I Wasn't So Much Wrong As Not Right

"Don't come any closer." It seemed strange to say to me, since it was my office she was in. Like it was basically telling me to stay out of my own space, that's not fair at all.

"Ok Mrs Chance that's fine you stay where you're at." I was still afraid of the poison. I also assumed Mrs. Chance, I mean it could have been some other crazy lady in my office telling me to stay away, but that seemed unlikely for a few reasons.

"I've set up a barrier you cross it and you'll die worse than my husband." This again seemed rather unfair to me, it was my damn office, how dare she set up a barrier of sorts in my own office. I could see the blood on her arm so she at least knew hot to fake the necromantic magic if she hadn't actually done it.

"Can she do that?" Valerie had gotten behind me like a scared child, it was at this point I had to remind myself I'm the only person who is so casually involved with horrible things that it becomes routine.

"Possibly? Probably?"

"What are you two saying? You're not coming in here Lorentino!" I didn't even think we were whispering. The weird thing is, it looks like Mrs. Chance had been in my office for a bit, she'd riffled through all of my books which was bothersome. It was my stuff!

"I wasn't planning on it though I was wondering ever so briefly who you were spying for exactly?" That I mentioned spying made her go wide eyed, and then she slit her own throat in front of us. It was not an outcome I expected.

"Well shit." And just then it felt like I stepped in a big ole pile of it.

Ratcatching

"I don't understand why we left." I felt I had spent enough of my own journal in a morgue, any future morgue interactions will be annotated. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!

"Because we were not there with any authority, the real authority was actually there, and we already got what we needed did we not?" I don't know why I justify myself to people, I mean they should just listen because I'm clearly right most of the time.

"Yeah but if I had more time with the body I might have been able to determine who killed him and not just what killed him." To catch you up to speed journal reader, the dead man was most likely dead because someone close to him was a spy (a spy for who is anyones guess, most governments now are all messed up two of them directly because of me! How nice) the group we had run into in the morgue were part of the Guards interior service designed to catch threats before they blow up the country (and what a bang up job they did recently with a war and all but I digress).

"Clearly it was his wife, that was who the guy was afraid of, we just have to figure out how she did it."

"And why would that matter?" We had gone back to my office for me to get my pistol (I had become very fearful of not being armed, so much for security Captain Dupont!)

"Because we might need to know the antidote if there is one for what she'll try and use on us."

"Wait why would she be trying to kill us?" Valerie and I were right outside of my office, I could see through the door, she could not.

"Because she's in my office right now."

"Oh." Well a woman was in my office, and I could only assume it was the dead man's wife because that's how convenient my life gets at times like this! And I was right, like most things I'm always right, don't even try and bring up the times I was wrong, because I was proven right later on!

Secretive Services

"I'm not believing you in this." The leader was doubtful of my explanation about what happened to my former not client. She was fairly attractive for secreting around in the night wearing her pajamas (and not like in the whorey way a lot of women do that exact kind of thing), her fellow pajama wearers had also taken their masks off, they were not as attractive nor female (I'm a sexist I admit).

"Look I wouldn't have melted his body in a morgue, I wouldn't have melted him at all." This is true. Valerie was still kind of afraid of these people so she wasn't saying anything.

"And your chemist here?"

"Witch."

"I'm a chemist Lorentino!"

"Witch." People have labels in my life, witches will always be witches, this whole "chemistry" thing is a passing fad.

"Whatever, how do we know you didn't bring her here to destroy the body?"

"Because if I was going to destroy the body I would have cremated it." I mean come on people I burn my food way too much, why wouldn't I scorch corpses? Answer? I wouldn't, if I wanted to hide my murders which I don't because why would I? Seriously I'm a mass mass murderer the only thing I hide is my necromancy and I'm not even good at that.

"This is true, sorry for doubting you Mr. Lorentino, though I'm still at odds as to what you are doing here." Its a bit weird to have people apologizing for not realizing the kind of murderer I am. Truly my life is one of sunshine and lollipops.

"Its more about keeping the local authorities off my back."

"I thought you said you were intrigued by what killed this man?" Valerie almost sounded sad in that statement.

"Well yeah, that and keeping Captain Dupont off my ass, I mean I just recently got out of the blame for one murder." Have I admitted I admit to way way too many things?

"Oh that won't be a problem Mr. Lorentino, we are the authorities." At least that explained how a bunch of people in their evening clothes snuck past the guard. He let them in (and to think I paid for that privilege almost made me want to demand my money back!) Thankfully with this admission Valerie and I got back on track, mostly. Look how on track do you think I ever get?

One Misunderstanding Deserves Another

"Wait we do not need to fight here." I believe I said a fight broke out, what I should have said was an argument because that's what happened. For once it wasn't me trying to claim we didn't have to throw down, though seeing as Valerie's idea of fighting was to cower behind one of the tables I really should have just put my hands up to start (yes I have magic but I've also been arrested within recent memory for killing a dude with it!)

"Sure fighting where the dead are seems like a little to on the nose." Besides died in a morgue seems ironic, or at the very least weird.

"Who are you, and who is your friend?" Valerie stayed down because she was smarter than I gave her credit for.

"Trezlan Lorentino, this is Valerie a local witch I hired to help me." At the mention of witch she shot up.

"I am not a witch despite what Lorentino would tell you, because he has to explain everything in the old fashioned terms he's accustomed to."

"That hurts Valerie."

"Lorentino, ahh we were informed of your presence, I apologize for our rudeness." The leader pajama person withdrew her mask and her compatriots did the same.

"And you are?"

"Members of the same group Mr. Chance was until his untimely death, we were here to claim the body." Another cult of warriors? I swear they spring up all over the world.

