Sitting On a Bench Learning things

"So they'll just keep us waiting forever?" I was kicking my feet trying to see how high I could get each one with a simple leg swing, it was super exciting.

"When I was here before they had me wait an entire week, and then one person simply came out and told me I was free to go. I didn't even get to see any of the reasoning, they just said 'leave you will not be destroyed' it was liberating and infuriating."

"I see, now I'm starting to think you wanted to come up here to ask them about why they didn't destroy you." I almost knocked myself over with that kick, I had to put my hands down to stabilize myself, which got a chuckle out of Val.

"It was on my mind actually yes."

"Fantastic now I don't feel half as bad about asking you up here." I didn't actually feel bad at all, but you know you say things to make people feel better about your completely selfish notions. Ok I say those things I assume everyone else just isn't a jerk. See I admit it! It's all good! Sort of... DONT JUDGE ME!!!

"You know they can probably just as likely kill us as even listen to us? Coming up here is a major transgression."

"Well I know that now Val thanks for telling me."

"I told you before we even left you didn't listen!"

"Look just lets wait in silence I can't listen to you anymore." He harumphed and I went back to swinging my feet. At least I learned Val was a selfish person who was doing this for his own reasons and he totally did not tell me four times prior that coming up here could lead to us being killed. Nope entirely new revelations he just told me. Anyway, we eventually got to see the people behind the whole thing, it just took what felt like (and actually was) an entire day of waiting, because the gods, are assholes. Which makes sense because people are assholes and we kind of created these beings somehow, maybe? I dunno my world is weird ok.

So Exciting!

The throne of the gods is an interesting place. I mean technically it doesn't actually exist in one place at any time, so its not like you can easily return here (hence all that complicated stuff I detailed last entry, I mean the frog juice alone, who knew you could juice a frog?) It was also kind of plain looking. Just stone walls not a lot of frills, didn't see a lot of servants or familiars or anything, it was very much a boring place, which made sense the god's all had more interesting places to hang out, why make their gathering place something fantastical? If anything it could serve as a way of keeping people out "don't got to the throne, it's boring". I won't get into of course that this is for the pantheon of gods in the land that I live in yada yada yada.We were greeted by a towering giant outside the chambers where the god's could be heard arguing. He looked at me and Valrym with a snarl.

"Avatar you are not welcome here, and this one is certainly not welcome here, God Killer." I was taken a back, I mean sure I'd killed some gods, but its not like they hadn't come back for the most part...

"I'm here to defend Hanlon!" Valrym wanted to be literally anywhere else, but me this was exactly where I wanted to be.

"Defend who?" The giant looked confused, which was funny on something with such a huge face, just imagine it yourself and you're already laughing.

"Hanlon, dark suit gun dealer he's currently been erased from everyone's mind?" I wanted to speak with his supervisor or something, he didn't appear to know anything and I didn't have all the time in the world to wait for him to figure it out.

"Oh right that guy, you're here to defend him?" The giant laughed a big belly aching laugh, "Of course you are, one moment let me get someone to help you just have a seat." There was a stone bench nearby and Val and I took a seat.

"So this will be pretty fast yeah?" I asked of Valrym who shrugged his shoulders.

"I dunno last time I was here they were deciding on if they wanted to destroy me or not."

"Oh how'd that work out?"

"I'm a bartender in a shitty city on a river."

"So well?" Val harumphed and we waited. And waited, and waited. Apparently in god's terms "fast" is within a freaking year of arrival!

Not Very Judicial

"He's currently being held up by the gods Trezlan." Valrym had actually come to me to tell me this, it was as surprising as was his statement. I was in my office just relaxing after a hard day of doing absolutely nothing (look I'd given up the Fire God was my one play that was it I was done). I don't know why he came by other than he was worried about what I'd do.

"At least you remember the man!"

"Of course I do, the bigger question is why you remember him, but I guess that's just a symptom of you being you. This is it, this is all I'm doing, I smelled the Fire God in the air and I knew you'd do something stupider after she failed to help you, so I decided to head this off at the past and now you know, Hanlon is detained by Gods, there now you can stop."

"Well now I know what I have to do." I got up and started gathering various knick knacks and other objects of questionable usefulness.

"Go on a bender? Forget he was ever an anything for you?"

