In The Valley of the Spider Part 2

I've been blown up a lot, its actually a constant issue I've had (as technology expands and more things are discovered to blow people up, I worry because its only a matter of time before I'm a part of these things and their explosions).  Being blown up in a cave underground while a giant spider wanted to eat me though? Fairly unique in my limited experience.  The explosion tossed me from one wall of the cave to another one (rather violently I'll add), the saving grace was that upon falling from the impact I was caught in the spider webs and suspended from damaging my injured ankle more. 

I still rung my bell pretty damn hard though (I had a killer head ache and the right side of my face was coated in blood) once I got over the initial alarm of waking up in a big spider web with half my face suffering vision issues from being coated in blood, I was able to calmly assess the situation. Which meant abject panic while trying not to scream to alert the spiders I hadn't killed. My sword was laying nearby, I could see in the cave due to the explosion having ignited the large spider that had tried to attack me (it apparently burned very well I almost wonder instead of selling spider silk you could have sold parts of spider as firewood, sure it would have smelled awful, but think of the trees!).  That still left me stuck in a spider web with more spiders around (I couldn't even tell how long I'd been there, I figured a few hours based on how long the spider had been burning).  I tried to use my fire in a reasonable manor, but the injury to my head apparently overrid the care, and instead of just trying to burn the web around me I ignited the whole damn thing in a flourish, which dropped me to the ground with a thump (and sent my ankle into painurism). The fire on the web of course spread around the entire cave system (woops, I guess the explosion was localized on the spider that exploded, mine was unfortunately not).  I snatched my sword up as desicated bodies and bones started raining from above. I hobbled out of the cave as best I could, a huge foom of fire was going on behind me, the smoke choking out my vision and making seeing anything difficult.

I was actually choking on so much smoke I couldn't even make out where I was going, I started crawling immediately, but even that was too much.  My will fading I collapsed again, I tried to drag myself forward, but it was too much, too much pain, too much blood loss, too much smoke.  In the end I closed my eyes and waited for death.  And then blackness.

Obviously I didn't die of course, but when I awoke well things got a little bit more complicated.  Naturally, nothing is ever simple with me, aside from something being simply damn awful.

In the Valley of the Spider

I'm feeling better today, which is awesome for you little journal.  Though I'm going to relate a story of my journey through a huge spider nest, not so awesome.  So when I left off yesterday I had a bit of fire dying in my hand and a big spider staring me down from the darkness. If you've been reading this far you can probably figure what I did (no I didn't run off screaming, there was no where to go and I at best could hobble away anyway!) I expanded the fire in my hand and launched it at the spider (four feet tall, barely fit in the cave section I was in, damn ugly before it went up in a shower of fire and spider).  As the fire scorched the first spider I could see more behind it trapped in a narrow corridor, my luck was with me as the fire blew back and burned them dead as well (though the smell of burning spider would fill my nostrils for days, its a smell without equal of horrible).

The intial spider party dealt with I was feeling pretty good, it would be a short lived feeling, but you know how these things go. First I had to wait for the fires to die down, which unfortunately took a while (and like I said the smell lingered), I made due in the time while waiting by fashioning a crude torch to illuminate the darkness (in Duvein I'd aquired some of their remarkable lamp oil, I intended on using it as an accelerant to deal with whatever had been in the mine, but now I was using it for the more traditional illuminating things role). With one hand on my torch and one over my nose I stepped over the smouldering corpses of the spiders and into the cave beyond. 

I expected more narrow pathways, but instead was greeted by a fairly cavernous area, my fire light didn't penetrate even the full length of the passage it was so big. The stone looked fairly worn, most likely from water eroding it.  The cavern was coated in spider webs, massive things, I didn't see any spiders, but it was clear however the Loshan's had discovered the cave, the spiders had been living there a long time (well the webs and all the bones I could hear underneath my feet).  I could make out fresh coccoons amongst the webs and figured those were the harvesters (how the hell do you harvest spider silk anyway? I've never had this question answered and I've asked plenty of people!).

I was actually surprised there weren't spiders on the webs waiting for me, I was thinking maybe I had gotten lucky when I had that distinct something large is behind you feeling (you ever get those? Just me? Ok).  I spun around with a slash and hit nothing, figuring my nerves were just getting to me, I almost became spider chow.  Apparently the four feet tall monsters I'd dealt with earlier were the babies of this particular group of horrors. The beast that decended on me from above was at least 8 feet wide, long black legs slithered past my shoulders (the only indication I got that I was about to be eaten!) I rolled out of the way and straight into some spider webs (spiders 1 Trezlan 4, hey I cooked those little buggers at the entrance that counts!) the horror moved towards me. I still held my torch (thankfully this time it didn't cause some fluid to ignite and burn me to death) and swung backwards with my sword to free myself, the torch at least kept the beast back till I got free, but the creature grew brazen and came charging.

I was forced back into the webs and this time did drop my torch, it fell to the side providing partial light, but was blocked by the spiders massive body. The spider smashed me against the webs again, this time I was driven into the cave wall.  I was about to try and use magic or drive my sword into the beast, when I heard a roar and then I was thrown through the air, for a brief moment before I made another impact into a wall, I wondered "who the hell brings an explosive into a lair of spiders." And then I smashed into something and the world went black.

Hook, Line, and Spider

Have I mentioned I hate caves? I hate caves, I hate mines, I hate the deep dark places of the world.  I hate them like Morley hates me.  My hatred of caves stems from the simple fact that nothing good ever comes from them.  Valrya lived in a cave need I say more? So with this in mind I set off for the Loshan Mine (they were so inventive in naming it!) I had some basic supplies with me (food, water, lots of flammable substances) and the horse they had bought was a good chestnut type steed (what can I say I liked the color) so I made good time to the Loshan Mine (despite me kind of wanting to drag my feet, I wanted to finish this crap and move on with my life).

The mine was basically a hole in the ground with a shack on top of it (not even good enough to be built into a cliff side or something). This was enough to raise my suspicions to start, because honestly thats just crazy.  The concept of a mine is that there is mineral in rock and you are "mining" it out, but a freaking hole in the ground that wasn't even dug into rock? Well that's not really a mine now is it? I mean I knew the Loshans were going to screw me, I didn't realize how little they thought of me! The shack was built in a hasty manor, no outward sign noted it as the Loshan Mine, but the map I'd been provided told me this had to be it (look I can't draw a map, but I can read one!)

The first issue I ran across after noting it was a damn hole in the ground, was I had to navigate going down a narrow ladder on my bad ankle. Which lead to me slipping and falling and my ankle hurt something awful upon coming down (I didn't hear another break thank whatever bad luck I rely on).  The second issue I ran across was of course no light in the stupid mine, of course I should have anticipated that would be a thing (and I did sort of I had some make shift torch supplies, but after my last cave torch experience I was kind of leery about a repeat performance).  The third and final issue occured shortly after I fell down the ladder. I heard noises above me, I was going to write it off as nerves until the ladder I'd just fallen down was withdrawn up the hole.

"Hello? I'm still down here, leave the ladder you jerk!" I didn't understand why someone would do such a thing until the voice up above answered.

"Lorentino! Good to see you made it down alive, that way you'll get to suffer before you die." It was Watkins, so not only was this a trap, it was an obvious one and I'd literrally fallen right into it.

"There never was a mine was there?" I was eying the cave in front of me, I couldn't see past the hole I'd fallen down, but I thought I recognized something I didn't want to see.

"Mine? No, no this is a sort of breeding ground, we get silk from down there, or we used to until they got unruley and killed the harvesters, its a shame we lost a good breeding crop, but getting rid of you like this makes it all the sweeter." Silk, breeding crop, hole in the ground? Giant spiders.

"All this over letters? Isn't this a a bit much?" Trying to appeal to Watkins better nature was a losing battle, he didn't have one.

"She really liked reading the letters Lorentino, helped keep her ahead of her business. Burn in whatever hell they have waiting for you." I heard a panel sliding up above and then the hole was covered up.  So it wasn't enough to take the ladder, he had to trap me down there as well.  I heard the chittering in the dark, shouting up a hole had definately alerted the spiders to my presence.  As I emitted a small glow of fire in the air I saw eight hungry eyes gleaming back at me. And there I was in the dark, in a hole, full of damn spiders.

And that's where I'll leave you dear reader, in the dark with me (seems fair right?) I'd keep writing, but I've got a hell of a flu or cold or some nonesense and even writing this is playing hell with me.  Hopefully I'll be over this and tomorrows entry won't just be a bunch of mucous on the paper.

Rich People Problems

"And tell the kids I'll be coming to see them in a couple months." The lady seated across from me seemed overjoyed with the final announcement, I left off that she called the children bastards, because well it seemed unneccesary.

