Me A Common Murderer?

Dupont entered by himself he looked around my office with a mix of interest and boredom. I swear the caption of the guard always seemed preoccupied even when he was involved in a case he seemed like he would rather be doing something else, probably because he did. I made a note to find out what hobbies Dupont had, so far I have no discovered anything about the man, I'm terrible at following up on notes. I could see there were other guard members by the door, but perhaps out of respect for the limited size of my office they had been left outside.

"Did you kill him Trezlan?" He had waited a bit to ask this and I was a bit of a loss for words.

"You'll have to be more specific than that." Ok not so much a loss for words as searching for the context in which the question was being asked because got to be honest. Killed a lot of people journal, lot of people, some of them not even in these pages (rest in peace mail carrier possessed by dog spirit).

"There was a man who came to see you recently, I was told he visited you a couple times." I was about to offer a smart ass comment (because reasons) when I remembered the husband who thought his wife was trying to poison him.

"Oh the guy who thought his wife was using magic against him, yeah he was in yesterday, crap did he die?" I admit perhaps crap did he die is not the best defense in the entire world.

"Can you come with us Trezlan?"

"Is this an order or a request?"

"Its a request, but I can make an order if you persist." Not wanting to be on the wrong side of the law again I decided to follow his request. That and I really wanted to see what happened to this idiot. I mean it could have been magic, but I hadn't felt any when he had visited me the two times I had seen him. And so I went with the guard to the scene of a murder they suspected me of committing. Which is completely silly, normally when I kill someone I leave town. Err crap that doesn't sound good either, nevermind nevermind!

Maybe, Maybe I Should Have Just Been a Baker

"You said you help people!" My office was just a desk with some bookshelves (hilariously it looked more like the offices of lawyers) I didn't have my full agency name stenciled on the door because it didn't fit and it cost too much (look I have money but I'm not an idiot! Mostly) so instead it was just stenciled Lorentino. I didn't even have a window, but the office space was cheap and I still got a decent amount of foot traffic considering what I did while legal was just barely legal.

"Yes I help people when they are actually being afflicted by the magical, you just have a wife you don't like completely different affliction, lawyers are down the hall take a right." I give this instruction more often than not to tell you the truth, its kind of sad how many spurned spouses think because they go limp that magic is involved. Your dick doesn't work because the gods don't want it to to work you aholes!

"She's trying to kill me Mr. Lorentino don't you see that?" It would seem strange to turn down easy money like this you'll think, but its not easy money, and he wasn't dealing with any kind of magical situation. See I'm a problem solver, but I don't solve peoples marital issues, if there is one thing I've learned in hundreds of years, married people are to be avoided like well married people.

"Out, get out of my office before I show you what a real magical affliction is!" He left and I sat back in my chair satisfied I'd chased someone else out of my office (which again was common, maybe I shouldn't have opened up a business to specifically help people when I hate people? Nah that couldn't be it). It was nice and quiet for a time, well aside from all the sobbing I'd hear in the hallways (seriously I had no idea being next to lawyers would involve this much crying!) Seeing as I had some free time on my hands I went to sleep and hoped the next person to enter my office had a real problem.

And they did! Unfortunately it was the local Police captain, and well it wasn't like I couldn't have seen what was coming, but I didn't and so I had my next run in with the law!

Ronerawth Wrap Up Part 9

They wouldn't let me be emperor. Sure the people would have never gone for it, and I'm far to awesome to be tied down with ruling order, but the very fact they said I couldn't just made me want it all the more. Instead I was given some coins, a couple weird items the new ruling family did not want (because they were associated with the creature from beyond) and told not to come back. Which seemed completely unfair considering I saved all their stupid magic addicted asses from damnation and destruction! I tell you its like people think just because you single handidly destroyed a creature of immeasurable power you are some kind of danger to society!

Anyway Erchus was ok and went back to his life of fishing, which seemed like a downgrade to be honest (seriously buddy fishing? so sad). Mordere blamed me for her getting taken, though she had gotten free shortly after arriving in the other dimension, I guess she was planning on killing a whole lot of people right before I knocked us all back into the proper dimension (or so she claimed, I mean lets be honest I make the same claim all the damn time... and its uhh completely true when I do it!) She left to be with her dad in his final months (yes he died in his sleep, which seemed unfair considering how many people he killed on the way to dying in his sleep!)

