I Rest My Case Probably

"I call Mr. Hanlon to the stand!" I slapped my hand on the table for dramatic effect and the rest of the room gasped with anticipation. And then nothing. Valrym looked at me with his usual perturbment from his place next to me (I had cast our lawyer aside for he was useless, that and he called me an idiot and I do not truck by that kind of upstartedness!). Guthlu was in the gallery and looked at me like I was crazy.

"Mr. Lorentino you can not simply call whoever you want to the stand, they have to actually be available." The Judge talked down to me like a stupid child, and I'm not a stupid child, normally!

"You'll forgive me your honor, but I know that any minute now Hanlon will be coming through those doors." Outside of that they had unshackled me, so I could have burned my way out and fled. I know that would have screwed Val, but when have I ever cared about others? Exactly! We waited about ten minutes, the judge getting perturbed with each passing one.

"Ok ready these men for the gall..." The Judge was interrupted by Hanlon bursting through the doors, at the head of a squad of men dressed in suits. I'd never seen that many Hanlon workers in one place, and I doubt anyone else had ever.

"Sorry your honor I just like to make an impressive entrance." Hanlon made his way to the front of the court and took his seat next to the judge. His men sat in the gallery imposingly, I couldn't tell if he planned on killing everyone to get out of court, but it looked like the plan was on his mind.

"I don't know why he bothered you to show up Mr. Hanlon, Trezlan Lorentino, and Valrym Jorfot our currently on trial for abominable magic practices."

"He called me your honor because you all owe me and by extension you owe Mr. Lorentino and Jorfot. These men have stood against your enemies with brazen courage and have asked for nothing in return. I (he highlighted the I specifically) have no asked for anything in return, but if you execute these men I will ask for something in return and," Hanlon snapped his fingers and one of his suited men approached with a fairly lengthy scroll, "what I would want in return is the entirety of the arms bill for supplying the Guard in their recent conficts." He rolled out the scroll and it flapped back to the end of the courtroom, I could see he was not lying items were listed next to prices on the scroll, he had kept track.

"You can't buy Justice Mr. Hanlon." The judge was visibly sweating.

"Of course I can, I do it all the time, I bought your country entirely, and now you'll either pay me in releasing these men or you'll pay me with what little treasure you have remaining and when you fail to do that, and you will, I'll own every last one of you. At which point I'll free Lorentino and Jorfot anyway, but I'll also own your country and Judge," Hanlon smiled and it was pretty upsetting to see, "You don't want me to own you." Hanlon finished, pulled the scroll back up with a flip of his hand (which was quite amazing to see) and went to leave, before he did he put a hand on my shoulder. "Come find me after they let you out we have things to discuss." He also winked at Val, which Val took with a harumph.

Of course the Judge in the face of Hanlon let us go free, no one wanted to be the guy who gave away the entire country to a weird not human creature who makes weapons for a living. I felt vindicated, Valrym was angry, and Guthlu though I had only known him briefly seemed terrified. All in all it was the perfect Lorentino plan!

Kid Proofing Things

"You realize we'll have to collapse the this hallway or something." Valrym was being a downer after our triumphant defeat of an ancient evil by asshole stabbing (I just love thats how it died because its so so perfect).

"No, why would we have to collapse the hallway, its probably some support cave if we bring it down the whole city will fall into a big hole." I admit I'm not a very good structural engineer.

"You don't understand a damn thing about anything do you Lorentino." Guthlu reminding me he is Val's brother.

"I understand we don't have to bring down a damned hallway under a city!"

"If we don't some moron will stumble in there and while that creature is dead there are ways it can be used that would make us all the worse of it." Right about now you're wondering about the creatures from earlier, they were gone, either fled or disintegrated I have no idea, but be assured they did not return, yet. I'm sure one night when I'm drunk about to take a piss in an alley they'll show up. Oh gods I've set something horrible in motion haven't I? Well no drunk pissing in alleys for me.

"Ok ok I'll do something about the damned hallway, don't either of you two idiots move." So I went in there took some blood drew up some sigils and called it a day. Because I'm a man of action, and necromancy, but mostly action.

"Do I even want to know what you did?" Valrym of course thought the worst of things.

"Its a necromantic spell that is extremely harmful, and only gets worse as lives are taken, so basically anyone damn foolish enough to enter will only power the spell to prevent others from doing the same." Ingenius if I don't say so myself, I've also never used the spell since, so I have no idea if its actually good or bad, I just know its something I did. Like most of my things.

"That sounds so awful."

"Yes Trezlan very awful, perfect for keeping anyone from that creature." And so we left my horrible spell to kill people for all of eternity (I've seen a newspaper story in the capitol about missing tunnel workers, must be something completely independent of my spell, like thos horrible insect creatures!). Alas we left only to be recaptured and put on trial, apparently Boyle did not tell anyone we totally were innocent. Like a dick.

The Optimal Route for Any Victory

"Well Trezlan it's been unpleasant knowing you and since we are about to die as I always figured I would and hoped that you would, I want you to know there is a place bad people go, and I'm sure absolutely sure it will be not nearly enough for all the horrible things you've done in life."

"Oh that's sweet Val."