"Thank you Mr. Lorentino, and how are you doing?" I have to say I always like when people ask of me after I've done something for them, its nice to be acknowledged.  It had been two months of helping people out and hobbling around, but I'd become a bit of a fixture in Duvein and as I said previously, I'd be lying if I said I didn't like it.

"Ankles healing fine, I think I'll be back to being able to walking unaided soon enough." I'd had a crutch constructed by one of my letter people, it was a fine crafted item of a strong dark wood I can't recall the name of.  I still have the crutch even now, I've sadly had to use it for its intended purpose more than I'd like to admit to.

"So you'll be leaving us then?" She was sad, I'd made no hidden agenda that I'm at best a transient, reading letters was fun and as a busy body very rewarding, but my life is pain and suffering and the longer I stayed some place the more dangerous it is (this of course ignores my current residence, I don't mind risking this entire town as it is full of dicks, especially the captain of the guard).

"Yes Agatha, don't worry though I'll make sure to come back from time to time so save your letters!" I put my hand on hers and smiled. I'm happy to report I kept this promise, still do to an extent even though all of the people I originally helped are long dead.  No one ever asks how I'm still alive, I think they either do a happy fantasy that I'm the child of the original Trezlan, or just ignore that I'm alive by dark magic.  Either way I always look forward to my trips to Duvein.

Agatha collected her letter and left her tribute, a delicious pie (I love pie). She was on the way out when my door opened and Watkins greeted her.  I say greeted, when he really just bumped into her, told her to "Watch where you're going you old bitch." And then kind of shoved her out of the way.  Watkins worked for the Loshans, the rich people of the area.  His manners left a lot to be desired, like manners. Agatha was for her part gracious in the face of an exceptional jerk I had to give her that.

"Mrs. Loshan wants me to bring you to him, this is not a request." Watkins lacked any kind of subtley.

"Lets not keep him waiting then, well aside from me having to hobble my way over there." I tried to be accomodating, mostly because I didn't want to have to murder Watkins, as I said I liked Duvein, it made me a bit soft even to the dicks. Thankfully for me the Loshans lived near the inn, and I'd become pretty good at hobbling around (and my ankle had heeled quite well, I was almost off the crutch at this point).  Watkins opened the door, but did not step inside.

The Loshans lived in a fairly large house, double door entry, multiple floors, all pristine craftsmanship (the wokers had been brought in from somewhere else, they did not want the local "rif raf" to ruin their home).  The entryway lead to an overly large living room full of trophy heads taken from beasts of the wild.  I knew most of the creatures from my time with Corli, and knew enough about the Loshans to know they probably hadn't killed any of them that dotted their walls. I don't know how they made their money (if you can sell smarmy self assured dickishness they would have been the rulers of the world) or why they even chose to live in Duvein.  The Loshans were run by Corla Loshan, a particurlaly nasty old bitch, she and I never got along since I took away one of her business opportunities in reading letters.  She had previously even sent Watkins to rough me up to get me to stop, but with a flash of fire it was decided that someone who lives in a wood house shouldn't piss of a pyromancer. So things were tense to say the least. The living room had a couple of couches and one throneish chair, I knew the chair was for Carla so I took my seat at the couch. And I had to wait, part of being rich is making people wait, even if they took all day to meet you, they have to wait. I used the time to wait thinking up excuses for why I could not help the Loshans.

"Trezlan it's lovely to see you, " Carla came walking down the stairs in a gaudy evening gown, her voice dripped venom in a way that you wouldn't immediately detect, but since she was talking I knew it was there. She decended the stairs and took her position on her throne.

"Carla always a pleasure." I tried to make it obvious how much it wasn't a pleasure.  Her eyes never left mine, we weren't engaged in physical combat, but this was another form of martial conduct, the dreaded conversation battle.

"You're probably wondering why I called you here."

"I'd be lying if I wasn't, also I'd be lying if I didn't say how much I don't want to do whatever you it is you want me to do." I tried to cut the bullshit, much like my combat style, I'm straight to the point.

"Straight to the point as always Trezlan, you uncouth savages dispense with pleasantries early."

"And you uptight high society assholes spend way too long beating around the bush." We were at an impasse, any civility was long gone, and so we sat in uneasy silence, which kind of defeated the point of me being blunt in the first place!

"What do you want Carla?" The silence didn't last long, I didn't like the house, with the heads on the wall I always felt she was measuring up mine to join them.

"I need you to go to a mine and find out what happened to the workers."

"Do I look like an idiot? Wait don't answer that, ignoring the fact I have a recovering ankle and I do not like you, why would I ever agree to do that?"

"Money, lots of money, find out what happened with my mine and you'll have enough money to get out of Duvein and back to wherever you really belong." 

"I like it here, might remain forever Carla." It was a lie of course, as nice as it was, I really don't like small towns.

"Oh please, you've been here a couple months, it'll grate on you, and you'll want to roam, I'm giving you that option, also if you don't help me know you aren't safe in this town, sure you know magic and are handy with a sword or so you claim, but you have to sleep sometime, and I have a lot of money Lorentino."

"Point taken Carla, fine I'll do your job, but remember this you made an enemy today and my ankle won't be injured forever." I hobbled my way out (which kind of negated my threat) and went back to my hotel room to prepare for a trip.  Watkins came by later with a map to the mine, he told me they had bought me a horse for the journey and he'd tied it up outside the inn. And so began the end of my time in Duvein, like most good things it was ruined by someone with money.

Duvein Land of Opportunity

I want to correct something I saw in my last entry.  When I said that the peace lasted a couple days, I misremembered it lasted two months (days months, honestly when you get three hundred you forget the little details all right!) Not that I'm sure the timeline for any of my travels is something anyone reading this is really concerned with (take my great geography, if you drew a map from how I talk about this land mass, well you'd have one screwed up looking map).  Still its important for me to note the actual timeline as best I can really remember it.

I spent my first couple of weeks in Duvein resting my ankle (you know the actually smart thing to do).  I even sought the local healer of the town to have it resplinted.  The old lady commented on my poor splint (thanks for that you old hag! Yeah you're long dead but my grudge remains!), she also wrapped my ribs in a cold adhesive that after a couple days made them feel actually better.  Its weird being someone who could steal life to fix my wounds, but instead just letting time and medicine do it.  I guess I don't want to be a total monster (especially after riding with Morley) so I do things like this from time to time to remind myself I am not.  Which really sucks becuase damn if I don't want all my parts working the way they are intended to work (and unfortunately traditional methods don't heal corruption).

With my foot suspended I was limited in what I could do, but I did manage to make money reading and writing letters for the locals.  I was actually fairly surprised at how many people in Duvein had letters they needed read/written (even with my horrible hand writing). Back then letter mainly moved by trade caravan (now there is a more organized mail delivery system), you usually had to give something up to make sure your letter or package actually arrived (it was on the honor system, but if you were found to be holding letters that weren't yours you could be hung I kid you not, people took correspondance personally). Most of the farmer's didn't have normal currency, so they traded me produce or other favors (I had someone chop wood for the inn keeper that paid for a week of staying in my room).

The letter writing actually satisfied another itch of mine that being gossip (I try and claim I don't care, but thats a damn lie I love gossip).  Not only did I get local gossip, I got gossip from other towns.  It was the absolute best (I'll also admit I didn't always read the full letter aloud, there were some statements that were better left unsaid, see not a total monster), honestly despite Duvein being a small town, I really enjoyed my time there.  Hell I still read and write letters for people, though its less needed now, but I do moderate business on top of my selling.

All in all I sad when events took me out of Duvein, as always it was something small, that grew into something else. One of these days I'm going to learn to let things pass and enjoy my own life despite things going on around me. Probably the same day they bury me in the ground.

Cooling my Heel

Morley arrived later looking dejected.  I never told him about my chance encounter with the real threat (look I never really get to put anything over Morley, so being able to hold something back was delicious), I had surmised when he came back all mopey that he hadn't been able to do as he wanted (so whatever evil plan he really had I had stopped almost entirely by accident).  I asked of the idol and he just handed it to, muttering something about how its useless now.  I almost felt sorry for him, almost.

I begged a ride off him to get to a town nearby. He actually was kind enough to oblige me, so off I went with my new paperweight (I still have that skull actually, I talk to it occaisionally, hasn't talked back yet, but one day I'm sure it will). He didn't stick around, said something about had business elsewhere and I didn't pry. He was nice enough to give me some coin so that I could get a room and recover (he laughed about that part since I told him I was content for a natural recovery).  Surpingly this nice gesture didn't get me killed as his normal ones do.

The town was one of those self contained farming communities, not a lot of direct outside influence, but occaisional specialities traders would show up for their local produce (they had a lovely apple for which they were very well known or so I was told REPEATEDLY!).  The town was named Duvein (prounounced Doo Vayne no I have no idea how a group of idiotic farm workers came up with such a complicated name), it had a small inn that included the towns tavern, a sheriff with a couple deputies, and even the required rich person who rules them all in his extravagant house so prevelent in small communities.

