Wander For A While On the Isle

Alone in the dark on a strange island with large beasts is no way to explore, its why I decided to wait out the night on my boat (it was my boat now, I stole it fair and square). The morning brought the sunlight and I could see the full extent of the Island.  It was pretty lush (we were south, so it made sense to an extent), there was a lot of heavy green foilage trees and vines and bushes.  Which made it hard to see deep in, but implied that most likely people didn't live there (I say most likely because you never truely know).

I could make out tracks in the sand indicating that animals at least came to the beach either to drink or hunt or I have no idea. They appeared to be catlike in their claw imprints (look I'm not an amazing tracker but I can read some tracks ok!) judging from the size of the foot I had to be cautious in the overgrown area or I'd figure out how good of a predator they were.  The beach was fairly large which was another point of fear for me.  An island this size with this kind of plant life SHOULD have had people on it.  People don't normally just not inhabit an island with sustainability especially not in this age.  So obviously something was here that made this place not good for anyone to live and that would make it hard for me to get what I needed (a paddle and a sense of direction).

I could see in the morning that I was far out to see, no banks in sight.  Which raised several questions about how long I'd been asleep and how fast that current was. Still I was content to explore inside despite the loud crash I'd heard the night before, because I'm an idiot and idiots do idiotic things. So I set out from my nice safe boat with my revolver in hand and crept into the forest of the Isle of no one (Do you like that name? Its not the real one, the real name I'll tell you later because it'll spoil the surprise).

I was just far enough away from the beach that I was almost losing sight of my boat when I felt something fasten around my ankle.  It wasn't necessarily a rope, but it was definately strong and lifted me off the ground faster than I could even react.  It was so quick I lost hold of my revolver and my sword fell out of its scabbard hitting the ground with a thunk. I wasn't just above the ground by a little bit either, it appeared I was twenty feet above the ground swinging in the breeze by what appeared to be a vine, so even if I burned the vine the drop would be less than pleasant.

"Well shit." And so my first day of exploring went badly, as anyone could expect.

Here There Be Monsters

I believe I've mentioned several times how easy it is for me to fall asleep? Like no matter the situation or the panic I can fall asleep like a pro (if there was a professional sleeping tournament I'd win).  So it should come as no surprise in the afternoon son with water gently lapping against my boat that I drifted off to sleep.  I mean sure other people might be concerned about Andre and Nidget, but I've already stated I'm a bad person and so I didn't feel anything except joy I wasn't dealing with like twenty five bandits (down from thirty two, you're welcome guys!) I don't know how long I slept, I do know when I woke up it was night time and I had landed on an island.

I did notice it appeared that I was no longer on the mainland, apparently I had fallen asleep, missed the port city the river was attached to, drifted into the ocean and hit an island.  I tell you its almost like my life is a series of the worst decisions known to man that somehow keep me alive but unhappy.  If I believed in some kind of retribution based on poor life choices this would serve as a great example (but I don't because thats total bullshit).

I did know that my stomach was hungry, I still had no paddle, and thus no viable way to get back to shore, and it was dark out.  I figured I couldn't be that far from shore, but I couldn't really make out much because it was a moonless dark night.  I could have brought some fire up, but not knowing where I'd landed that could either be a smart idea, or a dumb idea depending on the inhabitants, knowing my luck I believed dumb was the more likely possiblity.  A fact that was confirmed not too long after a loud crash echoed from somewhere deeper in the island.  Which confirmed there was something large deeper in, and I was going to find out what it was if I had any hope of leaving. So you know, a normal Lorentino situation.

A Pressing Desire For A Map

You know drifting down a river as it gets wider and wider and the current gets stronger and stronger it occured to me I really need to get a hold of a map before I travel anywhere. I mean I tend to just go off in the wilderness on a wing and a prayer and just hope things work out. I need to stop doing that! Especially since maps are a thing that exist! Even in this war torn world people make their living making the damn things.

But no, there I was floating down a river possibly to my doom wondering what I'd gotten myself into.  Why didn't I just leave the boat you may ask? I mentioned the rivers current was strong already didn't I? Also I'm a terrible swimmer, despite continually arriving in situations where I need to swim.  See much like the map situation I refuse to ever improve myself in a way that would make these scenarios easier in the fallen hope that one day I'll stop finding myself in these scenarios.

Did that make sense? I hope it does. Anyway back to the point of my meandering narrative (do I have one? Did I ever?) I basically drifted down a river getting further and further away from shore, and more and more afraid that this would not end well. Spoiler alert it did not.

A Fire For the Dramatic

When you are surrounded by bandits and they are completely unaware you have magical power the smart thing to do is announce that you have the power of fire in the most over the top way.  Yes it will drain you of most your magical ability thus making it harder to do anything else afterward, but it will buy you precious fleeing time that you otherwise might not have. I believe I've mentioned before that conjuring fire takes power, but a way to minimize that is using fire nearby (like a camp fire or in this case a building that was already on fire), it's still draining mind you, but at least fire is already there.