"What? What part of what I just said was sweet?" I could see a tentacle large and spikey rising from the water about to splatter me into Trezlan meat paste, it was about to be extremely unpleasant.

"That you think when I die I won't simply take over what horrific afterlife is waiting for me, or that they'll simply kick me out." The tentacle reached crushing speed and then suddenly stopped and shuddered. An ear splitting noise filled the room and made my teeth rattle (that was actual, my teeth rattled). The air felt heavy all of a sudden and then it cleared up immeadiately a burst of light erupted from the water, the creature bloated corpse floated up shortly there after. To describe what it looked like would be to invoke madness. Guthlu swam up after it coated in black guts.

"What did you do?" I was generally curious, I mean he was mostly unarmed, and short.

"Swam up its asshole stabbed it in the heart."

"Seriously?"

"Yes everything's got an asshole Trezlan, though most of them of course you can't swim up I'll give you that."

"He's got a point Trezlan."

"Several of them actually, I hid them in gloves because people tend to take your weapons but stripping armor is a lot harder!" He showed the shiney metal bits coated in the blood of the creature he had slain. The smell hit at that point, a corpse rot several centuries in the making I'm sure. Boyle also appeared out of his hiding to screech at us, Guthlu moved forward but I stopped him and grabbed Boyle's balding head.

"I was puzzled for a bit about the rune on your head Mr. Boyle, at first I thought it anti magical, but I was wrong it was instead a mark of slavery, and I release you from its power." The necromancy fixed my ribs painfully, but it was a lot easier than walking around with busted ribs, it also showed me a way out of our legal problems with the Guard, sort of. I mean in reality the legal problems were entirely orchestrated by this creature to kill me and possibly Valrym (he mainly wanted to kill me), but still there was an obvious solution to them and I welcomed it.

"You're a horrible person Trezlan."

"I dunno Val Boyle was a piece of shit having his life stripped from is a fitting punishment." At least Guthlu could appreciate what I do to keep living.

"Do not encourage him brother."

"Lets leave idiots, that stench is going to be with me for days as well as Boyle's crappy mind." Boyle as big of an idiot as he was, had done some pretty horrific things to get where he was and I did not relish the memories. Nor did I enjoy ancient evil stench, no matter how well deserved it was that the creature had been destroyed. And so we left sort of fast, well I say sort of because... blah blah blah next entry!

Why Won't You Just Die?

"LORENTINO!" The Tentacles emerged from the water and snatched us all up, I knew this creature. I'd dealt with it before and frankly I was tired of dealing with it and all of its uglyness.

"Hello whatever you are supposed to be." I still have no idea what the creature actually was, its crushing tentacle on my body burned, I could tell it was happy to see me.

"YOUR DESTRUCTION!"

"You've dealt with this thing before?" Valrym sounded almost surprised.

"Oh yeah we're old friends used to play cards, caught him cheating ran him out of town it was all the rage in the local tongue waggers." I felt the tentacle crush me tighter.

"YOU WILL BE SILENT YOU FOOLISH NECROMANCER!" I don't understand why he didn't kill us if he wanted us to be quiet. Especially me, I mean talking in the face of my own destruction is kind of my thing, its what I do, its where I live!

"You're a necromancer? Now I know why Valrym dislikes you."

"I've nanced my fair share of necros yes, but you know it was always with the best intentions, mostly to avoid this exact type of scenario in which I find myself in." The tentacle tightened again and I swear I heard my bones break, suddenly I remembered why I hated this creature.

"GODLINGS! YOUR GOD IS DEAD AND NOW YOU WILL JOIN HER!" I could see it crushing them as well, well crushing Val, Guthlu looked pretty ok, probably his stupid armor.

"Yeah beasty I'm not dying to you today." Guthlu produced a blade from his armor and sliced the tentacle open, the creature howled and dropped him into the murky water (which to be honest seemed like a worse fate than the crushing). Whatever he did upet the other tentacles because me and Val plunged into the murky water as well, my ribs hurt something fierce upon entry. And then other tentacles sprung forth and tossed me and Valrym towards the walls of the area, I landed with a crack as did Val.

"Well I'm glad he did that."

"Guthlu never was one for plans."

"YOU WILL ALL DIE!!!" The voice was more insistent, but to be honest since I felt like I was dying at the time, it was pretty much a given I was well on the way. Of course I didn't, I mean why do I have to keep telling you all that?

It Seemed Like Such a Bad Idea At the Time

"Well I thought it might work." We were fleeing, the creatures hungry for our vital organs chasing after us. My attempt to burn them to death was a dismal failure, the magic just set them on fire, but did nothing other than that, so we had flaming beasties chasing us instead of just regular ones.

"Because you're an idiot." Valrym who had taken up one of the dead mens rifles had attempted to kill some of the creatures as we fled, it had not worked out very well. We were running deeper in, a fact I tried to inform my two shorter companions of but I got "Shut up Trezlan's" in response. So there was that. The beasts chased us down one slickened corridor after another as if they were herding us towards something (which obviously they were, I mean obviously in hindsight, in the moment it was like OH SHIT OH SHIT FLAMING CREATURES RUN RUN!!!). We hit a corridor slicker than most and tumbled after each other into the darkness. The creatures did not pursue us as we fell, I hit the ground first with both of the godlings crashing after me, which really freaking hurt let me tell you.

