"And so you see clearly they removed all of the flavor from this apartment, even including removing his more interesting books to leave these boring history books." I'm glad no one seemed to care we were in Jenkins apartment, since we'd been there hours and no one cared.
"Yes of course Jenkins probably had frilly feathers and everything, those were clearly removed from the evidence of dust gathering everywhere and no tracks other than our own."
"I get the impression your being sarcastic Nidget."
"Really? Whatever would give you that impression." Deduction you little shit, wait I didnt' say that at the time, but I totally should have!
"Your sarcasm withheld, I'm sure the solution to the mystery is here in this room. Probably." We'd been searching for anything for the last few hours and hadn't come up with anything, but I just knew if we waited something would appear to me.
"Trezlan I know you don't have anything better to do with your time, but I do, so I am leaving." He opened the door and was greeted by men in cloaks brandishing weapons. Ordinarily I would just assume Therod was being an asshole and having us arrested but these didn't look like any Guard person I'd see working for Therod.
"See Nidget I told you we just wait long enough and we'd find something of interest."
"In the hallway outside of the place we were looking?"
"Gods work in myterious ways."
"Shut up the both of you unless you want to die where you stand." Their leader didn't seem like a very nice person, and he wasn't, but you know I haven't met any group of murderous cult people who are! Which kind of seems the point when you run a murder cult. Which these people totally were in case that wasn't obvious. Anyway how will we survive? How will we get out of this scary predicament? Unexpectedly, well not really unexpectedly, but you know thats tomorrows entry!
Thursday, April 18, 2013
Wednesday, April 17, 2013
The Cleanliness Is A Cover
"No 'Hey Nidget great to see you sorry for bailing on your and Andre, how are you doing'." Nidget was back in town if you couldn't guess from his bitching. We were on our way up to the apartment Jenkins rented in a decently middle income area. I had Nidget there for the obvious entry difficulties.
"Nidget I could say something like that, but I honestly do not care how you are doing, or what happened to you and Andre, its the same reason when you ask where I was I don't tell you, because you don't care." I was pleasantly surprised Nidget was back in town, and I immeadiately roped him into helping me, because when committing crime for the law of the land, its best to have a witness to go down with you. That and I'm terrible with modern locks, just terrible.
"That, that actually makes sense and I thank you for the honesty even if it means your an asshole who just admitted you don't listen to me when I tell you how my day went." Its a double edged sword being honest, well not really, I again don't care what people think about what I say! Clearly I mean I'm writing this down about Nidget when I know he reads my journal, that speaks volumes about me.
"Just open the door Nidget." We had been standing in front of it for a minute or two, now I hoped there weren't multiple short guys with mustache's named Jenkins who were tax collectors, because if there were we were going to be really embarrased barging into his house.
The apartment was a small mid level unit with a bathroom and one bedroom. Jenkins furnishing was sparse. A chair, a near empty book case, a picture of a meadow on the wall. If the place had come furnished and Jenkins hadn't changed it, it would not have surprised me. The level of dust on things was a bit of a surprise, it spoke to him not being there in a while (I know my dust from my own comings and goings). The bedroom was a bed and a closet with some clothing that all looked similar. Bathroom was clean but again dusty.
"Now I'm positive someone killed him."
"Oh yes the evidence is clear all around in the nothing has been disturbed, moved or otherwise hassled, are we done here?"
"Done? Nidget we are just starting!"
"Joyous you know next time I say I'll help you remind me what that means."
"I don't see why I'd do that, it would only prevent you from helping me."
"Right I forgot you're so self centered."
"I'd remind you of that, but..." I'll be honest this conversation looped a couple times, tomorrow I'll go into the Jenkins obvious murder scene more. Because you know I love giving you tastes little journal OF MY BRILLIANCE!
"Nidget I could say something like that, but I honestly do not care how you are doing, or what happened to you and Andre, its the same reason when you ask where I was I don't tell you, because you don't care." I was pleasantly surprised Nidget was back in town, and I immeadiately roped him into helping me, because when committing crime for the law of the land, its best to have a witness to go down with you. That and I'm terrible with modern locks, just terrible.
