"Both sides of the river." Nidget and Andre were surveying our enemies. I was well writing a journal entry. Look I sacrifice so much to keep these things going, I can't remember what I was writing, but I'm sure that entry had a bunch of tenseness to it because I was feeling really tense. The Bandits we were not there to stop but had suddenly become integral in stopping had split their force and had blocked both avenues into town (which meant they had planned their attack in advance because as I said before you couldn't ford the river safely, so they had to have come up with the strategy at a previous bridge).
"Numbers?" That was Andre, Nidget was the one with the spy glass.
"Can't tell lot of them." Andre gave Nidget a dirty look and took the spy glass.
"32 on one side, 15 the other."
"That's a lot of guys for one bartender, and a junior one at that." My contribution to the conversation.
"Trezlan would you please at least pretend you're involved here."
"I'm helping."
"By doing what exactly?"
"Chronicling our adventures." I was not actually chronicling this adventure at the time, but I am now! That totally counts.
"I get the impression Mr. Lorentino doesn't want to be here."
"Really? What clued you in, all the constant whining or the fact that he's the one person not actually prepared for battle."
"I'm right here you know and those words hurt Nidget, we all get prepared in our own ways. I am making sure people know we died as stupidly as possible."
"YOU THREE COME DOWN HERE!" Apparently while we were talking those bandits that had set themselves up for a pincer attack pinced, and we were caught right in the middle of it. You know its times like this I realize I talk too much, its weird what brings that up.
Thursday, January 31, 2013
Wednesday, January 30, 2013
Something is Definately Missing
"Nidget." We were setting up on top of the Sherriff's office, because I couldn't talk the two idiots out of defending the town of one and leaving them while appealing is not exactly my style.
"For the last time Trezlan, no you can't use magic, especially not your freaky death magic, I don't want to escape one bounty to die to another one because you can't control yourself." Yes this argument played itself out, no I'm not writing it down, it still burns me! Stupid jerks, all "we can't kill the townsman so you can use your magic and make this way easier than it turned out to be" I tell you Nidget and Andre hate my magic, right up until they need it.
"Noted and I again am doing this under protest, do you notice something missing in this town?"
"Other than people?" Nidget again stating the obvious but not the obvious I was going for.
"Rifles, we didn't bring enough rifles." Andre being the most able in combat stating the other obvious thing, but again not what I was going for.
"Right Trezlan you should have brought more than one rifle."
"I only have two hands, what would I need another rifle for? But no its not our lack of rifles." We had two, mine which was on my horse that I didn't even set up, but Hanlon had seen fit to have on there just in case, and Andre had another, because again the dude lives for combat. Nidget was stuck with his crossbow and a small pistol, the pistol was hilarious because it was meant for children to go hunting with their fathers, god I love shorties.
"Ok Trezlan what are you trying to get at, clearly I'm not going to guess it."
"Where's the bank?"
"What?" Both of them said it at once, I don't think it dawned on them yet.
"You were accused of robbing the Brownwater bank, THERE IS NO BANK!"
"Wow I didn't even think about that."
"Yeah me either."
"OF COURSE YOU GUYS DIDN'T! See now we can leave, clearly we were set up and this is not our fight, so lets just..." I started to make my way to the ladder we had climbed to get on the roof when Nidget and Andre did not move.
"No we can't leave there is a fight coming and we're going to finish it." Andre of course being someone who worships conflict would not budge, and Nidget went along with him. I could have just left I realize, but then again there were bandits coming to town and I didn't necessarily want to meet them on the road and get killed just because I'M THE ONLY SMART PERSON IN THIS GROUP OF IDIOTS!
"For the last time Trezlan, no you can't use magic, especially not your freaky death magic, I don't want to escape one bounty to die to another one because you can't control yourself." Yes this argument played itself out, no I'm not writing it down, it still burns me! Stupid jerks, all "we can't kill the townsman so you can use your magic and make this way easier than it turned out to be" I tell you Nidget and Andre hate my magic, right up until they need it.
"Noted and I again am doing this under protest, do you notice something missing in this town?"
"Other than people?" Nidget again stating the obvious but not the obvious I was going for.
"Rifles, we didn't bring enough rifles." Andre being the most able in combat stating the other obvious thing, but again not what I was going for.
"Right Trezlan you should have brought more than one rifle."