"Ye gods you dicks lose some weight."

"I saved your stupid life Lorentino." Guthlu apparently shared something with his brother.

"ONLY TO HAVE IT END!!!" The voice cascaded around the chamber we had been deposited into, I could see in the middle a pool of black water and I knew right away we were in trouble.

Not The Hardiest Group

All of the soldiers were dead, Valrym's brother was anything if not efficient. Just a couple swipes of an axe and boom everyone fell down like crappy trees. Everyone save Boyle of course who Guthlu had pinned to the ground his axe at his throat.

"Seriously Valrym this group kept you imprisoned? Ye gods you have let yourself go."

"I was following the law Guthlu something you have never learned to do in the history of your short miserable existence."

"I missed you too brother, now baldy why were you dragging my brother to his doom down below?"

"They agreed to help us defeat the evil!" He hissed it out, apparently when the tables were turned Boyle was a bit of a scaredy cat.

"Right and that you serve the evil just never crossed your mind to mention."

"I knew it was a trap!" I felt vindicated.

"Of course it was a trap Trezlan good gods you act like it was a huge surprise." Valrym of course had to steal my triumph.

"Shut up both of you I'm threatening! So baldy what was the plan lead them into your master lair and he kills them and you get to reap the rewards?" I don't know what ancient evil gives you as a reward to be honest, most of them just seem like dicks who like to eat people, the bones? A weird pat on the back?

"Actually I was to lead them here and then my minions would kill you all." At that point I noticed the walls moved, and not in the good way (as if there is a good way?) Slimy insect like creatures decended their chittering mouths adding a creepy clicking sound that filled the small passage. Guthlu took his axe off Boyle and he got to his feet and ran off down the corridor.

"We might be in trouble."

"Relax I got this." Of course I did not actually have anything except a whole lot of trouble, but you know the old saying Pride goeth before getting eaten by bug creatures in caves. Yep old saying yep.

Brotherly Hate

"Come Forward." Boyle was demanding of the voice in the dark, and the voice obliged. He was a shorty, well not really, but he was the same height as Valrym, so he appeared short. He had a mohawk and bunch of tattoos all over his face, he wore armor of a make I've never seen before and a rather large axe that was nearly as tall as he was.

"Let my brother go and I'll think about letting you and this merry band of fancies live." It was surprising Valrym would have a brother, I mean it was, but it wasn't, gods are if anything shameless whores for extending their hands into the realm of men.

"Lorentino is your brother? You look nothing of each other." And with that Boyle showed he was kind of a dumb ass. I mean it was obvious from the expedition he was leading, but still. I mean first off I'm hundreds of years old any brothers I may have had are long gods damned dead (and thankfully for that, several of them I killed myself, err died in mysterious circumstances unrelated to me), and secondly NO ONE IN MY FAMILY IS A SHORTY THIS IS BLATANT SLANDER SIR AND I WILL NOT APPRECIATE THE IMPLICATION! If Boyle wasn't dead (spoilers but come on you knew that) I'd have killed him again.

"You are a truely stupid creature even for your kind." Valrym's brother summed it up in the nicest way possible, despite insulting all of man kind along with Boyle, but to be fair man is the worst, I'm a great example of our failings.

"Guthlu leave me to my misery do not add to it." I have to admit the name was kind of gutteral. Valrym was strong, Guthlu looked exactly as his name, some kind of primal response.

"This is my reward for helping you brother? I'll have to remember that next time at our family gatherings."

"We don't have any family gatherings."

"Exactly!"

"WOULD YOU TWO SHUT UP!" Boyle screamed in frustration at being ignored, and then ordered his rifleman to fire, their bullets smashed helplessly against the short godling armor.

"That was impolite to interrupt our discussion." And then all kind of trouble broke loose. Just like my gutter just did on my neighbor HAHAHA IN YOUR FACE YOU SCRUB!

Why Are There So Many Damned Caves?

"This is a bad idea Lorentino, even for you." We were what felt like a mile underneath the capitol, I had accepted the offer from Mr. Boyle to solve an ancient evil in exchange for Valrym and I's freedom. It was a trap naturally, of course it was a trap, trap could have been written along all the spooky evil walls in the entire sewer system it was that obvious. What I hated, and wondered at the same time. WHY DOES EVERY DAMNED CITY HAVE SUCH AWFUL TUNNELS! Shouldn't that impede structural integrity for the buildings and streets up above? Who digs these tunnels? Who maintains them? There were oil lamps all along the cave walls, some poor bastard had to actively maintain those! No one ever answers that question! No they all want to moan about ancient evils, or horrible things going on. I just want to know the stupid logistics of these things!

We were escorted in the dark by Boyle and a group of soldiers, which kind of made little sense, why send us down here to kill something if you send some of your own people along? Why not send them and have us executed? Wait that second part sucks, nevermind. I figured the trap was apparent because the soldiers all had their faces obscured in masks, never a good sign (I mean sure it's great for combat, but what about making those of us who are facing execution feel better? Yeah it sucks for that). Also there was the fact Valrym and I were unarmed, and walking out front like sacrifices and I figured I was boned so badly I might have been lord boners of the boned town delegation.