"That, that actually makes sense and I thank you for the honesty even if it means your an asshole who just admitted you don't listen to me when I tell you how my day went." Its a double edged sword being honest, well not really, I again don't care what people think about what I say! Clearly I mean I'm writing this down about Nidget when I know he reads my journal, that speaks volumes about me.
"Just open the door Nidget." We had been standing in front of it for a minute or two, now I hoped there weren't multiple short guys with mustache's named Jenkins who were tax collectors, because if there were we were going to be really embarrased barging into his house.
The apartment was a small mid level unit with a bathroom and one bedroom. Jenkins furnishing was sparse. A chair, a near empty book case, a picture of a meadow on the wall. If the place had come furnished and Jenkins hadn't changed it, it would not have surprised me. The level of dust on things was a bit of a surprise, it spoke to him not being there in a while (I know my dust from my own comings and goings). The bedroom was a bed and a closet with some clothing that all looked similar. Bathroom was clean but again dusty.
"Now I'm positive someone killed him."
"Oh yes the evidence is clear all around in the nothing has been disturbed, moved or otherwise hassled, are we done here?"
"Done? Nidget we are just starting!"
"Joyous you know next time I say I'll help you remind me what that means."
"I don't see why I'd do that, it would only prevent you from helping me."
"Right I forgot you're so self centered."
"I'd remind you of that, but..." I'll be honest this conversation looped a couple times, tomorrow I'll go into the Jenkins obvious murder scene more. Because you know I love giving you tastes little journal OF MY BRILLIANCE!
Tuesday, April 16, 2013
Its A Working Theory
"Its been a day and you have a working theory?" Therod was sitting at her desk alone, the rest of our staff were out patrolling the streets or sleeping or doing whatever Guard people do when they aren't on staff. She wasn't wearing her full uniform (the Guard uniform is blue pants, undershirt, and jacket with rank, the jacket was off). It was a more casual look for her and I almost forgot she was a real asshole, almost.
"I work fast, you want the best you..."
"Don't go to you, but go on." I glared at her interruption.
"The merchants in my area killed him!" It seemed obvious, I was surprised Therod had not already come to the same conclusion.
"The Merchants killed the tax collector? Why?"
"To avoid paying taxes!"
"They all paid their taxes." She had adjusted herself from sitting with a lean to sitting straight up, at the same time she withdrew a ledger showing me monetary amounts.
"They were skimming the actual taxes!"
"I checked with the treasury their ammounts line up with the ledger, neither Jenkins nor the Merchants were skimming." I swear this theory sounded great until all these facts showed up.
"They are guilty! They treated me very badly when I asked!"
"Lorentino, this may surprise you, but people do not like you, ergo they treated you badly because they don't like you, on top of that I have all this information BECAUSE I ALREADY LOOKED INTO ALL OF THAT!" She slammed the ledger closed and glared at me, I glared back.
"Well that doesn't mean my theory doesn't work."
"Get out, I'm sorry I even asked you, just get out, go back to selling bullshit, I'll find Jenkins." Any other day I'd be happy to be dismissed, but screw that! I was totally more committed now that Therod didn't think I could do it! I'd show her who could figure out who killed Jenkins! (Me, I was going to find him). I just had to figure out where in the five fires this jerk lived. Seriously no one knew that, it was weird. And that was the start to the actual solution of who killed Jenkins (and yes he was dead, if that wasn't obvious).
"I work fast, you want the best you..."
"Don't go to you, but go on." I glared at her interruption.
"The merchants in my area killed him!" It seemed obvious, I was surprised Therod had not already come to the same conclusion.
"The Merchants killed the tax collector? Why?"
"To avoid paying taxes!"
"They all paid their taxes." She had adjusted herself from sitting with a lean to sitting straight up, at the same time she withdrew a ledger showing me monetary amounts.
"They were skimming the actual taxes!"
"I checked with the treasury their ammounts line up with the ledger, neither Jenkins nor the Merchants were skimming." I swear this theory sounded great until all these facts showed up.
"They are guilty! They treated me very badly when I asked!"
"Lorentino, this may surprise you, but people do not like you, ergo they treated you badly because they don't like you, on top of that I have all this information BECAUSE I ALREADY LOOKED INTO ALL OF THAT!" She slammed the ledger closed and glared at me, I glared back.
"Well that doesn't mean my theory doesn't work."
