"Trezlan Lorentino you are to be hung until dead do you understand that?" Hanging is so boring as a method of execution, I prefer something with more flare like I dunno death by letting someone live as long as they choose, most of our cursed with that one! The man in front of me was named Boyle, he was shaved bald and had a weird rune inscribed into his scalp. I couldn't read it since he didn't show it to me for long, but if I had to hazard a guess it was anti magic. We were sitting in a room with two chairs, I was shackled, Boyle was not.
"Nope you lost me." This was all my own fault really, should have left Val to his own devices. But no I had to make my presence known and then get in trouble with the very anti magic Guard despite me being their dumb savior multiple times at this point.
"You know Mr. Lorentino this is what I think the world will miss the most about you, your wit." His sarcasm was of course cutting.
"I'm not going anywhere baldy, you'll see I'll get out of this, I always do." He smiled, he was wearing a neat suit, all custom tailored no lines showing, very expensive.
"I'm quite sure you won't. First we'll have the show trial, I'm sure you'll be an idiot and scream about persecution. Then we'll move to your execution, public of course, the plan is to tie a rope around your neck and use a horse to pull you up, it will not be a quick death for sure." Particularly ugly for strangulation if I do say so myself. Its what scares me about people in charge, when they put their minds to it, they can come up with nasty stuff.
"A trial? Perfect, I'll prove my innocence and you'll all be thanking me."
"There is of course another way to excape the noose Mr. Lorentino." His eyes were kind of dull, I noticed that earlier he was of dull intelligence, the kind of witless worm giving instruction by his betters with no actual intelligence of his own. Which had me wondering who pulled his strings.
"Oh I like this, now is the time you offer me a deal for some despicable act I'll readily agree to, and then after I succeed you double cross me and I'll kill you all." It was my go to when dealing with authorities.
Boyle smiled, "Oh Mr. Lorentino you are such a treasure." And he left. Which I'll admit left me wondering what he was going to say before I spoke. A thought I frequently have I must admit.
Thursday, December 19, 2013
Wednesday, December 18, 2013
Trezlan Lorentino Esquire The Third
"I'm here to see my client Valrym." I was spiffed up, nice suit, styled my beard, even took two seperate baths!
"Name?" The clerk sitting behind the desk was short, wore a bear of thick spectacles and sounded bored as all get out, behind him were a bunch of ugly burly guards, and behind them a row of cells filled with the waste products of society.
"Trezlan Lorentino Esquire, the third!" The third I thought was the best touch.
"The third normally comes before the esquire."
"Nonesense, clearly you sir are no esquire." What does esquire mean? Who cares! The clerk shook his head, made a not in his book and then pointed to a guard who took me back to a lone cell in it sat the most depressed Valrym I've ever seen. Clearly his prison stay had taken a toll on him, I mean it had been a few days but you couldn't tell that from his clothes and general look, he looked like he'd been there for years.
"Of course it would be you." It was not my favorite way of being greeted, but it is the normal way.
"Valrym I'm here to get you out of your legal trouble, trust me we can beat this."
"Trezlan even ignoring you are terrible at anything legal considering how many years you've spent in prison, I'm not in legal trouble, they know what I am, and they want to destroy me." That did not occur to me that the Guard would simply want to remove Valrym instead of just lock him up.
"Well that certainly will not do Valrym, I need you, your tavern is one of the few places I'm not thrown out of on sight."
"You know what, fine, help me Trezlan, you literally can not make this any worse." And so I left to try and solve this whole issue myself! I returned a few hours later shackled up.
"Now I'm to be destroyed as well." I admit this was not completely an unforseen consequence.
"Well at least you found a way to make this worse for me Trezlan congratulations." Honestly Valrym is such a drama queen! I mean I didn't make the situation worse myself, that would come later, completely seperate from what I'd done!
"Name?" The clerk sitting behind the desk was short, wore a bear of thick spectacles and sounded bored as all get out, behind him were a bunch of ugly burly guards, and behind them a row of cells filled with the waste products of society.
