Monday, May 11, 2015

Cult Party For Crazy, Cult Party For Crazy

I clapped, it was all I really had left at this point so I figured why not go all in and really throw the cultists off. I mean when someone shows up at your evil death magic party and they clap that's got to make you wonder who they are and what they are doing there. Also how nutty they must be to find whatever you are doing something worthy of clapping. It was part of my shock and confuse plan that I just made up now. It did work the wannabe necromancers all turned completely confused by the sound of clapping.

"Wonderful, just wonderful, I've seen failures before, but this? This is just a fantastic example of dangerous and uncoordinated, its like watching a baby play with a stick of dynamite." It wasn't exactly wrong, they were using death magic very poorly, but not without power, it was surprising they hadn't all killed themselves. There were six of them, only one looked old enough to even work at the hospital, I assumed he was the leader, the sex split was four males and two females, I suspected this was just an attempt to get into the two women's pants.

"Stay back or we'll kill you." The leader flexed their necromantic muscle and I was kind of saddened at the attempt, he was just trying to show he had power, but all he really showed was how unprepared he was. Like I could see the energy almost rise up and wipe him out.

"Oh I'm staying far back, I just wanted to warn you of your buffoonery before you blow yourselves up." Their inability to cast concentrated necromancy explained why I didn't pick up on it earlier, but it also didn't explain death magic all over the city, because no way could these goof have pulled that off with the limited magic they had in cadavers.

"We're powerful necromancers!" One of the women spoke and I laughed.

"Honey you're a lot of things, but a powerful necromancer? Highly unlikely, here I'll show you." They tensed up, but I didn't want to kill them it would hurt my concience, so I just undid their spell with a wave of my hand. To see the look on their face it was like I killed their puppy.

"What did you do?" The voice was like a teenager who just lost the family horse (look I haven't picked up the new lingo of cars or whatever work with me).

"Showed you how little you know with the power you are messing around with, now give me all your shit and get out of here before I call your parents." I didn't actually know who these idiots parents were, but that was a lot better than "Now get out of here before I show you what a real necromancer can do." Hilariously they did exactly what I told them to do. They gave me their things and left, it actually explained how they got into necromancy, apparently I had forgotten a certain cache of my random musings hundreds of years ago and these idiots had stumbled into it. So they literally were reading stuff I had wrote about using the dead for necromantic power (apparently looking back at my own work, I was close to blowing myself up with this untapped stupidity, the things you learn about your past dumb self, oh the hundreds my most silly century)

I left out of the morgue, making sure to tell the administrators about their trap door to an evil lair (awkward conversation let me tell you, everyone keeps thinking your a necrophile when you say you just came from the morgue and found something interesting). And went home defeated. Sure I found some death magic, but nowhere near the level that the observer was looking for, so I kind of drug my feet coming home for fear he'd be waiting for me. And he was, which means I should have just not gone home like I normally do. Thankfully everything worked out.. Well mostly.

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