One For the Road, Maybe Two

"One for me, and one for my not friend here, oh and the glasses are your gift, I would have wrapped them but you know Val I don't care for the holidays." Val grunted took my gift of glasses and actually looked fairly happy (they were good glasses cost a decent amount of money, well I think it was a decent amount, I have no idea anymore, I feel like a child in this world).

"Thank you Mr. Lorentino." My "friend" was balding but otherwise fit and didn't look too much past forty. He looked like what would have been a lord in a previous generation, but now just meant he probably owned land.

"That's the only thing you'll get from me, so drink up and make on your way, the answer is no."

"I haven't even asked you for anything yet." He seemed appalled at my honesty. Which is something most people are appalled by. I swear its like they expect everyone to lie and be nice like they are. That's not who I am!

"You have not asked, but I will not help you. No one ever seeks me out because I'm a first option, I'm the last option after every other sketchy shitty option has been addressed." I finished my drink and he sat there looking at his.

"You're not wrong I tried everyone, the government, mercenaries, even consulted a sketchy group of vagabonds that ended up just lining the walls, you are my last option."

"Well that's that then, finish your drink and go, I will not suffer another foolish quest." He sat there just staring into the drink and then he started to cry. It was a surprising reaction I've never brought a man to tears before like this. Other methods sure, but like this? I felt bad for the guy, and so against my better judgement I let him tell me what he needed and wouldn't you freaking know it, I agreed to help. Gods forbid one of these times I say no and mean it!

The Perfect Gift, Sort Of

"Do any of these say 'Sorry for life treating you like crap and making you short?'" I was in a clothing store looking at various coats, the sales person did not like my tone even though she wasn't a shorty despite selling their fashions.

"You know smaller folk are still people Mr. Lorentino."

"Sure they are, annoying ones who are of lesser standing in society." She seemed a bit miffed with my stance, she was probably one of those shorty sympathizers, you know the type walks on her knees doesn't treat them like crap. I tell you its one thing to think they are people, its something else to treat them that way!

"Mr. Lorentino if you keep up this attitude I'm going to ask you to leave my store." I was appalled at HER attitude! Also he prices were ridiculous so I put myself in a stomp and left. I figured I'd buy Val a nice jacket, but seeing how much things cost now I figured I could make better myself (I am a tailor as you may recall). Unfortunately clothing materials are freaking expensive to buy for one item and I lost all my useful contacts years ago for purchasing things whole sale, which lent me to just forget the clothing item thing and figure I'd buy some nice mugs for the bar (something I could get some use out of, the best kind of gift the one you give others that directly benefits yourself!).

Off I went to the local glass blowers, and when I didn't find them (look I generally don't do the shopping thing, you'd be amazed at how much I fail at being an adult at all times), I went to a department store where they sold just about everything (in little departments, hence the name department store, see I'm teaching you things, things you probably already knew). The store was crowded full of idiots attempting to buy things, or steal things, or just be standing in the way! I swear I hate crowds, and now I have a new hate, crowds attempting to purchase things! Ruder people have never been invented! It was during this melee of assholery someone grabbed my arm.

"Mr. Lorentino." I felt the tug and heard my name and I figured it was someone attempting to rob me, but alas it was not that simple. Nothing ever truly is in my damned life!

And Thus Ended That Experiment

I was back at Val's bar first thing in the morning (I cleaned up a bit and put on new clothes, thankfully the police did not find me as I really didn't want to answer more questions). He didn't seem surprised at all. He didn't even say anything for the first hour, just took my drink orders and kept them coming. I was well in to my fifth beer before he said anything of note.

"So decided to come back eh?"

"I ended up at a sex club for cannibals ran by one of Morley's disciples, they attempted to eat me and I burned the place down." He chuckled a little bit.

"Sounds like you had a more interesting holiday than I am."

"That's it you're not going to tell me I'm lying or claim that I just made that up?" I was kind of astonished actually.