"Trezlan Lorentino Esquire, the third!" The third I thought was the best touch.
"The third normally comes before the esquire."
"Nonesense, clearly you sir are no esquire." What does esquire mean? Who cares! The clerk shook his head, made a not in his book and then pointed to a guard who took me back to a lone cell in it sat the most depressed Valrym I've ever seen. Clearly his prison stay had taken a toll on him, I mean it had been a few days but you couldn't tell that from his clothes and general look, he looked like he'd been there for years.
"Of course it would be you." It was not my favorite way of being greeted, but it is the normal way.
"Valrym I'm here to get you out of your legal trouble, trust me we can beat this."
"Trezlan even ignoring you are terrible at anything legal considering how many years you've spent in prison, I'm not in legal trouble, they know what I am, and they want to destroy me." That did not occur to me that the Guard would simply want to remove Valrym instead of just lock him up.
"Well that certainly will not do Valrym, I need you, your tavern is one of the few places I'm not thrown out of on sight."
"You know what, fine, help me Trezlan, you literally can not make this any worse." And so I left to try and solve this whole issue myself! I returned a few hours later shackled up.
"Now I'm to be destroyed as well." I admit this was not completely an unforseen consequence.
"Well at least you found a way to make this worse for me Trezlan congratulations." Honestly Valrym is such a drama queen! I mean I didn't make the situation worse myself, that would come later, completely seperate from what I'd done!
Tuesday, December 17, 2013
A Subject I'm Well Versed In
Valrym was missing. I figured at first he had just left me alone in his tavern because he needed time without me, then when a whole day went by and people showed up expecting to be fed and got nothing, I was more than a little worried. Worried enough of course to wait another day before looking for him (ok so worried is a bit of a stretch, more like mildly annoyed). I was no longer sick, though to be fair I hadn't really been sick for a week at that point, I'm a dick I've admitted this. My first stop was to check in with Therod who was back at work despite still clearly being under the weather.
"Arrested." She punctuated her one word reply with a cough, this became the norm for the conversation.
"By who?"
"The guard authority naturally."
"But not you?"
"I was sick, still am, but work needs doing even if I can't really move beyond the desk, you need to pay your property taxes by the way." Naturally it always came back to money with the captain, well money, murder, potential crimes, look our relationship was fairly adversarial.
"Well then where is he if he was arrested?" Seemed like a logical question.
"First train running back to the capitol."
"What was the charge even?"
"Unauthorized magical usage, Trezlan the people who took him don't tell me much, so if you could do me a favor and leave my office I'd be very grateful."
"Grateful enough to give me a pass on my property taxes?"
"No, but I won't kill you."
"Fair enough." I left, stupid Valrym winding up in the justice system, doesn't he know how to avoid that like I do so well (so so well its why I've been in prison more than anyone else ever). At least he had a true master of the legal system on his side! Me, I'm talking about me!
"Arrested." She punctuated her one word reply with a cough, this became the norm for the conversation.
"By who?"
"The guard authority naturally."
"But not you?"
"I was sick, still am, but work needs doing even if I can't really move beyond the desk, you need to pay your property taxes by the way." Naturally it always came back to money with the captain, well money, murder, potential crimes, look our relationship was fairly adversarial.
"Well then where is he if he was arrested?" Seemed like a logical question.
"First train running back to the capitol."
"What was the charge even?"
"Unauthorized magical usage, Trezlan the people who took him don't tell me much, so if you could do me a favor and leave my office I'd be very grateful."
"Grateful enough to give me a pass on my property taxes?"
"No, but I won't kill you."
"Fair enough." I left, stupid Valrym winding up in the justice system, doesn't he know how to avoid that like I do so well (so so well its why I've been in prison more than anyone else ever). At least he had a true master of the legal system on his side! Me, I'm talking about me!
Monday, December 16, 2013
Hate Is Like a Fine Wine, Of Hate
"I hate you so much right now Lorentino, so much." I was sick, I had been vomiting and unable to stay standing for longer than a few minutes. Others seemed to have moved past the cold illness, I was knee deep in it. Thankfully Valrym had offered to take care of me, and by offered I mean I collapsed outside of his tavern and he was too nice to just leave me to freeze to death in the cold (though I'm sure the thought and several like it crossed his mind).
