I hate doubting myself. If there is one thing that keeps up this flawless operation I'm currently engaged in its never doubting the amazingness that is me. I bring this up obviously because as they dug into the treasure vault none of the things they were pulling out of it looked familiar at all. Like I distinctly remembered informing the shorties how I wanted things to go, even drew up plans for the little bastards to create! I did remember not actually seeing them build any of it though. Look back then I was a callous jerk and so I may or may not have assigned them work and then just kind of took a nap and lazed around while they actually worked on it... I didn't expect them to build a completely different treasure vault!
Then there was the belief I had that perhaps I built my vault on a different island. Sure I knew exactly where this vault was, but with all the people I've killed and drained of memories over the years this could have been someones half remembered belief and not my own. Its actually the problem with necromancy, you start to believe things that other people have done are things that you actually did. And let me tell you that's embarrassing!
The excavation work on the treasure vault actually went pretty good, they cut past some of the more obvious traps with my help (not because I knew they were there, but because of my years of exploring this kind of crap I knew the triggers and signs of specific traps, again I've lead a charmed life). The vault was several hundred feet deeper than the one I had designed (which kind of made sense when I recalled how long the shorties were working on it, it should have been like two days of work, it took them like three weeks, I just wrote that off at the time as them being lazy little goblins stealing my money).
All along the way there was various marks and languages written down. Most of it was gibberish or not even a language, but that idiot Dumphree took it to be proof his crazy theories were correct. Like each hastily scribbled note was either an alien master plan or some old knight of whatever's secret code. He had all this crap written down in his journal and a bunch of notes trying to tie it together. I feel sorry for Dumphree, clearly his crazy has gone beyond normal peoples and straight into coo coo land.
Eventually all the digging got to the bottom of the vault and one huge big impressive door. And that is when all the bad shit happened. Which I'll get into next entry! I promise, even though I've been promising that for a while, this time I'm sure I'll tell you about the awful!
Friday, January 30, 2015
Thursday, January 29, 2015
A Plague of Failure
The entire treasure site had become plagued. I don't mean by like bad luck or mistakes or anything. I meant literally everyone in camp aside from myself and Dumphree (me because I have excellent constitution, Dumphree because I think the disease was worried it would catch him). I almost thought it was Hanlon at first, though he said poison not plague, but with the way the rot hit and then spread to the parts of town the treasure hunters were staying in told me it was not Hanlon (and that's why he suggested poison, releasing a plague can spread, poison really can't unless they have designed some new spreadable poison and oh I should keep that one to myself so no one does).
Eventually talk of the plague came back to the treasure vault and its weird sing songy curse. Now the curse didn't mention a plague, nor did it say "would kill half the town closest by" so I immediately wrote it off. Dumphree in what would become foreshadowing for how stupid he was, blamed it on aliens. Yes he blamed his men becoming plagued on being from not connected to this world. Did I mention Dumphree was dumb? Because he was so dumb, he simultaneously believed the vault was made by aliens and an ancient order of knights who to the best of my knowledge never existed. I figured the plague was from all the open water pits they had around the treasure site and unclean practices (Which seemed to be pretty much true, because when most of the men spent some time away from the dig site and in hospital care they mysteriously got better, which again lended itself to the curse, but seriously no curse you idiots just learn to not shit next to open water).
What it did afford me was time away from the camp to help Hanlon with his repeating rifle sales. Which ultimately amounted to me just shooting a repeating rifle and then providing some buzz words to marketing people. I really think Hanlon was just showing off the design (magazine fed by the side, smaller bullets than older rifles but more of them). Which worked because wow I couldn't stop talking about the new design with everyone I met. Eventually though I got back to the treasure site after the plague had cleared up and a few months (yes you read that right MONTHS) later they finally, finally started digging up the actual damn vault. I know it made me happy too, until when they actually started digging things weren't as they appeared. It appeared MY treasure vault was gone, I don't know how it happened, but apparently this was a different vault on my island. Or well it was but it wasn't. Thing we're odd is what I'm saying.
Eventually talk of the plague came back to the treasure vault and its weird sing songy curse. Now the curse didn't mention a plague, nor did it say "would kill half the town closest by" so I immediately wrote it off. Dumphree in what would become foreshadowing for how stupid he was, blamed it on aliens. Yes he blamed his men becoming plagued on being from not connected to this world. Did I mention Dumphree was dumb? Because he was so dumb, he simultaneously believed the vault was made by aliens and an ancient order of knights who to the best of my knowledge never existed. I figured the plague was from all the open water pits they had around the treasure site and unclean practices (Which seemed to be pretty much true, because when most of the men spent some time away from the dig site and in hospital care they mysteriously got better, which again lended itself to the curse, but seriously no curse you idiots just learn to not shit next to open water).
What it did afford me was time away from the camp to help Hanlon with his repeating rifle sales. Which ultimately amounted to me just shooting a repeating rifle and then providing some buzz words to marketing people. I really think Hanlon was just showing off the design (magazine fed by the side, smaller bullets than older rifles but more of them). Which worked because wow I couldn't stop talking about the new design with everyone I met. Eventually though I got back to the treasure site after the plague had cleared up and a few months (yes you read that right MONTHS) later they finally, finally started digging up the actual damn vault. I know it made me happy too, until when they actually started digging things weren't as they appeared. It appeared MY treasure vault was gone, I don't know how it happened, but apparently this was a different vault on my island. Or well it was but it wasn't. Thing we're odd is what I'm saying.
Wednesday, January 28, 2015
The Worst Hanlon Plan Since the Last One
"So you kill them all and then dig the damn thing up yourself, I'd recommend poison, lots of water around you could just poison their water supply they wouldn't know it until they were dead." Hanlon had no issue talking in general public even surrounded by people who would be the target of this murder plot.
"That's not an acceptable way to get what I need Hanlon."
"Sure it is, you're just unwilling to see it." He had that smug look on his face, you know that "you know I'm right" look people get when they think they solve every situation with a quick glance and that's that.
"Well this was a good talk I'm glad that you came down from wherever you exist to tell me to commit mass murder to accomplish my goals."
"I did come here for a reason other than just attempting to help you through your silly dilemma, I have a job to do as well." I almost coughed up my drink because the idea of Hanlon working a normal job was hilarious.
"And that would be?"
"I want you to when ever you finish with this ridiculous bit of tom foolery help my team advertise our newest line of repeating rifles." I looked at him with suspicion.
"Help how?"
"By coming up with ads to sell these things to the common man, you're about the right intelligence level for it, I expect you report to this address in about a week, that should be all the time you need to give up at this treasure vault thing." He handed me a piece of paper and walked off. Val waited a minute and then came over.
"What did he want?"
"To have me help him sell weapons."
"Oh that will end great I can already tell." I shook my head at Val. Though to be honest he wasn't wrong, this did seem like a set up, but being able to see the latest Hanlon weapons was a bit of a nice perk. I mean eventually some jerk would be firing them against me, might as well get the jump on seeing where the weaknesses were. Though it did not solve my immediate problem of the treasure vault, thankfully I had a solution, copious drinking. What I didn't say it was a good solution...
"That's not an acceptable way to get what I need Hanlon."
"Sure it is, you're just unwilling to see it." He had that smug look on his face, you know that "you know I'm right" look people get when they think they solve every situation with a quick glance and that's that.
"Well this was a good talk I'm glad that you came down from wherever you exist to tell me to commit mass murder to accomplish my goals."
"I did come here for a reason other than just attempting to help you through your silly dilemma, I have a job to do as well." I almost coughed up my drink because the idea of Hanlon working a normal job was hilarious.
"And that would be?"
"I want you to when ever you finish with this ridiculous bit of tom foolery help my team advertise our newest line of repeating rifles." I looked at him with suspicion.
"Help how?"
"By coming up with ads to sell these things to the common man, you're about the right intelligence level for it, I expect you report to this address in about a week, that should be all the time you need to give up at this treasure vault thing." He handed me a piece of paper and walked off. Val waited a minute and then came over.
"What did he want?"
"To have me help him sell weapons."
"Oh that will end great I can already tell." I shook my head at Val. Though to be honest he wasn't wrong, this did seem like a set up, but being able to see the latest Hanlon weapons was a bit of a nice perk. I mean eventually some jerk would be firing them against me, might as well get the jump on seeing where the weaknesses were. Though it did not solve my immediate problem of the treasure vault, thankfully I had a solution, copious drinking. What I didn't say it was a good solution...
Tuesday, January 27, 2015
Out of Ideas, Even Bad Ones
"Already successful in finding nothing?" Valrym taunted me when I arrived at the bar, none of the other treasure hunters were there so I figured he felt safe announcing it. Then again he was a bit of a dick so maybe he was just taunting me no matter who was there.
"No, they aren't even digging the damn thing up, they are digging around it trying to get into it even though that only just causes the holes they dig to fill up with water and not actually get them to the probably empty vault." He laughed.
"So why not just like tell them to dig up the vault?"
