Permission Slips

"What was on that paper?" We were in the street I figured I could ask the Fire God how a blank slip of paper convinced Morain to let me go. The Fire God and I were walking the street, no one seemingly giving her a second look, it was enough to have me worry my mania had created a new personality and I was actually still just freezing in a cell.

"Nothing to you and I, to those lessers it had what they wanted to see, just like to everyone else I look like an older gentleman with a slight limp, to you, you see closer to what I really look like." I felt at one point better and worse because this explanation also fit "I'm having a psychotic break" perfectly as well.

"Wait closer to what you actually look like?"

"My real form would burn your eyes from their sockets."

"Oh."

"Yeah you people have the weakest bodies around, part of the cosmic joke that is your existence. It is kind of funny without you, God's would not exist, and without us, you would probably all be dead from something else anyway, we have a weird symbiotic relationship." I frowned.

"You say that I'm not a god?" I had figured with the power restriction and general weirdness I was in the club! But apparently there are some restrictions.

"You are not, not yet anyway, see the thing is about being a god Trezlan is we aren't technically alive like you are, ok sort of alive your necromancy makes it impossible to determine exactly what you are at this point, but you are not a full god." We were walking at a good clip somewhere, I couldn't exactly tell where since I was following and the Fire God was leading, I hoped she knew where we were going, we had gone from a nicer part of town to an ugly one.

"So if I kill myself I could become a god?" It seemed like a good trade, well good of course being a nebulous term here.

"No, well I don't think so, I wouldn't kill yourself that seems like a bad idea." I have to admit if the Fire God was set to become the God of our world I wanted one with a bit more omniscience. I guess that's another limitation of being a god.

"Where are we going?" I noticed we had gone from bad part of town to extremely ugly part of town, like a part I wouldn't go in even if I was fully armed which I was not.

"Well the other part of being a god is you have to do trials, so welcome to yours." A part of the ground gave way and I fell for what seemed like forever. I eventually splashed down into muck I'd prefer to not speak about and could see I was in a cavern far below the world. And I didn't have my magic since the whole vengeance thing. Have I mentioned I hate gods? I hate gods.

So Cold, Can We Speed This Up?

"Why are you shivering?" On top of having been frozen to damned near death the room was an ice chest, but of course the guardsman who I was to be interrogated by had no sense of any of that.

"I was frozen in a block of ice for a freaking hour and your interview room is cold as all get out, forgive me for being gods damned cold." He smirked and I just knew what was coming I knew in my bones what he was about to joke about.

"Well I've heard if you set a man on fire..."

"If you think I'll set myself on fire you're a gods damned imbecile and this conversation is over." He harumphed and attempted to speak with me more, but I kept up my stance. I didn't want to talk to someone who make such a stupid joke (ignore the times I myself have made this exact joke, ok good). Sure I was freezing to death and I felt like I was going to die, but I had principals gods damn it!  Eventually the captain came in and was none to pleased to be there.

"You really are being a difficult little shit Lorentino." This was a new captain a female this time, she had my file thick as usual in front of her. Morain was the name across her breast, I did not learn her first name.

"You send idiots in here to interrogate me, you the response I'm giving you." She sneered.

"I sent in exactly who I thought you deserved, we have you dead bang, you killed a man with magic when you were not asked to, in fact according to my man in the field you were asked to leave the premises and not return."

"Sure if you read it like that I'm the bad guy, but I stopped the situation."

"By burning a mentally ill magic user to death horrifically." I narrowed my eyes.

"So you're saying I'm going to be spending some time in prison."

"You're entire life as far as I'm concerned." Morain got up to leave and the door swung open, shockingly it was the Fire God, though she wasn't on a burning chariot or anything just her dapper red suit. She threw a piece of paper down on the table, there didn't appear to be anything on it.

"And that will be all Guard Captain," The Fire God peered at her name tag, "Morain, or I should say former Guard Captain Morain if you don't release my client immediately." I was a bit surprised, if only because she didn't do this riot act when I got arrested for crimes I committed for her!

"And you are?"

"Mr. Lorentino's attorney, as you can clearly see from the judge paper I have given you, now will you release this patriot or do I have to have you stripped of rank and burned at the stake as an example." After the last bit she winked at me, I swear the god's are a weird sort. Captain Morain looked at the paper as if something was actually on it and then instructed that I be released. I was too stunned to figure out what had just happened.

"What's going on?"

"I'm getting you out of jail, you should be thankful, now hurry along Trezlan." I was of course behind everyone else in life, but was out of jail, and by being near the Fire God felt warm for the first time that day, so you know all in all things worked out for the better for a little bit! A little bit until I had that conversation with the Fire God of course.