"Valrym these pillows are too hard I can't sleep and get better if they are so hard." I'll also admit I was being more of a dick once I knew he was not going to throw me outside, because well I'm a dick.
"Lorentino if you think the pillows are too hard you could always go home and never come back." I was sleeping in his bed, he'd taken to the floor like a good little servant. Still the pillows were damn hard, I mean he was some kind of earthen godling or whatever, but they still offered zero support!
"I'm getting the feeling you don't want me here Val."
"I don't want you here Trezlan, I want you anywhere else bothering entirely new people."
"That's so rude to say to your one true friend Val, I saved your life!"
"And for that I'm forever damned with you Lorentino." I tell you people are never thankful you saved their life, ungrateful little urchins! They should be happy that I saved them even if I had to use dark blood magic to do it! I will admit I was feeling a bit better, but I didn't want Valrym to know that. It was intriguing to see behind the scenes as it were to what he did all day (cook, clean, bitch) it was like my own little show. I mean sure it was boring, but at the very least I didn't have to do anything so I totally milked that for all it was worth. Alas my time as an invalid was drawing to a close even though it did not appear so at the time. Fate has a way of taking away anything I am enjoying just as I was really starting to like it!
"Valrym these pillows are too hard I can't sleep and get better if they are so hard." I'll also admit I was being more of a dick once I knew he was not going to throw me outside, because well I'm a dick.
"Lorentino if you think the pillows are too hard you could always go home and never come back." I was sleeping in his bed, he'd taken to the floor like a good little servant. Still the pillows were damn hard, I mean he was some kind of earthen godling or whatever, but they still offered zero support!
"I'm getting the feeling you don't want me here Val."
"I don't want you here Trezlan, I want you anywhere else bothering entirely new people."
"That's so rude to say to your one true friend Val, I saved your life!"
"And for that I'm forever damned with you Lorentino." I tell you people are never thankful you saved their life, ungrateful little urchins! They should be happy that I saved them even if I had to use dark blood magic to do it! I will admit I was feeling a bit better, but I didn't want Valrym to know that. It was intriguing to see behind the scenes as it were to what he did all day (cook, clean, bitch) it was like my own little show. I mean sure it was boring, but at the very least I didn't have to do anything so I totally milked that for all it was worth. Alas my time as an invalid was drawing to a close even though it did not appear so at the time. Fate has a way of taking away anything I am enjoying just as I was really starting to like it!
Friday, December 13, 2013
Time for Plan C
"You are not seriously going to do this are you?" Valrym was outside in a delightful fur coat, I say delightful because it was hilarious looking and thats all that matters to me. I was currently working on a spell that would sacrifice half the city and use that life force to destroy the cold for at least a couple months. In theory anyway.
"You say that like this is a bad idea."
"It is a very bad idea." I didn't even know if it would work mind you, but I was tired of being cold and if the deaths of thousands solved that, win win, for me at least you know, less idiots on the streets right?
"You say that about all of my ideas Valrym, this one will work I know this because its never been attempted before there in it has to work!" Flawless logic.
"Trezlan you can't sacrifice an entire town..."
"Half a town, and only the worst half, shorties, stupid people, people who step on the back of your shoe because they are clumsy oafs! Killing them to unfreeze the rest of us is best for society!"
"Half a town, whatever Trezlan this plan is stupid if you insist on going through with it I'll stop you myself." He readied some kind of hammer that looked unpleasant. Now I knew I could probably kill Valrym under normal circumstances, but drawing all the sigils and working the magic in the absurdly low temperatures had sapped me of my strength.
"You want this ugly weather? You want all this suffering? I can stop all of it!"
"No you can't Trezlan, you'll only add to it and thats not a solution." It was all the solution my life ever gave me! But as bad as it was Valrym was right, I couldn't stop the cold most likely (I say most likely I still believe it was possible.)