I didn't really explore much my first day, my ankle hurt, my ribs ached, and my stomach was growling.  I paid the clerk for a room, got some food, and shut myself in my room (it didn't help that I had a skull in my bag, people in small communities tend to not like skulls).  The lady at the front looked to be a really nice old motherly type, but I frankly didn't care, I made sure to tell her I wasn't to be disturbed. And for a few blissful days I was able to cool off, unfortunately as things tend to go with me, that didn't last!

Talking Too Much of The Damned

I had made a small fire to warm myself for Morley's return (what can I say I get cold really easily), I still had no food (wherever that horse went I never found out, I like to think she found some kind of horse utopia and lived out her days in quiet contenment, I also like to believe the universe doesn't hate me, you've seen how one doesn't neccessarily agree with the other), so I was sitting there with my stomach growling like you wouldn't believe. I didn't fully trust Morley to resolve the undead situation, but hungry, hurt, and likely partially corrupted it wasn't like I had a lot of choice in the matter. I didn't even know in which direction Morley had rode off in!

So there I was a small fire burning away waiting for an evil person to show back up when a hooded figure approached.  Now I'll admit I don't normally accept visitors with derision, but something seemed off with this guy, I got to my feet through no small amount of effort. He was entirely cloaked in a dirty old robe grayed from misuse proper use? I dunno I'm not a robe expert.

"You're a necromancer?" His voice was like dried paper being rubbed against snake scales, vowels extended out for too long, consonants blurred with the vowels.  It was the kind of voice that sceamed "I'm a bad guy please don't listen to any lies I may say."

"I'm a poor man lamed by fate good sir, take pity on me and move on." Ok I'll admit I'm not exactly the most honest person either.

"You are a liar! I am Rodrigo Vantema, a Dark Lord of the Wirean empire! We spanned this entire land mass for gen..." I chopped his head off at this point, look I could tell a long speech when I hear one and honestly listening to whoever from wherever was about as interesting as picking lint of out of my belly button. I tossed the corpse on the fire (you can never tell with dark lords who talk like dried leaves if flat out decapitating them will get the job done, my motto, burn first, burn second, burn forever). His body went up like tinder, not even the bones were left (fire wasn't even that hot so it must have just been really old). Thankfully there wasn't any lasting smell (I was almost worried his body would smell like cooked meat which would only make me hungrier and yeah didn't want to go the actual canabilism route).

And so I remained for another day, up on a cliff waiting for Morley to get back so I could get out of there. If only I'd known I'd accidentally already solved the issue entirely I could have already left to get something to eat! Hindsight is always clear they say, because they are dicks.

Sitting this one out

"You broke your ankle, you look like you cracked your ribs, and if I'm not mistaken from the smell you corrupted part of yourself as well."

"You say all that like its a bad thing?" Morley's appraisal of my injuries was insulting! He also missed that I bruised my ass when I fell down, but honestly that was a minor injury compared to the rest.

"How do you wake up in the morning without hurting yourself serious question?" We were camped out on a ridge.  Morley didn't have a camp fire or anything, you know I can't recall if I've ever seen the man eat anything.  What does Morley eat? Nope probably don't want to know the answer to that.

"Its touch and go sometimes I almost chop my hand off while cooking breakfast," I gave Morley a sour look, "Look you fight a rock giant by your own self and not get hurt asshole!"

"Only one? Please I've taken on more than that without a scratch, regardless of your failures as a magic user or a person in general this just means I'll have to deal with this situation by myself." Morley sighed as he looked to the fires burning on the plains in the distance.

"I'm all broken up about that Morley really, I mean I might shed a tear should fall out there." I wouldn't have shed a tear.

"On second thought..."

"Har har, look being your bait twice is enough for me, thanks for the warning about the necro army by the way." He totally didn't give me a warning, at all, which you know from reading... nevermind.

"Well at least your fire will distract me enough to get to use these," He produced the relics, they'd been fused together in some kind of weird skull thing, "Well in theory, honestly the lore is kind of off here, I mean for one the army was supposed to not be able to pass beyond their graveyard, but that was way off." Morley was more talking to himself, but still it was nice to know that he occaisionally got stuff wrong.

"So you intend on destroying it right not using it for yourself?"

Morley smiled, it was scarier then his normal smarmy look, "You thought I betrayed you and was leading that army didn't you? Yes Trezlan I intend on destroying it you moron, an army of the dead is useless to me." You'll note the useless statement, its not that he wouldn't want an army of slaves, just that this army is not as useful as he'd like.

"And so I stay here and try not to hurt myself."

"A task you might be able to pull off, maybe."

I flipped him off, he mounted his horse and left me alone.  I was at least reasurred he intended on doing this without me.  I'm pretty sure he just wanted me out of the way in case he got hurt and had to heal himself. Its funny the one nice thing he did for me and it almost got me killed, again.  Seriously even when he's being nice I'm in trouble.

I'm Not on the Menu

Armies of the undead are so impolite! I mean here I was trying to limp my way to them, and they couldn't even slow their relentless march to wipe out civilization! Damned undead with their not having to sleep, or slow down due to not being alive! I still wasn't even sure how Morley had got this army (at the time I figured he'd screwed me because honestly that's what Morley does), I couldn't even tell if I was going in the right direction (I was, following destruction usually works for chasing armies, yes I've chased armies after this one).

The sun was setting over the ruined plains (in a day of hobbled travel I'd left teh forest where the shorties existed and found my way to what makes up the majority of the Red Hand territory hard scrabble brush lands, that's why its easy to get lost in their territory it all looks the freaking same).  The undead army was making it easy for me, as they walked what little vegetation there was died, so I just followed the dead plants and soon enough there they were. The horde had stopped for some reason.  I'd been following them all day, but in my pain and hunger (what little food I found at the shorty camp did not look appetitizing) I almost stumbled right into their ranks (this is even worse when you consider I was on a plain with great visibility).  The dead were a mixture of the recent (most of the shorty village) and the long dead (basically ambling skeletons), I couldn't tell who was leading them, and oddly enough they were all just standing around.  Not talking, not warring or stomping; just standing.

It was really odd. I was so mesmerized I didn't even realize the undead that had snuck on me. It was a recent shorty and his boney companion.  The little guy wasn't clothed (nightmare fuel) and the skeleton had the remains of some cloth shirt on his torso, probably what he was buried in. I was made aware of their presence by a sharp pain in my injured ankle (naturally) as the shorty attacked. I didn't suppress my natural desire to kick the little bastard and caused myself more injury (though thankfully with the splint I knocked the shorty into next week, so minor win for a major pain).  Bonehead tried to grab my torso, but unfortunately what ever magic enabled him to be alive was not enabling him with unnatural strength (no muscle, no real structure) I was easily able to disarm him (literally in this case) and with a quick sword strike I took his head off, which dead nothing to stop the body but without a head and arms it was kind of bumping up against me. I was set to disable the shorty when I turned around and noticed I was surrounded.

Getting gummed to death was not something I really wanted a part of.  Aided by the pain in my ankle (when you're in pain you tap into that nasty primal magic, I believe I've talked about this in the past), I unleashed a fire wave in front of me, I could feel corruption seeping in with stabbing pains, but I'd rather take the chance of madness down the line over death right now.  The fire was white hot destroying the undead in front of me and igniting the dead plants all around us, which lead to more of the dried dead igniting. It actually worked too well, soon enough I was engulfed in smoke and flames and could not make out a way for the life of me.  I did see that whatever magic had brought the dead to life could not prevent them from being destroyed by my fire.

I was about to give up hope (something I do frequently) when Morley's necro steed appeared riderless. Not wanting to ignore this gift of fate I mounted fast (at great pain to my wounded ankle) and got the hell out of dodge, or I should say I let the horse get me out of there.  The smoke had overwhelmed my lungs and stung my eyes, I did my best to hold on as the horse lead me out of there.  I can't say how fast or how far he moved, I was only half paying attention when I looked around and could only see the faintest hints of fire in the distance.  The horse stopped and tossed me off with a quick start.  I hit the ground with a thud and pain surged up my ankle.

"Thanks a lot you stupid dick." Horses don't understand speech (I think?), but I tried to make my tone of voice explain my displeasure.

"You're welcome Trezlan next time I'll just leave you to your own stupidity." That was Morley, of course it was Morley, it was his horse after all. What did he want? How did he resurrect an army? Well that will be tomorrow, I've got some nasty business to attend to today and I'd rather not be in a fouler mood than I already am!

