Scurry Away Lesser Forms of Filth

"Aelanes, I don't recall ordering a side of assholes with my beer." There were four of them, scars, and three cronies. The cronies looked like the fleeing type, scars looked like the type of person to be working for someone else.

"Perhaps we should ask the bartender who ordered them?"

"I do believe he fled my friend." He had, service employees always do, they are the first ones out the door, which is a sad statement on the help!

"Are you two finished?" Scars despite all the scars had a fairly normal way of talking, which is weird for a hulking man child like himself, they usually talk all gravely to be scary.

"Nah we're just getting started." We really were just getting started I mean I can go hours of being a wise ass and I have done so several times (usually while incarcerated). Unfortunately Scars like all low level muscle decided to rush us for the insolence of talking. His rush attack like every mark on his body previous was ill advised, Aelanes tripped him slamming his head into the bar (thus destroying the bar with ease it was apparently built entirely of the weakest wood ever). His three friends as I guessed ran away. Aelanes put his blade to his neck and I crouched down to have a conversation.

"And now is when you tell us who sent you and why they sent you."

"Screw you both." Aelanes wanted to inflict a superficial cut but I shook my head.

"You see Aelanes this is when the low level muscle acts tough to us to reestablish himself as a still dominant force to be reckoned with, its partly to save face among the filth he travels in, and partly because he views us as less of a threat than what we are."

"How then do we impress upon this fellow that we are more dangerous to him than we appear?"

"Ordinarily I'd kill one of his henchman probably with fire to show him I'm not messing around, sadly his friends ran off and I can't really just grab an asshole off the street to kill him, just rude." Scars smiled seemingly pleased we would not break him.

"We could always cut off his penis, I'm sure that would get his attention." Again I felt at times Aelanes was more than well trained enough to take on my duties should something horrible happen to me. Scars did not like the solution being offered.

"Cut a bit too quick, I was thinking along the lines of burn." I made my hand of flame and suddenly Scars felt very very talkitive.

"Sidir sent me!"

"Ahh feeling more talkative now?" I extingued my hand flame (because it does hurt a little bit, like a mild sting).

"He wanted me to kill the young one and bring you to him, he knows who you are Lorentino."

"My reputation preceeds me I'm touched."

"You'll be dead Sidir will kill..." Aelanes cut his throat, a bit of an early reaction.

"Aelanes you need to learn to not jump the gun now he can't tell us where Sidir lives." I knelt closer and started to gather my power.

"I'm sorry Trezlan I'm sure someone else might know."

"Oh not to worry he can't tell us, but he'll definately give us the information." Scars blood leaking out of throat eyes went wide as I placed a hand on his chest and sucked the life right out of him.  Necromancy as always is a solution to all of lifes ills. Aelanes looked away, even not knowing what I was doing I think he could see it was not a nice thing. Sidir as it turned out shockingly also wasn't a very nice person, we finally had our evil, it just took a little bit to find it (as is the case with any good case of evil).

So Prophetic The Future Predicts Me

"This place is..." We were in the middle of a rowdy bar surrounded by all kinds of debauchery, I had just ordered a drink and Aelanes had his back to the bar taking in the chaos.

"Wretched." Was Aelanes response.

"I was going to say amazing, its like Lork before Lork got bought out by uptight assholes." Aelanes was tense I could see he felt we were going to be attacked at any moment, probably because we were.

"I would not drink anything from the taps here."

"Why not I mean its beer thats like disinfected right? I mean whats the worst thing that can happen?" Three weeks of a bladder infection, that is exactly what happened, if you ever want to piss blood and have to urinate every five flipping minutes, go ahead drink whatever you see fit.

"Trezlan there are times I worry that you despite being quite skilled in killing things and surviving have absolutely no knowledge on how to actually live."

"Says the guy not living it up in this tremendous town."

"We came here to kill everyone."

"We came here to find evil, all we have found is a bunch of rowdy morons having a good time, but don't worry I'm sure we'll find evil us don't worry Aelanes." Just as I said that a rather large scarred man and his crew arrived.

"EVERYONE BUT YOU TWO IDIOTS OUT!" I assumed the idiots were us (we were) and everyone else ran like bugs when the lights come on.

