The One Time I was Thankful For Nidget

"We discussed this and we think you're lying." There were five of them who nodded in approval, all weighing in obviously.

"You sure about that? You want to risk your lives on it?" The hardest part about being called on a bluff is you don't have anything left at that point, you're all bluffed out, so the best you can do is try and repeat the bluff again hoping that they'll fall for it a second time, but they did not. Instead the not book store owner took up his heated tongs and looked to "solve the mystery" when a shout went out from behind the gathered cultists.  Well a shout and then an explosion. I was wondering if my god like abilities of being able to wish people away were finally coming true when Nidget of all people arrived. He sliced the knee of the not book store owner and then with his sleeve blade buried impaled the man's lower jaw up to his head, it was a gruesome way to go.

"Trezlan your life is a train wreck, I just can't turn away." He picked the lock on the shackles and I was free, which was useful, a cultist was about to shoot Nidget in the back (I had half a second to think about just letting him die, but considering the circumstance figured it would be rude to say the least) I let the cultists know why I was considered a God in the first place with a gout of flame.

"Putting aside how you found me in the first place or even knew where I was, do you have a plan to get out of here?"

"The police guy I arrived with was supposed to hold the entrance, sadly he got blown up by dynamite, so uhhh you're guess is as good as mine."

"Nidget that's what I love about you, the fact that your plans are so well thought out." We had killed a couple cultists, but they were about to mass up and attack us and so our backs against the wall we had to fight out way to victory. Something I'll let Nidget explain in his final entry tomorrow. What I think he says it better than I do!

Freedom Is Fleeting

"Halt." Still pantless I was saddened my escape had not exactly been as perfect as I had assumed. I turned around, the policeman appeared to be the same guy from the docks, which made me think that Trezlan had set me up, because he would do that somehow.

"I'm just a guy out for an evening stroll."

"Without pants?"

"Without pants, I like the feeling of air on my genitals, its liberating." He gave me a look that informed me he did not like the feeling of air on his genitals.

"You came into this city with Mr. Lorentino did you not?" he had skipped the conversation about pants, and changed the subject to confirming I knew Trezlan, which told me Trezlan had not set up this particular incident. I shuffled my feet a bit, getting the policman more into the alleyway I was standing next to when he caught me, just in case things took a turn for the murder.

"That man and I met on that ship, we have no association directly if he's guilty of any crime its not my guilt." With Trezlan you have no idea why someone is asking why you are associated with them, best to assume something awful.

"I need your help, Trezlan is in serious danger." I'll admit I thought really long and hard to just leave that bastard where he was, I mean for all the things he'd been involved with I'm sure this was some kind of what goes around comes around kicking his ass. Then again he was my best way out of this crazy country and back home, so with a heavy sigh...
"Ok let me find my pants and we'll go save Trezlan." I kind of knew where my pants were, but you never want to overcommitt to knowledge of pants until they are on your legs. Plus that's where I kept my weaponry, but I did really want my pants, the open air had turned cold and I was more "shorty" than I prefered if you catch my drift.

Irrational People Lets Be Rational About This

"Look when I said I'm Trezlan Lorentino, I was being crazy." I have to tell you seeing as Nidget also used this excuse earlier, well it was hilarious the duality of lying. I'd almost appreciate Nidget's inventiveness if I didn't dislike him so much.

"Now now don't weaken your God Hood by being a coward Mr. Lorentino." It was the former shop owner, he looked a lot more sinister standing over a pair of hot tongs.

"Clearly you have no idea what kind of God I really am." I struggled against the shackles, they were locked on tight, the dicks were smart enough to know that I'm difficult to keep down, well some of the time anyway!

"I'm about to find out just that Mr. Lorentino." I was more than a little bit afraid of another prolonged torture session, if only because I've had so many in my lifetime and I really wish I'd stop having to have them (like what lesson are the gods trying to tell me? Other than you know be more careful, but aside from that!).

"I hope your not about to pierce my skin for your sake." He got a quizzical look on his face, clearly he was about to pierce the skin.

"Why would that be an issue?" I laughed.

"Clearly despite knowing of me, you know nothing about me. Ever since I destroyed the god of Vengeance my insides are on fire, when my skin is pierced the fire is released." It was total bullshit, the only interior fire I ever had was that damn bladder infection, which while obnoxious as all get out could not harm others.

"You're bluffing."

"Its your funeral, well yours and everyone else inside here." I hadn't seen other cult member since I got locked up, but I figured threatening more than just the one crazy might scare him more. He seemed to think it over for a bit, coming close to just piercing my skin before he gave up and left to consult with someone else. I of course was happy to have survived for the time being, but I was still stuck to a table with crazy people, so it was kind of a win lose situation. The worst kind!

The Madness Of Nidget

"SHABORYAGANA!" I shouted it as a ran around without any pants. I admit this was a low point for me. I'm a professional, I've taken scores, become emperor, helped a power mad necromancer maintain his living, and so I invested my all in to being crazy. I owned crazy, I made crazy look well really crazy. And still I had to feel as I was being pursued by three city police officers in nice yellow uniforms, that maybe just maybe my life decisions leading up to this moment were not the smartest. I did attract an additional three officers, and they tackled me, taking care to not touch my penis. I could feel the cold harshness of metal locking on to my wrists and I got hauled off my feet, because apparently you can't let shorties just walk next to you pantless you have to lift them off their feet and toss them into the back of your little prison wagon! Racism people who somehow stole Trezlan's journal and are for some odd reason reading it, but all the same this is the real world impact of racism. I could have taken the shackles off of course, and probably escaped their mobile jail wagon, but my part of the plan required me tying up the authorities with my random crap, and not like taking off and giving away the game I too was a thief. So I got tossed into jail pantless, I regretted taking my pants off to act crazy it was completely unnecessary and lead to me sitting in a room with a bunch of other criminals sans pants which is never a good thing.

