You Can't Spell Associate...

"Nidget Pavorossi and Andreyev Maristus," Toneron was introducing me to the two people he had sent looking for me (how he knew I was missing is beyond me, or how he knew exactly where I was shortly after they had found me? Also beyond me, Toneron is weird like that).

I chuckled at hearing the last names as I had known both of their ancestors (though in Andreyev's case the Followers of Fire swap partners so often its really hard to say which ancestor I really knew could have been a distant distant relative), "It's a pleasure." I extended my hand, we were at a camp fire a little distance away from the cave of evil bugs and rock spirits (that was its name... right of course).  Both men shook it, but even then I could tell Nidget was a LYING LITTLE JERK WHO I DO NOT LIKE YES READ THIS YOU LITTLE MIDGET BASTARD!

"Well now that that's out of the way, I see that our allies are not very trusting are they." Toneron had to of course state the obvious.  I mean they dumped me in a cave to get eaten alive by insects, they are either not very trusting or they have the weirdest getting to know you practices ever.

"To be honest sir, Trezlan Lorentino does have a bit of a reputation in these lands." Nidget responding in his rare actually respecting authority tone.

"Pish posh, hundreds of years ago maybe, but no one believes this Lorentino is that one." Toneron winked at me, again whatever "he" is, is not natural.

"All the same Toneron I believe we're in a bad place with this."

"Andreyev?" Toneron turned away from me and gestured toward Andre, who was apparently not just a courier for disposed of magical users.

"The Followers are willing to aid you in your efforts Mr. Hanlon, your gifts have been more than generous and we too are aware of Mr. Lorentino, but think of him quite favorably and would be willing to accept his assistance in our long term goal." Andre had a weird way of talking, like it wasn't a stutter, but he seemed to force out all his words at once.  Like speaking was not something he liked doing.

"See there Trezlan I got you an army that won't betray you immediately again, and you say I never help you." He stood up and started to walk off, again he had no horse, carriage or anything, I swear as soon as he gets out of sight range he simply disappars.

"Thanks." And that was that, I was now a member of the Followers of Fire, even though I didn't believe in them or their religion, but I also didn't believe in the Guard either.  I only believed in wanting to go home and not being stuck in the stupid lands of the Red Hand anymore!  Sadly as I would come to find out later, THAT WAS NOT AN OPTION ANY LONGER SCREW YOU RONERAWTH I HOPE YOU ALL CHOKE!

You have to know where to hit'em

"Nidget get behind me." I wasn't saying that, because thats like inviting a thief to stand behind you while your distracted; actually thats exactly what you are doing. Andre had his shield drawn and was advancing on the angry rock spirit that had swelled in size (previously I'd heard of that and just figured people were dumb, I guess like a lot of things in life I was wrong). I have to say I considered running away, but since these two idiots had been sent to in theory get me (and I didn't know Nidget at the time) I stuck around against my better judgement (I'll admit this was also morbid curiosity).

Andre for his part seemed dead set in blocking the rock creature, which seemed idiotic considering metal versus living rock would seemingly be a loser for metal. And it was, the creature smashed into Andre's shield and he fell backward, but this was at least somewhat of a "plan" as when the creature landed the blow Nidget launched off Andre's back and on to the spirit, making his way for the "neck" of the creature.  His blows seemingly landed ineffectively (again metal versus rock IS NOT A WINNER FOR METAL).  Nidget called out to me and tossed a pistol he was carrying somewhere (previously I had just run from them to avoid this rock creature, so it wasn't like I really checked over exactly what he was carrying). I wasn't expecting much of a difference (again bullets are made of metal, and the rock creature is MADE OUT OF ROCK), but I emptied the revolver as fast as I could and the bullets as I suspected smashed against the rock but did nothing.

The creature was able to smash Nidget off of it with little difficulty and the shorty collapsed to the ground with a slump.  Andre rushed to his aide and retreated from the rock spirit with Nidget on his shoulder, which left me the only combatant in theory able to destroy the beast. So I did what I do best and ran (look I tried really hard to kill with eight bullets, that enough).  I would have kept running if I hadn't slammed head long into Toneron Hanlon who just as always appeared out of no where.

"Trezlan! Great to see you buddy!" He was a little too happy for just appearing out of nowhere.

"GIANT ROCK CREATURE!" I pointed with all the subtlety of a five year old afraid of the monsters in the dark. Toneron looked at me very much the paren to my monster and pulled out a gun from somewhere (again not really paying a super lot of attention to where people were hiding weaponry) and fired one shot instantly killing the rock spirit.

"How did you? With what? What are you?" I was mystified, Andre was relieved and Toneron was mildly annoyed.

"Trezlan its not what you fire at your enemy, but where you fire, seriously after all these years I'd think of all people you'd have figured that out." It was a total lie, it has to be.  I still have no idea what Toneron is, but he didn't just happen to know the weak spot of a Rock Spirit, he's some kind of demon creature with magic bullets.  Yes my explination works a lot better than his does. DEAL WITH IT!