"You see Aelanes if you are just patient evil will find you." You know there are people who can actually see the future and I find that completely pointless because I myself can usually tell the future based on how predictable reality is! Well that and my actions tend to have easily forseeable consequences, but come on!

Who Runs Bandit Town?

"Son of a bitch its literally a town full of bandits." Bandit Town was as advertized, to say it was lawless would be redefining the term law to something less than it already is. It was like a whore house had a child with the rowdiest bar that ever existed and then raised it in the gutter. We could smell the town before we even got sight of it (the smell was not pleasant at all all of that lax oversight into sewage and general maintenance).  I was actually surprised bandit town hadn't been wiped out by the Guard already (turns out they have more important things to do than wipe out towns of people who are dirty and smelly, they leave that to private citizens!).  The town itself was one long street of wooden mishmash buildings that belched smoke and foul, bandits and whores wandered the streets going from one horrible thing to another (not trying to make a value statement on the whores as both men and women were clearly selling themselves here and both men and women were bandits, hell female bandits are the worst kind, mostly because they are the cruelest).

"Well you wanted evil Trezlan, that's an entire town of it."

"Yeah this is weird, because I wanted something and then I found it, and now I'm kind of at a loss as to what to do with it." It was like seeing a rather large mess on the floor and you don't know from which direction to start to clean it up. Aelanes nudged his horse forward and started toward the chaos.

"We ride Mr. Lorentino, we ride." And with that two fighters of evil walked into its den with nothing more than gumption a couple of swords, some magic, and enough bullshit to fill the town up three times over. So as you can see we were well armed.

I Seek A Higher Quality of Banditry

"Where are your leaders?" I had set one of the bandits on fire, Aelanes had cut another one in half (despite his sword being thin, it was very very sharp) and the third was currently being held at bay by my revolver (see I don't carry it in town for this very reason).

"WHAT?" He was terrified of course, there had been three of them and now two were dead and here I was demanding to know who he answered to.

"I don't know if these men have a leader Trezlan they barely seem to have weapons." Aelanes was picking through the corpse of the man he cut in half and he was right they had a couple rusty pistols and filth, not exactly a well maintained military presence.

"Well this is just disappointing."

"Maybe the next group will be more evil?" I had to give it to Aelanes he at least had a very optimistic belief in finding something to stop.

"So can I go?"

"No." We both answered in unison to the bandit, I mean he was still a bandit, and thats a very bad thing, if you are going to rob people you should at least kill them first under the auspice of doing the right thing (right that sounds sufficiently awful moving on).

"Aren't you guys the real bandits, I mean you have better weapons, magic and you killed two people, how is that heroic?"

"We have let you live up to this point, thats kind of heroic." Aelanes said exactly what I was thinking.

"So if you kill everyone else but let one guy live you think that makes you the good guys."

"Yeah because we aren't robbing people for a living idiot, we only do it after you guys have done it and we killed you for doing it." Aelanes nodded at me and the bandit only looked more confused (I haven't a clue why I thought my reasoning was perfect).

"Ok if you aren't going to let me go what do you want from me?" That was a good question I mean we killed the other two bandits, but I had hoped this one would have information on where more bandits would be, but it appeared he did not.

"Where do you go with your ill gotten gains?" Aelanes thinking quicker than me, sometimes I wondered if he was the master and I was his apprentice (whoa mind trip).

"Bandit Town?"

"There's a town named Bandit?"

"Yes how have you never heard of it?" A valid question.

"Because I'm not a Bandit idiot." And then I cut his throat. Aelanes didn't have a problem with it (I'm his God and the guy was a bandit).

"So Bandit town?" Aelanes with the obvious question

"Sure why not?" The only answer I ever give when suggesting visiting towns made of bandits (not like their flesh though that would be weird).

No Evil Here

Evil is less reliable than I am, I don't know why that is? I mean when I seek it out, ITS NOWHERE TO BE FOUND! But when I'm in a vulnerable position, like jail, unconcious, or being extorted into assisting someone EVIL EVERYWHERE! Try and seek some evil out and you can't find any! It's almost like evil just waits for vulnerability and strikes! Which is just evil!