Broken Ankle Blues

There are certain things you grow used to as a necromancer. Leering looks from people who suspect you of doing awful things, an unhealthy facination with death, and not having to suffer through maladies like broken bones. Unfortunately when you killed the only creature you could feasibly steal the life from (and honestly I didn't even know if a giant would work the same way, I mean life force is life force, but what if I took on gigantic proportions? I don't have enough cloth for that) you're left with whatever injuries you had going in.  Which meant a broken ankle and what felt like cracked ribs.

I could tell things had only gotten worse when none of the shorties had shown up to greet me.  It wasn't a huge surprise, but all the same it was an idicator (I mean I did kill their monster of legend? Where the hell was my heroes welcome?) I didn't know how much time had passed from when I went to sleep to when I woke up.  I did know that the stench of a rotting giant is a nasty wake up call, and that no matter how you attempt to get up, a broken ankle and cracked ribs hurt like no tommorrow. I hobbled my to the edge of the forest and leaned against a tree. I was in a bad way, far away from any assisted travel (my horse was at the shorties village), and unable to really walk for long distances without being in abject pain.  On top of all that, while I was half standing at the tree I heard fighting in the distance (even back then before the widespread use of artillery and black powder weaponry you could tell the sounds of a conflict).

It took me the majority of the day to just cover a small bit of ground, by the time I made it back to the village it had been wiped out.  No sign of Morley or anyone, no bodies or anything.  Whatever had hit that village had hit it hard. There were still cooking fires burning with over cooked breakfast burned on them. My horse was of course missing (naturally when lifes crapping on you it keeps crapping), and along with it my supplies and coin. I was able to make a crutch for myself, and later in the night after finding some liquid courage I made a splint for the bad ankle (hey I have actual healing abilities unrelated to necromancy, I just don't really use them ever). My ribs were pretty screwed as is (as you'll probably know rib injuries outside of magic healing a rib injury is just waiting and rest, something I didn't really have time for in either case).

So my time as champion of this village of shorties was really not for the best. It's the last time I ever really was declared a champion of somewhere (a shame really I'm a great champion not that as I have said anyone would ever find that out). I spent the rest of the night in a drunken stupor after I splinted my ankle, when I woke up I had a splitting headache, a full day of travel on a bad ankle, and a war against the undead to fight.  You know a normal day for me.

Trezlan Lorentino Giant Killer

Is it better to be lead by idiots or leading them? This is the question I had on my mind as I was being carried in a makeshift throne towards the beast of legend.  Morley was behind me giving me encouragement as I went (encouragement in this case meaning not being a pessimistic jerk). The shorties had apparently been apeasing the beast with sacrifices and now that they had found a "champion" wanted me to take care of it.  Honestly tribal socities are really scary in how they rely on superstition, what if the beast got tired of just eating sacrifices and came for the rest of the village? Pray to incompetent gods? (I mean at least with me as their champion they had a real living god) If you ever find yourself praying to a god for assistance, well I don't want to tell you you're screwed, but you're totally screwed.

It occured to me as I was being lead to their altar that I could just be a really large sacrifice to this ungodly beast they feared, but by the the time that crossed my mind it was too late to actually turn back.  The altar was a simple stone affair set on a raised platform in a clearing, there were trees about twenty feet back from the altar (I don't think the shorties built it as their huts were all bone and simple animal hide, I don't think they were secretly big stoneworkers).  The last sacrifice's blood still stained the altar.  The shorties lowered the chair and pointed toward the altar, I moved toward and stood upon it, trying to see what they wanted me to kill, it didn't surprise me when I turned around all but Morley were gone.

"Ran away did they?"

"Of course, they want you to kill their problem, they don't want to help you Trezlan."

"Well at least that means I can use fire without worry." Not that I ever worried, I mean if worst came to worst in the village I would have just murdered all of them.  Ok so I'm not the nicest guy, I'll admit this.

"You mean you'll use fire more openly? Not that the blade thing wasn't an interesting display of your limited ability."

"That was almost a compliment Morley, I'm touched."

"In the head yes." I waved him off and continued standing on the altar.  Nothing, I thought to myself that perhaps the beast of legend was tired or full from the last sacrifice. A small lizard like creature emerged and came waddling toward the altar.  It was no taller than my knee and walked upright with two stubby little arms out front. It made a weird squawking noise and came at me.  I looked at Morley and shrugged, and then killed the little lizard creature with a quick stab.

"That was it? That was the big evil thing? I mean honestly the spider was more imposing." Anytime you say something that stupid, yeah fate has a way of kicking you in the balls (I believe I've commented on this in the past). "I can not believe that they had a huge spider with stone legs and evil venomous fangs, and this little lizard creature was the problem! That's ridiculous beyond ridiculous."

"Trezlan."

"What Morley? Here to tell me you have another task that requires my help? You know I'm done with this, whatever debt I owed you consider it paid, I want to go back to a city, something with a warm bath and no damn slimy creatures, I'm done hunting monsters!" At this point I got snatched up in the air.  Never ever turn your back to make a rant, make sure to rant in all directions (a trip from your friendly neighborhood Trezlan). The real creature that was bothering the shorties was some form of giant (that had snuck up on me despite being huge, its not really my fault here, something that big should make more sound when moving around! Hell I can't go into a forest without making so much noise as to anger everything within a mile radius).  I apparently had killed its pet lizard, so it was not very happy with me.  I turned away from the giant (who looked made out of rock and the crushing force he was applying to my torso made me wonder if I would literally pop like an overstuffed sausage casing) to see if Morley was there, but he wasn't, he had left me to die as I could only expect (it was his entire plan after all, get me to distract his monsters and then steal whatever they were guarding). I had more immediate concerns of course, I was being crushed to death and teh creature doing it was intending on eating me (probably, I mean at his size would eating me really provide enough content to keep functioning?).

I gripped the stone finger with both my hands and conjured fire.  The giant screamed and tossed me fairly far (its not the fall that hurts, its the landing) I heard a snap as I fell and pain flared up in my left ankle.  The giant wasn't waiting around to see if I was hurt, his supringly quiet movement as he bull rushed me was alarming. I stood on the bad ankle and really regretted it (the alternative was being crushed by some kind of rock giant, not exactly a great alternative) each hobbled step was utter agony. I rolled out of the way and the giant smashed into a tree unphased.  I could feel myself losing the fight against the pain and wanting to slip away to sleep with each exertion. The giant charged again, I rolled between his legs and swung my sword at his ankle, I was prepared for a clang and to lose my sword but it carved through his foot no problem, the giant lost its footing and took a tumble forward.  I struggled to my feet and climbed on top of its back fighting back the waves of pain with each step I buried the blade into its back repeatedly until I was covered in the creatures blue blood (I've been a part of toppling regimes before, but this was the only time I ever truely killed a blue blood).

The giant moved no longer, I felt worn down, my ankle was in extreme pain, and my ribs also felt bad. I couldn't even muster the strength to get my sword out of the giant.  I stumbled off the beast and hit the ground with a thud (which made my ribs scream in opposition).  I figured I'd take a nice nap and when I got up things would be better.  Alas things were not better when I woke up, they never really are, the old adage of sleeping something off doesn't apply to world ending armies of the necro undead.  I know it surprised me too.

Trial by Jackass

"Go for the eyes Trezlan!" Morley was shouting from up above me, I was in a cage locked in with a large spider creature, its entire head was covered in eyes.

"Not really helping Morley!" I dodged out of the way of one of the creatures legs (normal spider legs are a weak point, evil spider monsters legs are a weapon).  Why was I fighting a giant spider in a cage? Well Morley of course.  See when he said gift, he meant me.  Yeah apparently I'm a martial god according to him, and this was a display of my courageous ability (which meant no using my fire magic, yeah I was thrilled when Morley told me that before being tossed in here). So there I was with my sword, my wits, and a giant gods damned spider! Where do people get beasts like this anyway? Do you raise them from birth to be something evil? Catch it in the wild? I mean honestly. I swung my sword at its exposed leg and heard a clang, the impact sent a shiver up my hand and caused me to it. Stunned from what just happened I didn't even see the other leg the beast swung as it caught me in the head and sent me flat on my back (where I do my best work of course).

"You've got him where you want him Trezlan!" That Morley he's such a motivator, the spider rushed over on top of me ready to land the killing blow (with nasty venomous fangs).  The damn thing was about the size of a small cow and still moved like a normal spider (I mean if you're big the least you could do is be slow!) Seconds away from finding out exactly what happens when something drains the blood out of you, I put a solid kick into the creatures mid section, which drove it back for a second. Quickly I took up my sword and swung for the creatures fangs, thankfully whatever protected its legs didn't extend to those things and with a hissing squish they detached from its main body. The creature lurched backwards and I got back on my feet, the crowd of shorties who had gathered to watch booed (naturally everyone votes for the flesh eating creature). The beast was enraged now, I'd hurt it (probably killed it without those fangs it wouldn't really be able to capture prey given a long enough time line of course), it rushed forward and I easily side stepped this attack, unfortunately I misstook its intentions and it ran up the wall behind me and launched itself at me.