"I tried Dumphree threatened to cut my throat if I dare suggest they were doing the wrong thing."
"That has got to be a record for someone to have known you less than a day and threatened to kill you."
"Not even, usually minutes after meeting me."
"Trezlan your life is hilarious and horrifying to me." Valrym went back to his work and I sat and stewed. I was completely at a loss as to how to get those idiots to do what I needed them to do. Like I thought I could just start digging up the treasure vault, but that would mean doing hard labor and gods no, on top of Dumphree possibly killing me for that. I could just wait for them to inevitably get to digging up the vault, but at this point their blundering was going to long destroy whatever would be in the stupid thing before I got there either. So I chose my best option to just drink and hope for the best. Eventually other people from the hunt showed up and drank too, talking about how they are almost there and they can feel the money I wanted to laugh in their face, but I had to keep up the illusion I was working with these idiots and not in spite of them,
"Why the long face Trezlan?" Of course it was Hanlon, when ever I apparently am really screwed here he shows up to lend a shady plan and a bad idea even worse than the ones I came up with. At least here he was completely useful. Mostly. Of course thats the next entry...
"No, they aren't even digging the damn thing up, they are digging around it trying to get into it even though that only just causes the holes they dig to fill up with water and not actually get them to the probably empty vault." He laughed.
"So why not just like tell them to dig up the vault?"
"I tried Dumphree threatened to cut my throat if I dare suggest they were doing the wrong thing."
"That has got to be a record for someone to have known you less than a day and threatened to kill you."
"Not even, usually minutes after meeting me."
"Trezlan your life is hilarious and horrifying to me." Valrym went back to his work and I sat and stewed. I was completely at a loss as to how to get those idiots to do what I needed them to do. Like I thought I could just start digging up the treasure vault, but that would mean doing hard labor and gods no, on top of Dumphree possibly killing me for that. I could just wait for them to inevitably get to digging up the vault, but at this point their blundering was going to long destroy whatever would be in the stupid thing before I got there either. So I chose my best option to just drink and hope for the best. Eventually other people from the hunt showed up and drank too, talking about how they are almost there and they can feel the money I wanted to laugh in their face, but I had to keep up the illusion I was working with these idiots and not in spite of them,
"Why the long face Trezlan?" Of course it was Hanlon, when ever I apparently am really screwed here he shows up to lend a shady plan and a bad idea even worse than the ones I came up with. At least here he was completely useful. Mostly. Of course thats the next entry...
Monday, January 26, 2015
Well That's a Theory I guess
"Why are we digging over here," I pointed to the rather large hole in the earth, "Instead of over there where the treasure vault is purported to be?" I pointed over where I knew for gods damned fact the vault was because that's where I put it.
"You see that was where they originally set up their vault, but clearly traps and other such devices would be in the way, so we figured if we dig over here we can drill into the other side of the vault and avoid the traps all together." The lead digger was an older guy who had apparently dug up many such places before, his name was Dumphree. I looked at their other hole which had completely filled with water and could see the entire brilliance of his plan.
"So to avoid traps you dug a completely different other hole which has since filled with water because you dug too close to the river?"
"No don't you see we intercepted one of the flood channels for the other treasure vault, now we just have to dig a few more intercept channels and we'll be able to dig up the vault with no issue." The other diggers all nodded in agreement and I held my head in my hands. I mean this was insane to the point of being mentally deranged! It was equating failure with success because you re designated what failure was! I walked away and went back to their command tent where they had assembled a bunch of different theories and beliefs in what was in the vault. Oh my god the crazy went even deeper than the digging. They had theories about who had dug the vault that were all hundreds of years earlier than when and my legion of shorties had dug it (ok the shorties dug it I just stood around and shouted at them, HELPING!) They claimed people who had never ever existed had somehow put objects that were not real in it. I was mystified at the sheer stupidity of these treasure hunters! Honestly at this point I wanted to walk away, not because I suddenly didn't think there wasn't treasure down there, no, because the people who were trying to extract it were clearly infreakingsane and wouldn't be able to extract it! Like these assholes would dig all the way to the winter and come up with nothing, and say "Exactly as planned!" It was a level of delusion that made me wonder how Dumphree had ever made money.
"Brilliant right?" Dumphree had come in to the room and was actually lauding his crazy theory board.
"It sure is something."
"Look Trezlan I know you don't know how to dig up treasure and are here to help us decipher ancient writings, I appreciate your expertise, but if you ever, ever talk down to me in front of my men like that again I'll bleed you out in front of them as a sacrifice to open this vault." Dumphree said it with a smile, but there was real malice in his words. I nodded and left, it was at this point I realized, not only was he deranged, he was quite literally insane. And still I was no closer to opening my fake vault than when I started!
"You see that was where they originally set up their vault, but clearly traps and other such devices would be in the way, so we figured if we dig over here we can drill into the other side of the vault and avoid the traps all together." The lead digger was an older guy who had apparently dug up many such places before, his name was Dumphree. I looked at their other hole which had completely filled with water and could see the entire brilliance of his plan.
"So to avoid traps you dug a completely different other hole which has since filled with water because you dug too close to the river?"
"No don't you see we intercepted one of the flood channels for the other treasure vault, now we just have to dig a few more intercept channels and we'll be able to dig up the vault with no issue." The other diggers all nodded in agreement and I held my head in my hands. I mean this was insane to the point of being mentally deranged! It was equating failure with success because you re designated what failure was! I walked away and went back to their command tent where they had assembled a bunch of different theories and beliefs in what was in the vault. Oh my god the crazy went even deeper than the digging. They had theories about who had dug the vault that were all hundreds of years earlier than when and my legion of shorties had dug it (ok the shorties dug it I just stood around and shouted at them, HELPING!) They claimed people who had never ever existed had somehow put objects that were not real in it. I was mystified at the sheer stupidity of these treasure hunters! Honestly at this point I wanted to walk away, not because I suddenly didn't think there wasn't treasure down there, no, because the people who were trying to extract it were clearly infreakingsane and wouldn't be able to extract it! Like these assholes would dig all the way to the winter and come up with nothing, and say "Exactly as planned!" It was a level of delusion that made me wonder how Dumphree had ever made money.
"Brilliant right?" Dumphree had come in to the room and was actually lauding his crazy theory board.
"It sure is something."
"Look Trezlan I know you don't know how to dig up treasure and are here to help us decipher ancient writings, I appreciate your expertise, but if you ever, ever talk down to me in front of my men like that again I'll bleed you out in front of them as a sacrifice to open this vault." Dumphree said it with a smile, but there was real malice in his words. I nodded and left, it was at this point I realized, not only was he deranged, he was quite literally insane. And still I was no closer to opening my fake vault than when I started!
Friday, January 23, 2015
Curiosity Ruined My Joke
"You can't be serious." We were still in Valrym's storeroom though I could hear from outside somone requested his help. He did not like my idea of digging up my own fake treasure island.
"I am serious, I have to dig up my treasure vault to see what some idiot hid inside of it Val, you never know it could be valuable." I went to leave and Valrym grabbed my arm.
"No you can't be this stupid Trezlan you set that whole thing up, let the idiots dig up the nothing, if there is something down there its obviously a trap for you knowing how dumb you can be." I shrugged him off.
"Val I appreciate your concern but I have a treasure to dig up." And so I left. Now I was at a disadvantage because the treasure hunters had already assembled their crew, but as I often point out I'm Trezlan Gods damned Lorentino, master liar! I mean this journal alone documents my inability to stick with the truth (wait shit that sounds bad). Anyway upon my arrival at the island I fast talked my way into being an "expert" on ancient treasure vaults and they totally bought it (it helps that I designed this vault so I knew things only someone who made it could know, that combined with my knowledge of ancient things in general and I was in like something that goes in very easily).
Of course just getting access to the site was the easy part, the hard part was actually getting into my vault without making it look too obvious I knew what I was doing. Which hilariously wasn't that hard because of... Well I'll get to that next entry!
"I am serious, I have to dig up my treasure vault to see what some idiot hid inside of it Val, you never know it could be valuable." I went to leave and Valrym grabbed my arm.
"No you can't be this stupid Trezlan you set that whole thing up, let the idiots dig up the nothing, if there is something down there its obviously a trap for you knowing how dumb you can be." I shrugged him off.
"Val I appreciate your concern but I have a treasure to dig up." And so I left. Now I was at a disadvantage because the treasure hunters had already assembled their crew, but as I often point out I'm Trezlan Gods damned Lorentino, master liar! I mean this journal alone documents my inability to stick with the truth (wait shit that sounds bad). Anyway upon my arrival at the island I fast talked my way into being an "expert" on ancient treasure vaults and they totally bought it (it helps that I designed this vault so I knew things only someone who made it could know, that combined with my knowledge of ancient things in general and I was in like something that goes in very easily).
Of course just getting access to the site was the easy part, the hard part was actually getting into my vault without making it look too obvious I knew what I was doing. Which hilariously wasn't that hard because of... Well I'll get to that next entry!