"Get out, I'm sorry I even asked you, just get out, go back to selling bullshit, I'll find Jenkins." Any other day I'd be happy to be dismissed, but screw that! I was totally more committed now that Therod didn't think I could do it! I'd show her who could figure out who killed Jenkins! (Me, I was going to find him). I just had to figure out where in the five fires this jerk lived. Seriously no one knew that, it was weird. And that was the start to the actual solution of who killed Jenkins (and yes he was dead, if that wasn't obvious).
Monday, April 15, 2013
Ok So No One Actually Likes Me
"Don't touch that." I was in the shop across the street from me, he was an antiquities dealer (so technically was I, though he just sold old things and I really sold whatever would sell, so we were competition but not really).
"Oh please I'm not going to break one of your fake antiques, they are made so sturdy I don't think a simple touch could break them." See thats the nice thing about being as old as I was, I knew when something was more bullshit than real having seen the actual thing when it was made. Its why I didn't buy many antiques myself, they were mostly fakes, especially in a country that just came out of a big war.
"Its not fake, you're just an idiot." The shop keepers name was Harold, we had been neighbors since the end of the war, and we never talked, mostly because I knew he faked things and he smelled, and I do not fake things and do not smell (well most of the time, sometimes I can't help it).
"Whatever Harold, look I'm trying to find Jenkins have you seen him?" He got a perplexed look on his face.
"The tax collector?"
"Yes short has a mustache."
"Yes Lorentino I know who Jenkins is, why do you need to find him want to intimidate him to not pay property taxes?"
"I'm offended by that statement Harold, it came to my attention he's missing and I care deeply about him as a person." Harold shifted behind his desk, looking at me like I was trying to steal something.
"No you don't, you barely care about that shorty that works at your shop let alone any of the rest of us. No Lorentino if I had to guess Captain Therod threatened you with some seceret and now you are out here being her little lap dog, and I will not bow down to that woman, or you, get out of my store." I could see it was pointless talking to Harold (because I'm perceptive!) but I did find out he wasn't a fan of Therod for some reason and so I got a little suspicious. After I got the same reception at several of my other neighborhood shop keepers I grew more suspicious (again because I'm very perceptive). So I had a theory that I just had to tell Therod about, and let me tell you she totally bought it.
No no she didn't.
"Oh please I'm not going to break one of your fake antiques, they are made so sturdy I don't think a simple touch could break them." See thats the nice thing about being as old as I was, I knew when something was more bullshit than real having seen the actual thing when it was made. Its why I didn't buy many antiques myself, they were mostly fakes, especially in a country that just came out of a big war.
"Its not fake, you're just an idiot." The shop keepers name was Harold, we had been neighbors since the end of the war, and we never talked, mostly because I knew he faked things and he smelled, and I do not fake things and do not smell (well most of the time, sometimes I can't help it).
"Whatever Harold, look I'm trying to find Jenkins have you seen him?" He got a perplexed look on his face.
"The tax collector?"
"Yes short has a mustache."
"Yes Lorentino I know who Jenkins is, why do you need to find him want to intimidate him to not pay property taxes?"
"I'm offended by that statement Harold, it came to my attention he's missing and I care deeply about him as a person." Harold shifted behind his desk, looking at me like I was trying to steal something.
"No you don't, you barely care about that shorty that works at your shop let alone any of the rest of us. No Lorentino if I had to guess Captain Therod threatened you with some seceret and now you are out here being her little lap dog, and I will not bow down to that woman, or you, get out of my store." I could see it was pointless talking to Harold (because I'm perceptive!) but I did find out he wasn't a fan of Therod for some reason and so I got a little suspicious. After I got the same reception at several of my other neighborhood shop keepers I grew more suspicious (again because I'm very perceptive). So I had a theory that I just had to tell Therod about, and let me tell you she totally bought it.
No no she didn't.
Friday, April 12, 2013
You Are Taxing My Time
Despite initial no interest, the wetern relics started flying off my shelves (I say relics I have no idea what they were, some kind of cheap stone statue I picked up by a guy who was more than happy to take some precious coins for a huge sack of them). They were carved in a blue stone and depicted various figures of Western lore (having seen some of their gods thats mostly who they were). I'll admit I had to convince people they were good luck charms to actually sell the product, but maybe they were! I mean sure the gods of the lands of the west were pricks and believed in a really warped view of justice, but I'm sure they had good parts too, I mean they got worshipped for a reason right? It's all not really that relevant to my story today, but in case you wanted to know that yes I do actually sell things to keep paying for all the stupid things that people drag me into, there you go. In fact I was waving good bye to a customer when Captain Therod again entered my store and took up my valuable time!