"Oh all right you win, I'll not sacrifice half the town." Crisis averted I went back inside, I didn't want to admit it, but I too had come down with the malady affecting the town. And thats when I knew Valrym was in on the plot! Or that's what my crazy flu ridden mind thought was going on. I mean lets be honest even on my best days I'm not that coherent in belief!
"You say that like this is a bad idea."
"It is a very bad idea." I didn't even know if it would work mind you, but I was tired of being cold and if the deaths of thousands solved that, win win, for me at least you know, less idiots on the streets right?
"You say that about all of my ideas Valrym, this one will work I know this because its never been attempted before there in it has to work!" Flawless logic.
"Trezlan you can't sacrifice an entire town..."
"Half a town, and only the worst half, shorties, stupid people, people who step on the back of your shoe because they are clumsy oafs! Killing them to unfreeze the rest of us is best for society!"
"Half a town, whatever Trezlan this plan is stupid if you insist on going through with it I'll stop you myself." He readied some kind of hammer that looked unpleasant. Now I knew I could probably kill Valrym under normal circumstances, but drawing all the sigils and working the magic in the absurdly low temperatures had sapped me of my strength.
"You want this ugly weather? You want all this suffering? I can stop all of it!"
"No you can't Trezlan, you'll only add to it and thats not a solution." It was all the solution my life ever gave me! But as bad as it was Valrym was right, I couldn't stop the cold most likely (I say most likely I still believe it was possible.)
"Oh all right you win, I'll not sacrifice half the town." Crisis averted I went back inside, I didn't want to admit it, but I too had come down with the malady affecting the town. And thats when I knew Valrym was in on the plot! Or that's what my crazy flu ridden mind thought was going on. I mean lets be honest even on my best days I'm not that coherent in belief!
Thursday, December 12, 2013
Escape Plan Foiled
The cold foiled my escape. Not just because it was so damn cold that no trains were running and all the water was frozen, though that factored in. No apparently it was too cold for even freaking horses or any kind of pack animal to be let out of their stables! I OWNED THE HORSE YOU JERKS I'LL TAKE THE DAMNED RISK! But no, no the stable boy between coughing fits that resulted in blood shooting out of his nose told me he would not let me take my OWN FREAKING HORSE out for a ride because it wouldn't make it that far. RIDICULOUS!
Foiled and angry I returned to my shop which was drafty, Nidget wasn't there, he was too sick to work as he informed me on his note. Not that it really mattered since everyone was either sick or huddled around a fire so business was not exactly booming. As a plus no one had come to collect my property taxes either (not that I was above paying them mind you, just the envelope with money was still sitting where I'd left it). I stewed in my shop for a bit, I wasn't feeling sick, and my attempt to flee had been foiled, so I decided to delve into all of my books, journals, writings, etc, looking for something, anything that could defeat the cold. And all of that time was completely wasted. Literally a few days of searching through bad handwriting and crumbling bindings came up with exactly nothing to stop the weather.
I swear its like magical people run into one thing that is seen as "natural" and they just let it go. NEVER LET IT GO YOU DAMNED FOOLS! Spurred on by this seeming lack of creativity to stop a menace I got to work immeadiately on coming up with a new plan to stop the weather. This time it was going to involve a lot more than just throwing fire to the sky and hoping (my previous plan). As is the case in my entire life things did not go exactly as I had planned, not exactly at all.
Foiled and angry I returned to my shop which was drafty, Nidget wasn't there, he was too sick to work as he informed me on his note. Not that it really mattered since everyone was either sick or huddled around a fire so business was not exactly booming. As a plus no one had come to collect my property taxes either (not that I was above paying them mind you, just the envelope with money was still sitting where I'd left it). I stewed in my shop for a bit, I wasn't feeling sick, and my attempt to flee had been foiled, so I decided to delve into all of my books, journals, writings, etc, looking for something, anything that could defeat the cold. And all of that time was completely wasted. Literally a few days of searching through bad handwriting and crumbling bindings came up with exactly nothing to stop the weather.