"Chance? Well I guess his luck ran out." I almost expected a laugh from someone, but no one gave me even a courtesy chuckle!

"Where is the body?" The leader seemed a little put upon by my presence.

"Funny story about that." And it was kind of a funny story and we all got a big laugh out of it, right after we almost killed each other again. I tell you no one reacts well to a liquified body.

Like I can Complain About Deceny

We had snuck into the morgue. I felt this was a new low for me, but that would be a complete lie as I have several lows and to find a new one would be actually pretty difficult (which is really sad to admit to I admit). Though I do have to point out they don't guard bodies well at all! Like seriously one guy who was easy to buy off (ok so not so much snuck as bribed, look details do not matter!) It makes me think should some unthinkable thing happen and I die, I want my body burned immediately gods know what horrible people would do to my handsomeness. Probably something unnatural. It did take us a bit to find the body, since I did not remember/know the mans name, though after looking through a bunch of lockers of the dead (which I admit was a lot better than when we used to just have them lying on tables in the open, the smell alone was punishing) we found what was left of the victim. I say what was left because the melting process that had taken his face off, had now gotten the rest of him he was now just a flesh stew. It was extremely disgusting.

"You found him like this?"

"Gods no, when I saw him before it was just his face mostly melted off." I'll admit that didn't sound as good in my head as when I said it in person. Valerie took some beakers of his remains and we were on our way out of the morgue when we got stopped. There were five of them, dressed up like they were going to a pajama party.

"Friends of your Lorentino?" There faces were obscured, but I could guess they were not my friends.

"No my friends have a better sense of fashion." And then the battle was joined. I'd like to think it was because I insulted their sense of style, but in reality it was probably because they were there to kill me anyway. Probably, you never know maybe they worked really hard on those outfits!

Not The Best Lab Assistant

"Do you feel anything?" The love potion tasted as awful as it had smelled, which is saying something because it smelled pretty gods damnedly awful.

"Yes, pity." Valerie snarled and took the flask away from me. I was just being honest!

"You are terrible."

"I said I'd help, I did not say I'd do a good job of helping." In my defense (as always) I did tell her it was impossible to make a real functional love potion.

"Maybe I should do the same for your little vile of blood and not figure out what killed your jilted husband."

"He wasn't jilted, he was just worried his wife was trying to kill him, and I don't know you very well Valerie, but I can see the light in your eyes, you want to figure out what killed that guy as much as I do." I didn't exactly know that, as I couldn't see anything very well (a side effect of the love potion, which might have meant it was working, I mean love is blind right?)

"You're right, even though you're a dick, the mystery is interesting, but this blood sample is not enough, I'll need to test the body." I shook my head and it looked like she did not understand it.

"Not possible, or probable I don't think, pretty sure the guard won't let me anywhere near the body again." Dupont was abhorred when I took a blood sample, I couldn't imagine he'd let Valerie use her little chemicals on the full body. Also there was the fact I was going blind, that definitely seemed to make it difficult to get back to the body.

"Well it better become possible if you want to solve this, come on Mr. Lorentino I might have an in."

"You'll have to grab my hand."

"Why is the potion working and you feel something for me?"

"No I've lost my sight, but if this persists I will definitely feel something for you Valerie." Not love of course, though being blind would have been an interesting life decision for me as someone who has seen so many horrible things. Thankfully it did not last, well obviously it didn't I'm still doing journal entries with a minimal amount of spelling errors!

Bewitching Chemistry

"Most people knock." I had barged in because that's how I do.

"I know and that makes them idiots, when you knock you give the other person a chance to say you can't come in, and frankly I didn't want to give you that kind of chance." It was her fault really she shouldn't have left her door unlocked. Inside her apartment/workshop I could see all kinds of bubbling fluids and beakers, in the years since I'd dealt with a witch (nay centuries) they had radically changed the way they did things.

"You're correct Mr. Lorentino I would not have allowed you in and I'd like for you to leave!" Valerie Stutts also wasn't the traditional witch, gone was the all the usual horrors of uglyness for a witch, she was decently attractive about average weight, her only real problem was her stringy red hair and the acne (the acne was what got her into witchcraft in the first place, sadly she had found no cure for it).

"I'd like for myself to leave as well Valerie, but I need your help please I'm begging you here."

"Begging will get you nowhere." The room smelled awful, I could see she was hard at work trying to do something, now I've never been much of a potion kind of person since I do all my work with real magic (in your face functional yet harder to do magical stuff!) but I did generally know what goes into what by smell (a side effect of avoiding being poisoned for all the centuries, you want to find out what poisons smell like) this wasn't a poison, but the herbs were very distinct. Distinct enough for me to generally know what she was trying to brew

"Well begging with cash in hand, so kind of like begging for you to take my money."

"I'm busy Mr. Lorentino, as most chemists are, something I believe I told you the last time you barged in here."

"You did, but I didn't listen than either Valerie, besides love potions never ever work, they haven't worked for hundreds of years they won't work now." She went bright red at the mention of a love potion.

"You don't know that, they haven't worked before because they didn't have me doing it!" They don't work by the way because there is nothing in nature that can make someone love you, well aside from precious metals and gems, but that's not so much love as lust for your money.

"Tell you what, you help me with my problem, and I'll help you with your love potion, even," I sighed because I knew how terrible these things generally tasted, "Even let you try it out on me."

"Done you can't back out now, you gave your word." People are so funny when they think ones word means anything, especially mine! But a deal was a deal.

"Ok now that we've got that out of the way I need you to help me to find out what killed this guy."

"What? You want me to help you solve a murder?"

"You say that like its impossible."

"You didn't kill him did you?"

"Valerie why would I seek your help in finding out what killed someone if I did it?"

"Because you're insane?" And this was the start of a beautiful working relationship. Not really.