Thursday, January 22, 2015
We All Have Our Hobbies
"You're telling me its fake?" Valrym and I were in his stockroom, a quite impressive collection of different things not at all food related was back there.
"Well the treasure vault is real, that there is anything inside of it is most definitely fake." He actually looked crestfallen, I hoped he hadn't put any money into this expedition to acquire my fake riches.
"Why? Just why?"
"Well some people knit, other people fish. I personally like to arrange for hilarious situations hundreds of years later."
"But what of the legend?"
"Legend? What legend? I just paid some shorties to go out to an island build a treasure vault, it took like three months cost a lot of money and by the end of the whole thing I felt kind of stupid and had them bury it all. I didn't bother with a legend." I was actually intending on burying something out there, but for reasons I don't particularly remember (as I never wrote it down in this journal) I never did, nor do I remember what it was I was going to bury in the first place. Val produced a piece of paper that had a weird limeric scrolled on it.
Treasure Lost is Treasure Found
You must dig deep into this ground
Careful to all who seek
For there is a curse should you prove weak
Five must fall
Before the treasure is revealed to all
"You didn't write that?"
"No it doesn't even do a good job of rhyming or be coherent, mentions a curse and then a blood price? Its like something is missing in between." I almost took it that Val didn't get the whole legend, but no that was it, apparently it was cared in stone on the island with my treasure vault. In a way I was insulted, this was not part of my original gag someone was adding shit in!
"What do you think?"
"I think I have to dig up that stupid vault." Valrym groaned, it was not the reaction he was expecting. What can I say I love a good mystery, or even a borderline stupid one that I hoped would net me money selling shovels and stuff to idiots...
"Well the treasure vault is real, that there is anything inside of it is most definitely fake." He actually looked crestfallen, I hoped he hadn't put any money into this expedition to acquire my fake riches.
"Why? Just why?"
"Well some people knit, other people fish. I personally like to arrange for hilarious situations hundreds of years later."
"But what of the legend?"
"Legend? What legend? I just paid some shorties to go out to an island build a treasure vault, it took like three months cost a lot of money and by the end of the whole thing I felt kind of stupid and had them bury it all. I didn't bother with a legend." I was actually intending on burying something out there, but for reasons I don't particularly remember (as I never wrote it down in this journal) I never did, nor do I remember what it was I was going to bury in the first place. Val produced a piece of paper that had a weird limeric scrolled on it.
Treasure Lost is Treasure Found
You must dig deep into this ground
Careful to all who seek
For there is a curse should you prove weak
Five must fall
Before the treasure is revealed to all
"You didn't write that?"
"No it doesn't even do a good job of rhyming or be coherent, mentions a curse and then a blood price? Its like something is missing in between." I almost took it that Val didn't get the whole legend, but no that was it, apparently it was cared in stone on the island with my treasure vault. In a way I was insulted, this was not part of my original gag someone was adding shit in!
"What do you think?"
"I think I have to dig up that stupid vault." Valrym groaned, it was not the reaction he was expecting. What can I say I love a good mystery, or even a borderline stupid one that I hoped would net me money selling shovels and stuff to idiots...
Wednesday, January 21, 2015
All My Plans For Naught
When I arrived back in town there was some kind of event going on. I figured it was a political campaign or some local celebrity (the radio had turned some golden voiced ugly people into people that others wanted to see thus defeating the purpose of the radio). So I paid it no mind because why would I care about either of those things (especially political campaigns, no one ever consults me on what I think this country should do! Mostly because I don't have an opinion on that)? It was only when I went to Valrym's tavern and saw all the men dressed up like miners that I caught on it wasn't just some political/celebrity thing.
"What's going on some kind of new mine open up?" Valrym was rather busy serving all the dirty people so he didn't even answer my question like a jerk. I had to wait while he and his staff finally calmed things down, it took like an hour during which time I almost got bored enough to just ask one of the miners.
"No not a new mine, apparently some idiots found a treasure map with corresponding lore and they are all out on an island in the middle of the river trying to dig up some treasure vault." I sat there looking at Val disbelieving. Like I knew this day would come, but I was still upset I wasn't properly prepared for it.
"I missed it! I set this up years and years ago and I gods damned missed it!" Val looked at me like I was crazier than normal.
"You buried the treasure?"
"No, well yes, but no, but yes."
"I'm completely confused."
"I'll explain, lets just get out of earshot of these fools." And so it came to pass I explained to Valrym my great joke I had on the world that I completely missed out on because of random bullshit. I swear to gods the universe hates me!
"What's going on some kind of new mine open up?" Valrym was rather busy serving all the dirty people so he didn't even answer my question like a jerk. I had to wait while he and his staff finally calmed things down, it took like an hour during which time I almost got bored enough to just ask one of the miners.
"No not a new mine, apparently some idiots found a treasure map with corresponding lore and they are all out on an island in the middle of the river trying to dig up some treasure vault." I sat there looking at Val disbelieving. Like I knew this day would come, but I was still upset I wasn't properly prepared for it.
"I missed it! I set this up years and years ago and I gods damned missed it!" Val looked at me like I was crazier than normal.
"You buried the treasure?"
"No, well yes, but no, but yes."
"I'm completely confused."
"I'll explain, lets just get out of earshot of these fools." And so it came to pass I explained to Valrym my great joke I had on the world that I completely missed out on because of random bullshit. I swear to gods the universe hates me!
Tuesday, January 20, 2015
Riding the Rails
I was seated in second class (nice seats but not specific sleeping compartments, you have to sleep in bunk beds with other passengers, so I chose of course to sleep in my seat like everyone else). The train ride was fairly nice, not too crowded or too bumpy, trains had of course improved a lot over the years. I was alone in my row just reading the paper, when someone asked if they could sit down. I said yes its not like I owned the train, it didn't occur to me for a few minutes who had sat down next to me.
"Glad to see your powers of observation are still as strong as ever Trezlan." It was the Fire God, she was dressed in a casual suit, but that might just be how I would always see her now, gods know what she looked like to everyone else.
"I ought to..." I put the paper down and raised my hand up in a threatening gesture, well wiggled my fingers. Look I was angry.
"Try and kill me? Please with your necromancy you at best could harm me, even then I would be able to burn you to the ground without a second thought, and for what a dream you had where I sent you to a place you didn't like? Do you threaten all other people for the dreams you have?" She had a twinkle in her eye I didn't like, something that told me it wasn't a dream, and she knew that.
"I could still try." It was pouting of course at this point, as had been explained to me earlier she was becoming the God and not just A god and her power was pretty damn strong prior to that.
"Of course you would darling, of course you would." She patted my hand in the most patronizing move ever. We sat in silence for a moment. I wondered what she was even doing there, seemed completely out of character to just stop in for a chat. She eventually reached into her pocket and handed me some pistol magazines.
"You need me to do something else for you?" She frowned.
"No, I just wanted to help you out since you ran out of bullets."
"You aren't mad I was using your weapon for something so petty as to help myself?" She started laughing, it was a deep full body laugh that worried me (I'm always afraid when power creatures laugh at me there is something inherently unsettling about it).
"Mad? Why would I be mad, with each of those things you killed by my hand you were basically giving their power to me."
"Well that's horrible."
"Why that you sacrificed evil to me? You have a weird definition of horrible."
"If dealing with you has proved anything to me, the gods are never ones to trifle with let alone assist in direct ways."
"And yet you keep doing it, funny how that works, well my dear this conversation was enlightening, but I do have things to do people to see, take care." She disappeared in a flash of fire leaving the room feeling slightly too warm like when your fireplace burns for too long. But she did give me bullets and that was reassuring since I was truly out of ammunition. Thankfully I didn't have any need of that as the train ride was quiet and I made it home safely, which seems like a minor miracle in and of itself!
"Glad to see your powers of observation are still as strong as ever Trezlan." It was the Fire God, she was dressed in a casual suit, but that might just be how I would always see her now, gods know what she looked like to everyone else.
"I ought to..." I put the paper down and raised my hand up in a threatening gesture, well wiggled my fingers. Look I was angry.
"Try and kill me? Please with your necromancy you at best could harm me, even then I would be able to burn you to the ground without a second thought, and for what a dream you had where I sent you to a place you didn't like? Do you threaten all other people for the dreams you have?" She had a twinkle in her eye I didn't like, something that told me it wasn't a dream, and she knew that.
"I could still try." It was pouting of course at this point, as had been explained to me earlier she was becoming the God and not just A god and her power was pretty damn strong prior to that.
"Of course you would darling, of course you would." She patted my hand in the most patronizing move ever. We sat in silence for a moment. I wondered what she was even doing there, seemed completely out of character to just stop in for a chat. She eventually reached into her pocket and handed me some pistol magazines.
"You need me to do something else for you?" She frowned.
"No, I just wanted to help you out since you ran out of bullets."
"You aren't mad I was using your weapon for something so petty as to help myself?" She started laughing, it was a deep full body laugh that worried me (I'm always afraid when power creatures laugh at me there is something inherently unsettling about it).