I swear its like magical people run into one thing that is seen as "natural" and they just let it go. NEVER LET IT GO YOU DAMNED FOOLS! Spurred on by this seeming lack of creativity to stop a menace I got to work immeadiately on coming up with a new plan to stop the weather. This time it was going to involve a lot more than just throwing fire to the sky and hoping (my previous plan). As is the case in my entire life things did not go exactly as I had planned, not exactly at all.
Wednesday, December 11, 2013
Cold Not Easily Defeated
"You are such an idiot." I stumbled back into the tavern, everything about me felt cold, even my body hair. I had spent the better part of an hour trying to burn the weather away, I had failed spectacularly.
"IIIIIII wwaaaassssss succccccesssssssfullllll innnnnn detttttterrrrrrrrmining vvvveeeerrrrrry cooooooollld outsiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiideeeeee." My teeth chattered and I could harly think straight, I went straight for the main fireplace and laid down outside of it. Valrym shook his head and went to fix me up something warm, he may not have liked me, but he didn't neccessarily want me to die right in front of him. Therod looked worse than I did and she hadn't spent any time outside. I noticed the rest of the people in the tavern looke equally awful, well I noticed this a couple hours later when my teeth stopped chattering and my skin returned to its normal brown not the blue it had become. Valrym wasn't affected nor did I feel ill (though mental illness is of course always in question). So something was clearly going on.
"Trezlan I really wish you'd fix your shops heat so you could leave me and my customers in peace."
"Val that hurts, but on a more serious note, what's going on here?" He cocked his head at me.
"People are staying here to avoid the cold, why what do you think is going on here?"
"Everyone looks like they are super ill Val, can't you hear the chorus of coughs?" He was about to probably yell at me when a huge coughacophony echoed around the room.
"You have a point, I wonder why I didn't see it sooner, everyone in this room is super sick. Must be the weather." He went back to making food for the ill and I went back to trying to decipher what was really going on. Clearly the cold had become a vector for the illness, but my futile attempts to destroy the cold had only left me more vulnerable for the illness. I knew what had to be done.
"I'm leaving!" I said as I gathered up my warmest clothing and Valrym looked on at me gratefully. I mean clearly the safest place for me to figure out the illness and cold was not of course right in the middle of it! I figured I'd head south, warm up, you know hope things blew over because when in doubt leave! Things usually work themselves out without you!
"IIIIIII wwaaaassssss succccccesssssssfullllll innnnnn detttttterrrrrrrrmining vvvveeeerrrrrry cooooooollld outsiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiideeeeee." My teeth chattered and I could harly think straight, I went straight for the main fireplace and laid down outside of it. Valrym shook his head and went to fix me up something warm, he may not have liked me, but he didn't neccessarily want me to die right in front of him. Therod looked worse than I did and she hadn't spent any time outside. I noticed the rest of the people in the tavern looke equally awful, well I noticed this a couple hours later when my teeth stopped chattering and my skin returned to its normal brown not the blue it had become. Valrym wasn't affected nor did I feel ill (though mental illness is of course always in question). So something was clearly going on.
"Trezlan I really wish you'd fix your shops heat so you could leave me and my customers in peace."
"Val that hurts, but on a more serious note, what's going on here?" He cocked his head at me.
"People are staying here to avoid the cold, why what do you think is going on here?"
"Everyone looks like they are super ill Val, can't you hear the chorus of coughs?" He was about to probably yell at me when a huge coughacophony echoed around the room.
"You have a point, I wonder why I didn't see it sooner, everyone in this room is super sick. Must be the weather." He went back to making food for the ill and I went back to trying to decipher what was really going on. Clearly the cold had become a vector for the illness, but my futile attempts to destroy the cold had only left me more vulnerable for the illness. I knew what had to be done.
"I'm leaving!" I said as I gathered up my warmest clothing and Valrym looked on at me gratefully. I mean clearly the safest place for me to figure out the illness and cold was not of course right in the middle of it! I figured I'd head south, warm up, you know hope things blew over because when in doubt leave! Things usually work themselves out without you!
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