For me I decided I was done selling things for a time, but I still wanted to help people (help of course being a matter of opinion) and so I opened up an agency for dealing with the magical (all totally legal I checked, mostly). And so that's where the next entry will start off, The Trezlan Lorentino Dark Arts Protection Agency! Or TLDAPA (someone rudely told me this could be used as an acronym for Too long Didn't Actually Protect Anything, which is insulting! And not at all true I promise!)

The One Magic You Can't Stop

"COME TO ME MY CHILDREN!" The creature was one that was hard to describe so I won't, just know it was big, ugly, and had a voice that was both booming and howling. The royal family of Ronerawth who were guarding me all marched forward to their doom. It was pretty damned obvious the creature was evil (hello it was trapped in a dimension guarded by monsters devoid of magic, whoever trapped this thing obviously didn't want it getting out). It of course drained the life of these moronic followers (sucked it right out of them, the sound was like when you are trying to drink the rest of a something out of a glass with a straw, exactly like that). Just because magic wasn't completely allowed in this realm, didn't mean I couldn't feel it when it was used like this creature did. The monsters who had held back kept holding back, I though  should have been pissing my pants in terror had a small smile on my face.

"TREZLAN COME TO YOUR FATHER!" Why creatures all think they're my daddy either says bad things about my mother or just that its universal things think telling you they are your father will disturb you.

"Yeah about that, no." I didn't want to get close to the creature, I didn't want to get any closer than I was.

"BRING HIM TO ME!" The monsters obeyed (if they were jailers why would they help free the creature? I swear this dimension nonesense made no sense!) I still bleeding from the wound on my hand tossed it on the first creature that came to get me and uttered a curse and took its life, that kept the other creatures back, at least for the time being. As I've said blood magic generally works everywhere (I didn't try it in the lands of the west because I didn't really have time, but I'm sure it would have worked) since the medium for the magic is your own blood, and since my blood was seemingly a catalyst in this horrible place it seemed more potent than ever.

"Look I said no and I'm pretty sure you should have listened." The Creature came forward and then ran into one of the walls I'd constructed (crazily enough using a necromancers blood for your ritual to reawake your master? Bad idea because while they were doing their ritual I was doing my own!).

"WHAT IS THIS?"

"Your doom, you should have just kept in your little hole in the ground, that was at least keeping you alive, now? Now you have run across the real power in this world. Trezlan Gods Damned Lorentino!" The blood ritual was fairly simple, much like the blood trap employed years ago against Morley. The creature was no smarter than that necromancer had been and attempted to cross my wall, it ripped itself apart in the process (again no real description, but I'll say this, I stunk for like two weeks straight). As soon as the stinking corpse hit the ground I was back in the real world as well as everyone else who had been in that weird dimension. The monsters thankfully were not. And everyone was so thankful they promptly threw me out of Ronerawth again, the stupid jerks!

Blood Lines

"You see it was all the potency in your blood that lead us here and to try and find our master." I think I came in where I left off, mostly. "And now that you are here our hunt for him can continue, aided of course by you."

"Right of course I'd love to help soon as you unshackle me we'll get right on finding that master of yours." I had no intention of helping naturally. Nor did I know who their master could be, not even like a small guess. I mean sure my blood is probably a buffet of energy and horrible the result of years of taking others lives, but its not like I catalogued down every creature I'd ever killed or anything (this journal is at best a summation!) He of course laughed at my suggestion of helping because he didn't mean it like me actually providing expertise. No no he meant me bleeding, which made more sense and yet still managed to make me sad.

Turns out in the distant past one of the gods I killed (yes you read that right I'm amazing thank you) apparently sealed some other horrible beasty in the dimension I was currently an occupant of. The morons now serving this dark master somehow contacted it using my blood as a conduit, they were apparently planning on coming and getting me prior to my escape from Ronerawth originally. Me arriving again to be captured by their minions was just random good luck (why were there no people out of the dimension? idiotic magic use plummeted their entire region into the portal, only living creatures though, its also why there weren't any fish). Well good luck for them, crappy luck for me.

I was taken from the torture room to another place where I was bathed (which felt nice if not for that whole about to be sacrificed aspect of it), and then fed. Well fed would imply I wanted to eat what they were serving, but I didn't get much of a choice in the matter. It wasn't exactly cannibalism, but it was close (I'll leave that up to your imagination). After all that I was taken to the hole where my fellow slaves had been digging. The slaves were gone, all the freaky creatures were there as well as members of the Ronerawth Royals like the man who had met me in the torture chamber. I was carried around the pit, and at key points a man said some words and pricked me with a knife to leave some of my blood, it was rather disorienting to be carried around and repeatedly stabbed.

"And now my lord COME FORTH!" And with that, things got a lot worse, in a real big hurry.

