Like You Even Know

"You look great."

"Shouldn't you be somewhere doing something important?" My patience for Trezlan was at its lowest. Especially knowing I'd be waiting in a dead colony that reeked for at least a week (because I had planned like an idiot).

"I knew I smelled Hanlon earlier, but I wondered if that was just eyerocks."

"He said your..."

"He says a lot of shit remember that," Trezlan looked around like a criminal making sure no one was looking, "If you see Hanlon again tell him to kiss my ass ok." And with that Trezlan was gone. I should have been sad that the last humanish interaction I had was gone, but honestly Trezlan was worse than being by myself. I didn't transcribe so many dumb things he discussed I'd rather have just left that where it belongs in the garbage!

So I found time to just do anything but think of how alone I was on the planet. This mostly involved sharpening blades and setting things on fire. I admit probably not the best use of my time, but its not like I was on the clock or anything. At least I don't think I was, but I didn't exactly ask about the terms of my current service other than just "go here do this thing."

At least in time someone did come to get me, or I should say something. Because of course, nothing in this world is easy. I swear Trezlan infected me with his bullshit back when I helped him all those years ago.

Eyerock, No You Rock

Covered in the guts of my enemies I felt for a brief moment I'd never get the smell off my body. I wasn't even halfway done! The creatures were fairly easy to deal with, making me wonder how they got the colonists in the first place. But I have to remember not everyone is as crazy and vicious like I am. Or maybe the smell put them down? I dunno it seemed to make me feel awful so maybe I was coming up with excuses for what happened to the colonists.

Speaking of those poor bastards. I came across a chamber of them, or what was left of them. Apparently the Eyerocks had discovered human blood was good for them, I don't want to know how. But they had eaten all but the heads off of half the colonists and left their mangled bodies to produce blood until death. It was horrific to come across, just a bunch of headed bodies wailing to be put to death. I did them that, a final favor.

So when I came across the rest of the Eyerocks sucking on the blood I finished them off too, putting and end to their crap. It was one of those days I felt bad about my new life. At least fighting the machines in a futile bloody war was directed. Right now I feel lost, jumping from job to job waiting for something good to happen. Of course by blood I know nothing good will happen. Emerging from down below to the clapping of Trezlan solified this to me. I had been born to lose.

"See that was fu..."

"THEY WERE LITERAL MONSTERS!"

"Fun!"

In The Lair of the Eyerocks

I had found a rebreather to help with the smell, it wasn't helping. I didn't know how that was possible, but it was and I hated it. I had gone against my better wishes and decided to take the problem head on. I was slowly creeping my way in when I ran across another god. I swear to the gods, prior to the machine war being over I never saw any gods, now I run into them every gods damned place I go. It was Hanlon, the death god, I remembered him from my brief meeting before.

"All the power in the universe and Trezlan comes here with you, some people just aren't meant to be gods."

"Keep your voice down." Hanlon looked at me with a mixture of pity and apathy.

"These creatures do not have ears."

"Oh well now I feel stupid."

"Trezlan didn't know that because like every other thing he's blundered into he doesn't understand anything." One of the creatures did see Hanlon, I ducked down next to a rock while it approached, tried to take a bite and then died straight out. He sighed.

"So what do you want?"

"A lot of things, but more importantly Trezlan needs to return to discuss moving forward."

"Return where?" Other Eyerocks had seen the corpse of their friend and had come to investigate, I was worried they would find me.

"He knows." And then he was gone. Leaving me to deal with the now gathered group of Eyerocks. Because all gods in this universe are assholes even the ones I'm related to, especially the ones I'm related to.

Trezlan Lorentino, Master of Creatures

"So I the eyerocks."

"You said you called them eye guys."

"I like eyerocks better."

"Ok I feel stupid for asking, continue."

"Anyway the eyerocks are the original inhabitants of this sweltering awful place, they live underground."

"What do they normally eat?"

"Do you always interrupt when people talk?"

"Just you." Trezlan looked at me with perturbance, I mean I did ask for his help, but he was taking so long to get to the point of the issue! The man lives to ramble, and make shit up, and then ramble about the shit he just made up. I seriously wanted to edit a lot of his religious material with the actual Trezlan, but I'm pretty sure no one would believe how annoying the real one is.

"So anyway eyerocks have taken all of the people here, they have a settlement not too far from here, underground of course, where the people are, or should be."

