"And so you willingly let them put you down here." The replacement whippers were not quite the same gusto as Vaygo had been, their whipping was pretty half hearted, it still hurt, gods it hurt, but still not as good.
"Well he is a monarch Guthlu I couldn't just kill him, that would be bad luck." Honestly I hadn't thought about consequences because I'm Trezlan Gods Damned Lorentino, consequences are for people who give a damn!
"You are a very stupid person Trezlan."
"All a part of my plan Guthlu, see he's going to come back down here all smug and stupid and ask if I'm ready to teach him necromancy, and I'll spit in his face, and then we'll continue this dance some more, and then I'll be free and his kingdom will be in ruins."
"You skipped a step in their Lorentino." The whipping was messing with my concentration I'll admit.
"I did? No I didn't it was a perfect plan from start to finish."
"I'm starting to see why my brother doesn't like you."
"Oh Guthlu your brother doesn't like me because I saved his life with necromancy, outside of that we are perfect friends." Not really, but you know we were tied up and being whipped, its not like he could verify the truth of what I said! Most likely anyway, maybe he could. Who knows! Anyway I was right Vaygo did come by later and take me way to gloat, and I totally did exactly what he wanted. What? All apart of the Trezlan Lorentino plan!
Thursday, January 9, 2014
Wednesday, January 8, 2014
To Teach or Not to Teach
There are several decisions in my life I'll probably regret forever. One of them was that ill advised drink in bandit town (seriously that bladder infection was the worst thing I wrote about for a bit and completely left off, just know it sucked). Another will be killing my own father (yes that's a regret even though he was trying to kill me). The last and most important will be ever being associated with necromancers. Yes I know if not for their teachings I'd be long dead, but at the same point I wouldn't be quadruple super damned and wouldn't always be in such fear of my life ending all the time! Why did I list the first two seemingly less regretable things first? To set up perspective. See now you know how much I actually regret those things. I'm nice like that no need to thank me!
And so because I know the ways of necromancy, I occaisionally get the meglomaniacal asshole who thinks because I know it I'll just willingly teach them it. And that is completely stupid. I mean if you know my history (like Vaygo apparently did creepily enough) you'd know I killed the person who taught me necromancy, and if you know anything about Morley you'd know HE PLANNED ON KILLING HER TOO! See thats the issue with necromancers, we are forever killing each other, like the worst game of tag.
"No." That was my answer to Vaygo about teaching him necromancy.
"I see." Was his response, well that and immeadiately being shackled up and placed alongside Guthlu to be whipped for a while. Because you see no good deed ever goes unpunished.
And so because I know the ways of necromancy, I occaisionally get the meglomaniacal asshole who thinks because I know it I'll just willingly teach them it. And that is completely stupid. I mean if you know my history (like Vaygo apparently did creepily enough) you'd know I killed the person who taught me necromancy, and if you know anything about Morley you'd know HE PLANNED ON KILLING HER TOO! See thats the issue with necromancers, we are forever killing each other, like the worst game of tag.
"No." That was my answer to Vaygo about teaching him necromancy.
"I see." Was his response, well that and immeadiately being shackled up and placed alongside Guthlu to be whipped for a while. Because you see no good deed ever goes unpunished.
Tuesday, January 7, 2014
No One Understands the Problems of the Maniacal
"I'm just like you Trezlan, just like you." My jailer (and make no mind of it I wasn't wearing shackles but I was imprisoned) tried to identify with me. Its weird how people who can in no way shape or form be like me try and tell me they are like me, or I like them. His name was Vaygo (pronounced Vahgo but I saw it spelled out or I would have spelled it simply Vahgo) and he was a lord, but I'll let him get to that.
"I came from simple upbringing, my father was a lord of these lands and ruled them under the red hand with quite a pleasant disposition, my mother a lesser lords daughter, much like yourself I'm a blood of the land guy my parents gave their all to their slaves, and in return these miscreants turned on them in the revolution. Sure there were some executions and some forced sexual interactions to keep the stock strong, but you understand how things are right Trezlan?" I did not understand, my skin felt like it was crawling, Vaygo was just creepy as hell. Like he had a way of speaking that told you what he was saying was something to try and get you to his side, not anything he actually believed (completely the opposite of me!)
