The Winds of Annoyance

"So then I killed the flesh god." I was on my fourth Ale and Valrym was on his fourth role of his eyes, it was a very fourthy kind of day. Snow had come to Rosetia and with it less travelers and more cold and time on our hands. I'd spent most of my time at Valrym's tavern killing flagons and telling stories.  He spent the majority of the time just humoring me, because my coin was good.

"Right of course you did Trezlan, another ale?"

I looked at my current empty beer for a moment and decided one more wouldn't kill me probably, "Sure I don't have anything else to do."

"So it would seem, don't you have to run that store of yours at some point?"

"Nah Nidget's doing that mostly, he's good at selling things, or reverse stealing, either way I get money and have little to do, frees up my time to spend it with friends."

"You have some of those?"

"I'm so hurt Valrym you wound me." I was ready to wallow my sorrows in more ale when the door blew open and a tall thin young man in a crisp suit and flamboyant hat stepped in.  And the door did really blow open, like the wind decided all at once no door should be closed ever.

"So a disciple of death and the avatar of earth walk into a bar." The young man had the confidence of someone who knew life was his for the taking, of course he was also a god and "young" was just an illusion.

"Devuin whatever did I do to be inflicted with your company?"

"I'm not a disciple of," I paused the words were harder to come by the four previous ales having done damage to my vocabulary, "Death." My word finished I had a satified look on my face, well I assumed I did, I tried to be all satisfied.

"Right my good man you are not a disciple more just a sampler of his numerous platters!" With that he slapped me on the back and turned his attention to Valrym. "And what I'm doing here is seeing one of my distant sort of cousins right? I can't swing in and see you during my favorite time of the year."

"No no you can not we had this conversation the last time you blew in here."

"Oh don't be like that, besides you'll want to hear what I have to say! Things are changing Val you might be able to come back on the upswing if you'll just listen and let me talk."

And with that I came to learn that gods, just like regular people, hate seeing relatives as well for the exact same reason.  They always want something that you don't want to give them.

Family Like Enemies Only Closer

It's always facinating to me as a person who has outlived all of his friends/family/eventually everyone ever who has ever lived (well past a certain point I mean if there is no one left to steal the life from I'll be boned, but I doubt that will happen anytime soon) to see other people have to deal with their families.  Ultimately its always some celebration or other annoying time of the year that families think its a great time to swing in and bother you.  Well other people, as I've said I've outlived all of my immediate family and I'm completely unaware if I have any surviving distant relatives.  On top of that having an entirely made up lineage makes it difficult to go off someone's last name for relation, though amazingly I have run across other Lorentinos! I believe having living as long as I have someone must have heard one of my tales of heroism and took the name as a way of honoring me.  Well I certainly hope thats what it is and not just some grave robbing jerks who figure I'm dead and they can steal my legacy.

Anyway back to family! I figured the only other person in Rosetia that would have a similar fascination with other peoples annoying relatives would be Valrym. Hilariously I was completely wrong with that and thats where my story will take place tomorrow. I'd write more today but the closest thing I have to family is being obnoxious (yes Nidget, yes I understand that that basically disqualifies my whole fascination in other peoples relatives when I have a small dumb child of my own who bothers me all the time SHUT UP!)

Telrrax and the Great Conclusion

"GO GO GO GO GO!!!" I had rowed back to the boat as fast as I could (so pretty slow, I'm in terrible shape), Telrrax was still out cold but I got back to the ship and started screaming and flailing.

"Is she dead?"

"Possibly WE ALL WILL BE IF YOU DON'T MOVE THE SHIP!" I was shouting and trying to get people moving but people weren't really moving or listening or doing anything.

"IS THAT VOLCANO EXPLODING?" I sighed because WHY DID THEY THINK I WAS SHOUTING!!! Thankfully they caught on that yes the Volcano was about to explode and yes we were all going to freaking die if they didn't move their dumby dumb asses so surpingly they got moving.  The volcano wasn't apparently just exploding it was destorying the island, I could feel the shockwaves of power pulsing (who knew killing a god can destroy the island that was his place of power? Oh everyone knew that? Everyone knew that).

Some after this adventure research ( yes I do that, look I like to know what I killed and how screwed up I made the world, yes its after I screwed things up, but come on!) showed that the god that the councilman had become was some island god of harvest that had been worshipped by an island people who got wiped out by another group of no one cares.  Which left the god a little pissed, a little less "all life is sacred" and more "I will destory life with life" crazy.  I had thought without worshippers god's die, but apparently they can just slowly go insane, corrupt an idiot to allow them in, and then be wiped out by a necromancer (that last part is not a given!).  If we hadn't stopped councilman crazy the world would have become a very ugly place in a short order, it was actually amazing he hadn't actually been driven mad prior to us arriving (well madder, he wasn't exactly a rational dude to begin with).