"Captain did you think about these western good luck charms?" I had bumped into her during my sales pitch before and she had quite rudely told me where I could put the charm (it was an uncomfortable place).
"No Mr. Lorentino if I ever buy something from you it will have been on accident."
"Hurtful Captain." As a merchant its always a shame to hear a potential client say she'll never be a client, but you know never say never!
"What do you know about Tax Collection?" It was an odd question, I mean I'd recently paid mine, talked about how I liked paying taxes, but outside of that? Nothing.
"Someone does it? The money gets to the people who need it? The world keeps turning?" To say I was confused was putting it mildly.
"Do you know who your collector normally is?"
"Short guy with a mustache? I think thats the real guy I hope thats the real guy." I hadn't though about it, but man what a scam, tell people you are the property tax guy and then just take their money (not that I would ever do such a thing).
"Yeah that's Jenkins, you don't know where he hangs out do you?" It dawned on me why she was asking, the short guy was missing.
"You mean the man I described by facial hair? Yeah I have no clue about where that guy goes when he's not taking my money, doesn't your government have something like that?" I'm sure Ronerawth did, or does, or will.
"No! Its so frustrating, Jenkins has been missing for two weeks and no one has seen the guy, no one even knew him! They just knew he collected money and returned with it, that was all anyone knew, well that and his name, I don't even know his first name! Or if Jenkins is his first name."
"Wow now I'm feeling dumb for having given my money to someone know one really knows."
"You are so not helping me."
"Can't you talk this out with your guard people, like one of your underlings?" It seemed strange for her to come to me with this, then again when anyone brings anything to me its weird.
"No one cares about Jenkins! And you seem to be the only person who will get involved in stupid things unrelated to you." A precise telling of my life if I ever heard one.
"Damn when you're right you're right, ok ok start from the beginning when did someone notice Jenkins was missing?" And so it came to be I went on a hunt for a person I pay my taxes too, yeah life is weird like that.
"Captain did you think about these western good luck charms?" I had bumped into her during my sales pitch before and she had quite rudely told me where I could put the charm (it was an uncomfortable place).
"No Mr. Lorentino if I ever buy something from you it will have been on accident."
"Hurtful Captain." As a merchant its always a shame to hear a potential client say she'll never be a client, but you know never say never!
"What do you know about Tax Collection?" It was an odd question, I mean I'd recently paid mine, talked about how I liked paying taxes, but outside of that? Nothing.
"Someone does it? The money gets to the people who need it? The world keeps turning?" To say I was confused was putting it mildly.
"Do you know who your collector normally is?"
"Short guy with a mustache? I think thats the real guy I hope thats the real guy." I hadn't though about it, but man what a scam, tell people you are the property tax guy and then just take their money (not that I would ever do such a thing).
"Yeah that's Jenkins, you don't know where he hangs out do you?" It dawned on me why she was asking, the short guy was missing.
"You mean the man I described by facial hair? Yeah I have no clue about where that guy goes when he's not taking my money, doesn't your government have something like that?" I'm sure Ronerawth did, or does, or will.
"No! Its so frustrating, Jenkins has been missing for two weeks and no one has seen the guy, no one even knew him! They just knew he collected money and returned with it, that was all anyone knew, well that and his name, I don't even know his first name! Or if Jenkins is his first name."
"Wow now I'm feeling dumb for having given my money to someone know one really knows."
"You are so not helping me."
"Can't you talk this out with your guard people, like one of your underlings?" It seemed strange for her to come to me with this, then again when anyone brings anything to me its weird.
"No one cares about Jenkins! And you seem to be the only person who will get involved in stupid things unrelated to you." A precise telling of my life if I ever heard one.
"Damn when you're right you're right, ok ok start from the beginning when did someone notice Jenkins was missing?" And so it came to be I went on a hunt for a person I pay my taxes too, yeah life is weird like that.