Frost Fire

Being stuck in a block of ice sucks. Like I've been trapped by all kinds of things in my life, the ice block I believe is the worst one (that's saying something). It was bad for a lot of reasons. It was painful, I wasn't able to move, and worst of awful it meant I was helpless while the crazy ice person continued to rant and rave. Like seriously I wish somehow the ice would have blocked my hearing. His main complaint seemed to be that people weren't listening to him, yet having heard him talk for a gods damned hour, well lets just say HE HAD NOTHING OF NOTE TO FREAKING SAY! Like seriously he kept demanding his hostages listen to him and then he's say complete none sense. How can you expect anyone to listen to you while you are just rambling like a jack ass? He also had a speech impediment which made him hard to understand at all!

Personally I was just frustrated that I had a solution to my problem, but I was prevented from using it at all. It was like having food close to your lips but not being able to eat it at all. I was actually worried this was how I'd die as some kind of lesson in hubris (how funny would it be for the god of vengeance to die frozen to death by a crazy person? NOT FUNNY AT ALL SINCE THAT IS ME YOU HORRIBLE PERSON!) It was in the midst of a panic attack when the crazy ice guy started stabbing one of the hostages. I admit I had tuned him out for a while so I missed what set him off, but I didn't miss that all of a sudden I could feel my power return, it was like a cork being popped off champagne. Free of restrictions I melted the ice, and stalked up to the ice crazy who was quite surprised to see me.

"How?" His voice showed fear, proper fear as he was about to die horribly.

"Fire of course." I snapped my fingers and ignited his entire body, at one point he tried to cool himself down, but I was long past letting that happen, it did lead to him being frozen and scorched though, which was as horrifying as you could imagine. The look on his face was amusing to me and scared everyone else in the room (I'm the avatar/god of vengeance, not one of like humility or tact so my thoughts of others is non existent).

It was of course at this point the Guard rushed into the library (they had a spotter outside see the commotion) and they arrested me. I RESOLVED THE SITUATION! But you know how people in authority are. All "We told you not to" this and "you are not a god" that. I tell you its almost enough to make me question helping them at all! And I still didn't get to go to the gods damned library.

Vengeance Apparently Has Its Limitations

I tend to be a bit more I want to say measured in my use of magic than others. Hold on stop laughing. No I tend to not jump immediately to the burn something burn it now solution, others don't tend to do that and I forgot that. So when I announced my presence the crazy person hit me with a bout of frost and froze me into a Trezlansicle. I'm not talking froze my feet like he did the others, he full on froze me into a block of ice which was as I assumed extremely painful. I could still breathe through the ice (no idea such is the wonder of magic) but I was otherwise detained.

My first thought was to use my magic and be free, but that didn't work at freaking all. Like I went to pull the trigger on some magic and came up dry. It wasn't like I didn't have magical prowess, I could feel it, I just couldn't use it at all. It was maddening. Like in shackles you know why you're magic is trapped, but here? It literally felt like something was keeping me in reserve and that's when a wild thought appeared in my head. What if as part of being a god of vengeance I could only use my abilities and therefore my magic in response for vengeance? It was terrifying to consider. I mean ordinarily I'm a counter killer anyway, only taking a life in response to an attempt on my own, but there are times I like to be proactive! NOT ANYMORE APPARENTLY!

What this meant was I got to watch helplessly as the guard dicked around trying to resolve a hostage situation. It was almost like being a normal non magical, non god person, completely freaking terrible. Honestly I don't know how you non magical's exist day to day? Its got to be awful, like seriously awful. Anyway I was stuck in ice for about an hour, and next entry I'll get into how I freed myself (hint I used magic, oh crap spoilers!)

Well Then I'll Take My Services Elsewhere!

"Get out of here Lorentino." I always feel I don't get the respect I deserve, which is completely true, I mean I'm a god gods damn it! Like a literal god, me deigning to help you should make you entirely grateful! Not telling me to get lost! That's unacceptable!! I mean its nice people know me by sight now, but its also infuriating they tell me to not help!

"But I am a master negotiator." This is a lie, I'm terrible at negotiating, like as a business person you'd think I'd be better at it, but I've never really developed those skills since my go to negotiating technique is do what I say or I'll burn you to death, which works great in most situations, but wouldn't probably work here. Probably, but you never know until you try gods damn it!