"That's far enough baldy." The voice growled from the darkness and the soldiers I was with readied their rifles.

"Oh great I kept wondering how things could get worse, and they just did." Valrym was unusually downbeat, the voice didn't sound that awful to me, then again I wasn't related to it as he was. But that is a tale for tomorrow, today I'm engaged in a protracted legal scuffle about my gutters with my neighbor, no there will not be an entry about this (most likely I have no idea maybe?) all I know is that apparently dripping rain can be very annoying, who knew?

The Not So Fabulous Mr. Boyle

"Trezlan Lorentino you are to be hung until dead do you understand that?" Hanging is so boring as a method of execution, I prefer something with more flare like I dunno death by letting someone live as long as they choose, most of our cursed with that one! The man in front of me was named Boyle, he was shaved bald and had a weird rune inscribed into his scalp. I couldn't read it since he didn't show it to me for long, but if I had to hazard a guess it was anti magic. We were sitting in a room with two chairs, I was shackled, Boyle was not.

"Nope you lost me." This was all my own fault really, should have left Val to his own devices. But no I had to make my presence known and then get in trouble with the very anti magic Guard despite me being their dumb savior multiple times at this point.

"You know Mr. Lorentino this is what I think the world will miss the most about you, your wit." His sarcasm was of course cutting.

"I'm not going anywhere baldy, you'll see I'll get out of this, I always do." He smiled, he was wearing a neat suit, all custom tailored no lines showing, very expensive.

"I'm quite sure you won't. First we'll have the show trial, I'm sure you'll be an idiot and scream about persecution. Then we'll move to your execution, public of course, the plan is to tie a rope around your neck and use a horse to pull you up, it will not be a quick death for sure." Particularly ugly for strangulation if I do say so myself. Its what scares me about people in charge, when they put their minds to it, they can come up with nasty stuff.

"A trial? Perfect, I'll prove my innocence and you'll all be thanking me."

"There is of course another way to excape the noose Mr. Lorentino." His eyes were kind of dull, I noticed that earlier he was of dull intelligence, the kind of witless worm giving instruction by his betters with no actual intelligence of his own. Which had me wondering who pulled his strings.

"Oh I like this, now is the time you offer me a deal for some despicable act I'll readily agree to, and then after I succeed you double cross me and I'll kill you all." It was my go to when dealing with authorities.

Boyle smiled, "Oh Mr. Lorentino you are such a treasure." And he left. Which I'll admit left me wondering what he was going to say before I spoke. A thought I frequently have I must admit.

Trezlan Lorentino Esquire The Third

"I'm here to see my client Valrym." I was spiffed up, nice suit, styled my beard, even took two seperate baths!

"Name?" The clerk sitting behind the desk was short, wore a bear of thick spectacles and sounded bored as all get out, behind him were a bunch of ugly burly guards, and behind them a row of cells filled with the waste products of society.

"Trezlan Lorentino Esquire, the third!" The third I thought was the best touch.

"The third normally comes before the esquire."

"Nonesense, clearly you sir are no esquire." What does esquire mean? Who cares! The clerk shook his head, made a not in his book and then pointed to a guard who took me back to a lone cell in it sat the most depressed Valrym I've ever seen. Clearly his prison stay had taken a toll on him, I mean it had been a few days but you couldn't tell that from his clothes and general look, he looked like he'd been there for years.

"Of course it would be you." It was not my favorite way of being greeted, but it is the normal way.

"Valrym I'm here to get you out of your legal trouble, trust me we can beat this."

"Trezlan even ignoring you are terrible at anything legal considering how many years you've spent in prison, I'm not in legal trouble, they know what I am, and they want to destroy me." That did not occur to me that the Guard would simply want to remove Valrym instead of just lock him up.

"Well that certainly will not do Valrym, I need you, your tavern is one of the few places I'm not thrown out of on sight."

"You know what, fine, help me Trezlan, you literally can not make this any worse." And so I left to try and solve this whole issue myself! I returned a few hours later shackled up.

"Now I'm to be destroyed as well." I admit this was not completely an unforseen consequence.

"Well at least you found a way to make this worse for me Trezlan congratulations." Honestly Valrym is such a drama queen! I mean I didn't make the situation worse myself, that would come later, completely seperate from what I'd done!

A Subject I'm Well Versed In

Valrym was missing. I figured at first he had just left me alone in his tavern because he needed time without me, then when a whole day went by and people showed up expecting to be fed and got nothing, I was more than a little worried. Worried enough of course to wait another day before looking for him (ok so worried is a bit of a stretch, more like mildly annoyed). I was no longer sick, though to be fair I hadn't really been sick for a week at that point, I'm a dick I've admitted this. My first stop was to check in with Therod who was back at work despite still clearly being under the weather.

"Arrested." She punctuated her one word reply with a cough, this became the norm for the conversation.

"By who?"

"The guard authority naturally."

"But not you?"