Seconds away from being crushed and then gummed to death, I decided to risk a bit of magic heated my blade, and impaled it (its not like shorties would know the difference between enchanted sword and enhanced one). The force of the spiders jump and my own thrust had the sword go clean through it, I rolled with the strike and tried to toss the spider over my head, which worked for the most part, except it coated me in its digusting green guts on the way down. My enemy lay defeated behind me in a twitching mess. I stood up and shook the guts off my sword (at the same time made sure to release the magic I had in it).  Morley was clapping, but the shorties were none to happy (which makes no sense you test a guys martial prowess but get upset when he wins? Sillyness). I was surrounded by the little buggers and their sharp spears and things looked like I was going to lose by winning (though honestly getting speared to death? Better than getting eaten).

"You are champion, you can face evil." Those were the words of wisdom from the chief. The spear wielders backed off and went to clean up the rest of spider creature (it went on to be prepared for a feast in my honor, I declined to eat it).

"Good work Trezlan, now you just need to kill one more thing and we can move on." Morley moved in as the shorties left, he had that smirk of victory on his face.

"Oh one more thing Morley? HOW ABOUT THAT THING BEING YOU!" I seriously wanted to kill him right there in the middle of that bone cage, it would have done the world a favor let me tell you.

"Relax you did fine and I'm sure you can handle this next thing, well probably." Morley exuded optimism let me tell you. I shrugged off his statement and went to find the nearest water source, I could smell the rotten guts on my flesh and made me almost throw up everytime I caught a whiff. Which reminds me, my favorite invention of this modern age? Laundry services! Really makes it easy to wash your last monster out of your clothes, I'll admit this is a problem thats mostly just me. Anyway, tommorrow I'll regale you of my short lived time as the champion of the shorties (short lived? God I kill me, that joke works double and tommorrow you'll see why!).

Coming up Short

"Get up Trezlan." Morley was standing over me, he had a look of contempt and blackness (well more like soot, the entire cave system was covered in it now).  I had decided to sleep off my being lost, cold, and alone (because nothing works for all of those problems like a good night of sleep, hey it worked in this case!) I can't say I was surprised to see Morley, and I'll have to admit seeing him covered in soot? Well it was hard not to laugh.

"Oh did you bring breakfast Morley? I'd love some eggs and bacon!" Doubling down on being a jerk got me kicked in the head (you ever hear "well that was better than a kick in the head" I've always used Morley kicking me in the head for reference).

"You're lucky I'm feeling charitable Trezlan, you almost killed me yesterday."

"Oh I almost killed you? Well that's good, you almost killed me by getting me lost in a tunnel system with some freakish being in it you dick!" Honestly, how can someone complain when its your fault they are in the bad situation to begin with (ignore my complaints when I drag other people on my foolish errands).

"Is it really my fault you failed to keep up?"

"Is it really my fault I used fire to kill something that happened to be highly flammable?"

"Ok clearly you see nothing wrong with what you did so lets move on." Of course ignore what he did wrong and blame me for it, thats typical Morley. I got up, because laying down next to someone who kicks heads is not a smart move.

"Moving on then, did you at least get the thingy you needed?" Technical terms are my specialty: thingys, whatachneeds, whateverthehellthatis, and of course the "bomination" sub heading.

"Of course when you distracted the guardian I managed to get it, now we just need to swing by a village near by, get the other idol and we'll be all set."

"Wait another idol? How many are there?"

"Just two, I think, I'll have to see the next one to be sure of course." Two idols now? I swear he was just making this up as we went along! I sighed heavily and gathered my things, Morley lead me out of the cave, noting all the priceless things I destroyed on the way out (he explained then the reason he wasn't using a torch, despite letting me keep mine the entire time, like I said man's an ass). We emerged and I was happy to see both our horses were still there (well Morley's necro horse probably wouldn't leave, but mine could have easily taken off after the explosion of fire.) We were just about to mount up and get going when I noticed something shining in a bush near us, I was halfway to opening my mouth when the shorties emerged.  Tribal looking vicious bastards they were, all covered in animal bones and teeth from something. They had nasty looking spears pointed at vital parts I'd rather keep unskewered.  I looked to Morley and he shook his head (the universal sign for don't make this worse than it already is).  Their leader wore a mask made out of the skull of something (or it could have been multiple skulls, it was all bone and spooky).

"You bring fire from the cave? You are bad men." Simplistic language was all the tribals ever managed when speaking with outsiders, I've read journals that claim they spoke much more fluidly to each other, I've never ever seen evidence of that.

"You are a wise man Chief, but we are not bad men, we seek to speak with your tribe, we have gifts." Morley took the lead here, he usually did when we were in mortal peril (with him its all the time). The chief seemed to think it over and then indicated for us to move away from our horses and follow him, a couple of the other shorties took the horses by the reins and followed after us (I was worried at the time they'd eat my horse, I should have been more worried they'd eat me, but that will come).  Honestly the most surprising thing about this capture was that Morley was so laid back about it, again a clue to how he was lying to me. I was about to have my final clue, but by the time I got it, it was a little late to do anything about it.  And that will be tommorrow's entry.  The thing you have to keep in mind, I'm still associated with Morley, we still talk, despite him continually screwing me over. I must be the most forgiving guy ever, or the biggest sucker.

Caving In to Pressure

I hate caves, I hate dark places where things that should not be there, are there. I hate that I end up exploring them with some half baked notion of what will be there, all the while hoping not to get killed by whatever is really there (very rarely do whats supposed to be in a cave, and whats actually in a cave ever meet). As you can probably assume from this Morley and I went caving.  The worst part? It wasn't even to solve his stupid problem to begin with! We needed some object of whatever importance to try and reverse what he opened to begin with. It struck me as odd that he didn't have it to start out his little misadventure, that would be clue number one that Morley was shockingly lying to me.

The cave was a spiraling mess that stunk like rotten flesh (never a good sign, rotten flesh smell is natures "Go Away").  Morley proceeded on heedless of the imminent danger, he didn't even use a torch (I had a makeshift one form a piece of cloth in my bag and a stick from outside), I swear he can see in the dark, maybe he can I've never really asked (how would you ask? "Yo Morley I see you see in the dark, how can you do that?").  Following Morley is like being behind a big storm front, you try and keep up, but eventually the storm just blows on by you, or in this case he ducked to one side suddenly and was gone. Bad enough I was down there, worse that Morley just left me behind (you'll notice this is a pattern with him, I believe I've mentioned this prior).

I continued on stumbling in the dark cave, I had no idea what we were there for, and stupidly hadn't been paying attention to where we were going when I was following Morley (a pattern with me, I'm the worst at directions and following them). I kept calling out Morley's name while I stumbled around, I figured you know whats the worst that could happen? And then the worst happened (which is why you never ever wonder that!). I had just stepped in something almost unrecognizeable and was in the process of rubbing it off my boot in a dignified manor (totally not just sliding my boot around on the ground while going ick the whole time) when bumped into something fairly solid that didn't feel like a wall.  I didn't want to look at it really, I know how these things go, you look, you scream and then whatver you ran into attacks you, I reached a hand backwards and felt something really slimy (bad enough I got something on my boot I had to add my hand into the mix).

Turning around slowly with my torch I saw a four legged beast of madness.  I mean I hunted things with my Aunt, big ugly looking things, nothing ever looked like this damn thing.  It had overly large teeth crammed into a upper jaw that over shot the lower one by far (so I can only assume it would bite things with the front jaw and chew with the lower? I didn't really get to see it eat anything especially me), one central black eye that seemed mainly decoration (it existed in a lightless cave most likely found things by sound) the slime covered its whole body, which was long and thin with hinged legs like you see on insects the legs ended in talons, overall it had to at least be teen feet tall and about three across.  It had been "resting" in mostly straight up and down position when I bumped into it.  I stepped back slowly, keeping the torch and my hands in front of me (the universal sign for don't eat me I mean you no harm).  The insectabomination (thats my word you can't have that one) didn't appreciate my gesture and latched out with its front limbs, I slipped on more slime and hit my back pretty hard (ok ok maybe I should lie more in these journals, because honestly a lot of my victories are embarrassing, the more there is not to imply I've lied yet though...), I rolled out of the way of the creatures claws and into more slime mess (can I say I hate Morley again? I hate Morley) the beast was fully mobile now and in a cave where it had the advantage.  I was about to throw fire or something when I noticed a burning smell, in my fall I hadn't realized I'd dropped the torch, which now had caught the slime on fire, the slime I was coated in, you can see how this would be bad (what creature has flammable slime anyway? I mean come on!)  Out of the insectabomination and into the fire; I started running away as the fire grew behind me, I heard the creature scream an inhuman howl behind me, but I was too concerned with the ever increasing fire now enveloping the cave (the whole damn thing was covered in slime, how I missed this? I really don't know).

