatures and themselves were cut down (it was quite the feeling to have my enemies crying in fear at me as a person, normally its me).  When I did kill the men behind the creatures I found they were little more than boys, probably pressed into service because of their magical ability, which sucked for them but again I didn't like dying. The last boy ran, I could see his outline as he made his way out of the swamp and shot him through the knee. He collapsed and started screaming and randomly throwing bolts of what looked like green ice at me.  With a wave of my hand his life was over and I was young again.  I had been right about them being pressed into service, though this group specifically seemed to be under trained compared to others (clue number one something else was up here) and hadn't really been counted on for sucess. Also no sooner had I dealt with the last Red Hand jerk than the rebels showed up all prim and proper wearing some weird uniforms (I hadn't ever seen their uniforms before, but these powder blue monstrosities were awful in ways I could not really explain, though they were the real uniforms, proving we should have been supplying them with clothes and fashion experts and not just guns, something I'd later express to Toneron, but he didn't see the point).

"Where is Kruze this is unacceptable!" I was furious they had been delayed in showing up, and was even madder that they seemed completely oblivious to my plan. Prince Davan was hurt, but he'd live (with a limp though). They helped get him out from under his horse and we were on our way. If I had known then I was just walking into another trap, I'd have turned around right away.  But because I didn't know/didn't turn around another trap is exactly what we walked into!

A Merry Little Expedition

"We're going to war!" Prince Davin was excited, the men he was bringing with him markedly less so (I'd say including me, but this was my plan after all, so I really can't be mad at my own plan).  It was surpringly easy to organize an expedition north of the divide to "survey the war".  All I really did was ask and immediately it was approved.  In a way I think they were hoping to kill me off, and by I think, I mean I definately know that was the idea. The Prince for his part had dressed extravagantly and idiotically, including wearing full chain mail armor glossed in gold and riding the biggest horse.  I mean it worked to my plans advantage, but he couldn't have been a louder guy if he had someone with trumpets announcing his presence.

The guards we had brought with us were a small group (I had called for less is more, this is an expedition not a war party and we should not be seen as agressors). They were not glad in gold armor or any armor, mostly they were pretty disposable morons I'd hired with promise of paying them should we succeed (we were not going to succeed just for your information, well we were, but not in the way that we had set out for intention). Prince Davin for his part was clueless to how underequipped and stupid his expedition was. He was just happy we were setting out from his kingdom to go potentially fight "The evils of this world."

For my part I was walking, it would take longer from where we were leaving (no train route to the divide normally and the Davin wanted to strut all the way to the wall), but at the same point none of our hired goons had horses, and for what I intended I didn't really want another dead horse on my concience (as I have several hundred already).  On top of that falling from a horse hurts like nothing else. And so our doomed expedition (woops spoilers) set up North with the Prince waving like an idiot at anyone we passed and me walking alongside him trying to come up with a good story for exactly what happened to the expedition when the inevitable happend.  What? You don't think I plan my lies that far in advance do you?

Politics The Deadliest Game

"I want to go to war." Prince Davin (the youngest and most obnoxious of the sitting prince's sons) was throwing a tantrum in the palace, despite being twenty years old he still acted like he was ten.  For some reason despite all my attempts to the contrary I had become the keeper to the young prince, it wasn't in my normal job description (that being offer my sarcastic commentary to the state of the kingdom and do the bare mininum to avoid being hung), but we all have our crosses to bear.

"You ever been to war Prince? Its not some grand and jaunty affair of happy pursuits, especially the one they are fighting up north." The conflict had been going on two years by this point, the sides were at a stalemate with neither one winning a definitive victory, but both sides killing quite a lot of people/creatures. I'd heard the Red Hand was struggling with corruption destroying their ranks of magic users since they were over extending themselves and not taking a rest during the conflict.

"You never let me do anything fun."