"Mad? Why would I be mad, with each of those things you killed by my hand you were basically giving their power to me."
"Well that's horrible."
"Why that you sacrificed evil to me? You have a weird definition of horrible."
"If dealing with you has proved anything to me, the gods are never ones to trifle with let alone assist in direct ways."
"And yet you keep doing it, funny how that works, well my dear this conversation was enlightening, but I do have things to do people to see, take care." She disappeared in a flash of fire leaving the room feeling slightly too warm like when your fireplace burns for too long. But she did give me bullets and that was reassuring since I was truly out of ammunition. Thankfully I didn't have any need of that as the train ride was quiet and I made it home safely, which seems like a minor miracle in and of itself!
Monday, January 19, 2015
Leave Don't Return, Don't Write
The police arrived fairly fast, we were in the nicer part of town and had destroyed the crap out of a rich mans house. The detective who met me and Alisa was a bush mustached thin guy who looked perturbed from the moment he arrived. We were shackled up on the police's arrival and made to sit outside while they looked inside, anticipating this I hid the hand of the fire god so as to not kill an officer and have to take the blame for that (that damn gun is useful but also very very dangerous). Bushy mustache eventually emerged and uncuffed both me and Alisa handing Alisa's weapons back to her. Of all the moves he could do this was the most unexpected to me.
"Get out of my town, get your shit and get gone." Alisa took her weapons and was all too happy to leave, me I had to ask, well mumble through the pain but you know ask.
"Why? Why let us go?"
"Because whatever happened in there, I don't want to know about, I don't want to know what happened to Randal and his people, I don't want to know who you or this woman is, I just don't want to know, we'll burn the building down claim there was an accident and that's that, you've got fifteen minutes to collect what you will from that building and then I'm burning it down." I accepted this explanation as did Alisa, so we had a little loot off of Randal's estate and then left, the police already had started to torch the building when we left (honestly this made me wonder about some of the fires I'd read about in the local paper). It was evening, I thought about maybe finding a room to stay in for the night before heading home.
"Want to ride with me back, I think I can easily steal another car."
"I really wish you wouldn't say those things so close to the police." Alisa smiled at me, she herself looked to be in bad shape as well, Randal hadn't used her to smash down his walls but when he tossed her up stairs she obviously had come down pretty roughly.
"Well you coming or not?"
"I'll pass, think I'll take a train home."
"Suit yourself, oh and Trezlan it goes without saying that I won't work with you again."
"And yet you said it anyway." She smiled again and waved and I made my way to the train station. The next train was a couple hours out so I was able to sleep for a bit, some kind gentleman woke me up as the train arrived and didn't rob me so things turned out mostly alright. This just highlights once again that I should never help anyone ever again. As if I needed more reasons for that.
"Get out of my town, get your shit and get gone." Alisa took her weapons and was all too happy to leave, me I had to ask, well mumble through the pain but you know ask.
"Why? Why let us go?"
"Because whatever happened in there, I don't want to know about, I don't want to know what happened to Randal and his people, I don't want to know who you or this woman is, I just don't want to know, we'll burn the building down claim there was an accident and that's that, you've got fifteen minutes to collect what you will from that building and then I'm burning it down." I accepted this explanation as did Alisa, so we had a little loot off of Randal's estate and then left, the police already had started to torch the building when we left (honestly this made me wonder about some of the fires I'd read about in the local paper). It was evening, I thought about maybe finding a room to stay in for the night before heading home.
"Want to ride with me back, I think I can easily steal another car."
"I really wish you wouldn't say those things so close to the police." Alisa smiled at me, she herself looked to be in bad shape as well, Randal hadn't used her to smash down his walls but when he tossed her up stairs she obviously had come down pretty roughly.
"Well you coming or not?"
"I'll pass, think I'll take a train home."
"Suit yourself, oh and Trezlan it goes without saying that I won't work with you again."
"And yet you said it anyway." She smiled again and waved and I made my way to the train station. The next train was a couple hours out so I was able to sleep for a bit, some kind gentleman woke me up as the train arrived and didn't rob me so things turned out mostly alright. This just highlights once again that I should never help anyone ever again. As if I needed more reasons for that.
Friday, January 16, 2015
Run Down
About half way through being smashed through another hallway I felt like maybe just maybe I underestimated Randal. Sure I thought he was a balding asshole who sent me to die so he could get something in exchange, but I had no idea he had some kind of freakish super human strength and ability to shrug off what little magic I had left (I couldn't concentrate long enough to use necromancy/had no power left to tap into). Why Randal decided to trash his own house by throwing me around it? I dunno when you're mad you just smash things, me I tend to break glasses, I guess Randal liked to smash his house, must have been awful on the property value.
"Why couldn't you just die?" It seemed like a silly question when he was actively trying to kill me and doing a bad job of it. Me I was pretty badly beat up to answer the question. Randal himself had mutated like his butler, just twisted extended flesh and raw rage. I figure this was the result of the death of the temple creature, whatever had kept these people contained had been unleashed and that power was tearing them apart. I was about to try and issue a witty joke in the midst of being battered through some stairs when I heard a car horn. I turned to the front of the house to see my stolen car smash through it with Alisa behind the wheel. She drove up the foyer and smashed into the twisted monster that was Randal.
"Sorry I was late I got lost coming back." Alisa hopped out of the car and offered me a hand, I mumbled something about better late than never and almost got to my feet before Randal threw the car off of himself. Like literally hurled it out of the house. Alisa turned around with her shotgun ready and opened fire, Randal just shrugged off the shots and threw her up stairs.
"You think either of you two can destroy me? ME?!" Randal clearly was power tripping. But you know what they say "Pride usually comes before Trezlan kills you." Ok that's what I say, but you know it works! Randal stomped over to me and I held up the hand of the fire god, it was still empty mind you, but I thought maybe it would give him pause.
"Stay Randal or I'll burn you to bits." He looked at me with a bemused expression on his mangled face.
"One empty pistol? What do you possibly think you can do with that?" Alisa tossed me a bullet from up above and without questioning I loaded it in (its a god weapon, normal bullets are more of a regent than a requirement) and fired once, the bullet caught randal right in the jaw and incinerated him.
"I'm going to burn you with it!"
"Who are you talking to?"
"The universe in general." I swear Alisa has no concept of the perfect quip! Not that that one was particularly good, but you have to give me a break I was hurt and not thinking clearly. So did we get away with murder? Well yes, yes we did, but thats next entry!
"Why couldn't you just die?" It seemed like a silly question when he was actively trying to kill me and doing a bad job of it. Me I was pretty badly beat up to answer the question. Randal himself had mutated like his butler, just twisted extended flesh and raw rage. I figure this was the result of the death of the temple creature, whatever had kept these people contained had been unleashed and that power was tearing them apart. I was about to try and issue a witty joke in the midst of being battered through some stairs when I heard a car horn. I turned to the front of the house to see my stolen car smash through it with Alisa behind the wheel. She drove up the foyer and smashed into the twisted monster that was Randal.
"Sorry I was late I got lost coming back." Alisa hopped out of the car and offered me a hand, I mumbled something about better late than never and almost got to my feet before Randal threw the car off of himself. Like literally hurled it out of the house. Alisa turned around with her shotgun ready and opened fire, Randal just shrugged off the shots and threw her up stairs.
"You think either of you two can destroy me? ME?!" Randal clearly was power tripping. But you know what they say "Pride usually comes before Trezlan kills you." Ok that's what I say, but you know it works! Randal stomped over to me and I held up the hand of the fire god, it was still empty mind you, but I thought maybe it would give him pause.
"Stay Randal or I'll burn you to bits." He looked at me with a bemused expression on his mangled face.
"One empty pistol? What do you possibly think you can do with that?" Alisa tossed me a bullet from up above and without questioning I loaded it in (its a god weapon, normal bullets are more of a regent than a requirement) and fired once, the bullet caught randal right in the jaw and incinerated him.
"I'm going to burn you with it!"
"Who are you talking to?"
"The universe in general." I swear Alisa has no concept of the perfect quip! Not that that one was particularly good, but you have to give me a break I was hurt and not thinking clearly. So did we get away with murder? Well yes, yes we did, but thats next entry!
Thursday, January 15, 2015
Maniac Mansion
"The master of the house is not home." I had the hand of the fire god to the back of his head, the servant was a well dressed older gentleman, very polite even when I stuck a gun in his face. I shut the door behind me and looked around. The main entry way had double stair cases and expensive furniture and fixtures, clearly Randal was holding out on me.
"Well then we'll wait for him to show up." I shoved the old man forward and he fell down on the tile floor. I almost felt bad, almost (look I'm a dick to everyone why should servants be treated any better? Not to mention I was already thinking I might have to kill the old man, better to not have him be a person in my mind, yes I'm sick). The old man stayed on the ground and dusted himself off. I tried to see other servants, but I couldn't see anyone in the immediate vicinity.