"All the same the Guard imposed some ridiculous sanctions on this land and me as well, I had to work as a simple farmer for a bit? So I completely understand your days of working as a slave to that hunter once upon a time (I swear this guy new more of my life story than I did, it was weird). Eventually I grew tired of simple farm work and I could hear the people in this area pleading for me to regain my lordship, in the wake of the Guard's little conflict recently I regained my position here and with some assistance from a couple artifacts my father had kept locked away, aided this area. You see the poors of this land used to complain so fiercly of the cold, all the time whining about the chill in the air, so I have banished the cold, and now, now my servants and their families are happy." I'll mention I never saw the families, nor the happiness. The women who served Vaygo looked at best neutral, at worst terrified.
"Which brings me to Guthlu and his companion," His mouth turned down with an ugly smile, it was a look that was so creepy words can't explain how creepy, "They are magic hunters you see, they destroy people like us, they can't stand that my people are happy and that my lands are protected, so the Guard has sent them to destroy me, I let Guthlu run away last time to warn the Guard to not come back, but no the little bastard returned, and this time he brought me a gift." I didn't like how he used the word gift.
"You see Trezlan my magic is strong but it lacks one key element you can teach me, Necromancy." Of course everyone wants to know how to take life and use it to extend their life, but no one really appreciates the sacrifice that entails, I mean other than the sacrifice of life that it entails... You know what nevermind.
"I came from simple upbringing, my father was a lord of these lands and ruled them under the red hand with quite a pleasant disposition, my mother a lesser lords daughter, much like yourself I'm a blood of the land guy my parents gave their all to their slaves, and in return these miscreants turned on them in the revolution. Sure there were some executions and some forced sexual interactions to keep the stock strong, but you understand how things are right Trezlan?" I did not understand, my skin felt like it was crawling, Vaygo was just creepy as hell. Like he had a way of speaking that told you what he was saying was something to try and get you to his side, not anything he actually believed (completely the opposite of me!)
"All the same the Guard imposed some ridiculous sanctions on this land and me as well, I had to work as a simple farmer for a bit? So I completely understand your days of working as a slave to that hunter once upon a time (I swear this guy new more of my life story than I did, it was weird). Eventually I grew tired of simple farm work and I could hear the people in this area pleading for me to regain my lordship, in the wake of the Guard's little conflict recently I regained my position here and with some assistance from a couple artifacts my father had kept locked away, aided this area. You see the poors of this land used to complain so fiercly of the cold, all the time whining about the chill in the air, so I have banished the cold, and now, now my servants and their families are happy." I'll mention I never saw the families, nor the happiness. The women who served Vaygo looked at best neutral, at worst terrified.
"Which brings me to Guthlu and his companion," His mouth turned down with an ugly smile, it was a look that was so creepy words can't explain how creepy, "They are magic hunters you see, they destroy people like us, they can't stand that my people are happy and that my lands are protected, so the Guard has sent them to destroy me, I let Guthlu run away last time to warn the Guard to not come back, but no the little bastard returned, and this time he brought me a gift." I didn't like how he used the word gift.
"You see Trezlan my magic is strong but it lacks one key element you can teach me, Necromancy." Of course everyone wants to know how to take life and use it to extend their life, but no one really appreciates the sacrifice that entails, I mean other than the sacrifice of life that it entails... You know what nevermind.
Monday, January 6, 2014
And Hello To You Too
Waking up to the sound of screams is alarming, thankfully they weren't mine (because that would mean I could both scream and hear myself screaming and by unaware of it while I slept). Poor Guthlu on the other hand was strung up by both his hands and feet and a man was whipping him repeatedly, something I took no joy in (because misery is never joyful, not even to an enemy, of which he was not). I was just on a fluffy bed some water was nearby, I didn't have my weapons, but I have magic weapons are secondary.
"Ahh you're awake sorry I'm just finishing up here." The torturer had white hair and dark skin, it was a weird look, I say this as a man with dark skin and red hair (when I let it grow in, I do have my beard though!). He was shirtless and was wearing light silk pants, clearly because it was so damned hot (which is what woke me up, well that and the screaming).