"I could shoot you in the arm, you could see how fun that is." I was actually suggesting doing that, the idea would be more cathartic for me than him, but he stomped off to his room and alas I didn't get what I wanted. It had been a long day, plenty of piddling civil service issues had popped up, the local police didn't feel they had enough authority and felt subserviant to the military (they were and are always in Ronerawth).  Businesses were complaining we weren't updating roads to make it easier for carts to get through which was damaging the wheels on carts (we were actually delaying because the Prince was heavily invested in wheel repair shops and it was a money making scheme, we placated them with platitudes but continued to not care too much about it).  The palace was always busy now, a nice change of pace from the previous Prince who only wanted people there to adore him or pleasure him, an for nothing else.  This one at least wanted to pretend he was in charge, though it made more work for me, and not just dealing with Davin's tanturms.

"Skillfully negotiated Trezlan, I can see why you are my best servant." Toneron again had appeared out of nowhere. I mean the hallway was filled with men dressed kind of like him, but he stands out in my mind and yet he always snuck up on me in any social setting, I'd worry one day he'd show up when I was on the bathroom, so far that has not happened.

"I live to serve Toneron."

"Yourself Trezlan, you live to serve yourself, and don't forget that, being selfish is not thought of as a virtue, but I can assure you that no one in this world is entirely altruistic, some of us are just more honest than others." Toneron seemed different, like he was more alive. I never dared to try and sense his magical presence for fear of retaliation, but he was almost glowing to an extent it was scarier than normal.

"I thought it went unsaid which is why I didn't."

"But of course, but I didn't bother you here to discuss the trivial nature of selflessness, I need you to escalate the war."

"Not really my place to escalate the conflict seeing as I'm not currently in it." It wasn't really, I mean outside of visiting the Red Hand Lands myself its not like I could do anything about it.

"Trezlan I need Ronerawth to openly support the rebels, for me and you, if The Red Hand wins here were both in it deep." He was right, The Red Hand were destroying Hanlon product wholesale so they didn't have a chance to see where the weapons they were being killed with were coming from, but if they won they'd have more of a chance to see who supplied the guns and that would not be a good thing for us.

"And how can I do that?"

"I dunno kill some of them with magic and show them the danger of the Red Hand, its up to you, just get it done before the rebellion loses." And with that he wandered off, I tried to follow him but he disappeared into a group of traders in suits and was gone. Of course he'd stick me with politicing a situation here, he wouldn't do it because as he claimed the other corporate heads didn't trust him (I can't imagine why since he was probably not a real person).  Though he was on to something with the killing people with magic... Not me of course, this would have to be outsourced, but nothing gets people going more than threat of them being personally hurt. And for that you'll have to read tomorrows entry!

A Simmering Rebellion

The Red Hand was not exactly a government of really smart people. What I mean by that is that they had been in charge for so long, an actual rebellion seemed insane (where as Ronerawth seemed to squash a rebellion every other week, neither government was all that welcoming, but Ronerawth was actually in practice with killing rebels with efficiency) which meant they thought very little of the rebels and figured enough fire and death and they'd go away.  What they did not expect was newly machined lever action rifles and artillery suddenly blowing up their base of operations and murdering judges with impunity.

Toneron was excited.  His weapons were not only proving to be useful (which he seemed to enjoy a little too much when I met him, like he had updated numbers on how many people were dead, which seemed weird since I don't think the Red Hand even had those, more proof Toneron was not of this world), but sales were up in Ronerawth as the war raged on.  Apparently Ronerawth was afraid the rebellion wouldn't be happy with just taking out the Red Hand and would strike down south (ridiculous considering we had been helping them under the radar, for some reason I was under the impression even though its pretty much impossible should the rebels attempt to turn on us Toneron would destroy their weapons in one fell swoop).

The news started to talk about how the Rebellion would now totally win the war soon and the Red Hand were a shattered people, just in time for the Red Hand to unleash ungodly amounts of magical power that tore through their lands like wildfire.  They had turned the battle from one of man against man, to man against creatures from gods forsaken places.  This once again turned the tide in their favor (to an extent, the lands now became a mess of monsters and creatures that didn't even have names yet, not since the days of my aunt had so many ugly creatures been present in our world, sadly the effects of this policy persist today such is the problem with reckless power), and the war raged on.  Toneron kept on being "robbed" without much of an impact on his bottom line, and Ronerawth's government and corporate powers started getting worried about the war spilling over, as they had already had to start dealing with the unleashed creatures attacking the Divide and they feared the loser from the conflict might just want to flee that way as well (new artillery was stationed in anticipation of that kind of attack, specifically to annhilate up to a mile from the wall itself, all courtesy of the Hanlon corporation).