The trip home was uneventful (aside from my vomitting). Telrrax recovered blamed/thanked me for what had happened and then went about returning to her job of tracking down the Red Hand traitors (I don't know why she considered them traitors I mean they were all still following their own government!) I returned to my shop which Nidget had managed actually well (he only stole 10% of my profit amazing restraint).  I never did find that cold collar that started this whole madness, but I'm sure that won't come up again or anything.

Yes I know by saying that it will, it always does.

Trezlan Lorentino Vs The Flesh Monster God

"What can I say other than you are one ugly ugly god." I'll admit in the annals of great comebacks to god creatures threatening to kill you this was well not the best, but most of those other much more witty people DID NOT LIVE THROUGH THEIR ENCOUNTER BOO YAH!  The god councilman held apart his meat maw of arms (which also had other arms sticking out of them) and I felt the magical ropes holding me start to pull in different directions, it felt like he was literally trying to rip me apart. I tried to fight back with magic, but it appeared whatever he wrapped me in blocked that entirely (stupid weird volcano god powers). I was preparing to embrace whatever horrible afterlife was planned for me when lightning danced all over the council god's body and I was roughly reintroduced to the ground.

"NOW YOU DANCE FOR ME YOU SON OF A BITCH!" Telrrax wasn't just using magic, she was over using it, like I know I don't mention corruption as often because for me its just another problem (oh the joys of life theft), but at the rate of power being displayed by Telrrax she was about to explode the bad way, and from the look on her face it wouldn't bother her a bit. The council god was distracted, but I didn't see any of the usual signs of magical infliction.  I tried to add to it with fire, but again I didn't see anything, like my gun shot earlier nothing got through. The creature laughed, a horrible belly full of misbegotten flesh laugh, and then with a whip of his arm both Telrrax and I were smashed with more of his magical cable, it felt like getting hit with a tree branch.

"Do you think that your petty magical ability can hurt A GOD?" When he said god, the volcano roared, "I am consumed with the life and souls of my crew, a hundred men gave their power to me and soon you will join me!" The creatures arm grew and snatched me up dragging me to his disgusting maw I smelled a scent I'd rather not put to words and the creature smiled.

"So you're some kind of god of life power?" I felt the blood again in my throat, but this time it felt like it was almost being drawn out of me.

"Yes my power is one from many, you can not kill me for I am life itself." I smiled, and spit some blood on my hand. The creature opened its maw to swallow me whole and I slid the blood along side the roof of his mouth saying dark words as I did so. Class what have I told you about necromancers and being touched? The reaction was immediate, the creature recoiled, he dropped me to the ground his large arm contracted and pulsed the flesh rotting like at the end of a large infection.

"What did you do to me?" His voice changed from the amplified shout to that of a scared old man.

"Blood magic, a necrotic curse, you see you are the GOD of life, well I know a thing or two about death, and you are right I could not overwhelm your life force, but I can release it." His face twisted, the volcano bellowed, I knew then it was a good time to leave.  I picked up Telrrax as the god creatures screams started up again, the power of the lives he had stolen was being turned inward exploding him from within (I could have also tried to drain the power out of him, but after the vengeance god I'm not that freaking crazy to mess with a god again). The lava below was no longer being kept in check, the heat and power of it was immense, if Telrrax and I hadn't gotten out of there when we did we would have been cooked in it (another reason to not simply steal the power).  The flesh creature of Telrrax's was still out cold and I felt a bit sorry for its unnatural death, but it didn't exactly have a natural life. I had to move fast the volcano was making noises that it was going to blow, and I wasn't exactly the strongest guy and despite Telrrax being fairly thin she wasn't an easy carry down a damn mountain side after I'd been batted around by a flesh god.

As you can assume gentle weird reader of a journal I'm not publishing in a way at all. I lived, as did Telrrax. The aftermath will be tommorrow's entry.  And no I won't teach you the power to unleash someone's own life force, I'm saving that one for when I run across Morley again (which as you can probably assume is what my mentor learned the blood magic for in the first place, to kill other necromancers in a horrible way).

Time To Change Your Profile

"Well I think you can uncheck the was not a cannibal thing from your profile." The councilman was eating his flesh stew, he'd also take on extra appendages that flopped out from underneath his robe (randomly like a foot or arm here or what looked like a useless torse there).  It was as if he had just absorbed his crew not just ate them.

"Gee you think?"

"I do."

"Shut up Trezlan."

"BOTH OF YOU BE SILENT IN THE FACE OF THE GREAT GOD KOMIRARAIRI." His voice boomed and when he spoke the lava below also swirled.