So after I freed us from our rope bindings I "pulled" the fire from nearby building, encircled us in it and then exploded it outward (which had the unfortunate side effect of mildly burning Andre, Nidget and myself because of course it did).  It did of course cause the bandits to be immediately terrified (I pulled freaking fire made it in a circle and exploded it, you try and not be terrified of a person doing that). Which afforded us a chance to flee, snatching our weapons that had been tossed aside after we'd been captured.

The problem of course when you have three people fleeing a larger group is that you don't coordinate the flee. So we all ran in different directions.  I personally ran south towards the docks and a nearby boat, because screw Brownwater. Thankfully there was a boat at the dock and I got in it and shoved myself off, unfortunately it was only after I'd pushed away from the dock did I notice there wasn't a damn paddle in the boat and the river current had got me.

Yes I literally put myself into a situation where I was in a river without a paddle.  No the joke did not escape me as I drifted away. At least I got rid of Nidget and Andre.  Yes thats how I am, you should already know that!

Oh So Now You Want My Help

"But then you killed Ted and we really liked Ted." We were being lectured at by the leader of the bandits (a rather fat guy with the worst armor made up of what appeared to be loose pots and pans, he was also wielding a rather large shotgun, probably why he was in charge). They had tied us up after we had ran out of the burning sherriff's station (which was still burning, thankfully it was by itself so it wouldn't spread to another building thus wiping the town out despite my efforts not to do that). They had tied us to a fence post probably intent on burning us to death (To be treated like a common witch, the shame, the SHAME!), but before then they felt the need to TALK US TO DEATH!

"Are these guys bandits or are friends, he's still talking." I was purturbed, Nidget and Andre seemed a bit more afraid of the situation.

"Trezlan get us out of this."

"I mean its like these aren't bandits, their friendits." I was trying to figure why they kept talking, I mean I talk a lot, but thats to delay a murder, not in advance of one. This guy was just jabbering on and on.

"Trezlan!"

"How am I going to get us out of this?"

"Use your magic!"

"You said I can't, said it would get us in trouble, also talk louder I don't think they heard you." I realize its hilarious for me to say that to someone else but that is me.

"This is true Nidget you did say he shouldn't use his magic."

"Well I meant that when it didn't look like we were going to get burned to death."

"... And so I feel bad about this, but you have to die, even though we didn't want to kill you as I previously said." The tubby bandit finished his speech and I yawned. He was seriously boring me to death, I figure he didn't even need fire, just a couple more hours of talking. So in the interest of excitement I ignited our ropes and freed ourselves, which really just put us in danger of getting shot to death, something I'm sure Nidget hadn't really factored in to what with us BEING FREAKING SURROUNDED!  But alas as most things Nidget, he wasn't thinking beyond the initial freedom bit.  So how did we survive? Well you'll have to read tomorrow's entry obviously.

The Roof Is On Fire, I'd Prefer Some Water

"So that happened." The fire was between all of us and spreading.

"Do you know some kind of magic to put out a fire?" Nidget of course always thought I knew some kind of magic to do everything. I've explained to him multiple times what I can and can not do, but he always just jumps to magic like its the solution to everything.

"Yeah you magically get some water and put out the fire you idiot."

"So you are completely useless!"

"Boys there will be plenty of time to blame Trezlan for dooming us after we rectify this situation." Andre ever the rational, even if he still blamed me. The fire had spread, it was now taking over the entire middle, the bandits down below were still putting holes in the roof and as you can expect it made the stability of the building come into question. So it wasn't a huge surprise when the floor gave way underneath us and we came crashing into the sherriffs building, which then also got set on fire from the burning roof.  Left with no other choice but to run out of the building we got promptly captured by the bandits.

So for those playing at home, instead of actually clearing Nidget's most likely entirely made up bounty, and getting out of town. We stuck around to fight bandits and ended up only killing one of them prior to having the building we were on set on fire and then us get taken captive by the people we didn't intend on killing until some Jr. bartender told us they were coming to town. I tell you when I saw how this thing might have gone in my head, this was not what I expected.

Need To Work On My Negotiating

Bullets ripped through the roof eave we were sitting next to, the bandits down below were not really pleased.  Thankfully their aim was as poor as their attitudes. I'll admit this one was kind of my fault (I know its shocking I'm admitting fault, stay with me!)  See when someone shouted up at me I took offense that he interrupted our conversation so I stood up and shot him, now working in my favor I don't think I killed their leader (do bandits even really have a leader? They're bandits!) But that wasn't exactly stopping the bullets ripping apart the roof as the bandits spread out firing in a circle.

"Trezlan what was that?" Nidget was laying on his belly hands over his head.

"Look I don't do well with interruptions."

"YOU THINK?"

"This could work in our favor Nidget they are firing off a lot of ammunition." Andre always the pragmatist.

"Yeah brilliant strategy until they remember we are on a wood structure which they can set on fire." Nidget being the voice of reason, I know it shocked me too.

"Say that a little louder Nidget I don't think they heard..." The glass smashed between all three of us, the liquid and fire it contained ignited the roof immediately.

"Nevermind."