"I only have two hands, what would I need another rifle for? But no its not our lack of rifles." We had two, mine which was on my horse that I didn't even set up, but Hanlon had seen fit to have on there just in case, and Andre had another, because again the dude lives for combat. Nidget was stuck with his crossbow and a small pistol, the pistol was hilarious because it was meant for children to go hunting with their fathers, god I love shorties.
"Ok Trezlan what are you trying to get at, clearly I'm not going to guess it."
"Where's the bank?"
"What?" Both of them said it at once, I don't think it dawned on them yet.
"You were accused of robbing the Brownwater bank, THERE IS NO BANK!"
"Wow I didn't even think about that."
"Yeah me either."
"OF COURSE YOU GUYS DIDN'T! See now we can leave, clearly we were set up and this is not our fight, so lets just..." I started to make my way to the ladder we had climbed to get on the roof when Nidget and Andre did not move.
"No we can't leave there is a fight coming and we're going to finish it." Andre of course being someone who worships conflict would not budge, and Nidget went along with him. I could have just left I realize, but then again there were bandits coming to town and I didn't necessarily want to meet them on the road and get killed just because I'M THE ONLY SMART PERSON IN THIS GROUP OF IDIOTS!
Tuesday, January 29, 2013
You have Us Confused For Another Group of Rescuers
"You're here!" I tensed up grabbing for my revolver a move that both Andre and Nidget shook their heads at (see bringing me for diplomatic purposes not exactly the brightest idea!)
"Where's the sherriff?" Nidget spoke for us, a move I wasn't sold on, especially since I was the one that was supposed to be doing all the talking! I tell you its like they talked me into this specifically to not use me for the purpose they intended!
"You mean he didn't get you? Oh no they got the sherriff too!" The person who had come out to meet us had an apron on, I figured him for the bartender/cook of the area, he could have just been a guy who really liked aprons. He also seemed way way too young to run a bar, but then again I'm hundreds of years old, its hard not to judge others for being too young to do things.
"Slow down and start at the beginning." I was trying to be the voice of reason.
"The bandits! They are coming to town to get vengeance on all of us and the Sherriff said he was going to get help, but they must have gotten him too!" I looked around at his mention of all of us and saw exactly no one in town. Like I didn't even see a comical plant blowing through town to signify the town was empty, it was that empty.
"Well that settles it." I prepared to swing my horse around to get out of town but Nidget and Andre jumped off of theirs and tied the reins up.
"Yes we must help this town." That was Andre and my heart sank with him saying it.
"Yep bandits can't just be allowed to run rough shod over these people." That was Nidget and I was almost completley mystified how we went from talking him out of a bounty he didn't earn to saving idiots. It was like I missed a meeting at the suicidal club. And yet I hopped off my horse and sighed to myself, because as I've shown many times, being dumb is more my thing than I prefer to admit. Besides it meant I could burn down something entirely new in my attempt to save it and that's always good for a laugh.
"Where's the sherriff?" Nidget spoke for us, a move I wasn't sold on, especially since I was the one that was supposed to be doing all the talking! I tell you its like they talked me into this specifically to not use me for the purpose they intended!
"You mean he didn't get you? Oh no they got the sherriff too!" The person who had come out to meet us had an apron on, I figured him for the bartender/cook of the area, he could have just been a guy who really liked aprons. He also seemed way way too young to run a bar, but then again I'm hundreds of years old, its hard not to judge others for being too young to do things.
"Slow down and start at the beginning." I was trying to be the voice of reason.
"The bandits! They are coming to town to get vengeance on all of us and the Sherriff said he was going to get help, but they must have gotten him too!" I looked around at his mention of all of us and saw exactly no one in town. Like I didn't even see a comical plant blowing through town to signify the town was empty, it was that empty.
"Well that settles it." I prepared to swing my horse around to get out of town but Nidget and Andre jumped off of theirs and tied the reins up.
"Yes we must help this town." That was Andre and my heart sank with him saying it.
"Yep bandits can't just be allowed to run rough shod over these people." That was Nidget and I was almost completley mystified how we went from talking him out of a bounty he didn't earn to saving idiots. It was like I missed a meeting at the suicidal club. And yet I hopped off my horse and sighed to myself, because as I've shown many times, being dumb is more my thing than I prefer to admit. Besides it meant I could burn down something entirely new in my attempt to save it and that's always good for a laugh.