We Are Walking and Talking

"Trezlan Lorentino?" It was Andreyev asking, he was a tall thin looking man with a protruding chin and short blond hair, his outfit seemed a bit heavy for the summer (did I mention it was summer? It was summer!) a thick leather coat dyed blood red as is the fashion for the Followers of Fire (shockingly people who worship a fire god dress in mostly red outfits, I told them they should follow a fashion god and get some better sense, so far no response). Despite being tall and full of wirey muscle, Andre was considered a "runt" amongst his family and routinely mocked for not having the bulging muscles of his brothers and sisters (Followers of Fire are equal opportunity, I mean the Fire God is a woman!).  He was equipped with a sword, shield, and rifle (rifle ammunition was behind the shield, which seemed to me like a bad idea if you blocked a shot and the bullets exploded, but it wasn't me ducking behind the shield).

"We are walking and talking, walking and talking lets go the way you guys went so we can get out of here." I was rambling and running, but HUGE ROCK SPIRIT CREATURE! I didn't know if it could climb out of that hole and I was not about to find out, while standing around like a damn fool.

"Look are you the guy or just some crazy hermit?" This was Nidget, Nidget red hair, black clothing, sword, dagger, and crossbow, that's all you need to know about the laziest journal reading useless idiot this world has ever known.

"I'm Trezlan, and we should keep moving, just right on this way." I heard a loud crash and Andre and Nidget clued in we were running from something.

"What in the five fires was that?" Andre had turned and I moved from walking to running.  For their part Nidget and Andre weren't stupid (well Nidget normally is, but not this time) so when I started running they did too.  Thankfully the mouth of the cave was nearby and I emerged first and breathed in that fresh air (and by that I mean choked on having physically exerted myself more than I ever had recently and gasped for breath like a fish out of water). Nidget and Andre came shortly after me and looked at me wondering what I had fled.  We didn't have to wait long the Rock Spirit emerged from the cavern.  And when I say emerged I mean erupted.  It was larger than before, having somehow taken in the surrounding rock of the cavern, either in his escape from it, or just out of anger.

"Shit." Three of us in unison, because when you are in it that much, all you can say is what you feel like.

Rock Out

Rock Creatures are a real thing (obviously). They are not born in the traditional sense, instead they are usually an earth spirit or sprite that inhabits a piece of ground for a long enough time that the ground itself becomes a manifestation of them.  This can lead to some awkward issues (say when you are building a house or part of a city and happen to discover that ground you are trying to break is indeed a semi living creature). They tend to be fairly peaceful creatures, even when disturbed they will most of the time just leave and go find somewhere else to sit (I don't understand it either, I mean why exist if only to sit in one place forever? But such is the nature of earth spirits, I tried to ask Valrym about it once and he gave me a dirty look). They are also usually simple minded, which means you can convince them of things that most people would not believe.  That would have been my normal tact with this angry creature, if I wasn't covered in the remains of his fellows and reaking of fire and death (I mean its not like I could just try and say "Wasn't me, this other guy was here" well I could say that but even I'm not that stupid nor is the rock creature).

So what I did was take up my sword and dare the thing to come at me. Because when in the face of something that is death incumbent, best to meet the damn thing head on. The rock creature (which towered over me to the point of almost scraping the ceiling) for its part had the same philosophy.  The creature swung one if its huge rock club arms at me and I darted to the side, and then climbed up the arm and on top of the head to escape out the small hole above me (I said face the danger head on, not die like an idiot).  I heard the creature howling beneath me, but I was free and life was good for me (why not necromance it you ask? BECAUSE ITS NOT ALIVE YOU IDIOT... sorry, because its not alive technically).

Free from my potential cave tomb I ran away from the hole as fast as I could in a direction not currently the one I was in. Which is where I ran into Nidget and his partner Andre.  Yep I ran into my future employee in a cave fleeing a rock monster, isn't it weird how things work out.  And by work out I mean piss me off to no end.

But that collision and meeting will have to wait till tomorrow, very busy day today, lot of weird stuff happened in town and I sadly got involved with some of it (and once again its Nidget's fault).  So next entry little journal!

Explode One Nest of Bugs

There are always things to deal with when you wake up from knocking yourself out (or from when someone else knocks you out). Like "Am I ok, is anything hurt, why do I have a funny taste in my mouth (always a funny taste in your mouth, usually its blood, sometimes though...)".  When I awoke this time I was covered in the corpses of the insect creatures. At first I was disgusted, being covered in bugs the size of me was not the best way to awake to a that smelled of smoke and death.  But when I realized the bodies had most likely prevent me from being killed, I was a little more appreciative (just a little, insects are still disgusting).

So I rushed to my feet, dusted myself off and surveyed the damage. I had of course shattered my nose (stupid thing being on the front of my face).  The burning corpses and time knocked out had closed the wound, but my eyes were still swelled from the impact and my face a mixture of burning insect and blood (the latest fashion).  The room I'd run myself into looked very similar to the one I had arrived in, completely with little hole at the top (but no bones, or if there had been bones they were annihilated in the fire).