Thursday, April 11, 2013
Property Taxes Of The Mundane!!!
Returning home from a long trip is always a bit like unpacking a mystery. You have to sort through a bunch of notices left on your door, adjust to your enviroment if it had changed, talk to people who may have missed you (that last one is not really an issue for me, its Nidget and Andre who check in with me and when I got back they weren't around). You end up spending more time dicking around after returning, than you do getting back into the swing of things! Me personally I spent my first day back putting all my wonderful trinkets from the lands of the west on my shelves and calling attention to these amazing opportunities with a big sign. Sadly my first customer wasn't a customer at all it was Captain Therod.
"So you aren't dead?" Can you feel the love?
"Well if I am this is the worst afterlife I've ever heard about, and I've heard about several." She was in a sour mood as always, I don't think that woman was ever happy, ever.
"And I'm sure you've sent people to those after lives no doubt after hearing them pleading not to."
"Why Captain Therod you think so little of me." She really did, I don't know what I ever did to warrant such derision (other than you know being me) but that lady always had it in for me.
"You live down to my expectations Lorentino, but I'm here on official business."
"I haven't been in town for a while what could I have possibly have done to warrant your presence?"
"Property taxes, the treasury has me collecting them after their agent went missing."
"Oh those? Sure one second let me go find my money, they went up right?" She leaned against the doorway a little relieved, even in her sour mood I can spot it.
"Yes they did several store keepers felt the need to remind me of all their problems and yet we charge more money please do not add to them."
"I'd never complain about taxes, I love paying and being a part of a community." Yes even as a merchant and constant complainer I never found the need to whine about taxes, you want a government you have to pay for it! Which is not to say I don't voice my displeasure when certain topics arise, but since I pay into it I think I should have a voice in its governance!
"That's forward thinking of you."
"That and I like to think with my small amount of money I own a part of everyone in this city." I handed her my tax money (gems and precious metals, The Guard was still struggling with creating a common currency).
"And just like that you lost what little good regard I had for you."
"I have to live down to your expectations, do look around I just got some new items in."
"Right I'll be back to make sure they aren't magical some other time." And with that she left, I tell you people just don't seem to like me for whatever reason. I think it must be my cologne (or lake thereof). Sadly for me this wouldn't be my only interaction with Captain Therod, in fact it was the first of many, though in my favor it wasn't actually me that was the issue. For once! I'm the best taxpayer that ever paid his taxes and help solve murders, oops spoiler!
"So you aren't dead?" Can you feel the love?
"Well if I am this is the worst afterlife I've ever heard about, and I've heard about several." She was in a sour mood as always, I don't think that woman was ever happy, ever.
"And I'm sure you've sent people to those after lives no doubt after hearing them pleading not to."
"Why Captain Therod you think so little of me." She really did, I don't know what I ever did to warrant such derision (other than you know being me) but that lady always had it in for me.
"You live down to my expectations Lorentino, but I'm here on official business."
"I haven't been in town for a while what could I have possibly have done to warrant your presence?"
"Property taxes, the treasury has me collecting them after their agent went missing."
"Oh those? Sure one second let me go find my money, they went up right?" She leaned against the doorway a little relieved, even in her sour mood I can spot it.
"Yes they did several store keepers felt the need to remind me of all their problems and yet we charge more money please do not add to them."
"I'd never complain about taxes, I love paying and being a part of a community." Yes even as a merchant and constant complainer I never found the need to whine about taxes, you want a government you have to pay for it! Which is not to say I don't voice my displeasure when certain topics arise, but since I pay into it I think I should have a voice in its governance!
"That's forward thinking of you."
"That and I like to think with my small amount of money I own a part of everyone in this city." I handed her my tax money (gems and precious metals, The Guard was still struggling with creating a common currency).
"And just like that you lost what little good regard I had for you."
"I have to live down to your expectations, do look around I just got some new items in."
"Right I'll be back to make sure they aren't magical some other time." And with that she left, I tell you people just don't seem to like me for whatever reason. I think it must be my cologne (or lake thereof). Sadly for me this wouldn't be my only interaction with Captain Therod, in fact it was the first of many, though in my favor it wasn't actually me that was the issue. For once! I'm the best taxpayer that ever paid his taxes and help solve murders, oops spoiler!
