Awkward Story Time

"No I have not arisen." I swear I'm either wiping cults out or becoming their leaders, I have no in between (sometimes I become their leader to wipe them out, which is a combo of both crazy circumstances). They were not listening to me, because they were idiots deluded by a ritual Valrya had invented years ago to amuse herself. Yes this is the kind of horrible that Valrya was, she literally convinced a group of people to eat themselves for her own amusement. There was of course the other aspect to it, that being thanks to her use of necromancy should she have gotten in trouble she could "die" and effectively resurrect herself so as to instantly have the cult worshiping her. Again when you live hundreds of years you can play the long game, even if its a long game of being an asshole.

"Liar you have arisen show us the path now!" The old woman who looked to have had more chunks taken out of her than most was the one calling the shots, the rest of them just looked to be stupidly following. Even Winslow.

"There is no path you idiots, you are all the victim of a malicious necromancer hundreds of years ago, she created your cult to get one side in a conflict wiped out for being a bunch of creepy canibals, that you survived this long would only amuse her more. I wasn't resurrected, the bullet was caught on a book in my pocket see?" I took the book out and they all looked on in shock and then looked at Winslow who had shot me, look its not exactly his fault not everyone keeps a thick book in their jacket pocket (although they should!)

"This man is a liar! Come to me my children let us kill this pretender and continue the feast." The old woman marched away from the people who had been munching on her and I shot her in the face. The bullet took the top part of her skull off and sprayed her brains on to the rest of the group ruining their suits (brains are hard as all get out to remove from clothing).

"Look you can believe me, or you can all die here, I really don't care too much either way, but please just believe me." They didn't choose to believe me. I tell you I either rule cults or wipe them out, there is no in between.