"I was sick, still am, but work needs doing even if I can't really move beyond the desk, you need to pay your property taxes by the way." Naturally it always came back to money with the captain, well money, murder, potential crimes, look our relationship was fairly adversarial.

"Well then where is he if he was arrested?" Seemed like a logical question.

"First train running back to the capitol."

"What was the charge even?"

"Unauthorized magical usage, Trezlan the people who took him don't tell me much, so if you could do me a favor and leave my office I'd be very grateful."

"Grateful enough to give me a pass on my property taxes?"

"No, but I won't kill you."

"Fair enough." I left, stupid Valrym winding up in the justice system, doesn't he know how to avoid that like I do so well (so so well its why I've been in prison more than anyone else ever). At least he had a true master of the legal system on his side! Me, I'm talking about me!

Hate Is Like a Fine Wine, Of Hate

"I hate you so much right now Lorentino, so much." I was sick, I had been vomiting and unable to stay standing for longer than a few minutes. Others seemed to have moved past the cold illness, I was knee deep in it. Thankfully Valrym had offered to take care of me, and by offered I mean I collapsed outside of his tavern and he was too nice to just leave me to freeze to death in the cold (though I'm sure the thought and several like it crossed his mind).

"Valrym these pillows are too hard I can't sleep and get better if they are so hard." I'll also admit I was being more of a dick once I knew he was not going to throw me outside, because well I'm a dick.

"Lorentino if you think the pillows are too hard you could always go home and never come back." I was sleeping in his bed, he'd taken to the floor like a good little servant. Still the pillows were damn hard, I mean he was some kind of earthen godling or whatever, but they still offered zero support!

"I'm getting the feeling you don't want me here Val."

"I don't want you here Trezlan, I want you anywhere else bothering entirely new people."

"That's so rude to say to your one true friend Val, I saved your life!"

"And for that I'm forever damned with you Lorentino." I tell you people are never thankful you saved their life, ungrateful little urchins! They should be happy that I saved them even if I had to use dark blood magic to do it! I will admit I was feeling a bit better, but I didn't want Valrym to know that. It was intriguing to see behind the scenes as it were to what he did all day (cook, clean, bitch) it was like my own little show. I mean sure it was boring, but at the very least I didn't have to do anything so I totally milked that for all it was worth. Alas my time as an invalid was drawing to a close even though it did not appear so at the time. Fate has a way of taking away anything I am enjoying just as I was really starting to like it!

Time for Plan C

"You are not seriously going to do this are you?" Valrym was outside in a delightful fur coat, I say delightful because it was hilarious looking and thats all that matters to me. I was currently working on a spell that would sacrifice half the city and use that life force to destroy the cold for at least a couple months. In theory anyway.

"You say that like this is a bad idea."

"It is a very bad idea." I didn't even know if it would work mind you, but I was tired of being cold and if the deaths of thousands solved that, win win, for me at least you know, less idiots on the streets right?

"You say that about all of my ideas Valrym, this one will work I know this because its never been attempted before there in it has to work!" Flawless logic.

"Trezlan you can't sacrifice an entire town..."

"Half a town, and only the worst half, shorties, stupid people, people who step on the back of your shoe because they are clumsy oafs! Killing them to unfreeze the rest of us is best for society!"

"Half a town, whatever Trezlan this plan is stupid if you insist on going through with it I'll stop you myself." He readied some kind of hammer that looked unpleasant. Now I knew I could probably kill Valrym under normal circumstances, but drawing all the sigils and working the magic in the absurdly low temperatures had sapped me of my strength.

"You want this ugly weather? You want all this suffering? I can stop all of it!"

"No you can't Trezlan, you'll only add to it and thats not a solution." It was all the solution my life ever gave me! But as bad as it was Valrym was right, I couldn't stop the cold most likely (I say most likely I still believe it was possible.)

"Oh all right you win, I'll not sacrifice half the town." Crisis averted I went back inside, I didn't want to admit it, but I too had come down with the malady affecting the town. And thats when I knew Valrym was in on the plot! Or that's what my crazy flu ridden mind thought was going on. I mean lets be honest even on my best days I'm not that coherent in belief!

Escape Plan Foiled

The cold foiled my escape. Not just because it was so damn cold that no trains were running and all the water was frozen, though that factored in. No apparently it was too cold for even freaking horses or any kind of pack animal to be let out of their stables! I OWNED THE HORSE YOU JERKS I'LL TAKE THE DAMNED RISK! But no, no the stable boy between coughing fits that resulted in blood shooting out of his nose told me he would not let me take my OWN FREAKING HORSE out for a ride because it wouldn't make it that far. RIDICULOUS!

Foiled and angry I returned to my shop which was drafty, Nidget wasn't there, he was too sick to work as he informed me on his note. Not that it really mattered since everyone was either sick or huddled around a fire so business was not exactly booming. As a plus no one had come to collect my property taxes either (not that I was above paying them mind you, just the envelope with money was still sitting where I'd left it). I stewed in my shop for a bit, I wasn't feeling sick, and my attempt to flee had been foiled, so I decided to delve into all of my books, journals, writings, etc, looking for something, anything that could defeat the cold. And all of that time was completely wasted. Literally a few days of searching through bad handwriting and crumbling bindings came up with exactly nothing to stop the weather.