"And you had to wait until one almost ate me because?"

"Theater my dear, theater."

"Trezlan you are the worst."

"Oh take pictures, to show people when you inevitably annihilate every living thing down there and no one has any clue what you did other than you."

"Hate you so much."

Beware the Green Mist

The mist showed up before the creatures. I noticed the smell got stronger and then the entire colony was coated in the mist. Trezlan also disappeared as I knew he would, he'd rather annoy than assist. The first of them was a small shuffling thing, it looked like a rock with an eyeball and feet. I had my hand on my sword and then relaxed, thinking maybe these creatures just needed to talk, and that maybe the colonists had been taken for a diplomatic meeting. The creature approached me, staring at first, and then the rock part opened up into teeth and it tried to bite me. I cut the little sucker in two.

As it died it made a horrible howling noise and larger rock eyes showed up. They didn't run, they shambled, but their size and numbers meant I had to fall back to the spaceport. Thankfully they didn't follow. It was weird, they were pursuing me up until I got to the port and then they just stayed at the edges as if held in check by something. I figured it couldn't be Trezlan since he just got there and they wouldn't know he was something they wanted to leave alone, and it partially explained why the port was mostly untouched. Well sort of it made no sense why the eye creatures couldn't get to the spaceport.

"So you saw the eye guys." Trezlan of course was waiting with baited breath.

"Is that what they are called?"

"It's what I call them."

"So there probably hundre..."

"Thousands of them, under the ground, its kind of glorious in their awful."

"And it smells worse down there I bet."

"So much worse."

"Even though this isn't your fault I want to blame you."

I Smell Something Awful

The smell was apparent when I stepped outside, it was like roasted garbage. Trezlan said he couldn't smell it since he can turn that off at will. Which told me he knew about the smell prior to stepping outside and didn't bother to tell me like a dick. I thought maybe at first it was roasting garbage, the colony was a very hot planet, and if everyone just disappeared no one would take out the trash and it would just sit and swelter, but I could not find any. I couldn't find any proof people had been there aside from the buildings themselves.

Just the damn smell, it was overwhelming and everywhere. It permeated everything that wasn't the space port. Which made me wonder how the space port managed to not smell (and also explained again why Trezlan said I should set up there). I was kind of at a loss as to what I was expected to do there. Like I'm not an investigator, I can't find people for shit and I don't know anything about biological agents.

"You'll be so surprised when you see." Trezlan was sipping tea, I don't know if he manifested or made it, but he was sipping it.

"This is like the worst birthday surprise ever."

"I never had traditional birthdays, so I guess in a way this is like your gift to me, I can't wait till they come."

"They?"

"Well I believe they refer to themselves collectively, its not He or she, its they."

"So cryptic." I admit I was more than a little terrified, and when "they" came, it was clear I should have been. Damnable gods giving vague hints.

So Who Did You Piss Off

"This is your stop crazy lady, please find a different way home." The transport was not pleasant to me, and I was sad. I mean sure I was what seemed like to everyone else talking to myself, but couldn't they have been slightly nicer to me? I mean I'm not actually crazy, I told them that several times which seemed to solidify their opinion I was.

"What a bunch of rude people." Trezlan ever the madness made manifest.

"Please just tell me you are real and I'm not like losing my mind due to some small dose of that neuro drug."

"You know years ago Hanlon used to screw with me by making it seem like he was a manifestation of mine, but I'm real," Trezlan then smiled, "Probably."

Where I had been dropped off was empty. Which made sense they said the colony was mysteriously empty and I didn't push the issue like an idiot. Trezlan who had manifested a bag plopped it down on one of the seats in the lobby clearly not intending on going further.

"So this is as far as you go?"

"Set up home base here, and then explore out, find out what killed these people."

"Or you could just tell me?"

"And spoil the fun? No, I recommend using this as a command center, plenty of food, shelter, you can reinforce sections... just in case mind you, I mean it could have been a space plague that dissolved the bodies."

"Was it a space plague." He laughed.

"I'm not that easy you'll have to try harder."

"God I'm just going to hate every minute of this aren't I?"

Trezlan frowned, "Well I am going to enjoy this, its like a game between grandfather and grand daughter."

"That can kill me."

"All the best games can." Which made me wonder exactly what kind of childhood Trezlan had, if he had one at all.