"You are a masterful pain in the ass, someone please remove this man." A member of the guard shunted me away from the main group and told me in no uncertain terms to not come back (they were in the entrance area, the guard took me outside amongst the rabble to be rid of me). To anyone else this would be the end of it, but I'm Trezlan Gods Damned Lorentino! I know ways into buildings that haven't even been discovered yet (mostly through sewers, so not exactly kind ways into buildings, but still ways!). So a few moments later I was into the library proper and sneaking up on the guy who had hostages (you'll note at this point I could have just gone to the section I wanted to be in and done my research, but I wanted to help so my current goal was to give that assistance!

The hostage taker guy was someone magical (way to help the cause you jerk!) he had frozen most of the poor library staff into place which I'm sure was extremely painful as freezing magic is still frost and cold hurts (not as bad as fire mind you, but fire like everything good in life is great and terrible at the same time). He was rambling when I came upon him in the library, I believe he was talking with the guard outside the library, but at the same time he was just nuts so he could have been talking to himself (as opposed to me, recently minted god by a dream I had... See perfectly sane!) His rambling was none sense though, he was worried about divine retribution and wanted us all to repent our sins. As someone who recently carried out said retribution and had no idea who this dick was? Yeah I think he was up the crazy tree.

"Hold on crazy pants just put your magic down." I admit this probably was not the best way to start things off (see not the greatest negotiator) and things only went down hill from here. For me though, which sucked because as an intro to god hood this whole situation was emasculating!

Delusions of Godhood

"You are not a god." Valrym as usual trying to return me to being grounded, but that was impossible now. Not when I had achieved godhood!

"I totally am, it explains everything." Not everything, not by a long shot, but you know me simple solutions for huge problems.

"And why did you come to this conclusion?" I got up from my painful position and stretched out, my neck was extremely sore, I guess sleeping on my head wasn't doing me any favors.

"Dream me told me I'm a god now." I admit saying that out loud not exactly the smartest sentence I've ever said. Not the dumbest though which is probably worse.

"Right of course that's logic that can't be touched." With that Val walked off cursing under his breath like the little jerk he was. I dusted myself off and set out to show the world what a god of vengeance could do! Ok I didn't actually do that, what I did do was go to the library, because despite my claim to Valrym and my dream self telling me I was a god now I had to make sure that's what this was, and it wasn't instead some horrible magical malady that would like blow me up or something.

When I arrived at the library things were in chaos. Some jerk had taken people hostage and was threatening to kill them if the local politicians didn't do something he wanted. I was pretty annoyed by the situation, if only because he wasn't even in the section of the library I needed! But no the stupid police wouldn't just let me in to read some books. I AM A GOD GODS DAMN IT!!! No that didn't work with the local Guard authorities in the area either. So I took it upon myself to resolve the issue on my own! Without telling anyone I was planning on doing that. Flawless plan as usual!

Not a Very Surprising Revelation

I awoke in a field I vaguely remembered. I say "awoke" but I knew I was asleep because it was definitely a dream because it had to be one! I was in the middle of a crater, it all seemed similar I had trouble placing it until the white form of the vengeance god I'd slain arrived. And then all of a sudden I knew exactly what was going wrong with me.

"Trezlan I figured it was time for a talk." It was weird hearing the creature speak like this, when I'd fought it before we weren't exactly on talking terms.

"You! You're the reason I'm having troubles." I thought being damn near catatonic and screwed up for a while was the resolution to killing this particular god. I was very very wrong.

"Yes and no, you are having problems because you haven't been exactly doing what you are supposed to be doing, and its only manifesting now because more and more people have been believing in you." I was taken a bit back by anyone believing in me, I mean sure there was a cult of me in that foreign land, but its not like it was a full blown religion (it actually had become one, though again it was me in the abstract not me in the reality, because gods are best thought of in that regard).

"So you're telling me that cult has made me a god? It has made me in theory you?" The creature smiled.

"They all start as cults Trezlan, and yes in effect you are me, and you are not me, at this point you are more like the avatar of vengeance closer to that earth godling bartender you associate with."

"And you aren't even that dead god, you are a part of me trying to tell myself what is going on because I'm too stupid to figure it out on my own." As soon as I said this the not god of vengeance transformed into me.

"Well I wouldn't say you were too stupid to figure it out, you did figure it out, you just had to tell yourself you did." I hate talking with myself, especially in dreams. But my revelation realized I woke up.

"I'm the god of vengeance!" I exclaimed to Val who was startled about my sudden waking up.

"Oh gods no."

"And my neck really hurts, like seriously." And thus began my new god hood. Sort of, again I'm not exactly a god, and in this world well god is a relative term... Look I get into this more in the next entry... MORTAL LOOK UPON MY JOURNAL AND... yeah no, just read the next entry!