I swear its like magical people run into one thing that is seen as "natural" and they just let it go. NEVER LET IT GO YOU DAMNED FOOLS! Spurred on by this seeming lack of creativity to stop a menace I got to work immeadiately on coming up with a new plan to stop the weather. This time it was going to involve a lot more than just throwing fire to the sky and hoping (my previous plan). As is the case in my entire life things did not go exactly as I had planned, not exactly at all.

Cold Not Easily Defeated

"You are such an idiot." I stumbled back into the tavern, everything about me felt cold, even my body hair. I had spent the better part of an hour trying to burn the weather away, I had failed spectacularly.

"IIIIIII wwaaaassssss succccccesssssssfullllll innnnnn detttttterrrrrrrrmining vvvveeeerrrrrry cooooooollld outsiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiideeeeee." My teeth chattered and I could harly think straight, I went straight for the main fireplace and laid down outside of it. Valrym shook his head and went to fix me up something warm, he may not have liked me, but he didn't neccessarily want me to die right in front of him. Therod looked worse than I did and she hadn't spent any time outside. I noticed the rest of the people in the tavern looke equally awful, well I noticed this a couple hours later when my teeth stopped chattering and my skin returned to its normal brown not the blue it had become. Valrym wasn't affected nor did I feel ill (though mental illness is of course always in question). So something was clearly going on.

"Trezlan I really wish you'd fix your shops heat so you could leave me and my customers in peace."

"Val that hurts, but on a more serious note, what's going on here?" He cocked his head at me.

"People are staying here to avoid the cold, why what do you think is going on here?"

"Everyone looks like they are super ill Val, can't you hear the chorus of coughs?" He was about to probably yell at me when a huge coughacophony echoed around the room.

"You have a point, I wonder why I didn't see it sooner, everyone in this room is super sick. Must be the weather." He went back to making food for the ill and I went back to trying to decipher what was really going on. Clearly the cold had become a vector for the illness, but my futile attempts to destroy the cold had only left me more vulnerable for the illness. I knew what had to be done.

"I'm leaving!" I said as I gathered up my warmest clothing and Valrym looked on at me gratefully. I mean clearly the safest place for me to figure out the illness and cold was not of course right in the middle of it! I figured I'd head south, warm up, you know hope things blew over because when in doubt leave! Things usually work themselves out without you!

Ye Gods Its Cold

"Must be some kind of spell." I was huddled with other people at Valrym's bar, the entire town was in a cold snap. And by cold snap I mean everything was iced up, there were huge drifts of snow in the streets and even Captain Therod a stalwart of  "You guys are acting like small children" was huddled into Valrym's bar. She claimed she had gotten a cold and it was not going away, but we all knew she just didn't want to be out in the snow. Its not like anyone was committing crimes anyway, other than public burning bans.

"Trezlan I know that's your go to complaint, but no its not a damned spell its the weather." Valrym at least was enjoying all his new found customers. I tried to tough it out in my shop, but apparently I have some drafty issues there because it was cold morning noon and night despite all of my attempts to the contrary.

"Weather shouldn't be this damned cold Val, even Therod is suffering."

"Don't drag me into your madness Trezlan." Therod puncutated her statement by coughing several times.

"Trezlan I know what you're thinking, rethink it, you can not defeat the weather."

"Lies Valrym I can defeat anything!" And with that I tossed off my cloak and set out in the snow to defeat the cold weather. I figured if anyone could do it a man who can conjure fire would be that man. Also I had like six beers and this seemed like a good idea, even though I shed warmer clothing before going out in the cold, so good idea is as always relative.

The Only True Cure Is No Cure

There are always awkward moments after something horrific passes. Those times you aren't exactly sure things are done so you just stand around looking like a moron to make sure nothing else comes you way. That's what happened to me and Mordere post Morley leaving. We just stood there. I mean of course I finally was able to undue the bad magic being worked on Mordere's child, but outside of that nothing. We kind of just stood around looking at each other, looking at the walls (its amazing how many things you can count when staring at a piece of wood paneling).

"He'll be back won't he?" Mordere sounded almost human, I guess caring for a child can soften up even the hardest killers.

"For you? Probably not, for me? Yeah I'll see him again, and again, and again. He didn't care about you so much as knew that you were an avenue to get to me." Morley does a lot of things, caring about the Followers of Fire is not something he'd even think about.

"Is there anything I can do to prevent his kind of magic?"

"Nope necromancy is a bastard like that, blood magic works on just about anything." I've proven that several times already, "Only thing I could think of would be etching into your bones a spell to replinish your life with every life taken, but I don't think anyone would be that crazy especially to do it to a child." Thank the gods Mordere was not that crazy, still the bone etching thing is something I've rolled around in my head before, the major issue of course is when you can see your own bones things have gone horribly wrong and you aren't thinking about etching them with spells. You could try a tattoo or something similar but that can be defeated by other means and its more obvious, bone etching would be damn near undetectable and impossible to get rid of outside of pulling the bones out.