Monday, January 28, 2013
Welcome to Brownwater
"Seriously?"
"Seriously."
"Seriously." I was dumbfounded by the name, I mean we had of course passed some brown water coming in (due to livestock in the area, you figure it out, just don't think about the smell). But I would never have thought a town stupid enough to actually be named "Brownwater" I mean you might as well call it "Smellymcshittown" even that would be better. The town was surrounded on two sides by the same river (it forked about a mile out of town, the town I'm sure had originally been built in the middle of the two rivers for protection/trade). Bridges were the only way over the water as it was too deep in both places to just simple ford it (I suppose you could swim it, but it appeared a bit too fast for that kind of thing to be a good idea).
The town itself despite being on a river seemed kind of empty. The kind of small livestock run town that supplies a bigger berg downstream (and it did Brownwater was north of the town of Driloog a much weirder but better sounding town with a larger population and more modernization). It had one bar, one general store, some houses of people who lived near those establishments. Two simple docks to help move supplies from one side to the other (because the bridges weren't draw bridge style by intention I'm sure so that people had to move through the town). There also was a sherrif's office with what I assumed was a simple jail. Shockingly we didn't see any one moving about town, not even a rancher or onlooker surprised to see three men riding in (well two men and a shorty, IN YOUR FACE NIDGET!) We made our way to the sherriffs office and found that completely empty too.
"Let me get this straight, we rode to this town to get you off a bounty for something you might or might not have done, and when we get here there is exactly no one in this damn town, including a sherriff."
"Seems that way."
"I hate you so much Nidget."
"Seriously."
"Seriously." I was dumbfounded by the name, I mean we had of course passed some brown water coming in (due to livestock in the area, you figure it out, just don't think about the smell). But I would never have thought a town stupid enough to actually be named "Brownwater" I mean you might as well call it "Smellymcshittown" even that would be better. The town was surrounded on two sides by the same river (it forked about a mile out of town, the town I'm sure had originally been built in the middle of the two rivers for protection/trade). Bridges were the only way over the water as it was too deep in both places to just simple ford it (I suppose you could swim it, but it appeared a bit too fast for that kind of thing to be a good idea).
The town itself despite being on a river seemed kind of empty. The kind of small livestock run town that supplies a bigger berg downstream (and it did Brownwater was north of the town of Driloog a much weirder but better sounding town with a larger population and more modernization). It had one bar, one general store, some houses of people who lived near those establishments. Two simple docks to help move supplies from one side to the other (because the bridges weren't draw bridge style by intention I'm sure so that people had to move through the town). There also was a sherrif's office with what I assumed was a simple jail. Shockingly we didn't see any one moving about town, not even a rancher or onlooker surprised to see three men riding in (well two men and a shorty, IN YOUR FACE NIDGET!) We made our way to the sherriffs office and found that completely empty too.
"Let me get this straight, we rode to this town to get you off a bounty for something you might or might not have done, and when we get here there is exactly no one in this damn town, including a sherriff."
"Seems that way."
"I hate you so much Nidget."
Friday, January 25, 2013
Nidget Criminal Mastermind
"What exactly did you do anyway?" We were out of town past a lot of the regular trade routes and thus not near anyone who might hear the conversation I wanted to have with Nidget.
"You know oddly enough I don't exactly remember ever going to this town."
"Yes Mr. Pavarossi is correct, I don't recall us ever visting it either." Andre had to confirm Nidget because I'm sure he expected a cutting comment from me regarding Nidgets ability to remember things. He was correct.
"So if you've never been there how do you know thats who wants you?"
"Its on the flyer." Andre handed me the flyer and I could see it said "Wanted Dead Or Alive" and Listed Nidget as a criminal mastermind who robbed a bank. I have to admit it was pretty funny I even laughed.
"Criminal Mastermind? You?"
"Look that part is pretty true." I saw Andre shake his head out of corner of my eye and I shared the sentiment.
"So you don't remember robbing this bank? Have you robbed that many banks?"
"Do you remember everyone you've killed Trezlan I've robbed a lot of banks." I saw again out of the corner of my eye Andre shaking his head (in case you were wondering we were riding with me in the middle Nidget on my right and Andre on my left).
"This is totally a trap."