So everyone was getting worried, the war was in a deadlock, and of course Toneron wanted to talk to me again.  I hadn't spoken with him for about a year (a little after we had done our first robery delivery), and I had kind of hoped I could slink back to being a forgotten diplomatic aid to an aging prince and his petulant prince son (one of them, he had TEN! The most annoying was his youngest). Alas part of being a conspiritor toward a war you helped keep going is that your co conspirtor evil god person, tends to think you will continue to help him. I KNOW! What a dick!

Robbery on the High Seas

"This is quite brilliant." I told Toneron I could handle the fake robbery, but he insisted on being there.  It was kind of weird having him there I'll admit.

"You mean you haven't staged robberies before?" We'd been waiting with a couple cart loads of various armaments for about a day, the seas had been kind of rough, but not that rough I was hoping we weren't wasting our time. I mean its not like the rebels really seemed to understand what I was telling them (most people can't keep up with me, its the sad part of being a brilliant person who's really handsome).

"No, I've just given people weapons and stood to just take on whatever political pressures arose from it, never occurred to me to arrange a robbery." Despite having been riding in a caravan for about five days Toneron's suit looked as clean as if he just stepped away from a cleaner.  I don't even know when he slept to be honest.

"Make sure to note it down, It'll probably come up again in the future." I was joking but I swear he actually noted it down. The seas were still rolling in front of us when the ships from the rebels finally showed up.  They were a ratty pair of sail boats that looked like they had fallen out of time.  Wooden and rickety, the crew serving them looked less sailor and more pirate to my eyes.  Toneron closed the deal I stayed back with his "guards" (They were the first Hanlon employees I'd seen in a long time and they were all very creepy looking compared to the people I'd seen before, all pale skin and not talking, I almost mistook them for the walking dead, I wouldn't have been surprised if they were).

The negotiations settled Hanlon waved at his people and the ships were loaded in an economical matter.  I didn't see either of the rebels I'd dealt with, so I wasn't entirely sure we weren't being robbed for real (we hadn't exactly made it a secret we were carrying weapons). Toneron walked back with a smile on his face.

"Splendid guys those ones, full of vigor, I'm sure they'll do well with those guns."

"The ships look like they'll sink shortly after leaving here."

"Nonesense Trezlan, you are really such a downer for someone who's lived as long as you have."

"With ages comes experience."

"With age comes petulance and an inflated sense of wisdom." It sounded like a correction, because it was.  I didn't dare speak against him, again I knew that Toneron wasn't human, or he wasn't anymore.  I didn't want to find out exactly what he was, so I tried to stay on his good side.  For their part the pirates didn't steal the weapons and they made it to their destination.  How that changed things... well that will have to wait till tomorrow, the damn shop is busy today and I don't have a lot of time for writing things. I know I know such a bad person.

I don't Need your Help, I need your Help

Toneron was true to his word, well sort of.  A days after the papers announced the shooting of the Red Hand Councilman (favorite headline? "Gods No more") a couple uncomfortable looking gentleman arrived at my house.  I say uncomfortable because they looked like at any moment someone was about to arrive to arrest them.  Which was silly, while Ronerawth was kind of jerks about people leaving the Red Hand territories, they didn't actively seek out people who had illegally crossed the border.  I mean who has the time for a purge of its citizenry?

"Mr. Lorentino?" Of the two men the shorter one who appeared to have stolen his crumpled suit from someone a lot bigger than himself talked. The other was a big dude with an ugly scar, I assumed he was a bodyguard of sorts.

"Naturally.  So you two are here to help me?" I invited them in, despite not having Ronerawth guards around every neighborhood, if these guys got wanted later on I didn't want to have been seen openly talking with me.

"Uhh you're supposed to help me." I was glad I had my back to him when the short man (whose name was Kruz though he never introduced himself, he would become a leader in the rebellion before, well I'll get to that).

"Of course of course, I mean by helping me I mean me helping you, my mistake." My mind raced, I had to help these idiots? How? With what? Toneron had provided me with nothing other than "They will help you."