"Oh by all means." I know that was mean to do to poor Guthlu, but you have to remember when dealing with crazy people you have to indulge them or they will turn on you. Well thats what I do anyway, and it works out, not really, but one of these damned times right? He whipped Guthlu a few more times wiped the sweat off his face and then motioned for to follow him.
We were in what looked to be a fairly huge estate, with multiple open air walkways and some servants moving between them. All the servants were fairer skinned and female, I made note of this for later racist possibilities (look I'm equal opportunity for slaves/servants). We made our way to a study that overlooked the jungle, down below I could see a woman strung up like Guthlu, she too had fresh whip marks, I can only assume from similar treatment.
"Big fan of your work Trezlan, I mean that." We were sitting, he offered me some water and it was very cold and comforting on this hot day.
"What can I say I do my best." Flattery will always get you places with me, because lets be honest I have a huge ego.
"And yet you wound up with my enemies, I can only assume they lied to you and told you I'm a terrible person." He cupped his water sexually, I was reminded of how little clothing I was wearing and how sexy I am.
"He claimed you had his friend."
"I do, she's right down there."
"Well I'm not one for captivity." As my several years of spending time in prisons will attest to.
"Trezlan, Trezlan, they are the bad guys here, not me. Let me tell you a story of my enemies and when it's done you can decide what you want to do." And so I listened to a mad man explain why he's the one slighted. For a brief moment it reminded me of me... Wait shit that makes me sound bad. CURSE YOU INK!
"Ahh you're awake sorry I'm just finishing up here." The torturer had white hair and dark skin, it was a weird look, I say this as a man with dark skin and red hair (when I let it grow in, I do have my beard though!). He was shirtless and was wearing light silk pants, clearly because it was so damned hot (which is what woke me up, well that and the screaming).
"Oh by all means." I know that was mean to do to poor Guthlu, but you have to remember when dealing with crazy people you have to indulge them or they will turn on you. Well thats what I do anyway, and it works out, not really, but one of these damned times right? He whipped Guthlu a few more times wiped the sweat off his face and then motioned for to follow him.
We were in what looked to be a fairly huge estate, with multiple open air walkways and some servants moving between them. All the servants were fairer skinned and female, I made note of this for later racist possibilities (look I'm equal opportunity for slaves/servants). We made our way to a study that overlooked the jungle, down below I could see a woman strung up like Guthlu, she too had fresh whip marks, I can only assume from similar treatment.
"Big fan of your work Trezlan, I mean that." We were sitting, he offered me some water and it was very cold and comforting on this hot day.
"What can I say I do my best." Flattery will always get you places with me, because lets be honest I have a huge ego.
"And yet you wound up with my enemies, I can only assume they lied to you and told you I'm a terrible person." He cupped his water sexually, I was reminded of how little clothing I was wearing and how sexy I am.
"He claimed you had his friend."
"I do, she's right down there."
"Well I'm not one for captivity." As my several years of spending time in prisons will attest to.
"Trezlan, Trezlan, they are the bad guys here, not me. Let me tell you a story of my enemies and when it's done you can decide what you want to do." And so I listened to a mad man explain why he's the one slighted. For a brief moment it reminded me of me... Wait shit that makes me sound bad. CURSE YOU INK!
Friday, January 3, 2014
Feels Weird Being So Hot
We were in a jungle, I couldn't tell you which direction we'd traveled, or how we'd come across a jungle that was exceptionally hot during the winter (everywhere else was cold, it was actually fairly weird one minute it was cold and snowy, the next tropical jungle). The Jungle was pretty dense, and full of wildlife, I couldn't see the creatures for the most part, but I could hear them.
"Ye gods its damned hot here." I had come in to the jungle wearing heavy furs, I was down to a loosely fitting bath robe and my underwear.
"It's not a natural heat."
"You're telling me I swear it was just snowing outside."
"No idiot the heat is a creation of magic."