"Nah, this is just a case of mistaken identity, I'm sure I'll show up they'll realize it wasn't me and then I'll be free to go."
"Right and me and Andre are there."
"To make sure the free to go part happens Mr. Lorentino."
"Right." And on we road to the town of Brownwater, no I'm not making that up, and yes it was appropriate. Tomorrow the excitement continues!
"You know oddly enough I don't exactly remember ever going to this town."
"Yes Mr. Pavarossi is correct, I don't recall us ever visting it either." Andre had to confirm Nidget because I'm sure he expected a cutting comment from me regarding Nidgets ability to remember things. He was correct.
"So if you've never been there how do you know thats who wants you?"
"Its on the flyer." Andre handed me the flyer and I could see it said "Wanted Dead Or Alive" and Listed Nidget as a criminal mastermind who robbed a bank. I have to admit it was pretty funny I even laughed.
"Criminal Mastermind? You?"
"Look that part is pretty true." I saw Andre shake his head out of corner of my eye and I shared the sentiment.
"So you don't remember robbing this bank? Have you robbed that many banks?"
"Do you remember everyone you've killed Trezlan I've robbed a lot of banks." I saw again out of the corner of my eye Andre shaking his head (in case you were wondering we were riding with me in the middle Nidget on my right and Andre on my left).
"This is totally a trap."
"Nah, this is just a case of mistaken identity, I'm sure I'll show up they'll realize it wasn't me and then I'll be free to go."
"Right and me and Andre are there."
"To make sure the free to go part happens Mr. Lorentino."
"Right." And on we road to the town of Brownwater, no I'm not making that up, and yes it was appropriate. Tomorrow the excitement continues!
Thursday, January 24, 2013
You've Confused Me For Someone Who Cares
"No."
"Come on you're already packed!" I tell you most of my conversations with Nidget start with no and work down from there. Like I know I'll end up helping him because I'm an idiot at heart, but I have to make him work for it.
"Nidget you have Andre you two are set, I'll watch the store it'll be like what I just did to you but in reverse." My logic as always was amazing.
"We need your Mr. Lorentino because this is more your territory than Nidget's or mine." Andre always the peacemaker, for a person who worshipped conflict he certainly always seemed to want to avoid it.
"You think appealing to my ego will work? Ok you're right now you've got me curious." I'm anything if not really easy to appeal to.
"I just need you to help me clear this bounty and then I'll be ok, I mean bounty hunters are bad, but if the Guard catches word I don't want Captain Therod executing me or anything." She could, she had the authority she kept holding it over my head repeatedly.
"Ok so when does the train leave?"
"Yeah there isn't one we'll have to get there on horseback." I hated this already and I had just started.
"So its close by then?"
"Not really."
"Nidget you are making me hate this more and more."
"Come on Trezlan you'll get to show your powers of wit over a dimwitted local official! Think of the possibilities."
"I am, and they all end in me disliking you a lot more than I aleady do." And yet I went along with it, because again I'm an idiot. At least I had Andre there, so it wasn't all on me this time, I mean in a way Nidget helps, but his helping is a lot like breasts on a man, confusing but ultimately useless.
"Come on you're already packed!" I tell you most of my conversations with Nidget start with no and work down from there. Like I know I'll end up helping him because I'm an idiot at heart, but I have to make him work for it.
"Nidget you have Andre you two are set, I'll watch the store it'll be like what I just did to you but in reverse." My logic as always was amazing.
"We need your Mr. Lorentino because this is more your territory than Nidget's or mine." Andre always the peacemaker, for a person who worshipped conflict he certainly always seemed to want to avoid it.
"You think appealing to my ego will work? Ok you're right now you've got me curious." I'm anything if not really easy to appeal to.
"I just need you to help me clear this bounty and then I'll be ok, I mean bounty hunters are bad, but if the Guard catches word I don't want Captain Therod executing me or anything." She could, she had the authority she kept holding it over my head repeatedly.
"Ok so when does the train leave?"
"Yeah there isn't one we'll have to get there on horseback." I hated this already and I had just started.
"So its close by then?"
"Not really."
"Nidget you are making me hate this more and more."
"Come on Trezlan you'll get to show your powers of wit over a dimwitted local official! Think of the possibilities."