The growing fireball roared behind me as I tried to run faster, I ducked down pathways, past walls covered in wierd writing, and eventually lept into a what looked to be underground river (I didn't have my torch and the fire was lighting things for me from behind, I could have just as easily jumped into a river of that slime, but I wouldn't be writing this entry if I did that now would I!) The fire washed over above me, I waited a moment after it had passed and emerged.  Now the cave was dark again, I couldn't see anything, and do to just running like a madman, was completely lost so all in all thing were looking up you know, if I was insane well insaner.  MORLEY!!!!!

A Conversation With Evil

"So what was it like to kill Valrya?" Morley and I hadn't spoken all day, I followed and he sat silently leading. Well we didn't start off like that, he asked me what it was like riding Lorissia I told him another comment like that and I'd add him to my dead necromancer list, that kind of killed conversation.  We were at a makeshift camp in the wild now, as usual for me it was a simple campfire with our meager camp next to it (I had a two blanket set up, Morley had something more elaborate that involved laying down like three layers of padding before he put his blankets down.

"I was half in and half out of concienceness when I did it Morley, it felt like getting socked in the testicles and waking up with all the worst nightmares, except they were real."

"Still you got a lot of experience out of it I'm sure, I mean you already show promise with your necromancy, recklessness yes, but promise, like that blood trap in Lork, ingenious, that you were able to do that in the dark very impressive." Morley respected power, its the one thing that scratched his itch for domination. We had eaten something Morley had brought with him, I thought it might be poisoned (or to some idiots envenomed) until he ate first, he watched me while he did and made a comment while I was eating that if it was poisoned he could have developed an immunity to it thus making me waiting for him to eat was a dumb idea, I hate him so much.

"Yeah it was great seeing entire villages of small children being burned alive, let me tell you."

"Ahh yes the mage hunter tribe, what a silly group of morons, they were trying to hunt us all down and kill us, looks like we got there first right?" He smiled in a way that was more than a little unsettling considering the subject matter.

"What am I doing out here with you Morley? We are not even in the same class of people! I'm an opportunist, you're an evil guy who bathes in evil."

"Not true, I bathe in water, and judging on your smell, something you should do more often." Hardy har har, I was in prison you dick! Look I know this is years later, but that comment still stings.

"Morley I need to know what we are doing becuase I'm not up to murdering children because you told me I have to."

"Oh don't get off your pedastal your highness, if you must know you're fixing my mistake ok! See I admitted it, I made a mistake and you are correcting it! Hell we're doing the world a favor here, so don't get all worried about murdering innocents, these guys are all bad people that I associated with made mistakes with and now you'll be cleaning up!" He really admitted he needed me to fix his problem, over the years this would become a pattern, never once have I ever called up Morley to help me, ever, for a reason mind you, his solutions always involve murder a lot more than mine, which is pretty bad because most of mine involve murder too.

"Thrilled we are fixing problems for you, what about my problems Morley?"

"Are one of your problems a resurrected army of undead currently planning on bringing back entire armies of dead people to enslave the world?"

"No actually no."

"Well then there you are!" Hate him so much.  So yeah, his "problem" was a resurrected evil that he thought he could control that got loose.  And on top of that he figured two of us would be enough to handle something even he admitted to being a freaking army.  You have to hate Morley, only he could be so callous and stupid at the same time.  What's sad is that he always keeps one step ahead of me. I swear he and I are fated to either doom this world or save it, probably doom it to save it only to doom it again. Why of all the people I have to spend the rest of my eternal life with did I have to be paired up with Morley?

Should Have Stayed In Jail

I was whistling since they arrested me and threw me into a cell (not literally mind you they were very polite, thats what you get when its a paid for police force, mainly because they don't know if you're a high enough roller to buy his way out and make their lives miserable).  I'd been told to shut up a few times, but the little diddy in my head would not go away.  I shouldn't have been that happy honestly, what I'd done was more evil than usual (despite mervis being the one who hurt Lorissia most people don't view necromancy as a very necessary mean for their end). I was only in jail over night before a well dressed man unlocked my cell and escorted me to their processing area. Lork jail, was actually larger than I figured for a community of their size, I guess because of all the gambling and transient population the jail was set up for that and not the local yokels.  It was built in three sections seperated by hallways and heavy iron bars.  The first area was reception included places to sit and pay for your crimes (literally they had a board up with money next to each offense, most hilarious on it was "Sexual congress with animal" the fine was five pieces of silver, a pittance really).  Beyond reception was processing where they took off your dangerous weapons/items and stored them there as well, processing also appeared where guards bunked out/changed.  And then beyond processing was the cells, great construction and care went into each, again because sometimes even the really rich might spend a night in grey bar hotel. The diplomat who escorted me to processing procured my weaponry and other items (including my money which surprised me that it was the full amount).

"Sorry for the incovenience Mr. Lorentino, but we were not aware of your status in this matter." He had that entirely grateful for your help look I so rarely get.

"My what?"

"Your status, I wasn't even aware the Red Hand authorized independent contractors to work as mage hunters, but your associate assures me you two are of quite well renown for this kind of thing." My associate? I didn't like where this was going, and I shouldn't have.

"Well you don't want to go around and advertise of course." When you are involved in a con and don't know your part its best to play along.

"Of course, still you have to forgive my men, they had no idea you were working for Countess Lorissia and it looked like you had murdered Lord Mervis in cold blood, if we had known you were there on the Countess's orders and only acted to save her life from a dangerous necromancer, well no need to dwell on the past, all of your items are here and your associate is outside waiting for you, the citizens of Lork thank you for your esteemed service to us and wish you a pleasant stay." He showed me out of processing and into reception where Morley was waiting for me (I really should have known, I thought maybe Lorissia had buffaloed them, but lying up a storm was not really her strong suit).  I waited till we got outside the jail to voice my concern.

"What is going on Morley? What are you doing here?"

"No thank you? No 'thanks for saving me Victor, its nice to see you again Victor, how are you doing Victor?' Fine fine don't thank me." That's what Morley was good at, being an asshole whenever he could.

"Thanks Morley, now what the shit is going on? Why do they think I'm a mage hunter where is Lorissia?" We were walking towards our horses (mine had apparently been moved nearby, and Morley's necrobeast was instantly recognizeable.

"You're friend is fine, they think she's a countess and now with Mervis's ill gotten gains, minus a fee of course, she can live like one, I'd recommend we avoid her though, last I checked the Fire God not a huge fan of necromancy, even if it was to help, as for whats going on? I saved you a lengthy prison stay, I'd say we are even after I kind of got you jailed for five years."

"Wait what? You got me arrested?"

"What can I say? I was jealous of Valrya's attention being paid to you, so I may have you know paid off some officials to trump up a war profitting charge, you understand these things happen." We mounted and started on our way out of town, I was following Morley if only to kill him immediately after.

"These things happen? I SPENT FIVE YEARS IN PRISON MORLEY!"

"I said I'm sorry, and I saved you from possibly spending more time in prison, see even." Again Morley has a weird idea about even.  I let it go, there was nothing I could really do about it (Morley was still terrifying to me, because I had Valrya's memories, most of her children were coerced into the life style, Morley actively sought her out).

"Ok if we're even I'm out, no way am I staying anywhere near you." Because I'd run across him once before in which he injured me and threatened to kill me, I figured five years apart hadn't really made us any closer.

"Oh yeah about that, look I need your assistance with something, and my helping you out was kind of predicated on you helping me out." With Morley there is always a catch.

"So you helping me, something I was entirely unaware of, now indebts me to helping you, even though you just told me that you helped me to even a score in which you had previously had me locked up for five years?"

"Yes thats the long and short of it." I hate him so much, this isn't even the last time he's scewed me over, its a pattern really.  I only have myself to blame never ever have I gotten the upperhand with Morley. We rode out of town and north (before we left I left a note at the tanner I'd found to make my snake belt, it was simply I'm sorry, I paid the man to make sure she got the belt).  I didn't know what Morley wanted, or where we were going (thats the way he does business, "I need you, but you won't know the full extent of why until I tell you once you can't back out"), and like usual with Morley I wished I'd remained where I was.

Mervis's Malicious Monotone

Five men lay dead.  I killed them naturally, I was angry and not seeing things in a "live and let live" type way.  Mervis had gone from stupid foppish moron to someone who needed to be sliced open and have salt poured into him, in the space of say two broken fingers! The first guy was guarding the door to the lavish suite Mervis was staying in, I reached through him and burned the guy behind him (believe me the shocked look on his face showed that he didn't know you could indeed do that), the next three were a victim of my rather poor swordsmanship (which showed that Mervis obviously hired people based on looks not actual ability).  When it was all said and done I was standing over five bodies my right hand dripping blood, my sword also coated and I wasn't even getting started.