"No Val I must go to the God's themselves and make a case for Hanlon!" This seemed impossible on several fronts, but you know me the impossible is just something people tell me to keep from doing something.

"This is a horrible idea and I'm..."

"Coming with me! You're my in since you were/are/whatever a god and I need someone to get me in with this group of religious wackery!" Valrym did not want to come with me, but he knew if he didn't I would devise a dumber and more dangerous thing for him, so he decided it was in his best interest to come all the same. And so Val and I found our way to the throne of the gods! I'd tell you how, but apparently it's a damned secret and I'm not supposed to know about it. I know what a bag of dicks, anyway you get there by...

*page is burnt beyond recognition*

Of Course I didn't

I was sitting at a cafe when the Fire God showed up. She had ditched the suit for a red dress (always wearing red kind of cliche for a god!). She was smoking a fragrant cigar and distracting everyone else at the open air cafe (it was very very smelly, pleasant to me, but the looks on others told me maybe I had a connection that made it smell nicer? I dunno I didn't ask).

"Ms can you put that out?" The waiter had no idea who he just asked what he had asked in a way I felt extreme sympathy for him, but at the same time the idea of someone asking a god to do anything was amusing to me. She gave him a once over with her eyes that would have froze my blood.

"Micheal," He was not wearing a name tag so this unnerved him to start, "Those peons sent you instead of asking me personally because they are afraid of me, and they should be, in your little society women still don't have equal representation, we fight your wars, we birth your children, but you still want to lord your penis's over us, and when we dare do something for our own enjoyment like this fine cigar, you want us to put it out and go back to being invisible, Micheal I'm not going to be invisible, now go get your boss and tell him that mean woman wouldn't submit to his request and I'll sit here conversing with my associate." The waiter ran and she turned to me with a smile.

"I think you enjoy being a god a little too much."

"How can one enjoy being a god? I simply am, what I enjoy is pushing you little miscreants around when you dare talk back. Because everyone here has an interesting idea of power demographics. Take that couple in the corner, she's cheating on him with someone who makes more money, he knows and is planning on killing her, he will fail of course, but he still think he's the big bad man in their relationship, its delicious the kind of duplicitous nature of this place, there is conflict in everything."

"So I wanted to tell you in person..."

"No, you wanted to tell me no, you are forever concerned with your unnaturally long life span, and so while being my avatar would be blah blah blah, I know Trezlan, I merely offered to show you a way out of your own current miserable existence."

"I'm not miserable." She patted my hand and it almost felt like touching a stove.

"But of course you aren't you poor thing, you completely enjoy being lead around by the nose by powers you don't understand all the while they leverage against each other." She got up to leave just as the manager approached her, "When you want to change the game Trezlan call me."

"I don't have your number?"

"You do, just clap your hands." I didn't understand the reference or why she said it, she did put her cigar out on the managers hand which caused it to ignite and she walked off laughing. I myself left because being a known fire user who had been sitting with the Fire God I knew I'd be blamed for her transgressions. Ultimately this meaning while entertaining didn't get me anything, and I was no closer to finding out what happened to Hanlon, so a normal day for me. I swear the more I try the more I fail to actually accomplish things. It's almost an argument against trying all together!

Politics of The Avatar

"I always like these little visits Trezlan." The Fire God was in her red business suit, we were in the basement of my building, I'm sure a lesser idiot would forsee this as a deal with a dark force, and they wouldn't be wrong, just not exactly right. I always have to wonder if this is the real Fire God, or just one of her lesser forms that deal with me, I don't know how God's exactly work despite dealing with and killing several of them, what can I say I like a little ignorance.

"Sorry for calling you down here."

"No you aren't don't apologize for something you aren't actually apologetic over, your people have this disingenuous way of talking. You want my help, and you called me to ask it, there is nothing to be sorry for in that regard."

"Well then can you help me?"

"No." I slumped, of course she couldn't help me. I should have known the gods love to pretend to be there for their servants, but not actually there. They are like the worst father, always promising to lend assistance never doing it.

"You didn't even let me really ask the question." She smiled.

"If you did, do you think it would change my response? Hanlon is not my problem, your loyalty to him for whatever reason you still have it despite his abuse of you is also none of my concern."

"Well at least you acknowledge his existence everyone else seems to believe he does not exist."