"If you're here to rob us there isn't much money here." I smirked, there was enough money in the foyer the idea I couldn't find something else was a bit silly, clearly the butler thought little of my intelligence, like most people apparently do. The jerks.
"I'm not here to rob you, I'm here to kill Randal, he set me up to be sacrificed." The butler looked strange for a minute and then his head broke to the side, his body started morphing into something else. Gone was the gentlemanly old man, in its place was some kind of disorted lump of muscle and rage. I shot it dead, one round from the Hand and it was disintegrated. Unfortunately the hand was empty at that point. Like I hadn't thought to bring a ton of ammunition and I hadn't thought about it because the hand also doesn't need traditional ammunition (normally I mean I reload it with normal bullets but its changed its look based on the time frame it was in! How in the gods name was I to know it could really run out of bullets.
Unforunately the flesh creature was one of several in the house. I dealt with the others as best I could with fire magic, but I was feeling run down. With each burst of magic I was getting tired and the corruption welled up inside. By the time the last one hit the ground in ash and screaming I was just about spent. Which is when Randal showed up, like a gods damned jerk! Swear to gods I have the worst timing ever.
"Well then we'll wait for him to show up." I shoved the old man forward and he fell down on the tile floor. I almost felt bad, almost (look I'm a dick to everyone why should servants be treated any better? Not to mention I was already thinking I might have to kill the old man, better to not have him be a person in my mind, yes I'm sick). The old man stayed on the ground and dusted himself off. I tried to see other servants, but I couldn't see anyone in the immediate vicinity.
"If you're here to rob us there isn't much money here." I smirked, there was enough money in the foyer the idea I couldn't find something else was a bit silly, clearly the butler thought little of my intelligence, like most people apparently do. The jerks.
"I'm not here to rob you, I'm here to kill Randal, he set me up to be sacrificed." The butler looked strange for a minute and then his head broke to the side, his body started morphing into something else. Gone was the gentlemanly old man, in its place was some kind of disorted lump of muscle and rage. I shot it dead, one round from the Hand and it was disintegrated. Unfortunately the hand was empty at that point. Like I hadn't thought to bring a ton of ammunition and I hadn't thought about it because the hand also doesn't need traditional ammunition (normally I mean I reload it with normal bullets but its changed its look based on the time frame it was in! How in the gods name was I to know it could really run out of bullets.
Unforunately the flesh creature was one of several in the house. I dealt with the others as best I could with fire magic, but I was feeling run down. With each burst of magic I was getting tired and the corruption welled up inside. By the time the last one hit the ground in ash and screaming I was just about spent. Which is when Randal showed up, like a gods damned jerk! Swear to gods I have the worst timing ever.
Wednesday, January 14, 2015
People Need to Stop Doing What I say
"You do have the worst plans." We were outside of Randal's very huge mansion. Like I was shocked at how big the damn place was, especially with how little he agreed to pay me and Alisa and how broken down that truck was he took us to his little temple of horrors. Alisa did not like my plan of "Show up, shoot Randal, rob the place." She apparently was worried about the police or whatever. Which seemed ridiculous considering how when I first met her she openly killed a man!
"Its simple Randal is a weasel, at most he'll have like two bodyguards, so we kill them, kill Randal, and then like burn the house down." Alisa frowned.
"So you weren't just joking on the way over this is the entire extent of your brilliant plan." It was my turn to frown. We were in my stolen vehicle (ok Alisa actually broke in and hot wired it, but I picked out the one to steal!)
"If you have a better plan lets hear it."
"We could just leave him be, look I hate the guy too, but we're not in a quiet part of town, people will talk and you just can't kill a person that's rich like Randal Trezlan you just can't."
"Maybe you can't Alisa, that's fine, stay here I'll be out shortly." I got out of the car and she did too.
"You go in there and I'm leaving."
"Fine leave, that's fine I'll do this and I'll get away with it and you'll just have to live with that." She got back in the car and drove off, which was not exactly what I expected. Even though its exactly what I told her to do. Look people shouldn't listen to me when I don't want them to do something I told them to do, its one of those things. Still I was in for a the full stupid here so I made my way to the front door and knocked on it hoping Randal would just open it and I'd shoot him in the face (like those other unsolved murders I'd been involved with earlier...) Sadly he wasn't there to just shoot in the face, and the mansion was well it was an experience.
Look I keep drawing this stuff out you knew I was going to do it again...
"Its simple Randal is a weasel, at most he'll have like two bodyguards, so we kill them, kill Randal, and then like burn the house down." Alisa frowned.
"So you weren't just joking on the way over this is the entire extent of your brilliant plan." It was my turn to frown. We were in my stolen vehicle (ok Alisa actually broke in and hot wired it, but I picked out the one to steal!)
"If you have a better plan lets hear it."
"We could just leave him be, look I hate the guy too, but we're not in a quiet part of town, people will talk and you just can't kill a person that's rich like Randal Trezlan you just can't."
"Maybe you can't Alisa, that's fine, stay here I'll be out shortly." I got out of the car and she did too.
"You go in there and I'm leaving."
"Fine leave, that's fine I'll do this and I'll get away with it and you'll just have to live with that." She got back in the car and drove off, which was not exactly what I expected. Even though its exactly what I told her to do. Look people shouldn't listen to me when I don't want them to do something I told them to do, its one of those things. Still I was in for a the full stupid here so I made my way to the front door and knocked on it hoping Randal would just open it and I'd shoot him in the face (like those other unsolved murders I'd been involved with earlier...) Sadly he wasn't there to just shoot in the face, and the mansion was well it was an experience.
Look I keep drawing this stuff out you knew I was going to do it again...
Tuesday, January 13, 2015
Save Your Apologies
"I'm sorry Trezlan." We were knee deep in monster guts having made our way deeper and deeper into the darkened temple. The monsters were not very coordinated or even organized. I assumed when we killed the leader the rest of them kind of just fell into a stasis of sorts, basically they were mindless animals, attacking each other as much as they tried to attack us. Terrifyingly ugly horrific mindless animals, but mindless animals all the same.
"For what? I'm the idiot that brought us here, and got us stuck down here, if anyone should be apologizing its me." I try and be self aware among the remains of my failure. Try is the optimum word here other times well you've read other times often enough.
"For making fun of your pistol earlier, I've never seen something burn something from the inside out with a single bullet before. Whatever that thing is I don't want to even touch it."
"Oh yeah, you're smart touching this can do to you what it does to others, believe me."
"So you are a demon." I frowned at her.
"Just because I can touch the hand of a god does not make me a supernatural being, it just makes me awesome, stick around with me Alisa and you too can be as awesome." She would have laughed but a tentacled creature attempt to lash on to her face and so she was a bit busy. That was how it went, eventually we broke out of the temple through a cavern system underneath it (why didn't the creatures just leave out of that way you ask? I have no idea, probably because they were kept in check by the temple spirit and its sacrifices, I don't know how evil temple economics work). We were covered in guts and stunk like the beasts we had just taken care of.
"What's next Baldy?"
"Well first we get a shower, then we steal a car, and finally then we kill the absolute crap out of Randal." The shower was an absolute necessity, stealing a car less so, but killing the crap out of Randal was all I ever wanted to do. Sadly that was the hardest task of the the three. And which seemed at the time what would have been the easiest part!
"For what? I'm the idiot that brought us here, and got us stuck down here, if anyone should be apologizing its me." I try and be self aware among the remains of my failure. Try is the optimum word here other times well you've read other times often enough.
"For making fun of your pistol earlier, I've never seen something burn something from the inside out with a single bullet before. Whatever that thing is I don't want to even touch it."
"Oh yeah, you're smart touching this can do to you what it does to others, believe me."
"So you are a demon." I frowned at her.
"Just because I can touch the hand of a god does not make me a supernatural being, it just makes me awesome, stick around with me Alisa and you too can be as awesome." She would have laughed but a tentacled creature attempt to lash on to her face and so she was a bit busy. That was how it went, eventually we broke out of the temple through a cavern system underneath it (why didn't the creatures just leave out of that way you ask? I have no idea, probably because they were kept in check by the temple spirit and its sacrifices, I don't know how evil temple economics work). We were covered in guts and stunk like the beasts we had just taken care of.
"What's next Baldy?"
"Well first we get a shower, then we steal a car, and finally then we kill the absolute crap out of Randal." The shower was an absolute necessity, stealing a car less so, but killing the crap out of Randal was all I ever wanted to do. Sadly that was the hardest task of the the three. And which seemed at the time what would have been the easiest part!
Monday, January 12, 2015
Sacrificial Insanity
The voice was everywhere, it was all over the temple and not in the temple at all. It was in my head, in my ears, in my feet (if I could listen to my feet I'm sure it was there). I didn't see Alisa react like I did at its announcement so I assumed it hit me harder than her (this is true). The voice was so loud at first I couldn't make out what it was saying. Almost like when you are at an event and the main speaker has his mic up too loud.
"Welcome sacrifice." Eventually it came through. Alisa did not react at all to the announcement and thought it strange when I spoke to what appeared to be nothing.