The suite was really just two major rooms, the greeting room where I'd just butched Mervis's guards, and the bedroom where Mervis was waiting.  My hands shook in rage, it was bad enough he tried to kill me, but that he had taken Lorissia and intended on using her in a blood ritual? That really just pissed me off (ignore for a moment that at one time I'd done the same thing, though it wasn't technically me, I swear that woman got into more blood rituals than anyone else). I lashed a string of fire at the door leading to the bedroom and sliced the door in two (it was dangerous given the state I was in, but I was really angry, hindsight tells me I could have accidentally burned the whole stupid room down with that kind of reckless abuse of power). Mervis looked like I had interrupted a little alone time, his balding pasty ugly face just served to make me angrier, the fact I could see Lorissia tied up on the bed, probably also factored in.

"MERVIS!" I rushed forward, he didn't have time to move or cast a spell (and thankfully he had not laid a blood trap on the ground, which is no surprise Mervis was a terrible necromancer, honestly Valrya had always considered him a failure).  I had pinned him a wall beside the bed my right forearm underneath his chin, my left still clutched my sword and I held it an inch below his genitals.

"Trezlan hey lets talk, lets just calm down you know you want to be calm." Mervis was a mind bender (I don't think I mentioned them in my magic breakdown, basically much like the Red Hand Judge, they work a spell on your mind with their words, its really effective, but tends to lead to a short life as no one ever wants to lose control of themselves and if you can't hear them, or you intentionally inflict injury upon yourself their magic doesn't tend to work), I could feel his words trying to burrow into my brain, I tightened my right hand in a fist and felt a surge of pain wash them away.

"Mervis I'm not some dumb fool you know, that you assumed I worked for Morley is laughable, that you thought you could send two idiots to get information from me insulting, that you would dare hurt my companion, death sentence."

"Think about this Trezlan! We're brothers! Just because Morley killed Mother doesn't mean we can't team up to kill him! Forget this tramp, with our power we could rule this town!" Mervis always did think small, I mean he'd lived his life just satisfying his urges, using up women, using their life energy to keep up his virility and then tossing them aside. I'll admit I hadn't lived a life of altruism and grand world saving measures, but I'd at least been involved in things!

"Mervis," I leaned in close, I could smell the rotten stench of his breath, "The only thing we share in common I killed specifically because I'm not like any of you." I buried my sword into his guts and it pinned him to the wall, I heard a whimper and he squirmed to get off the blade but was failing.  I turned my attention to Lorissia who looked like death warmed over, he'd been draining her for about a day, going slow (it was how get more pleasure out of his victims, most necromancers do a quick rip, Mervis prefered to savor the flavor as it were).

"I can fix her, just let me go, just let me live Trezlan!" His voice was high pitched and desperate.

"Yes yes you can fix her." He was about to say something else when I withdrew the sword from his abdomen and he came crashing to the ground, he was thankful at first until I buried the sword through his back and trapped him on the ground (its hard to write on someone when they are squirming).  I worked the ritual fast I could feel his life force seeping out faster than the blood.  Mervis himself had passed out in the second impalement. Unlike with Valrya I didn't retain any of Mervis's memories or emotions, I did not want them.  I just passed the life force into Lorissia and left his husk on the ground (when you are transferring life force intentionally and of sound mind you don't have to take in any yourself, when I killed Valrya I kind of messed up obviously).  She looked better but was still out of it, I could see color returning to her cheeks so I knew all she needed was rest.

I heard footsteps crashing up from down below (Mervis was staying in a hotel that had two floors, we were on the second).  I left Lorissia on the bed and went to the main area. I was greeted by what was considered the law in Lork (Despite being Red Hand territory Lork kind of operated independently for the most part, the local gambling dens paid a private force to keep things on the straight and narrow).  There were five of them, well dressed in shining mail armor wielding a variety of weapons that probably hadn't been used ever from how shiny they looked.  I held my hands out in surrender and laid down on the ground, I felt the shackles lock around my wrists and was brought roughly to my feet.

Yes my lovely journal another stay in prison for Trezlan Lorentino.  As I've said in the past I tended to be incarcerated a lot, almost like I'm some kind of criminal? Preposterous though, all those charges are clearly not true at all! Even the ones I admit to. 

Mervis's Marvelous Morons

I hate waiting, if this isn't readily obvious to you faithful reader of my insanity (or strange alien creature reading a journal of the world you destroyed) then you haven't been paying attention.  I burned my way out of my restraints without too much difficulty (there was one terrifying moment before the ropes burned through that the chair caught on fire, but you know that was brief), but I was stuck in the room until the two jerks who broke my freaking fingers returned. The room was fairly small, felt like a basement from light sources and that it was dirt floor with stone walls (also sound was muffled).  Only one real way in or out, and it was a metal door (I could have tried burning through it, but without knowing whats on the other side I could end up blowing myself up, which funnily enough happened to me once later on, not like anytime soon in this timeframe, but I digress). So I waited, and waited, and got angry, and waited.  I also laid a blood trap at the door entrance (its a bit of ritual magic thats best left to your imagination for the most part, especially how I got blood with no knife or blade nearby, think badly broken fingers), but that didn't take too long and so I sat in the dark waiting.

It felt like a day had gone by before the door opened again (of course this had to be when I was taking a piss in the corner, I even knew the second I went to pee they'd come back).  The small man was the first one through the door and stepped right into my trap, his scream was high pitched and brief (thus is the nature of such a trap, just again leave it to your imagination, it was fatal and not in a nice way) unfortunately its a one time thing and his big ugly companion came tromping into the room after him murder in his ugly eyes. He had a size advantage, an ugly advantage, and I had two broken fingers, but I had the an anger advantage and I can conjure fire with my damn hands! I also had the darkness in my favor, as the light provided by the door being opened didn't give big ugly a great visual of me, I didn't help this by blowing up a fire ball to blind him more (I had to be careful with hurting big ugly, I needed him alive temporarily at least).  I lead off with my right hand, because I'm a mouth breathing moron, as soon as my broken fingers brushed his hard as stone face I screamed in pain (I hurt myself a lot more than I could have possibly hurt him). He didn't wait for me to recover from my own tactical blunder, two shots to my groin region had me double over in pain (hitting a man in the groin totally not fair). I was on my knees when I felt that large tree branch he called an arm cinch in around my neck, seconds away from dying or being knocked out I reached back with my left hand and garbbed hold of his genitals (turn about is fair play) it didn't phase him at first until I willed fire into my hand and burned his balls into the next world (no matter how tough you are, when someone burns your testicles off, you are going down forever). The tree branch off my throat I took a huge gasp of air and brought my foot solidly into big uglies nose, it had the desired effect of erupting his face with blood. 

Still clutching his no longer there testicles I worked my necromagic on his back and drained his life, I felt my fingers snapping back into place (necromancy restores your body, it does not do it pain free, fixing a broken appendage with dark magic is the most brute force method ever) and let out another scream.  Big ugly tried to say something as his life was being sucked out of him, but it came out in grunts and honestly I was taking what I needed from his life force anyway. His was a tragic life of being a victim of violence and then being the one who brought that violence to others, the age old story.  I did confirm what I thought, Mervis was on to me, well sort of.  He thought I was working with Morley (and thought that Morley had killed Valrya, something all the other children of Valrya thought honestly), and had sent these two to figure out what Morley wanted with him.  I also got a brief glimpse of Lorissia unfortunately under the sway of Mervis.  I didn't have much time to work, so I stepped over the mess of the little man at the front of the room, spotted my supplies including my sword, snatched them up and went on my way.

When I emerged in the light of Lork the city looked as I had left it, a bunch of people walking to and fro trying their best to ignore others while on their way to their current fix.  I had a mission though and a location, poor Mervis wouldn't see me coming until it was too late, unfortunately for Lorissia too late had already happened for her as well.  Tommorrow I write of damnation, well more than usual.

If I Knew I'd Tell You

"Was it poisonous?" It took a little bit of searching but I managed to find a tanner/leatherworker in Lork (you'd think with all the morons coming and going and blowing money someone would want something as a reminder? Or new pants? but no none of that here).

"Look lets just skip this discussion and you just make a belt out of it, if you could feature the head on the buckle that would be great." I didn't want to get angry at him, its one of those things that people get wrong all the time, and getting angry doesn't help.  He looked dumb founded but agreed to do as I asked and I provided the coin to get things going (where I got money back then was mostly from the pockets of the dead, I've omitted these parts from the story as its rather boring). I'd been cooling my heels for two whole days in Lork, Lorissia had appeared once to tell me that things were going "Ok" and then disappeared back into the Blooming Rose, I swear I thought she was ditching me to entertain herself (she was, I guess when you've been raised in a martial church the idea of being all about you is lost).  Oh I almost forgot she also got more money from me, apparently she didn't have any, yeah so I was bankrolling her good time and waiting around for her to find Mervis (Yes as if being ugly wasn't enough his name was Mervis, I mean my name is Trezlan for gods sake and I could make fun of him). I was cursing the waiting when I ran right into a mountain of flesh.