Eventually after many a glance that I found alarming I was called into interrogation, the fine suited gentleman across from me appeared to be very upset he had to deal with a pantless shorty. I was of course upset that the metal chair they had sat me on was extremely cold. The room was stone, a single barred window was the only point of natural light, an oil lamp hung to keep the rest of the room lit. I could tell from the window it was pretty much almost evening time.

"Name?"

"Trezlan Lorentino." I could see his lip curl at Trezlan's name, I had my desired effect.

"What's your real name midget?" Midget is meant to be insulting, but its so not.

"I am your father." He reached across the table and smacked me in the jaw, my teeth rattled I slumped in my chair.

"Fine you little twerp you'll stay here until I feel I can deal with you." He left, I was glad because it was well past my time to be a nuisance and I couldn't exactly free myself with a dick standing across from me. Well I could, but it would be a short escape. I won't bore you with where I kept my lock picks, you can probably guess, but I was able to free myself of the shackles. I waited till I could no longer see light outside, and then I made my move. Figuring they wouldn't bother to guard a closed off room with a pantless prisoner in shackles I picked the lock on the door and was not at all surprised to find no one beyond it. So under the cover of night I slipped back into the city, a pantless crazy person once more.

Everything Looks Dumber In Hindsight

I hate looking back on previous mistakes because it becomes readily apparent I was making those mistakes. In a way this journal helps me avoid making those same mistakes again. Though considering how often I make similar mistakes clearly its not helping that much. It comes down to a simple matter of trust. You see I should have never just trusted that stumbling into a particular book store in the middle of a major city would just happen to be the right cult I was looking for and not that there weren't of course competing cults that had radically different ideas about how to worship the Lorentino. All of that of course to explain how I ended up magic shackled to a table with a vast array of torture implements nearby and a cult of crazies willing to use all of them.

I swear I've been in this exact circumstance before but I can't remember when that was. Oh all the time? All the time. Sorry for the shortened entry today, my neighbors have decided to have an all out war with each other as of late which leaves me to have to listen to their stupidity for hours on end, and that messes with my sleeping habits, currently I'm on day eight of not getting a very nice night of sleep and I'm very close to murdering both of them and claiming they killed each other. Don't judge me!

The Pilfering Pavorrossis

"And so your part will be to act crazy out front thus causing the distraction the rest of us need." My aunt was laying out the plan in the kitchen, the squirming child from before was elsewhere, the rest of my relatives were all standing over a map of a museum, something important was up for the taking. I was not allowed to know exactly what they were stealing, my part of the plan was of course to act crazy out in front.

"I'm so glad you reserved this just for me." I was less than thrilled, especially considering my fairly extensive skill set.

"Well I was going to give the job to one of the little ones, but since you're a trained professional Nidget I'm sure you can handle it." There is no proper way to put the condescending tone of her remarks, so just know she was really cutting on my superior skills with this comment. After my part of the plan was laid out I was sent to watch over the children so I didn't learn the other parts of the plan just in case I get caught and was tempted to give up my own family.  Honestly I was instantly regretting hooking up with my relatives, it was so bad I found myself wondering what Trezlan was doing. Yes I was regretting meeting up with my family members to the point I wondered what the murderous necromancer was doing. Such was the depth of my depravity.

Occult? No A Cult

With Nidget no longer holding me back (even when he isn't, he is) I was able to fully seek out my cult. Sort of, I mean it was technically illegal to worship me (cults are always thought of so negatively... because they are very bad usually, but not when they worship me, sometimes even when they do) so trying to track down a church of the holy Lorentino wasn't as simple as looking for a big sign advertising that fact. I did have some ideas as to where I could find my followers (as obviously someone wearing a necklace with my visage clearly showed they weren't exactly in hiding), my first stop was a local book store, because clearly followers of Lorentino would have to be huge readers.

"I'm looking for a cult." I had approached the proprieter of the shop, an aged man in glasses that looked almost older than he was. He seemingly did not hear me.

"Occult? Back of the store bunch of weird books mostly bullshit but you're welcome to look."

"No not Occult, I'm looking for A cult a specific branch of people." I had leaned in to him despite no one else being in the store and the door being shut.

"A cult? Why would you want to look for a cult?"

"Because they worship me." He gave me an appraising look and then his eyes lit up.

"Trezlan Lorentino! Yes yes come with me come with me." He took me back to the Occult section and pulled a book out; the wall pulled back and went into a recessed cavity (I always wonder who builds that kind of secret passage? Do you have to kill the guy who built it to keep it secret). Beyond the shelf was a tunnel leading down, little oil lamps hung along the walls guiding the way. The shop keeper moved with a lot more speed than his age indicated and when he spoke his voice had changed, he admitted the old man thing was mainly an act to keep the local police from catching on to their activities.

"It never makes sense to me that you guys are persecuted."

"Right? I mean if anything it was stupid to worship a god of vengeance that extracted a blood price from all of us for our own selfish wants! You killed her and set us free? So why shouldn't you be worshipped?" It made sense to me, then again it was a follower of mine explaining why they worshipped me, so you know a lot of things make sense to me in that setting. We arrived at the bottom of the passage and came to a heavy iron door, a simple knock pattern and the door was opened up.

"Welcome Trezlan Lorentino, to the Cult of Lorentino!" And so it came to pass I sought out my own cult to use them for my financial gain. You know I'm an asshole this should come as no surprise.