Well That's a Theory I guess

"Why are we digging over here," I pointed to the rather large hole in the earth, "Instead of over there where the treasure vault is purported to be?" I pointed over where I knew for gods damned fact the vault was because that's where I put it.

"You see that was where they originally set up their vault, but clearly traps and other such devices would be in the way, so we figured if we dig over here we can drill into the other side of the vault and avoid the traps all together." The lead digger was an older guy who had apparently dug up many such places before, his name was Dumphree. I looked at their other hole which had completely filled with water and could see the entire brilliance of his plan.

"So to avoid traps you dug a completely different other hole which has since filled with water because you dug too close to the river?"

"No don't you see we intercepted one of the flood channels for the other treasure vault, now we just have to dig a few more intercept channels and we'll be able to dig up the vault with no issue." The other diggers all nodded in agreement and I held my head in my hands. I mean this was insane to the point of being mentally deranged! It was equating failure with success because you re designated what failure was! I walked away and went back to their command tent where they had assembled a bunch of different theories and beliefs in what was in the vault. Oh my god the crazy went even deeper than the digging. They had theories about who had dug the vault that were all hundreds of years earlier than when and my legion of shorties had dug it (ok the shorties dug it I just stood around and shouted at them, HELPING!) They claimed people who had never ever existed had somehow put objects that were not real in it. I was mystified at the sheer stupidity of these treasure hunters! Honestly at this point I wanted to walk away, not because I suddenly didn't think there wasn't treasure down there, no, because the people who were trying to extract it were clearly infreakingsane and wouldn't be able to extract it! Like these assholes would dig all the way to the winter and come up with nothing, and say "Exactly as planned!" It was a level of delusion that made me wonder how Dumphree had ever made money.

"Brilliant right?" Dumphree had come in to the room and was actually lauding his crazy theory board.

"It sure is something."

"Look Trezlan I know you don't know how to dig up treasure and are here to help us decipher ancient writings, I appreciate your expertise, but if you ever, ever talk down to me in front of my men like that again I'll bleed you out in front of them as a sacrifice to open this vault." Dumphree said it with a smile, but there was real malice in his words. I nodded and left, it was at this point I realized, not only was he deranged, he was quite literally insane. And still I was no closer to opening my fake vault than when I started!