"Is that to say I'm a welcome sacrifice, or are you welcoming a sacrifice." The voice did not speak back, if I didn't know any better I'd assume I had confused it.
"I'm saying, you are the sacrifice and I welcome you, also that you are a welcome sacrifice to my magnificence."
"Right magnificence, look can we just skip ahead here to where I kill you, you let us go and we go and kill the absolute shit out of Randal."
"Who are you talking to?" Alisa seemed to think I'd finally snapped, I shushed her because adults were talking.
"The being that occupies this little house of horrors, you can't hear him?"
"Only person I hear is you crazy."
"ARE YOU THROUGH!?" The voice echoed again.
"Can you be quiet when adults are talking voice." Hilariously this prompted the voice to manifest and scare the crap out of Alisa from its sudden appearance.
"YOU WILL NOT IGNORE!"
"Hey thanks."
"For what?" The voices body was that of a dumpy middle aged guy, almost like Randal, I wonder if manifested as something that Randal would deal with. I fired a single shot with the hand of the fire god and the bullet caught the creature right below its eye, the shot exploded from there an incinerated him. The humming that was the power in the temple stopped immediately.
"Well that's all well and good yah, but do you know a way out of here?"
"Ummm shit." I think it was entirely unfair to blame me for not having an exit strategy when clearly neither did Alisa! And I still stick by that.
"Welcome sacrifice." Eventually it came through. Alisa did not react at all to the announcement and thought it strange when I spoke to what appeared to be nothing.
"Is that to say I'm a welcome sacrifice, or are you welcoming a sacrifice." The voice did not speak back, if I didn't know any better I'd assume I had confused it.
"I'm saying, you are the sacrifice and I welcome you, also that you are a welcome sacrifice to my magnificence."
"Right magnificence, look can we just skip ahead here to where I kill you, you let us go and we go and kill the absolute shit out of Randal."
"Who are you talking to?" Alisa seemed to think I'd finally snapped, I shushed her because adults were talking.
"The being that occupies this little house of horrors, you can't hear him?"
"Only person I hear is you crazy."
"ARE YOU THROUGH!?" The voice echoed again.
"Can you be quiet when adults are talking voice." Hilariously this prompted the voice to manifest and scare the crap out of Alisa from its sudden appearance.
"YOU WILL NOT IGNORE!"
"Hey thanks."
"For what?" The voices body was that of a dumpy middle aged guy, almost like Randal, I wonder if manifested as something that Randal would deal with. I fired a single shot with the hand of the fire god and the bullet caught the creature right below its eye, the shot exploded from there an incinerated him. The humming that was the power in the temple stopped immediately.
"Well that's all well and good yah, but do you know a way out of here?"
"Ummm shit." I think it was entirely unfair to blame me for not having an exit strategy when clearly neither did Alisa! And I still stick by that.
Friday, January 9, 2015
Temple Crossed
"This is your plan?"
"This is my plan." We were just walking into the temple, weapons up, but nothing beyond that. Alisa felt this was not a very good plan and I disagreed, it was the best plan because it was no plan. See the beauty of not having a plan means it can't fail because you never planned anything to begin with! You avoid failure by not committing to anything! The temple had a bunch of weird writing written in blood and other bodily fluids (I felt for the guy who had to work with intestines he got the short end of the bodily fluid writing campaign). The writing went through a different group of languages and dialects some of them hundreds of years old.
"What's any of it say?"
"In short, we're going to die, horribly, most of this has been written by the victims of this particular evil." Alisa snorted and started to laugh.
"The evil here lets them write about how awful it is? How polite of it."
"It wanted to spread its rep I guess, though of course the only people who can see this are about to die, so maybe not so smart. Look ancient evil is kind of dumb is what I'm saying." We actually were being left alone for a bit, which was surprising, I expected the ancient evil to not take our mocking of it, but I guess it had more important things to do, like edit its resume or something (I don't know what ancient evil does when its not murdering, perhaps thinks of new hobbies?) Alisa was about to say something to me in response to my treatise on evil when I heard something behind us. I turned to possibly shoot another claw creature when I caught sight of Randal tossing a bomb into the temple.
"RUN!" I grabbed Alisa and ran further in, the explosion blew up behind us and collapsed our entry point.I should have known that Randal would screw us, I just didn't expect it to be so overt beyond leaving us out here.
"I'm going to kill that little weasel." Alisa said exactly what I was thinking. Unfortunately for us we had to get out of the temple first, and that was not exactly easy, especially not when the temple decided to wake up, about an hour after we got stuck there...
"This is my plan." We were just walking into the temple, weapons up, but nothing beyond that. Alisa felt this was not a very good plan and I disagreed, it was the best plan because it was no plan. See the beauty of not having a plan means it can't fail because you never planned anything to begin with! You avoid failure by not committing to anything! The temple had a bunch of weird writing written in blood and other bodily fluids (I felt for the guy who had to work with intestines he got the short end of the bodily fluid writing campaign). The writing went through a different group of languages and dialects some of them hundreds of years old.
"What's any of it say?"
"In short, we're going to die, horribly, most of this has been written by the victims of this particular evil." Alisa snorted and started to laugh.
"The evil here lets them write about how awful it is? How polite of it."
"It wanted to spread its rep I guess, though of course the only people who can see this are about to die, so maybe not so smart. Look ancient evil is kind of dumb is what I'm saying." We actually were being left alone for a bit, which was surprising, I expected the ancient evil to not take our mocking of it, but I guess it had more important things to do, like edit its resume or something (I don't know what ancient evil does when its not murdering, perhaps thinks of new hobbies?) Alisa was about to say something to me in response to my treatise on evil when I heard something behind us. I turned to possibly shoot another claw creature when I caught sight of Randal tossing a bomb into the temple.
"RUN!" I grabbed Alisa and ran further in, the explosion blew up behind us and collapsed our entry point.I should have known that Randal would screw us, I just didn't expect it to be so overt beyond leaving us out here.
"I'm going to kill that little weasel." Alisa said exactly what I was thinking. Unfortunately for us we had to get out of the temple first, and that was not exactly easy, especially not when the temple decided to wake up, about an hour after we got stuck there...
Thursday, January 8, 2015
What Are Any Of Us Really?
"So what are you Trezlan some kind of demon yourself?" We had found a flash light among the remains of what looked like a family of four (it was hard to determine exactly who was what, but it looked like four bodies, one of them holding the flash light), we had also killed four more claw monsters, which seemed to pause whatever was sending them after us.
"I don't know what would make you say that." I did in fact know what would make someone say that. Despite me trying to influence my reputation, it still exists as something good and bad. Some people think of me as a nice person out to help others, other stories refer to me as a nebulous evil that only exists to cause misery (I'm guessing thats Morley's influence, though my history of hating the short has of course lead to this as well, but as always screw shorties may your little limbs not carry you very far!)
"Your name has been around for a long time, guys around the bar say to either go to you if your in trouble or avoid you like the plague, and now that I'm working with you it seems both people are right." The steps down into the basement were littered with blood and gore, it was actually difficult to traverse them without slipping.
"I can't be both, you can't want my help but want to avoid me, that's just stupid." At the bottom of the stairs was the remains of a very large person, whatever had drug him down the stairs had apparently given up at the bottom, couldn't blame them, he was very large.
"Well you're weird yah? And you apparently have some kind of pistol that burns people alive and you have magic that burns people so that's two things that are scary, and then on top of that you refuse to just let things be, you seem to be the kind of person that never lets anything go, and I'm not lying when it seems like you have been around for over a hundred years but you don't look that old to me." Beyond the stairs I could see the recent construction that unearthed the evil, it looked like your usual underground glowing evil temple (in that that sort of thing is my usual speaks so much stupid about my life).
"Well I'm not a demon, I'm just a member of the cult of Trezlan, a group of magic users who imitate the great Trezlan Lorentino and continue on his acts of charity and vengeance." I didn't want to go into the glowing temple, but it was where the solution of this madness would be, well in theory anyway, who knows in reality.
"I don't buy that at all, you're some kind of demon."
"Well at least we had this talk good times, now shut up." She stuck her tongue out at me, but honestly we were stalking up on a temple of the damned or whatever, I didn't need her unneccesary conversation about how I am or I am not a demon. I'm clearly demon neutral. Neither good or bad.
Wait that sounds bad, just say not demon, there good... NEXT ENTRY!
"I don't know what would make you say that." I did in fact know what would make someone say that. Despite me trying to influence my reputation, it still exists as something good and bad. Some people think of me as a nice person out to help others, other stories refer to me as a nebulous evil that only exists to cause misery (I'm guessing thats Morley's influence, though my history of hating the short has of course lead to this as well, but as always screw shorties may your little limbs not carry you very far!)
"Your name has been around for a long time, guys around the bar say to either go to you if your in trouble or avoid you like the plague, and now that I'm working with you it seems both people are right." The steps down into the basement were littered with blood and gore, it was actually difficult to traverse them without slipping.