I was just settling in to a nice "Now what the shit do I do." When a large rumbling came from where the bug nest had been before.  I figured it was another fire, until the rumbling came with large crashing foot steps.  Suddenly my situation was looking grimmer by the minute. The stomping arrived shortly, a gigantic rock monster with a crooked mouth made out of jagged rocks.

"WHO BURNED MY FRIENDS?" A rock monster that just survived an entire nest of exploding bugs exploding on him.  Yeah my day went from suck to suckier.

Stop Bugging Me

I hate caves, and I hate bugs, so seeing two of my hates in the same place at the same time was like a breath of horrible fetid air (of which the cave smelled like).  I didn't and still don't (nor care to ever) know the exact species of flesh eating creatures that were occupying the cave's central chamber. Centuries ago (gods its weird saying that and not being hyperbolic) I hunted similar creatures with my aunt, but they were a lot smaller than these monstrosities and were only eating peoples livestock and hadn't attacked actual people.  Not that that really stopped us from killing them, but still, I felt its a distinction to be made.

When I recognized the creatures I realized I was in a lot of danger and not just because of them.  See I remembered specifically they reacted badly to fire.  And I don't mean like "Oh they will attack it." I mean "These creatures are explosive, including their nests".  Now you might be thinking "Why Trezlan if thats the case how come your torch didn't explode the nest prior to you arriving in it?" And to that I answer because I hadn't gotten to the nest and upon emerging in the cave with the creatures the torch lit up the nearest protusion. Which caused the insects to freak out (naturally a new person emerged and their cave just got set on fire), they didn't attack thankfully, they ran, and so I ran in the same direction (enemy of my enemy, except in this case the enemy was fire and the insect creatures would surely eat me if they weren't fleeing the flames).  Now there was a couple problems here, I still had my torch, and I had no idea where I was going.

To the first issue it resolved my problem with the insects (the flames jumped from the torch to the creatures and then they caught on fire), to the second problem the cave system seemed rather large which was good (I couldn't have outcrawled a huge explosion), but being in a state of fleeing firey doom I wasn't really watching ahead of myself very good (which was bad). Which lead to me running face first into a wall too late, knocking myself clean out.  You see this is the problem with trying to outrun fires, you stop doing things like "making sure the path ahead is clear".  At least while I was knocked out the whole fire thing solved itself. Not that that was a positive development but neither is anything in my life ever!

Trezlan Lorentino Cave Tour Guide

The best part about writing this journal is remembering why I hate everyone in the world.  I mean I kind of remembered all the betrayals, bad deals, and general bullying I've dealt with, but I had forgotten how everyone around me consistently lets me down in ways I can't even put to words.  I was telling Nidget once that the only reason I keep him around is he's the one person I can trust to act consistent (consistently screwing me over, but still he's consistent).  So like this story I remembered I didn't trust the guard, but I had kind of forgotten how they dumped me in a cave to die.  They did leave me my sword though, I suspect because they knew it was magical and were worried I had some kind of curse on it or it could become sentient or something. Hilariously wrong, but when you reject magic and aggressively fight it, you usually know little of it.

So I had my sword, but no pistol, I had magic, but no food, and I had knowledge of a lot of dead things where I was, but not a lot of actual light to see them.  So it was one of those really awesome days for me. Thankfully I'm a master cave explorer.  Indeed I run a side business where I show people the in and outs of cave exploration (note I do not). 

So I knew my first order of business was getting a reliable light source. Now you might be thinking "But you can conjure fire just do that." To which I reply that maintaining fire for an extended period of time enough to light your way in a cave is incredibly daunting and I have never been able to master that, despite years and years of practice (something I've also explained to the ladies several times as well on different topics, ouch self burn). Thankfully bones of the dead tend to have clothing left on them, and clothing combined with a bone makes a handy torch (you can try this for yourself, but I'd recommend not getting left in a cave with dead bodies). So with my makeshift bone torch ready, and my sword drawn (look bones mean bodies, means something killed them).

The corpse room I was in had the one opening I had obviously been dumped through, smooth walls possibly from water having poured through the opening (which hinted maybe the corpses were from drowning not fighting, a thought pretty awful I admit). I could see a smaller crouching passage way also littered with bones (suggesting something had attacked and dragged the victim through the smaller passageway, also not a great thought). But since it was the only way out of the room I was in, I crouched down and made my way through the passage.  I noticed the passage was also smooth (again possibly from water, see this is my cave expertise), it also seemed to go on for a long time, I crawled along it as it increasinly got smaller and smaller (less bones though).  When I finally escaped the mouth of the opening I was in a large chamber covered in slime with huge insectoid creatures lining the whole chamber.

"Well shit." Out of the drowning chamber and into the nest (a turn of phrase that has never taken off no matter how many times I try and get it going).  Tomorrow's entry will of course go over my entirely brave solution to the flesh eating creatures of the cave system of who knows where.  Entirely brave and I'm not just saying that.