"Thank you for your efforts Lorentino." It was stunning to hear that from Mordere, I was massively perplexed. So I left. Got to go out on top is what I always say! And by on top I mean after bluffing my way past my mortal enemy and allowing him to escape unscathed after causing misery to a small child. You have to redefine top to what fits best!

Morley You Are An Ass

"And now the real asshole emerges." I'll admit I'm not exactly Mr. Civility with my sworn enemy of the centuries.

"You've been here the whole time Trezlan."

"You've here the whole time."

"That doesn't even make sense."

"Doesn't it?"

"Would you both just shut up before I shoot you and find someone else to clear up this necromancy." Mordere ever the mediator. Still I stand behind my assertion Morley is an Asshole, to be perfectly honest I've probably made him sound even nicer than he is in reality. Because in reality he's an asshole of assholes.

"Yes Trezlan do be quiet before I kill the both of you." Mordere fired once, the bullet hit something in front of Morley and shattered. Whatever magic was protecting Morley, it could take a direct hit from a god's own weapon, that was something very strong.

"What in the madness?" Mordere was surprised as well, I could almost see fear in his one functioning eye.

"Mr. Mordere you may be a lot of things, unpredictable is not one of them, now stand aside and let me kill my enemy and then I'll kill you." It was nice to be thought of as Morley's enemy if only because it meant he cared.

"Morley I wouldn't take a step forward if I were you."

"Oh some weak hack of a spell your going to launch at me Trezlan?"

"Launch? No I'm not going to launch anything, what is standing between you, me, and Mordere is a fairly potent blood shield. I used the death of your little assistant here to enact it, so you may have blocked Mordere's shot, but my spell will block your everything." He looked at me with contempt, then again he started that way so maybe I should say, he kept looking at me with contempt.

"You're bluffing."

"Do you really want to test my ability with the memories of our dearly dead master floating around up here? I've got several nasty little spells I'd love to lash you with." I did have a couple I wanted to unleash on him, but seeing as he caught me with my figurative magical pants down, I had to make due with what I had.

"Mr. Mordere you are lucky today, though you weren't my target of course, if you come after me Trezlan's petty bullshit will not be standing between us and you will die. Trezlan please fall on something rusty soon, I tire of you being around out there giving me a bad name." Morley left, I of course did not presume he left so I waited with Mordere in absolute silence for about half a day.

"You were bluffing weren't you?"

"Good gods yes, I don't have a shield spell that could block a cold."

Awkward Necromancers are Awkward

"You're Wrong." We both said it at the same time, though I'll admit his tone was a little more forceful than mine (such is the power of being a super murderer well super murdererer I mean I've killed more people than he has but his candle is burning brighter).

"Trezlan this old man confessed!" I'll admit I didn't have a confession from my mousy assistant yet, but I wasn't running around shoving my pistol in peoples face!

"And he had no access to keep defeating my magical stuff like this mousey girl who I have trapped in a blood magic prison." She attempted to move and looked at me with rising hatred. I'll admit I had hoped to be a little bit better with my dramatic movement than just saying it, "Sweety I don't have to tell you this, but don't even think of stepping out of your cage or it'll fry you six ways from sunday."

"I'm the real necromancer." Both the girl and the oldman spoke at the same time (a lot of that going around).

"Awkward." I had to say something to cover up the silence that had fallen over the room.

"Your damned crusades against magic has brought this on your Mordere, the girl will die." The old man's voice was full of venom.

"You killed my entire family Mordere the least I can do is destroy yours!" The mousy girl also spoke with ferocity.

"You sure know how to piss people off Valerind." He responded by shooting the old man through the head, it was an interesting conversation ender. He took aim at the mousy girl but I held up my hand. "You can't shoot her the prison goes both ways."

"Break the spell, this witch deserves her medicine." I'll admit I didn't exactly know if the prison would block the bullet, especially the kind of bullet the Hand of the Fire God fired, but I didn't exactly want that tested with me in the room.

"After she tells me how to undue the spell." I just let it go of course that the little girl was somehow connected to Mordere it was not the most pressing concern at the moment.

"With her dead you can defeat it Trezlan she will not help you."

"I WOULD RATHER DIE THAN HELP YOU!"

"Sweety think of where you are and who I am, dying was your only option at this point, the question is how you die." Blood prisons can get pretty ugly, this one was no different. To highlight my point I brought the size of the prison down some, it burned her flesh and she howled in pain and then cowered. "See you assume that Mordere shooting you is the way you'll go, I've been at this a lot longer than you have, you want to be crushed to death or burned alive? break the spell."

She surprised me by lunging throught the prison; which lead to her being skinned/burned alive. It was horrific and terrifying. Also really frustrating because I wanted her to break the damn spell. Mordere shrugged at me.

"Well now you should be able to break the spell." I was about to comment when I heard clapping behind Mordere.

"Well you would if you could ever defeat me Trezlan." It was Morley, because of course it was Morley, who else could have taught two insane necromancers? Well except for me of course and I have standards. Sort of. You know what read the next entry!