"I can't be both, you can't want my help but want to avoid me, that's just stupid." At the bottom of the stairs was the remains of a very large person, whatever had drug him down the stairs had apparently given up at the bottom, couldn't blame them, he was very large.
"Well you're weird yah? And you apparently have some kind of pistol that burns people alive and you have magic that burns people so that's two things that are scary, and then on top of that you refuse to just let things be, you seem to be the kind of person that never lets anything go, and I'm not lying when it seems like you have been around for over a hundred years but you don't look that old to me." Beyond the stairs I could see the recent construction that unearthed the evil, it looked like your usual underground glowing evil temple (in that that sort of thing is my usual speaks so much stupid about my life).
"Well I'm not a demon, I'm just a member of the cult of Trezlan, a group of magic users who imitate the great Trezlan Lorentino and continue on his acts of charity and vengeance." I didn't want to go into the glowing temple, but it was where the solution of this madness would be, well in theory anyway, who knows in reality.
"I don't buy that at all, you're some kind of demon."
"Well at least we had this talk good times, now shut up." She stuck her tongue out at me, but honestly we were stalking up on a temple of the damned or whatever, I didn't need her unneccesary conversation about how I am or I am not a demon. I'm clearly demon neutral. Neither good or bad.
Wait that sounds bad, just say not demon, there good... NEXT ENTRY!
Wednesday, January 7, 2015
Jump Scared
"Just a cat." The growling had turned out to be a little cat, had a tag on it naming him "Mr. Sniffles" I felt bad for whoever had named this cat because clearly they were dead and Mr. Sniffles was still very much alive. Unless he had somehow become infused with demonic energy and killed everyone in the building, which while hilarious would be horrible (cats are vicious animals for their size, imagine one with real power? I shudder at the though). Mr. Sniffles sniffed Alisa and myself and then exited the building, his one shinning moment in life already accomplished. I turned to Alisa with a shrug and she pointed her weapon at me.
"Already betraying me?"
"Get down you stupid shit." She took up the shotgun and I ducked, the creature that had stalked up behind me. The creature was some kind of mass with claws, and it was not alone behind the one Alisa had shotgunned down were three more. I turned and fired with the hand and Alisa racked another round into her shotgun and also fired, the creatures went down. Mine was incinerated of course, but the ones Alisa killed remained, which let us at least try and puzzle out what in gods name they are. They appeared to just be claws with a vague body shape and eyes. They could be killed, they bled black and screeched when hit with bullets. I assumed these were just the foot soldiers of whatever was below and I wasn't wrong (because of course it can never just be regular claw monsters!)
"Well at least we know what left the claw marks."
"You think there are more?"
"Of course there are more, these things clearly didn't wipe out an entire building." Alisa shrugged at me and we continued deeper into the building, or well we would have had we had some kind of light source to do so.
"You didn't bring a flash light?"
"No I didn't bring a flash light, I can light things on fire with my mind lady, I don't bring flash lights anywhere."
"Ok did you bring something to set up a torch?"
"No." Alisa sighed at me and we spent the next several hours looking for a flash light. Look mistakes were made is all I"m saying. Anyway we eventually found a light source and continued on, so it was all good in the end! Well all good being relative because of how awful everything was.
"Already betraying me?"
"Get down you stupid shit." She took up the shotgun and I ducked, the creature that had stalked up behind me. The creature was some kind of mass with claws, and it was not alone behind the one Alisa had shotgunned down were three more. I turned and fired with the hand and Alisa racked another round into her shotgun and also fired, the creatures went down. Mine was incinerated of course, but the ones Alisa killed remained, which let us at least try and puzzle out what in gods name they are. They appeared to just be claws with a vague body shape and eyes. They could be killed, they bled black and screeched when hit with bullets. I assumed these were just the foot soldiers of whatever was below and I wasn't wrong (because of course it can never just be regular claw monsters!)
"Well at least we know what left the claw marks."
"You think there are more?"
"Of course there are more, these things clearly didn't wipe out an entire building." Alisa shrugged at me and we continued deeper into the building, or well we would have had we had some kind of light source to do so.
"You didn't bring a flash light?"
"No I didn't bring a flash light, I can light things on fire with my mind lady, I don't bring flash lights anywhere."
"Ok did you bring something to set up a torch?"
"No." Alisa sighed at me and we spent the next several hours looking for a flash light. Look mistakes were made is all I"m saying. Anyway we eventually found a light source and continued on, so it was all good in the end! Well all good being relative because of how awful everything was.
Tuesday, January 6, 2015
Never Learn a Lesson, Never Grow
The entryway was covered in blood, just covered in it. I could see finger nails marks in the ground from where multiple people attempted to escape and were drug back inside, so that was nice. Aside from the blood the initial area was a mess. Like furniture was broken and smashed into the walls, the front desk had a huge chunk missing from what looked like something clawing it down. I regretted my decision making immediately upon seeing the entryway. Like the whole "Well we got paid we have to do the job" seemed stupid in the face of what looked like an awful job.
"So we blow the building up yah? And just tell him it was the only way." I had to admit Alisa had a decent plan, which seemed scary because she didn't exactly look like the brains of the outfit kind of person.
"Did you bring any explosives?"
"Nope, did you?"
"I just brought this pistol." She looked at me with an agape mouth, standing there amidst that scene of carnage and she apparently was amazed I only brought one gun.
"Seriously? I have at least two, plus a bunch of knives, you brought one gun? Are you senile? Do you have some kind of brain disorder?"
"It's the hand of the fire god, I only need one." Yes I used the hand of a literal god to kill some basement monsters, seeing the kind of destruction in the initial entry way I knew I made the right choice.
"Right lots of guys name their pieces, doesn't make it anymore deadly." I was about to inform her of the pistol's history when something growled from the darkness. Alanis got behind me and I took up the hand of the fire god ready to show her what was what.
Unfortunately what emerged neither of us were ready for. And that's where I'll leave you because I'm sick and writing is really hard when you can hardly keep your eyes open! Till the next entry when I hopefully feel better!
"So we blow the building up yah? And just tell him it was the only way." I had to admit Alisa had a decent plan, which seemed scary because she didn't exactly look like the brains of the outfit kind of person.
"Did you bring any explosives?"
"Nope, did you?"
"I just brought this pistol." She looked at me with an agape mouth, standing there amidst that scene of carnage and she apparently was amazed I only brought one gun.
"Seriously? I have at least two, plus a bunch of knives, you brought one gun? Are you senile? Do you have some kind of brain disorder?"
"It's the hand of the fire god, I only need one." Yes I used the hand of a literal god to kill some basement monsters, seeing the kind of destruction in the initial entry way I knew I made the right choice.
"Right lots of guys name their pieces, doesn't make it anymore deadly." I was about to inform her of the pistol's history when something growled from the darkness. Alanis got behind me and I took up the hand of the fire god ready to show her what was what.
Unfortunately what emerged neither of us were ready for. And that's where I'll leave you because I'm sick and writing is really hard when you can hardly keep your eyes open! Till the next entry when I hopefully feel better!
Monday, January 5, 2015
A Merry Band of Assholes
"Baldy where we going?" Alisa was delightfully obnoxious. I mean more than you can already expect from someone who introduced herself by killing a man in front of us. We were crammed into a pick up truck with Randal, for someone who was rich he sure had a crappy automobile.
"Alisa you'll have to use a different term for us, we're both bald." I thought it was rude to mention the hair thing, I mean I shave my head but I don't think Randal did (he had little hair wisps on his head, like some kind of reminder he had hair and just hadn't let it go).
"I already do, you're darky, he's baldy." I didn't even want to go into how awful those nick names were, also Alisa brought her shotgun into the truck with her so discretion was the key to survival. We had been traveling for a couple hours at this point and I had to give Alisa credit she hadn't said much until just now. She smelled awfully and was a terrible person, but she wasn't a huge talker.
"We're going to my building like I told you at the bar." Randal was very uncomfortable with Alisa, I couldn't exactly blame him, but then again he agreed to this horrible idea, so maybe I could blame him.
"You don't even know what's down there yeah? Maybe you should just burn it to the ground like the authorities told you." I was kind of surprised Alisa agreed with the authorities.
"The building will not be burned to the ground you two will go in there and fix it and that will be the end of this madness." Alisa turned to me and I shrugged, Randal seemed very insistent that not only could we fix the madness that was there, we had to. I did recall at this point that I had not been paid, and seeing the kind of truck Randal had I started to wonder if he wasn't exactly lying about his fortune (I myself had to pay Alisa her initial fee because Randal claimed he left his money at home, an excuse I have used to get out of paying things in the past).The car ride remained in silence until we got to his building.
The building looked scary enough. It was all alone in the countryside, stood five stories tall and didn't appear to be lit by any electricity (Randal claimed that whatever killed the tenants killed the power, I didn't see any power lines running to the property, but you know I just let this one slide too because I'm an idiot). Alisa and I got out of the truck and I was about to turn around and ask Randal for a key when he drove off.
"Well that's not comforting at all." I should have known Randal was a prick right then and there.