"I've dealt with Hanlon, well that's what you call him to me he's not even a he, but as I was saying I've dealt with him for longer than you have been alive on this world, I could no more forget his existence than I could forget my own, but I would be willing to help you under one condition." I could feel a huge sense of dread for that condition.

"And that is?"

"Renounce your connection to death and instead embrace fire, become my avatar." I didn't exactly know what an Avatar of the fire god entailed, but I knew I did not really meet most of the criteria for it.

"Can I have a day to figure it out?"

"Sure, but only a day than I'll expect an answer, perhaps we'll meet in a nicer place next time, basements are so dreary." And with that she left. I was stuck with a choice, renouncing death would mean no more necromancy which could mean I would die, on the other hand, infused with the power of the fire god, perhaps I wouldn't need necromancy and thus feel better about myself. I totally forgot among this I was doing this to find Hanlon, and the Fire God while mostly honest, had no reason to honor her deal once I agreed to it (she's the god of war, not the god of making sure people do deals properly and a powerful god on top of that). But still it was a huge choice I still think back on and wonder if I did the right one... Did I? Well read on to the next entry and then curse me for leading you on.

Factories Are For Jerks

"Are you sure he works here?" The foreman was not being helpful at all. I didn't even say Hanlon worked there I said his freaking name was on the freaking building. I swear it was noisy, but it wasn't that noisy! We were even in his little hovel of an office, it smelled of earth and grease, I swear the last time it had been cleaned was the first time.

"He doesn't work here, he owns this place, you literally work for the man!"

"Who?"

"Hanlon? Gods damn it it's like I'm talking to myself."

"Sorry buddy can't help you, did you see the manager?" I was frustrated, flustered, upset, bothered! The man didn't want me in his office any longer he had "work" to do. What work could be more important than your owners is missing!

"He told me to see you!" And then I left. The factory was a dead end, there was no good there (well duh it was a weapons factory they just make things that kill). And Hanlon was not there at all. Hanlon as it turned out was not freaking anywhere. I looked around, I asked around, and oddly enough not only did people not have seen him, they couldn't even remember him existing. It was beginning to feel like I stepped into some weird alternate dimension in which Hanlon the person, the entity, the whatever he is, did not exist! I was running out of options, so as usual I took to ritual magic to see if I could summon someone who could answer me. No I didn't try and summon Hanlon, gods knows what you'd do to summon him and what would show up if you failed (that's the trick with rituals, screw it up and you'll get someone you didn't want at all!).

Thankfully I was successful, unfortunately who I called wasn't what I would call super helpful, she was at least pleasant. Well as pleasant as someone like her ever is. Next entry yada!

Nice To See You, Now My Problem

"Its just nice to see you back at work, you look good, well good enough you know you were always ugly." Val was doing his best to ignore me, I was doing my best to make that impossible, our usual dance back on for a new punch card. His bar was kind of empty, then again it was like really early in the morning, so early I don't even think he's open (it used to be back in the old days taverns could never really close because of the cold and travelers and such, modern times have changed this, but I'm lazy and still go off the old ways).

"What do you want to tell me about now? You only come here to lament something in your life or admit a crime, or ask me a question I have no way of answering, or involve me in a scheme that will get me hurt of feeling bad about myself sometimes both."

"You make it sound like I treat you badly."

"You do!"

"So anyway, Hanlon has something crazy going on with himself right now..."

"I knew it! I KNEW YOU ONLY WANTED TO BOTHER ME!" He was so happy, I swear it was the first time he looked happy since I came in. Which made me sad.

"You care about Hanlon you should totally care about this."

"I do not care about your weird associate, nor do I care he's going through a rough patch, I 'm sure with none of your help, he'll be feeling better in no time, just like I'll be feeling better when you aren't here."

"That hurts Val."

"Almost as much as the pins in my knee." I left the jerk, forgetting he's never actually helpful ever, and that when he is, its almost by accident instead of intentionally! Unfortunately I wasn't able to get a hold of Hanlon because he was mysteriously absent for a bit (imagine that he was going through something and he up and disappeared, as opposed to his normal not around when he doesn't need anything from me state of being). So I ended up at one of his factories hoping someone there could help me, which they couldn't but that's another story because you know my usual one scenario an entry and I already had the Val is a dick scenario!