"Where's Morley?" No excuse me, no how do you do? Nope right to the where's someone I met once five years ago.

"See you're off, you're supposed to say excuse me." There were two of them, the smaller one talked, the larger one who ran into me (that's my story and I'm sticking to it) just spoke with what he had been given, his rather large fists.  The large one introduced himself by hitting me in the gut with a solid left right combination that had me gasping for air (you'd think I'd learn to just burn first and ask questions later, but no, no I always mouth off and end up paying the price). I was about to offer a follow up suggestion of civility, but all I got was a large boot the face and the darkness of unconciousness.  When I awoke I was tied to a chair, gagged, naked, and I swear I felt slippery, I don't want to think about the slippery part.

"Mr. Lorentino I want to dispense with the bullshit, you are gagged so I don't have to listen to your whining and pleas for your life, I want to find Morley, you're going to help me, you either nod yes, or swing your head no.  I will warn you, if you say no my associate will break one finger on your hand for each no, starting with you right hand." Small man was talking again, room was dark, a single lamp illuminated it, I wasn't blindfolded (bad sign, if someone blind folds you they anticipate letting you go and don't want you telling others what you look like, if they don't, well don't expect to live).

"Do you know where Morley is?" Now see the real answer here is no.  I had to say no, I was already starting one finger down.  I looked at my right hand in a solemn answer of sorry, the large man snapped my index finger up, it broke like a shiver of pain, I screamed against the gag and felt more trapped than I had prior to the finger going up.

"Will you help us find Morley." I started sobbing against the gag a little bit, I didn't want to say no, my hand begged me to say yes.  But honestly I didn't want to find Morley, I didn't want to know what these two wanted with him, and so with regret I shook my head no and my middle finger was broken in kind. The little man took a moment and came close to me, his eyes beady little things stood apart on an overly large forehead (he wasn't bald but his hair was losing the fight with that that massive head).

"Trezlan I know this hurts you, and I want you to know I just want to find Morley, I don't care about you at all, so just cooperate ok, because if you don't we'll have to get creative after we break all of your fingers." That's the rub, "creative" I've been there believe me, my creativity is admittedly limited (well it was once, I now have access to things that would make these two look like rank amateurs, which they admittedly honestly were), but the threat is always there, "talk with us now or suffer until you die." I sighed and wimpered a little bit, the little man pointed to the bigger man and he withdrew from beside me.

"I'll give you sometime to figure this out Trezlan, think about it please for the sake of being able to hold something ever again." I did think about it, a lot, and part of what I thought of was what the little guys eyes would look like on a new belt, see thats the thing with messing with me.  You may think you have the upper hand, but history has shown, no one keeps me down forever. Even governments have eventually fallen to the might of Trezlan Lorentino.  These two would prove no different. First mistake? Leaving someone who conjures fire alone in a room not shackled with some kind of anti magical thing! I mean come on thats like magic 101!

You Can't Come In

I was sneaking up on Lorissia, she was still sleeping on her back, her bow was propped up behind her head and I could not see the short sword she called a dagger. It was mid morning, the fire was just smouldering embers.  Just about when I was standing over her I felt that dagger touching my genitals.

"That's close enough." She said in a growl.

"There's a large snake about to strike you." There was, looked venomous to me (venomous you know having venom with which to inflict on a strike, as opposed to poisonous that being something you ingest, this is a tip on proper word usage THAT EVERYONE GETS WRONG!), and it had advanced on her while we slept (thank whatever luck I have that it went after her, with how soundly she sleeps I'd be eaten before she woke up).

"Yeah I've got the snake problem handled right now, can't say how large it is honestly," A dick joke, she dare make a dick joke at this venture! I jumped back from her (during which she almost cut my bag open and I don't mean the one I hold anything in if you catch my drift) and launched a bolt of fire at the snake, it hit and incinerated the little bugger right before it would have bitten the crap out of Lorissia. She turned to see it with a start.

"Wow there really was a large snake, do you think its poisonous?" YOU SEE YOU SEE!!!

"Well I don't know never been a big eater of snakes, now could it have been venomous? Probably." She gave me a sour look (I always got sour looks from Lorissia, in a way it screwed up my level of attraction, the more someone dislikes me, the more turned on I am). We gathered our supplies in silence (I collected the snake to have a leatherworker make something out of it for myself, this disgusted Lorissia naturally). The border crossing was easy again (I miss those days of just jumping over the invisible line in the dirt), and soon enough we were on our way to the town of Lork (so named after their first ruler Lork I, at the time of our visit they were up to Lork XIIII, I haven't visited Lork in a long time, so I don't even know if its around anymore, or what version of Lork they are up to). Despite being near the border to Ronerawth, it avoided the conflict entirely, I guess on a account of it just being a town for gambling and other debauchery, no one wants to attack the fun places.

Eight bars (six of which have ladies of the evening you may purchase for a good time), four advertised houses of borrowing (with more obviously filling in the gaps in the unadvertised sense), and ten gambling houses.  Lork had more places you could spend and lose money than any other service.  Housing was mostly temporary flop houses for employees or people hoping to make it rich with few actual houses interspersed.  The city was laid out like a big box with individual streets making up the center of the box.  The cheapest places were on the outside the more expensive contained within. Some of the interior streets and locations even had guards standing outside of them to prevent rif raff from getting too close to high rollers. The bar we were looking for was the The Blooming rose (with a picture out front that reminded me less of a rose and more of, well not a rose). Lorissia and I tied up our horses at the hitching post and went to go inside the two goons out front held us at arms length.

"Whoa no way you can come in." I looked over at Lorissia figured the armor and weaponry was definately a no go and was about to tell her I'll only be a moment when I saw the direction of the gazes were on me.

"Wait what's wrong with me?"

"You clearly don't have any money, your lady friend is welcome, you'll have to stay outside, perhaps try the Gold Stumper up a couple streets." Charlatans!!! Lorissia gave me a smile and told me she'd get back to me if she saw the guy (hard to miss him, short, balding, missing the top row of his teeth and yet he'd be surrounded by ladies). I stamped back to my horse and sulked.  Later on in my life I'd buy the Blooming Rose and burn it to the ground, I'm hella petty.

The Newest Style of Jewelery

"So what exactly is it?" Lorissia was sitting across from at the campfire cleaning one her knife (I say knife damn thing was a short sword, I think it was also a subtle threat).

"Some kind of collar."

"See its comments like that why I'm glad you have all that magical training Trezlan."

"Oh hardy har har follower of the smart ass, I wasn't finished! The metal is something I haven't seen, something with a really high melt temp or the runes inscribed in it could be to prevent it from being burned by magic." I'd been playing with it all day, couldn't get it unlocked, couldn't understand the runes, actually I was half surprised I hadn't somehow gotten it stuck on myself with all the stupid things I was doing with it.

"So we'll just take it to a smith? They can figure it out," Lorissia didn't exactly understand when you take something from someone you killed, its not like you can just swing in to someone else and have them appraise it (actually thats something I frequently find myself doing nowadays, I wonder if that says something about me as a moral honest person).

"Yeah because someone in Ronerawth will have seen a Red Hand magical thing and want to talk about it, or a Red Hand smith will think its super awesome we have some judges blah blah and not turn us into the authorities." She did that hand dismisal women do when they think you aren't listening and I kept staring at the collar. We were close again to the Red Hand Border, our prey was in Red Hand territory best Valrya remembered (it was weird back then trying not to think of her as the real valyra, honestly the real valyra I knew was the fake one and the real one was more like the fake, whoa got lost there).  He wasn't even a real threat, more like a foppish moron who used parlor tricks to get pretty women into bed with him, but unfortunately he tended to murder them after when they woke up next to what he looked like (when I told Lorissia this was one of the possible targets, well lets just say it wasn't very hard to convince her to pursue him).  We were waiting for daybreak to make the border cross, unlike most dumb people we wanted perfect light to make sure we didn't run afoul of some kind of ambush, magical creature, or shorty invasion (look shorties are nothing to mess with, they'll rip your damn ankles off).  So the night was spent with her cleaning various weapons and I staring at the collar between foolishly trying to pry it open.  Let me tell you it was fun times, comparitively it was a laugh a minute to where we were going, but I didn't know that!

I swear most of my stories seem that way "Man and I thought that sucked but the suck hadn't even begun to suck yet!" I tell you I need to do more things like pick flowers and live life like a naieve child, then times will only get better and not worse!  Yeah right I know my luck, the flowers would be deadly and if I was a child some creepy uncle would just take advantage of me.