Hanging Around

There are some things you forget when you go to sleep in a weird place.  Did I lock the door? Where did I put my sword? Did I leave my coin purse on the night stand or in my robe? That kind of thing, you usually wouldn't forget if you hung yourself upside down.  So when you wake up HANGING UPSIDE DOWN!!!! You know something has gone horrifically wrong (its never horrifically right, I don't even know a situation where that works). I don't even know how they managed to tie my feet up without me noticing, I'm apparently a very sound sleeper (I'm also told I snore, I believe the snoring to be a lie, a dirty lie spread by people who are dirty). I did see I was weaponless (naturally) but my hands were not tied, I guess they figured my innate athletic ability would not be enough to reach my feet and untie myself (they are totally right no way in hell could I reach them).

"Morning Mr. Lorentino." A short fat little man was in front of me, upside down, wait no I was upside down he was rightside... nevermind.  Unkempt facial hair with strange green eyes, the rest of his face is a blur, I was hanging there for a long time and its been a long time since I remembered what this guy looked like.

"You know my name? That's great, you know this hanging upside down thing is messing with me, you know rambling here I can feel my head hurting, everything seems weird, you know like."

"Shut up Mr. Lorentino, and just listen." When you're hanging upside down words just spill out of you, I've attempted to recreate this for information retrievel but apparently its a problem only for me. "I was all set to just leave you be, you seem pretty clueless for a hunter from your style of dress to weapon selection, and then you had to come down here, a shame you could have lived a short life and died by getting lost somewhere, but now you'll just become a snack."

"A snack? Speaking of, kind of hungry you know do you have anythin..."

"SHUT UP LORENTINO!" I have a natural talent at annoyance, this usually leads to to getting my enemies off balance, or at the very least very angry (which never works out in my favor, and yet I continue to do it). I looked around my surrounding more, I was still underground, but it didn't appear to be a sewer (so I was moved and hung up, proof yet again I'm definately a deep sleeper) I couldn't make out what I was tied to, only that it did appear to be rope.

"So break this down for me short stuff before I lose all ability to think."

"You're a dead man." Short and to the point.  I brought a blast of fire to bare on the wee ones face and turned toward the rope to free myself.  My fire was a bit slower then I would have liked, but it cut the rope and dropped me on the ground with a loud *thump* (I tried to be all smooth and flip on to my feet, which were still tied and I lacked the skill to do the flip anyway so I basically just narrowly avoided landing on my head). I manged to get to my feet to narrowly avoid being eaten by my formerly small annoyance.  His face had "melted" in my attack, what I had assumed was a person was instead some kind of nether creature. Short and green from the flesh I had burned away its face was mostly teeth with one blood red eye. It was still the same height as before so I foolishly thought I could knock it out (look back then dealing with nether hellish beasts from beyond the five fires was not my normal thing, I hunted monsters not demons big difference!) Instead my fist just smashed hard into what seemed like rock and with little effort from his stubby arms he pitched me into the wall behind me, with a loud crunch.  My first thought was "ouch my back" my second one was "Eww what did I just land in" and my third thought was "OH GOD DON'T EAT ME!" as the nether creature again charged mouth full of teeth.

I rolled to the side and it was his time to crash into the wall, though it didn't seem to hurt it at all.  I found my footing and made a "tactical" retreat away from the monster. Now when you're running from something in an unfamiliar setting your first instinct might be to just out and out flee at top speed, this is a bad idea, as you'll run into more things and not make it very far.  A proper fleeing is a well scouted fleeing! I kept my eyes peeled as I ran and came across a door throwing it open I ran inside to discover it was some kind of closet (see this is where rule number two comes into place awareness of ones surroundings! But honestly who would suspect a closet in a sewer! though I wasn't technically in a sewer any longer at this point but I digress). I put my back the door to keep it shut and desperately tried not to think of my fate.

So this is where I'll leave you till tomorrow, trapped in a small closet, a beast of undetermined origin about to eat me.  Things we're looking pretty dire for me as a young hero. Tomorrow I'll regale you with how I defeated the creature and captured a nation... Err more like how I killed something and wound up in prison again, wait that pretty much spoiled my entire life.