"I heard the sirens and the paper had a thing about finding a bunch of burnt up bodies, I'm not an idiot Trezlan and this sounds like the exact kind of stupid thing you'd wind up getting involved in." I smiled at him.

"Thanks Val, I think even though you insulted me."

"You're welcome, that's about as good I can get for you, I mean it's the holidays this is your gift."

"I didn't get you anything!"

"That's fine I'd be terrified of what you give as a gift." I hopped down from my bar stool, stumbled to a table nearby, but made it to the door.

"No its not fine. I must get you a gift Valrym, I shall return!" I tried to flip my scarf in a triumphant way, but instead turned myself around, made myself sick and then collapsed to the floor. "Ok well when I get up in a bit I shall return!"

There Is Nothing In Life I Can't Blame On Morley

"Morley taught me all about you Trezlan." I have to admit I was not prepared to kill another of Morley's disciples, though it did at least explain who decided on the cannibalism change to this weird rich person orgy (what better way to hide your necromancy than having idiots eat your victims). I moved back into the flaming room to get some space.

"Apparently he didn't teach you what I looked like or you would have thought differently than to try and eat me." I sent a gout of flame at the Morley disciple and he countered it with some kind of wind magic (stupid wind magic). He threw my fire back at me, but apparently like my appearance Morley didn't teach him returning magic to the person who cast it generally will not work. He followed up his attempt to send my magic back at me with a bunch of random crap in the room thrown by his wind which I dodged because I was naked not blind (though I was a bit more aware I was flopping in the wind as it were). This kind of thing happened for a little bit until I closed the distance and punched him in the face. He stumbled backwards and I decided now would probably be a good time to leave (the room was starting to crumble from the flames and I could hear sirens). Unfortunately he did know necromancy and with my focus off him he hit me with a life drain.

"Now you die." I could feel the life being sucked out of me and knew if I didn't change things I'd be boned. But I was in a room full of fire that was screwed up because of all the burning and Morley's disciple was an idiot (his necromancy was weak its why I had time instead of just being dead). I intensified the fire and it burned a beam over the disciple which came crashing down on his dumb self (I made sure it burned hot just too extra cook his ass). Not wanting to join him I quickly exited the burning hotel and made my way off in the night completely naked and without my ID (which was a pain to get restablished).

And in the next entry I'll go over the aftermath of which there was some not a lot, but some!

The Real Deal

People with power do weird things. Some of them build everything out of gold (knew a guy like that literally everything, including things that didn't make sense like his toilet), some of them use it to abuse those lower than themselves in social strata, and then there were the cannibals. People who had money and authority who just wanted to engage in a decadent act of eating. I figured the majority of them were bored rich people who wanted to have an orgy (it was actually a sexual gathering as well though I didn't see that aspect of it for obvious reasons) and then someone decided that was too boring so they had to eat people poorer than themselves (You would think that would make the meat be awful! I'd prefer to eat a rich person they've obviously never missed a meal and lead an indulgent life!). I felt bad for the guy that was just there for the sex with other people's wives and yet he's got to eat someone to prove he's cool, not a whole lot of bad because he eats people, but you know just a twinge of regret.

"One of you comes near me with one of those swords and you'll regret it for the rest of your life all eight seconds of it." Naked, still groggy and slightly emotionally damaged I wasn't exactly the kind of animal these idiots were used to and that was the point of my threat. See I've talked about the nature of power before, I've talked about what real power is, but its still always true. I'm real power. I'm someone who has slain gods, I'm someone who walks (ok cowers but still I'm there) in darkness. I'm a terrifying person people should be afraid of, but no idiots always just think I'm a rube who is another fool to murder and it always turns out bad for them.

One of the guards grabbed me and the other brought is sword to cut my wrist. I was done, this whole thing while entertaining was not how I wanted to spend my night so I unleashed. The one holding me died to necromancy (because he was close and setting someone on fire while holding you is a bad idea). The one bringing his sword to stab me found how easy gold is to melt as I brought the cage melted onto his arm much to his screeching displeasure. Stepping out of my melted cage over the screaming guard the rest of the guests tried to run in terror (this was a mistake panic makes you do stupid things, like say running into a doorway that was set on fire burning you to death). The room was on fire people were burning and I was naked. This felt like the worst holiday party ever. I was on my way out of the room when a scorched man hit me in the face and sent me sprawling.