"I am, and they all end in me disliking you a lot more than I aleady do." And yet I went along with it, because again I'm an idiot. At least I had Andre there, so it wasn't all on me this time, I mean in a way Nidget helps, but his helping is a lot like breasts on a man, confusing but ultimately useless.
Wednesday, January 23, 2013
Just In Time, If by In Time You mean Late
As someone who finds himself frequently in the middle of mass destruction I've learned to take it all in stride. You know really take the time to smell the ruin around you enjoying each destroyed landscape. Some people appreciate fine art, I've become a destruction appreciator (its a term I just invented deal with it). I also know that despite things being on fire and corpses all around there is always something to salvage and this place was no different (especially the cash boxes for paying the workers). So it was in the midst of this that I heard a large amount of hooves and readied my pistols (I had retreived the hanlon ones I had arrived with, though I kept an extra gun belt slung over my shoulder just in case reinforcements arrived). To my pleasant surprise it was Hanlon and a large group of men, and not a bunch of former Red Handers that showed up.
"Well I see this worked out as I had expected." Hanlon had a riderless horse riding beside him, I could tell from the saddle bags it was probably meant for me.
"You expected me to blow up the ship and kill the rest of the people setting the town on fire in the process?"
"Actually yes." Hanlon made an effort to smile, it wasn't a good one but there it was.
"I'll just ignore the fact you have a small army here and therefore could have probably accomplished what I did with less effort." It was for the best to not get angry at my psuedo benefactor, because it was a waste of time for the most part.
"Oh these people? They aren't soldiers their salvagers, I plan on getting all I can out of the ship."
"The grotto is crumbling and I don't think there is much left."
"My men will find a way believe me." He pointed in the direction of the smoking crater and the majority of his men dismounted and made their way toward it. I do have to say something looked off about them, and not in the they just go headfirst into a smoking cave way. I tell you I've never met someone who works for Hanlon that doesn't seem more off than anything else.
"So we're done here?"
"Well you're done here I have some work to do. I don't have to mention not to tell anyone right?"
"Of course of course, times have changed, the Guard frown on mass murder I'm told."
"Well Mass murder they didn't committ yes they frown on it a little, the horse has your payment and train ticket, pleasure doing business with you Trezlan."
"Same to you Hanlon." It was not a pleasure never was, but you know there are always lies you tell others to make sure they don't pick up on that. Not that I think I can lie to Hanlon, he's not human, but still people like to keep our illusions especially me. I had an uneventful ride back to the train station and from there back home. Unfortunately when I got there Nidget had a damn problem that needed resolved right away, because I CAN'T HAVE ONE DAY ONE STUPID DAMN DAY! CURSE YOU MIDGET!!!!
"Well I see this worked out as I had expected." Hanlon had a riderless horse riding beside him, I could tell from the saddle bags it was probably meant for me.
"You expected me to blow up the ship and kill the rest of the people setting the town on fire in the process?"
"Actually yes." Hanlon made an effort to smile, it wasn't a good one but there it was.
"I'll just ignore the fact you have a small army here and therefore could have probably accomplished what I did with less effort." It was for the best to not get angry at my psuedo benefactor, because it was a waste of time for the most part.
"Oh these people? They aren't soldiers their salvagers, I plan on getting all I can out of the ship."
"The grotto is crumbling and I don't think there is much left."
"My men will find a way believe me." He pointed in the direction of the smoking crater and the majority of his men dismounted and made their way toward it. I do have to say something looked off about them, and not in the they just go headfirst into a smoking cave way. I tell you I've never met someone who works for Hanlon that doesn't seem more off than anything else.
"So we're done here?"
"Well you're done here I have some work to do. I don't have to mention not to tell anyone right?"
"Of course of course, times have changed, the Guard frown on mass murder I'm told."
"Well Mass murder they didn't committ yes they frown on it a little, the horse has your payment and train ticket, pleasure doing business with you Trezlan."
"Same to you Hanlon." It was not a pleasure never was, but you know there are always lies you tell others to make sure they don't pick up on that. Not that I think I can lie to Hanlon, he's not human, but still people like to keep our illusions especially me. I had an uneventful ride back to the train station and from there back home. Unfortunately when I got there Nidget had a damn problem that needed resolved right away, because I CAN'T HAVE ONE DAY ONE STUPID DAMN DAY! CURSE YOU MIDGET!!!!
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