And That's Why You Don't Buy Evil Paintings

"So John just thought that the painting was the perfect fit for our place." The painting was an old regal looking guy sitting down for a self portrait. His face was all full of boils but his outfit spoke to money, and considering it was a painted portrait hundreds of years old having money was an easy guess even beyond his clothes. How John had thought an old guy who's face looked like rotten food was a perfect fit for his apartment with his young wife and child? Yeah I have no idea.

"The old man with a rotten face was a perfect fit? Is John blind?" Debra looked at me with awe and what looked like relief.

"You see it too? John doesn't see it! All he sees is the old man, he doesn't see the boils!" This just confirmed my belief John was an idiot, well I already had that belief, but this super confirmed it.

"Well that makes sense, ghosts are dicks like that, showing one person one thing and another something else. I bet if there was a way to see what John sees, he sees something completely different than you do, including not even seeing the old man at all." Ghosts are dicks, its been proven to me several times. I noticed at the mention of ghosts being dicks the painting shifted, Debra freaked a little at the movement.

"He doesn't like you."

"Well I don't like him either." If he was a him to begin with, I don't even know if ghosts can retain this sexuality when they are dead, can a spirit be a sex? These are the questions that keep me up at night. Debra had withdrawn away from the painting down the hallway of their little apartment.

"When he gets angry things happen, bad things."

"What could a painting possibly do to me?" At this point the old man left the painting and punched me in the face. I was taken a back from the action, but at least it wasn't hiding or anything.

"YOU WILL LEAVE!!!" The voice was loud, like a child shouting for attention, which is kind of what the ghost was.

"Trezlan you might want to do what it wants, or things get really bad."

"None sense I didn't listen to my ghost father, I will not listen to this ghost either." I give zero shits about what ghosts want.

"YOU WILL CARE!" And that's when things got a little more interesting, and bloody, very bloody. I swear for something without blood that ghost liked to bleed on everything. At least I hope it was blood, because oh gods I need to take like three showers.