"Right of course that's what I meant too." I did not actually mean that, though it should have been obvious. I did have to wonder how this jerk managed to make it hot without sacrificing half a town, but it told me maybe my spell would have worked! Sure it would have spawned a hellish heat that sapped the strength of my horse and myself as we traveled, but sacrifices have to be made from time to time! I wasn't joking about the heat sapping us either. I thought maybe it was just me (I've always reacted badly to changes in temperature) but my horse went out from under me not a few miles into the jungle, as did Guthlu's, we both collapsed to the ground and were unable to stand back up. Guthlu was still wearing his armor, which in this heat seemed like a dumb idea. We both passed out not too long after.
Honestly I blame this all on Guthlu, he knew more about this situation than I did, and maybe just maybe he should have warned me about the obscene heat? Maybe told me to dress lighter? I'm just saying!
"Ye gods its damned hot here." I had come in to the jungle wearing heavy furs, I was down to a loosely fitting bath robe and my underwear.
"It's not a natural heat."
"You're telling me I swear it was just snowing outside."
"No idiot the heat is a creation of magic."
"Right of course that's what I meant too." I did not actually mean that, though it should have been obvious. I did have to wonder how this jerk managed to make it hot without sacrificing half a town, but it told me maybe my spell would have worked! Sure it would have spawned a hellish heat that sapped the strength of my horse and myself as we traveled, but sacrifices have to be made from time to time! I wasn't joking about the heat sapping us either. I thought maybe it was just me (I've always reacted badly to changes in temperature) but my horse went out from under me not a few miles into the jungle, as did Guthlu's, we both collapsed to the ground and were unable to stand back up. Guthlu was still wearing his armor, which in this heat seemed like a dumb idea. We both passed out not too long after.
Honestly I blame this all on Guthlu, he knew more about this situation than I did, and maybe just maybe he should have warned me about the obscene heat? Maybe told me to dress lighter? I'm just saying!
Thursday, January 2, 2014
I Just Got Here Sorta
"Get off yer ass and get out here." It was Guthlu, he wanted me to come with him, I tried to inform him I was in no shape to go anywhere, but you know how insistent children of dead gods can be (except maybe you don't? Ok they are very insistent).
"Go away person I don't know who is at my door." This never works by the way, I've tried it several hundred years and everytime what will happen is they either break the door or threaten to break it and I relent. In this case the threat was enough to make me open it. Guthlu was once again dressed in his armor and brandishing a large axe (have these people not heard of fire arms? No of course not and that's why their god is dead).
"Come on you silly bastard you owe me and I intend for you to pay out." I don't know why I was a silly bastard when he was stomping into my room at the early parts of the morning, nor did I understand what I owed him, because clearly I would have killed the creature with something, I hadn't figured out what, but I'm sure I totally would have!
"What do you even want me to do?" I thought it was a valid question before embarking on a quest of stupidity (they are always stupid, no quest ever ends intelligently).
"I need you to free my friend from the grip of a powerful magic user." Didn't I just do this thing? I swear I did.
"And?"
"And we have to get going before she's killed you stupid git, now get your shit and get moving." Thankfully I didn't have a lot of things post imprisonment, and hadn't packed very much stuff to begin with (since I assumed it would be a couple days and I'd have Val out of prison by force of personality alone, yes I realize now how stupid that belief was). So I packed up my simple pack, ran down stairs with Guthlu (well I walked he ran, such is the life of being short IN YOUR FACE!) and hopped onto one of his horses on our way to fight another magical beast who was blah blah blah. Just know it was a long journey and my ass was sore for a week by the time we got there!
"Go away person I don't know who is at my door." This never works by the way, I've tried it several hundred years and everytime what will happen is they either break the door or threaten to break it and I relent. In this case the threat was enough to make me open it. Guthlu was once again dressed in his armor and brandishing a large axe (have these people not heard of fire arms? No of course not and that's why their god is dead).
"Come on you silly bastard you owe me and I intend for you to pay out." I don't know why I was a silly bastard when he was stomping into my room at the early parts of the morning, nor did I understand what I owed him, because clearly I would have killed the creature with something, I hadn't figured out what, but I'm sure I totally would have!