The Last First Person You'd Expect

I continued my work of trying to defeat the necromantic magic. Mordere sought out the necromancer. His methods left a lot to be desired, like leniency, proof of being guilty, or even I dunno basic tact.  Basically he went around shoving his pistol in peoples faces and demanding they pledge loyalty to the Fire God. I was actually worried at some point he'd stick his pistol in my face despite me not arriving at the sick child's room well past when she was sick. Through it all my assistant a mousy woman who spoke nervously was a trooper. We'd see Mordere moving swiftly to and fro screaming at people and then moving on somewhere else. And she just kept helping me try each weird combination of thing after thing, and that's when it hit me who the necromancer was.

I mean it ws right in front of my face the whole time. The only person who could keep defeating my efforts was the one aiding them. Swear to gods I'm the worst observer of people in the world. It should have struck me odd the assistant never left, nor hardly spoke. Those are totally things guilty people do (aside from me who does that kind of thing all the time, well except for the hardly speaking part, and the never leaving, ok nevermind screw you you win journal!). I had to keep my cool though, the lady was quite good at being a necromancer and she'd been in close proximity to me the whole time. So she could have set me up the entire time and I was completely unaware of it.

Which lead to my plan of counter magicing her by pretending to try and help the sick girl. It was practically genius if I don't say so myself. I wish I'd thought of it sooner but again I'm terrible at observing people and should have known the assistant was the necromancer. So over the course of an hour using all kind of subterfuge like "hand me that one, but not that other one" I had delightfully laid my trap for the necromancer, at which point Mordere burst into the room with an old man held at gun point.

"I have found the necromancer!" He declared, the old man look like he'd had a very bad morning.

"Preposterous I found the necromancer!" And then things got awkward.

Honesty With a Bullet

An entire day had gone by with me using every remedy, magical side step, and just flat out complete bullshit I could think of. Nothing worked. Like ordinarily I would have easily kicked the necro magic's ass. I would have had it over and done with and been on with my life. But no, not this garbage, whatever the guy had done he had done it well, it also seemed to mutate as I went. Like every time I thought I had it beat, the damned thing would be back strong as ever. I was standing outside of the young girls room on her balcony, if I had a cigar, a pipe or even a rolled cigarette I'd have been smoking it. Most of the rest of the high muckity mucks of the followers had left, it was down to me, Mordere, and the attendant who kept up with my ever increasingly weird ideas.

"You can't cure her can you?" Mordere joined me, he looked as drained as I felt, though he had spent the last couple days riding all over to acquire my ingredients of failure.

"Do you want the honest answer or the one that would keep me from being shot?"

"I have never shot someone for being honest, wait no thats not true I shot a guy because he told me who he was."

"Not really giving me a good reason to be honest."

"Trezlan I will not shoot you, I'm good for my word." I gave him a long look, but I knew I couldn't keep up the charade forever, a long time yes, forever? No.

"I'm trying everything I know and it's still kicking my ass, I'm even going back to extremely unpleasant memories and they aren't helping either. This magic is very strong, but something is pushing back in there." Mordere nodded his eyes almost seeing through me.

"So you're saying someone is working against us within the church." It was not a statement I'd make lightly especially to the man asking the question.

"Has to be, there is no other answer to this, no way could it keep beating me unless someone was helping it along."

"Well then time to go snake hunting." At that exact moment I felt sorry for my necromancer opponent, whatever he was, he would really struggle to keep up with a true master of murder that is Valerind Mordere, but it turned out, well you'll have to read the next entry of course!

No One Ever Wants My Appraisal Services

"Necromancy."

"Are you sure?"

"Pretty sure." No one ever asks for my opinion on any number of useful skills I have. Did you know I'm a fantastic wine taster? I am, I can discern the flavor and vintage of any wine that passed by my lips. Also with all my years on this world I can appraise real from fake antiques no issue. On top of those wonderfully useful skills I'm a damn fine business negotiator and I'm a dance innovator! But no, no one ever wants those abilities. It's always for necromancy, when someone absolutely needs my top skills, its always the ones I'm not that proud of.

The person currently afflicted by necromancy was a small child. She was in pain, but not dead, which was weird for Necromancy but not unheard of. Modere is lucky I have such a great memory, or I would have had to return to my shop to get one of my several volumes of work I'd written on the nature of magic, but thankfully for him I remember just about everything I write (more or less except journal entries as my continuity, spelling, and geography can attest to). It was a bit odd the child was not killed outright by the necromancy, but this wasn't a simple soul tap. Someone had linked themself to the girl to make her suffer, one could suggest the suffering was the intent.

"Can you fix it?" People assume that like all magic you can simply counter and destroy bad magic with good magic. Its not true at all, its a bit like asking one seamstress to sew the exact same way a previous one had done, only in this case the seam is someones life, and the sewing a dangerous magical spell that could just as easily kill me as the girl or everyone else in the room.

"Potentially." That was mostly a lie, but seeing as I was with a sin, the members of his higher order and the girl was apparently some big mucky mucks something or other, telling them I couldn't help the young child would get me dumped in a ditch somewhere.

"What would you need?" Mordere spoke for them, it was strange for someone I thought of as being a loner being linked with this group, but horrific things make for strange bed fellows I guess.

"Its going to be a rather long list." And it was, and I'll get into that tommorrow, but just know that thankfully someone else wrote that list because my hand writing as you can attest to is awful beyond words.