"READY!" I was still in my chair facing the barrel of a large weapon. I had found the ship, well "found" as in brought to it. Apparently they were having discussions earlier on the ship about test firing their weapons on people/armor plating, they didn't want to kill one of their workers so since I'd showed up I became the perfect test subject. I was seated in front of the armor plate, the large barrel of the gun still on the ship but it seemed impossibly close. I'd recommended us leaving the cave at the very least because of smoke inhilation I was ignored.
"AIM!" This one seemed a little silly, yeah it was a large gun and not exactly close, but I was a seated target, if they couldn't hit me from the distance they were shooting, well they weren't exactly going to win any wars. Not that they were going to win a war with one ship even if it did look all imposing half constructed a combination of wood and metal (which seemed like a bad idea, should have gone with all metal, but I guess limited resources blah blah blah). The workers had all stopped to stare at me, I guess the chance to see someone get splattered by a very large gun fired from a ship is always a treat.
"FIRE!" Now here is where the illusion of being helpess came to an end. I'm willing to take a beating to sell a role, I'm willing to take having to urinate in a room without windows to sell that I'm helpless. I'm not willing to be exploded! Also they had inadvertently provided me the one thing I needed. How do you explode a ship without being on the ship to explode it? Well show someone who can conjure fire the barrel of your very large gun up close enough for them to see you loading your explosive projectile in it of course (or well I knew where to send my fire to hit that projectile). So at the moment of their weapons test, instead of the fire they expected they got my instead.
A huge gout of flame went down the barrel, hit the ordinance they prepared to launch at me and exploded it. The backdraft from that explosion apparently hit other ordinance on board the ship and exploded that, which caused an even bigger explosion, which ripped the ship in half. Ordinarily this would be a bad thing for me since I'd just shown I was pulling their leg about not being well ordinary and would get shot to little bitty bits, but since they had not listened to my advice about taking this shooting outside the explosion of the ship in the cave/grotto they had going on caused the whole thing to be covered in smoke.
So I was partially obscured from all the people who moments before wanted to murder me, which was a good thing. I was also stuck in a now crumbling cave (explosions of that magnitude tend to destabilize cave systems), and the smoke which was obscuring things, was also making it harder to breathe and see the way out. So it was a win/win/lose type situation, or a "Full Lorentino" as I like to call it.
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