"You aren't leaving you poor son of a bitch." His face was burned but I could sense the power welling within himself (of course someone here would be magical of course).

"Can I at least put on pants before I kill you?" The answer was no. Also turns out killing him not as easy as I thought it would be. Because of course it wasn't!

Not On the Menu

Cannibals are weird. Like in the past cannibalism was something people did when they were tribal, feral, unable to eat normal animals but had a good supply of people (like ship wrecks or uhh ship wrecks...) But in the more modern times cannibals persevere, what was once something people resorted to, has become something some people seek out. I think its because of necromantic myth's about getting the power of the person you eat (which is patently ridiculous you have to magically eat them for this power...)

The dinner was very fancy everyone was wearing nice little mask, dressed in expensive extravagant suits, and they had very pretty silverware and plates. How did I know they were cannibals? The cooked bodies in display in the center of the room that were being carved up to be served. It was kind of a big hint. My cage at least had a pillow and was made of gold which was a nice aesthetic, and also gold is extremely easy to melt. I could see a half assed attempt at making the gold cage magic proof, but the sigils were all wrong (they actually hilariously had inscribed it in theory to increase magical power, but they kind of messed that up too). Too my right and left were guards, they were armed with what looked like ceremonial swords. They also had no pants or underware on (but oddly they had on tops, I was completely mystified at the dress code for this party).

"So this is a nice party, but if you gents don't mind I'd like to leave." They didn't answer me. The MC of the whole event was in the middle helping to distribute parts of people (the corpses were male and female, as one would expect the genitals were the first thing eaten, which is disgusting yet makes sense). I wondered what I was doing there, they certainly had enough meat (I mean two whole people should be enough, not to mention I wouldn't be cooked in time for the rest of them to eat) when the MC pointed at my cage and held up a goblet.

"WHO WANTS THE FIRST DRINK?" He pointed at me and one of the guards brought up their saber.

"You guys are going to drink my blood? That's disgusting." As if everything else was fine up to this point (it wasn't but you know I wasn't personally threatened). With my life on the line I knew my time to act was upon myself. And I get into that in the next entry. You know I love dragging things out for the holidays.

I'm Confused By Pleasantries

"Good evening sir." The waiter at the bar was a polite older gentleman with frosted grey hair and a meticulously clean vest and white shirt. He was wearing gloves and looked to be in the process of cleaning an already clean bar.

"Good evening indeed." The bar was one in the richer parts of town, I realized perhaps I shouldn't have jumped right up from drive bar to fine dining, but I had money and no shame. I took a seat at the bar even though it was as empty as Valrym's it was a lot more inviting.

"I don't think you are in the right place sir." I frowned and took out some money.

"My money says otherwise." I knew this was the universal sign for leave me alone and from his reaction he seemed to agree.

"But of course sir, but you are under dressed for the affair, Charles!" He snapped his fingers and a young well built man showed up. "Please show our guest to the bath, he should be properly prepared for the evening." Ordinarily this should have given me pause, but I had already drank a lot this evening and as I've stated several hundred times I'm an idiot. Charles lead me to a bath of sorts and disrobed me, it wasn't exactly sexual when he washed me, but I could feel it almost was? I dunno it has been several hundred years since my last sexual encounter and so any kind of contact confuses me (I swear I'm not a monster I just pretend to be one wait that sounds worse). I was kind of liking the whole being bathed thing up until I felt an injection in the back of my neck. I was about to kill the crap out of Charles for drugging me, but the drugs worked too fast and when I came to I was completely naked an in a cage.

"WELCOME TO DINNER!" Was the shout I heard and I immediately regretted my bar choice. Should have went to a scummier restaurant, at least there the only risk is getting mugged/turned into a medical experiment.