"Right Baldy up and leaves us here and expects us to do his job anyway? I say we find him and beat our fee out of him." It seemed like a good idea, but I had given my word and my word was well garbage, but this time I decided to keep it and maybe I really shouldn't have. But alas we didn't go looking to kill Randal, we went inside his building of horrors and that's when the creepy shit started.
"Alisa you'll have to use a different term for us, we're both bald." I thought it was rude to mention the hair thing, I mean I shave my head but I don't think Randal did (he had little hair wisps on his head, like some kind of reminder he had hair and just hadn't let it go).
"I already do, you're darky, he's baldy." I didn't even want to go into how awful those nick names were, also Alisa brought her shotgun into the truck with her so discretion was the key to survival. We had been traveling for a couple hours at this point and I had to give Alisa credit she hadn't said much until just now. She smelled awfully and was a terrible person, but she wasn't a huge talker.
"We're going to my building like I told you at the bar." Randal was very uncomfortable with Alisa, I couldn't exactly blame him, but then again he agreed to this horrible idea, so maybe I could blame him.
"You don't even know what's down there yeah? Maybe you should just burn it to the ground like the authorities told you." I was kind of surprised Alisa agreed with the authorities.
"The building will not be burned to the ground you two will go in there and fix it and that will be the end of this madness." Alisa turned to me and I shrugged, Randal seemed very insistent that not only could we fix the madness that was there, we had to. I did recall at this point that I had not been paid, and seeing the kind of truck Randal had I started to wonder if he wasn't exactly lying about his fortune (I myself had to pay Alisa her initial fee because Randal claimed he left his money at home, an excuse I have used to get out of paying things in the past).The car ride remained in silence until we got to his building.
The building looked scary enough. It was all alone in the countryside, stood five stories tall and didn't appear to be lit by any electricity (Randal claimed that whatever killed the tenants killed the power, I didn't see any power lines running to the property, but you know I just let this one slide too because I'm an idiot). Alisa and I got out of the truck and I was about to turn around and ask Randal for a key when he drove off.
"Well that's not comforting at all." I should have known Randal was a prick right then and there.
"Right Baldy up and leaves us here and expects us to do his job anyway? I say we find him and beat our fee out of him." It seemed like a good idea, but I had given my word and my word was well garbage, but this time I decided to keep it and maybe I really shouldn't have. But alas we didn't go looking to kill Randal, we went inside his building of horrors and that's when the creepy shit started.
Friday, January 2, 2015
The Best Someone's Else's Money Can Buy
Randal was not comfortable in the bar I'd taken him to. We had to leave Val's because the kind of person I needed for this job was not the kind of person that would hang around a place as high class as Val's (you can only imagine what kind of shit heap we wondered into when I make a statement like that, just imagine the scent of urine and dried blood and your half way there). Randal was definitely the kind of rich person who never even knew what being poor was (as opposed to me, who knows what it is but hates it so I avoid it as best I can). We were in the bar looking for a mercenary, I didn't just pick it out of a hat if that's what you're thinking, I had previously asked around the last time I thought I might need a hired gun and this bar was the one I was told to go to.
"Welcome to the pig and poke what can I get you gentleman." Randal looked at the owner with disdain and I had to stifle a laugh.
"Not here for drinks good man, I'm looking for a woman named Alisa, do you know her?" The owner snorted, like I know he named his bar the pig and poke, didn't mean he had to act like an actual pig.
"Did you step over any bodies on the way in? Then she's not here, and she shouldn't be coming back after the last time." I shrugged and Randal looked all too happy to leave when a gunshot at the entrance took our attention that way. I guess the owner wasn't joking about the bodies, a man stumbled through the doors with his throat blown out and a woman followed shortly after. The dying man turned around to look at her before she pulled the trigger and blew his brains all over the floor (adding that scent and gun powder to the awful aroma present already).
"Pork get me a round and call the police this guy just tried to rob me." Alisa actually sounded decent enough despite her dirty exterior. She was a darker skinned person with red hair, had a facial tattoo over her eye (some kind of tribal nonesense but I couldn't figure it from any of my stuff). Her outfit was the modern tough get up of leather and gun harnesses, she used a single pistol in a shoulder clutch and had shotgun shells across her chest though I didn't see her shotgun (she did have one mind you, just didn't bring it to the bar I guess that would have been too dressy.
"God's damn it Alisa I told you I'm tired of picking up your bodies."
"Well then don't pick it up leave him there as a warning to others, who are the stiffs?" She pointed at me and Randal, Randal of course looked abhored.
"Employers for you apparently."
"These two? My my, day keeps getting better." For her obviously, not for me and Randal as we had to sit in that awful bar for a couple more hours.
"Welcome to the pig and poke what can I get you gentleman." Randal looked at the owner with disdain and I had to stifle a laugh.
"Not here for drinks good man, I'm looking for a woman named Alisa, do you know her?" The owner snorted, like I know he named his bar the pig and poke, didn't mean he had to act like an actual pig.
"Did you step over any bodies on the way in? Then she's not here, and she shouldn't be coming back after the last time." I shrugged and Randal looked all too happy to leave when a gunshot at the entrance took our attention that way. I guess the owner wasn't joking about the bodies, a man stumbled through the doors with his throat blown out and a woman followed shortly after. The dying man turned around to look at her before she pulled the trigger and blew his brains all over the floor (adding that scent and gun powder to the awful aroma present already).
"Pork get me a round and call the police this guy just tried to rob me." Alisa actually sounded decent enough despite her dirty exterior. She was a darker skinned person with red hair, had a facial tattoo over her eye (some kind of tribal nonesense but I couldn't figure it from any of my stuff). Her outfit was the modern tough get up of leather and gun harnesses, she used a single pistol in a shoulder clutch and had shotgun shells across her chest though I didn't see her shotgun (she did have one mind you, just didn't bring it to the bar I guess that would have been too dressy.
"God's damn it Alisa I told you I'm tired of picking up your bodies."
"Well then don't pick it up leave him there as a warning to others, who are the stiffs?" She pointed at me and Randal, Randal of course looked abhored.
"Employers for you apparently."
"These two? My my, day keeps getting better." For her obviously, not for me and Randal as we had to sit in that awful bar for a couple more hours.
Thursday, January 1, 2015
No Good Comes From the Ground
"It all started when I had to shore up the basement of my building." Randal was explaining his problem. I did have to laugh his name was Randal, it was one of those perfect name to the person kind of names. We had moved from the bar to one of the booths, I ordered food because I knew I wouldn't be eating for a while once this shit started and I was totally right.
"Nothing good comes from digging, believe me I can tell you this one true thing, the ground is evil." It is evil, look at Valrym! He comes from the ground and no good comes from him! Other than the beer, food, occasional shoulder to cry on, but you know other than that!
"Back to what I was saying," Randal was impatient, like every time I'd try and add some levity he'd get this look on his face that told me my levity was not appreciated! Like a prick. "So the digging started and we unearthed what appeared to be a ruin, I though this was great news because I could use some of the artifacts within to pay off the construction work." I will pause to say how remarkably selfish this idea is "Oh an old ruin I bet I can sell off some stuff inside" what an asshole! I say that as someone who plunders the dead routinely.
"I'm going to guess the ruin wasn't as much of a boon as you expected."
"It was the first night after we unearthed the ruin, we must have let something out I don't know, but it moved through my building like a thresher killing everyone! The authorities found no bodies, just blood and damage, I told them about the ruin and the suggested I collapse the building on top of it, but I will not give up my property!"
"So you have no idea what's in the ruin only that it killed your tenants and no one else will help you?"
"Yes that is the long and short of it."
"I'm such an idiot for agreeing to help you." And I was! But remember amongst all else, NOTHING GOOD COMES FROM THE GROUND!
"Nothing good comes from digging, believe me I can tell you this one true thing, the ground is evil." It is evil, look at Valrym! He comes from the ground and no good comes from him! Other than the beer, food, occasional shoulder to cry on, but you know other than that!
"Back to what I was saying," Randal was impatient, like every time I'd try and add some levity he'd get this look on his face that told me my levity was not appreciated! Like a prick. "So the digging started and we unearthed what appeared to be a ruin, I though this was great news because I could use some of the artifacts within to pay off the construction work." I will pause to say how remarkably selfish this idea is "Oh an old ruin I bet I can sell off some stuff inside" what an asshole! I say that as someone who plunders the dead routinely.
"I'm going to guess the ruin wasn't as much of a boon as you expected."
"It was the first night after we unearthed the ruin, we must have let something out I don't know, but it moved through my building like a thresher killing everyone! The authorities found no bodies, just blood and damage, I told them about the ruin and the suggested I collapse the building on top of it, but I will not give up my property!"
"So you have no idea what's in the ruin only that it killed your tenants and no one else will help you?"
"Yes that is the long and short of it."
"I'm such an idiot for agreeing to help you." And I was! But remember amongst all else, NOTHING GOOD COMES FROM THE GROUND!
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