"We need Ronerawth to come in our side Trezlan."

"Yeah thats not going to happen, not right away, The Red Hand is still a formidable group and they've got people in this government to push their agenda."

Kruz looked crestfallen, like I just told him his favorite pet had died, "So its hopeless."

"No, nothing is hopeless I should know I'm the lord of lost causes, no what is hopeless is a straight out fight with the Red Hand, they can not be beaten by just lining up your guys versus their guys and hoping to come out on top. What you need is weapons, though we can't officially give them to you, you'll have to steal them." I had a plan, or at least the start of one, it was crazy, and shouldn't work, but that was my usual so of course I went ahead with it.

"We have to steal them? How can we do that? We can barely gear the people we have right now."

"Not actually steal them you idiot." I was busy looking for maps, I hadn't looked over my study in years and apparently when the twins were messing around in my house decades ago they misplaced all of my maps.  Naturally can't misplace something useless, has to be something I'd use decades later, clearly important!

"But you said?" Kruz was having difficulty keeping up. I found the map I was looking for, it was one of the coasts to the north.  I located a cove that had a perfect spot for an "Ambush".

"See this spot? I need you to bring enough ships for a large weapon shipment, and the men to move them, I'll need them here two weeks from now, so you better hurry and get out of country and get those ships."

"I don't understand how are we going to steal something if you give it to us." I sighed, I swear it shouldn't be this hard to arrange things in secret, but when the people you are dealing with are idiots it truely is.

"Just be here with the ships, let me worry about the theft of the weapons, now go you don't have much time." Kruz and his associate left a little bewildered.  I don't know why it was so hard to understand! I was doing all the hard work arranging for the theft to begin with! They just had to show up! I did dread talking to Toneron because I don't know if he liked the idea of giving his weapons away, especially doing so without a guarentee those idiots wouldn't go off immediately and get them stolen or exploded or whatever.  But those were later concerns after I found and talked to Toneron.  Kind of like wondering what freedom will taste like while being strung up with a noose, a bit getting a head of yourself.

Wars Are Meant To Be Broken

So it wouldn't be fair to just say "War Happened." And not explain how killing one councilman caused a country wide conflict (because I'd previously killed one and went on a murder spree and all that happened was Morley got a council seat).  Well I could do that as I have frequently skipped over a lot of interesting to you but boring to me (no I won't go over what you missed because there is a lot of it, just know you missed it and leave it at that). I'm getting off track here.

Ok so I haven't explained that while I was in Ronerawth and other places what was going on north in the lands of the Red Hand. To put it simply nothing good.  I don't mean to say that in a country jingoistic everything North of Ronerawth sucks kind of way. I mean that as a country they had done nothing of note. The Red Hand sqaushed any invention or advancement in technology (especially weaponry) instead delving deeper into bad magics and using the non magical as their own test subjects. Which lead to an undercurrent of hatred toward their magical overlords.

For their part in it the Council were the worst offenders, tales had passed down to Ronerawth about horrific necromancy experiments involving reanimating the dead (I knew it was Morley, no one else could be so callous and indifferent to others).  Others talked simply of masses of slaves being forced to endure inhame experimentation of magical augmentation, being "inscribed" with runes and having them implanted to try and grant them powers, none of these were a success to the best of my knowledge, though there were stories of imbued creatures running wild and murdering people horrifically (as if there is not a horrific way of being murdered).

So with all of that in mind a Councilman recently was set to give a speech addressing the populace's concerns about the Empire and promising a more open government with some advancement.  So of course he was shot dead during the speech and a resistance movement that had been waiting for some kind of crack in the Red Hand's resolve attacked, killing hundreds of other magical users in the capitol city.  This "purging" of magical peoples was not taken lightly and a city alledged to have been involved in the incident was annihilated in a magical firestorm brought about by the council itself.

The war was on, most people in Ronerawth figured at most it would be a couple months, the Red Hand would put down the traitors opposing them and the conflict wouldn't have any lasting impact. Oh how wrong they were, thanks to mainly to Hanlon, but I had a hand in there.  Not a huge one, but I was in there!