Chain Ganging

"What are we digging this crap for?" I was swinging a pick axe, the guy to my right had a shovel, and the guy to my left was sorting through what I pick axed up. I waited a week to ask because well I'm not rude and I wanted to get to know my coworkers!

"Shut up they beat those who talk." I had not seen this, but I had not heard people talking, the one who responded was the guy on my left, I'll call him lefty.

"That seems rude, I mean we're already chained up and forced to dig, why not let us talk?" I was promptly picked up by a creature with goat legs (he unhooked me first in case that wasn't obvious). He drug me down to a room full of torture devices and sat down and told to wait (like I had an option since I was chained down). I waited, the torture implements were scary, but you know I've done this dance before you can't scare me (well you can but that usually involves genital torture and most people are too squeamish for that, shit I just screwed myself in the future haven't I?) As is usual for these kind of things my torturer took a minute to get there, because that's also an expected type of thing with this stuff. I was surprised when he eventually arrived he was a human and not some weird monster.

"Mr. Lorentino." I didn't look up, I'm a big fan of not showing your hand in an interrogation and them knowing who I really was didn't come as a huge surprise.

"I don't know who that is, I'm Nidget Pavarossi." It pained me to claim to be Nidget, pained me.

"No you aren't Lorentino, we know who you are, we know what you are." I hate when people know something I don't, because it puts me at a disadvantage.

"A guy digging in a hole he doesn't understand?" It seemed like a good description of what was going on. My interrogator was dressed in a bunch of gold jewelry if I wasn't in this weird dimension I'd have assumed he was a member of the Ronerawth royalty.

"Oh Mr. Lorentino you sell yourself short." I totally do, I mean other than pretending to be a shorty, I consistently self myself as a lesser person! "In fact if it weren't for you, we wouldn't be in this wonderful world we exist, you gave this to us with your contributions to the cause, and now that you have been returned to us you're going to give us the piece we really need." I do admit this bit terrified me, for a number or things, but mostly that I somehow opened a dimension full of monsters. Because I have to admit even in my most awful I didn't think that was something I'd do, but you know it doesn't surprise me that much.

Even Evil Jerks Have Policies

Erchus and I were separated. He was sent where the put people who got kicked out of orders of healers, I was sent to where they put people who are too awesome (obviously that's why they removed us, my awesomness). I didn't really know much about where we ended up. I could tell it was almost like where we'd been, building and everything, but everything seemed warped. Like the building's were slightly frayed, the sky was a weird purplish green and all the people not currently locked up or being moved around, were some form of horrific monster (one has to wonder if in their dimension people were the real monsters... nope still them with their horrible monsterness). Magic also didn't work because of course it didn't. Stupid monster land!

"Name?" I was suddenly reminded of my time in The Guard's land of processing. Sure there I was at a desk, and here I was in a chain gang with other people who looked like life had been drained out of them, but still similarities!

"I don't believe in names sir, I believe that names make you a prisoner." The creature asking for my name was ugly. Half my height, triple my weight, and all ass for a face, I hoped he was an outlier and not a prime example of whatever monster creature made up his race.

"Seriously you're going to do this to me today?" It was not what I expected, like I expected him to yell out to one of things holding us prisoner and that thing would beat me, but his complaint was more of making his job harder and not out of some malice.

"You really expect me to make this easier for you? You understand I'm shackled to the person in front and behind me and they both smell like day old garbage right?" Neither the person in front or behind me disputed this.

"I see your point buddy, but I'm just a worker bee not the queen, I can't make things easier for you, I just take the names down and you move on down the chain."

"Fine fine, mark down Nidget Pavarossi." He noted it and I moved on in my chain. It pained me to claim to be Nidget, but I wasn't exactly going to say who I really was, last time I was in prison in Ronerawth (god thats a sad thing to say) I was there for sixty freaking years! Eventually my chain group got pushed from our processing point to hard labor (they were really efficient in that regard). Hard labor in this case meant mining, I couldn't tell what we were digging for, but I could see the mining pits were huge. Like I didn't know anything about this dimension, but whatever we were trying to unearth had to have been really really deep in the ground.

And so it went for about a week, I'd get up early in the morning (well what I assumed morning) and then dig all day and then bed down with the rest of the slave labor at night. It was physically exhausting but man alive did my arms get big. I tell you chain gang digging can really muscle you up, should you get the chance I really recommend it.

Also short note from last entry, apparently modern cars are highly explosive when set on fire, I know I would never have imagined that to be the case. Till the next entry!