"What do you even want me to do?" I thought it was a valid question before embarking on a quest of stupidity (they are always stupid, no quest ever ends intelligently).
"I need you to free my friend from the grip of a powerful magic user." Didn't I just do this thing? I swear I did.
"And?"
"And we have to get going before she's killed you stupid git, now get your shit and get moving." Thankfully I didn't have a lot of things post imprisonment, and hadn't packed very much stuff to begin with (since I assumed it would be a couple days and I'd have Val out of prison by force of personality alone, yes I realize now how stupid that belief was). So I packed up my simple pack, ran down stairs with Guthlu (well I walked he ran, such is the life of being short IN YOUR FACE!) and hopped onto one of his horses on our way to fight another magical beast who was blah blah blah. Just know it was a long journey and my ass was sore for a week by the time we got there!
Wednesday, January 1, 2014
The Cat Other Cats Don't like Smiling
"As much as I enjoy flexing my might in the face of ridiculous beaucracy, what ever got into your mind to call me of all witnesses?" I had gotten rid of Val and Guthlu, they claimed to have something to do and wanted nothing to do with Hanlon, Hanlon for his part seemed amused by that. We were sitting in a restaurant I would never want to spend money in, everything was worth more than just about anything I owned, right down to the dainty napkins that were made of some long dead extinct creature. Hanlon was actually eating, I hadn't seen him eat before, and was surprised when he ordered rare meat (emphasis he said on the rare, I believe when it came out he had a chat with it prior to eating it).
"When I took the life of the man serving the creature there was one thing he was most afraid of, and that was you. I figured he didn't want the exact scene we had at the court house."
Hanlon smiled, "Oh I doubt that's why Mr. Boyle was afraid of me Trezlan, I'm quite certain he was afraid because his master was afraid, and it should have been." Hanlon stabbed a piece of meat with a bit of anger. "I'm glad your associate climbed up its ass to kill the creature, its a much nicer fate than it deserved." For a brief moment I got a look behind the man of Hanlon. Something he himself was angry about, it was weird to see someone who's only emotion was that of mild dissapointment show some real fire.
"What did you have against the creature?"
"Oh it and I had some unfinished business much like yourself and it, alas I never got my revenge personally, but by extension I hope that the creature knew one way or another I had brought about its demise." I wasn't really eating to be honest, the food on the menu confused me in a way that only women had previously managed.
"I'm at a loss as to how you brought about its demise."
"By helping you of course." He finished his meal, paid the check and left me all alone amongst people who were disgusted by my precense (I had even taken a bath recently, the nerve of some people!) I left and found a more affordable room in the city that was better than my jail cell (it was the plumbing that made it the worst, having to crap in public is something that should be reserved for trained animals and shorties, in that order). Of course I was woken up early in the morning by a dick, why wouldn't I have been?
"When I took the life of the man serving the creature there was one thing he was most afraid of, and that was you. I figured he didn't want the exact scene we had at the court house."
Hanlon smiled, "Oh I doubt that's why Mr. Boyle was afraid of me Trezlan, I'm quite certain he was afraid because his master was afraid, and it should have been." Hanlon stabbed a piece of meat with a bit of anger. "I'm glad your associate climbed up its ass to kill the creature, its a much nicer fate than it deserved." For a brief moment I got a look behind the man of Hanlon. Something he himself was angry about, it was weird to see someone who's only emotion was that of mild dissapointment show some real fire.
"What did you have against the creature?"
"Oh it and I had some unfinished business much like yourself and it, alas I never got my revenge personally, but by extension I hope that the creature knew one way or another I had brought about its demise." I wasn't really eating to be honest, the food on the menu confused me in a way that only women had previously managed.
"I'm at a loss as to how you brought about its demise."
"By helping you of course." He finished his meal, paid the check and left me all alone amongst people who were disgusted by my precense (I had even taken a bath recently, the nerve of some people!) I left and found a more affordable room in the city that was better than my jail cell (it was the plumbing that made it the worst, having to crap in public is something that should be reserved for trained animals and shorties, in that order). Of course I was woken up early in the morning by a dick, why wouldn't I have been?
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