So yes my first few days of wondering the countryside with my apprentice went boringly. I mean sure he showed me how to better live off the land (you can't apparently just beg for assistance from gods that don't normally listen to you). I taught him how to track things (yes I know how to do that its a throwback to my monster hunting days a skill I learned quite well thank you very much!) I also learned my apprentice had a bit of magic to him in that he could control wind (which came in handy for sword work he claimed it upped his speed, I said being able to put someone on their ass was probably more handy).

So we learned from each other while wondering the countryside not destroying evil. We did find some farmers lost livestock and got a little bounty for that, so that was nice. I was just about to give up hope that my mission to find evil was doomed when we finally mercifully ran into some damn bandits. I've never been happier to be bothered by people trying to rob me! Which in retrospect does sound very very weird.

Lesson One I'm Unreliable

I have never really been big on teaching anyone anything (other than people in my current life to never underestimate me). So while I was thrilled to teach Aelanes how to be an evil killer (together not like an evil person who kills, but someone who kills evil, now I realize that sounds bad either way), I also struggled like all get out to come up with actual lessons (I mean I've recounted how I've won in the past, I don't think "Now wait for someone to show up and distract your target before you kill him with necromancy" is a great lesson). Aelanes for his part was way too accomodating. When I went on and on about store management he listened attentively and not like faking it as I always do (technically I attend every City Council meeting, I've never stayed awake or paid attention to a damn thing but I've been there every time waiting for the day they call me up to serve, so far it has not happened).

I also sadly left him waiting for me for days while I slept off hang overs and didn't feel like getting up at a reasonable hour. Aelanes didn't wait around I started to hear tales of his heroism stirring up the locals (he saved a small child from a tree and caught a pick pocket, such is the little acts of heroism that stir up the locals). About the only thing I taught him initially was I liked to ramble and that I was completely unreliable. That's the problem with real people instead of the idealization of gods, real people are screw ups, gods are whatever you want them to be (or pretend they are until they come down and show you how bad they really can be).

Aelanes was just so accomodating I felt like I was letting him down, which is why I decided why wait for evil to show up, and instead took my show on the road! I figured we'd run across some evil entity or some other really bad thing eventually also I'd get him out of a boring town (and stop having the locals fall in love with his perfect hair and chiseled physicique look I'm petty as well!) He also thought it would be a great idea, though for him it was more of a chance to save more people than do local good, whatever works to get him to come with me! Because the alternative of course was a direct threat and gods know that no follower likes being threatened by god, even if its for their own damn good! See I was already being a condescending ahole, halfway to every other god I'd already met.

Why the Extra Es?

"Aelanes? But the e and the s are silent."

"Yes as it is a family name."

"You come from a family of bad spellers?"

"To me and mine your country is the one with the poor spellers." I could see just then my apprentice was a wiley one. We had been walking a bit since his revelation of wanting to learn from me as his master. I was still trying to feel him out (outside of his silly name) he puported to be a master swordsman, and shockingly he didn't want to become a necromancer, but instead had sought me out for my expertise in dealing with evil (the lands of the east still consider the vengeance god evil, despite them giving her all that power to begin with, such is the problem with history being written by the victors). He had studied under someone who ran one of the cults devoted to me (they were all cults, because despite me saving all of their asses worship of me was considered wrong, which again history written by the victors).  When he reached his current status and could see no way of going higher he was told to sought me out, it was intended as a joke at the time, but clearly by him discovering me he took it very seriously. His name is prounced Alan by the way.

"And here we are at my shop." I had taken the long way, anticipating some ambush in one way or another there wasn't one, it appeared Aelanes was true to his word and he just wanted to be my apprentice.

"You hide in plain sight? Brilliant."

"One thing you'll note in this land I'm not thought of highly to put it lightly." Aelanes desposite the bag he was carrying of his supplies behind the counter, he took in my shop with an appraising eye.

"I understand, people are often willing to turn on their heroes so they can build new ones instead of appreciating the ones they have."

"Exactly." I tell you its a great ego boost to have someone who worships you. I'd recommend it to everyone I know. Now I know what you are thinking, why would I a person who destroys cults not only encourage one who worshipped me, but take on someone from that cult as my apprentice? Because they worship me! See all those other idiots worship the wrong god, if they just worshipped me instead they'd be safe! CONVERT OR DIE CULTISTS!