Wednesday, April 10, 2013
Got A Boat To Catch
"So.." We were waiting at the docks, the world had been made right again and The Marked One had seen fit to see me off (I believe it was more was instructed to make sure I was gone but you know I like my way better).
"Why didn't my sword kill my brother?" I had gotten some trinkets to sell in my store, I also had a psuedo promise from my companion that the lands of the west can't keep themselves closed off forever, so they have to start regularly trading with people (people of course being me, exclusivity!)
"Yes, swords no matter who is behind them normally work on people no matter who they believe." Its a common sense belief rooted in reality, so rare for me to have.
"The sword," He withdrew the blade and caused a couple gasps from the dock workers and other passengers awaiting boarding on the ship, "Is an extension of the power I wield, it is no more a regular weapon than your magic." He demonstrated this by changing it into claws and then back to the sword before putting it away.
"Do all Marked Men have that ability?" He chuckled.
"No, this is my burden, a gift from the gods to keep the work going."
"I'm still lost on why you went from leading the army to kill the gods to being their servant, and why some kind of being of justice, why not like the guy who has to clean up shit everyday?" If I were a god and someone tried to kill me that would be my punishment for them, shit cleaner upper forever guy, so anyone who wishes to tempt fate, go ahead and mess with not yet a god but working on it Trezlan Lorentino.
"My sentence has to do with my crime, I tried to kill the Gods and I succeeded in killing one, the god of justice." And suddenly everything made sense, the harsh punishments, the conversions, the power. This poor bastard had ruined justice in these lands and now had to be that god himself.
"Wow thats, wow."
"Yeah its forgotten now that he is gone as I and those like me keep the belief alive, it is thought eventually a new god of justice will once again be in power, but until then the Marked Ones will continue our pursuit of doing whats best for this land."
"Quite the responsibility."
"Its a hard road to walk, but I do not walk it alone even though it feels I do, good bye Trezlan Lorentino, next time you decide to visit make sure to do it legally." And with that the Marked One turned around and left me on the docks with my bags of trinkets. I'd like to say I never saw him again, but I did, but not in the lands of the west... That is of course another story, that I'm sure I'll tell you eventually, probably. Maybe? Look I can't tell you everything, I've done crimes I don't want records of!
"Why didn't my sword kill my brother?" I had gotten some trinkets to sell in my store, I also had a psuedo promise from my companion that the lands of the west can't keep themselves closed off forever, so they have to start regularly trading with people (people of course being me, exclusivity!)
"Yes, swords no matter who is behind them normally work on people no matter who they believe." Its a common sense belief rooted in reality, so rare for me to have.
"The sword," He withdrew the blade and caused a couple gasps from the dock workers and other passengers awaiting boarding on the ship, "Is an extension of the power I wield, it is no more a regular weapon than your magic." He demonstrated this by changing it into claws and then back to the sword before putting it away.
"Do all Marked Men have that ability?" He chuckled.
"No, this is my burden, a gift from the gods to keep the work going."
"I'm still lost on why you went from leading the army to kill the gods to being their servant, and why some kind of being of justice, why not like the guy who has to clean up shit everyday?" If I were a god and someone tried to kill me that would be my punishment for them, shit cleaner upper forever guy, so anyone who wishes to tempt fate, go ahead and mess with not yet a god but working on it Trezlan Lorentino.
"My sentence has to do with my crime, I tried to kill the Gods and I succeeded in killing one, the god of justice." And suddenly everything made sense, the harsh punishments, the conversions, the power. This poor bastard had ruined justice in these lands and now had to be that god himself.
"Wow thats, wow."
"Yeah its forgotten now that he is gone as I and those like me keep the belief alive, it is thought eventually a new god of justice will once again be in power, but until then the Marked Ones will continue our pursuit of doing whats best for this land."
"Quite the responsibility."
"Its a hard road to walk, but I do not walk it alone even though it feels I do, good bye Trezlan Lorentino, next time you decide to visit make sure to do it legally." And with that the Marked One turned around and left me on the docks with my bags of trinkets. I'd like to say I never saw him again, but I did, but not in the lands of the west... That is of course another story, that I'm sure I'll tell you eventually, probably. Maybe? Look I can't tell you everything, I've done crimes I don't want records of!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)