"Really thats your name? Man I can't even begin to hruk!" I didn't get to complete my petty comment because I was launched into a wall (Trezlan Lorentino wall inspector). The god of I am not writing that again and probably mispelled it anyway then snatched Telrrax up from her position at the mouth of the cave and held her in the air next to his cauldron (did I mention the cave lay out, basically we were at the mouth of a cave with a small walkway up to a jutting area where the god and his cauldron was, beneath us was the burning lava being held in check by magic, and above us was the exit). The flesh creature just collapsed to the ground, I figure whatever link it had with Telrrax was broken by the God's power.

"HELP ME LORENTINO!" My eyes were blurry, I could taste blood and I was against a god, but of course Telrrax wanted me to help, I mean its not like I had anything better to do or anything!

"LORENTINO!!!" The councilman god roared I felt the volcano shake under my feet and Telrrax dropped to the ground her body going limp when she hit (either from the magical power or a fake out, the flesh creature remained inanimate). I felt magical bindings wrap around me, like the tight ropes of cable they were constricting my body, I managed to free my revolver from its holster and fire a shot, it was dead on but did nothing, I could see a bit of the god's belly quiver from the impact but the god creature just laughed.  The binds tightened and my revolver hit the mouth of the caves floor. He lifted me to this putrid smelling body and I could see not only was he made up of most likely his former crew, they were still kind of alive, which was horrible even for a necromancer like myself.

"Do you have anything to say before you die?"

What did I say? What happened? Did I get to add another god to my list of things I killed! Well obviously, but tommorrow the answer to none of your questsions and more!

Flesh Roasting On an Open Fire

"Euggh what is that smell." The cave had gone of course underground, though the walls were at least carved and stylized with some language and glyph system I couldn't make out, so we weren't like in an uncivilized cave that was a bonus. The cave did reek of burning flesh, which as always was a minus.

"Burning flesh."

"You sure?" I gave her a look that told her yes I of all people knew exactly what burning flesh smelled like (I guess her experience at setting people on fire with Lightning wasn't as vast as mine with fire). "So do you believe its for a human sacrifice?"

"Either that or the worst BBQ ever, was the councilman a cannibal?"

"Not that I ever saw."

"Well sacrifice it is, burning them alive thats pretty evil." I still was alarmed I hadn't seen any kind of people, I mean I could smell them, but there was no discarded clothing, broken bodies pools of blood.  Somehow this guy got an entire ships worth of people from a ship into a cave and at no point no one left any reminder they were there.

"You burn people alive."

"And I'm pretty evil, I mean I've kept myself alive by stealing the life of others to unnaturally extend my own." I never lie about my motives, I fear death like Nidget fears responsibility. We left our cave and entered a larger room in it there was a cauldron of the roasted human flesh we'd smelled earlier stirring the cauldron was our councilman, completely insane looking and surrounded by a violet aura, we also appeared to be above the volcano proper though the heat that should have cooked us as well was kept in check by magic.  Which was not comforting considering the circumstances.

"WELCOME TO YOUR DOOM TELRRAX!"

"I would say I don't want to say I told you so, but I really do want to say it so, I TOLD YOU SO!" Petty always so petty, its the Lorentino way.

Hmm Smells like Trap

"How odd there doesn't appear to be anyone left on board." Telrrax and I had departed the ship, the rest of the crew was to remain on board (because Telrrax is not an idiot you don't crash your enemies ship and then give them another ship ready to go).

"Must have been a ghost ship, oh well time to go then?" Look I hate being on a ship as much as anyone, I hate getting stuck on an island with ghost pirates and a powerful magic user worse. I assumed ghost pirates, but you know with my history? Not exactly unheard of. Telrrax of course gave me a dirty look, so did the flesh creature.

"I wonder which way they went." I was about to laugh but Telrrax seemed genuinely curious and couldn't see the obvious trail from the ship into the jungle, I had to remind myself not everyone had the years of being lost in the woods experience that I had, she had probably never even left a city before.

"This way." I pointed in the direction of deeper in and off we went. I wanted to explore the ship more, try and figure out what the Councilman might have been doing in there, but alas like most of my good ideas it was ignored in favor of going off for the dumb idea (we'll ignore the fact my "good" ideas are ignored by me most of the time, ok moving on). What appeared at first to be a path just cut for the purpose quickly became apparent it was an actual path (trees and overgrowth were not anywhere along the path I could make out some stones that had been covered by sand). The path was also moving towards a cave that clearly went into some kind of volcano.  I also noticed that despite a recently wrecked ship and hastily running away from the wreckage, there was absolutely nothing along the path leading to the volcano cave, no blood, not strewn garbage, just foot prints.

"This could be a trap." I had stopped Telrrax and her flesh creature almost ran in to me.

"What makes you think that?"

"I dunno the fact that we found no one on the ship, this is clearly a path into a volcano, and it's been like a day since the last one so in my world that means I'm about to get into one."

"Trezlan you are such a cynical person, now get into that cave." I looked at Telrrax angrily but did as I was told and into the trap we went.  Ooops spoilers.