Revealing Revelations Of The Revealed

Bad necromancy is hard to mistake. Even shackled to a wall without my magical ability I could hear the tell tale scream and explosion of power that improperly practiced necromancy causes (properly practiced necromany is quiet and almost unmistakeable except for those who know what they are looking at). You see when you screw necromancy up you are basically ripping open a life force (one of the most powerful forces ever, its basically raw magical power) and freeing it. Outside this is dangerous, inside this is extremely dangerous (the resultant force can accumulate and detonate, I have used this myself before as a means of escape).

So I was chained to a wall while a bomb of magical energy exploded not to far from my position in an underground cave.  This is known as a worst case scenario (different from a Lorentino scenario because I didn't do it).  Needles to say I was more than a little worried as the power got closer and closer to irridicating me, and then it stopped, reversed itself and the cave got eerily quiet. I waited because it could have been the calm before a really large explosion, but thankfully that did not come (again I write these entries, so I'm clearly still alive long after these events have happened!) Aelanes came from the cave mouth, his sword back in its place on his back. He was still pulsing with the power he had taken. I could see the messed up runes flashing a bit on his skin, though I could tell they had been modified from their original intent (originally the runes read like a simple necromantic spell, what they were changed to was a lot more powerful and explosive as I saw). Which told me either my apprentice learned by simply being near me (I do tend to speak in my sleep, or so Nidget whines about me) or Aelanes had not entirely been honest with me.

"I haven't been honest with you." Ok he did tell me he wasn't being honest with me. I have to admit seeing my apprentice had already learned some necromancy, had just taken several peoples lives, and I was still chained to a wall, well I was more than a little worried.

"Really? I hadn't noticed, why don't you get me out of here and we can discuss the whole thing." Lying about someone elses ability to murder you to put them at ease so they don't murder you? Yeah it never really works, but I had to try!

"No I need to tell you something first." There are few times you feel comfortable remaining in a position of no power when someone direly wants to tell you something first, and I can not think of any of them right now.

"Ok well go ahead don't keep me waiting."

"When I went looking for you, I ran into another person first, his name was Morley..." My blood went cold, not only was my disciple not potentially my disciple but he was Morley's a potential sleeper agent for the worst person to have ever lived, and there I was shackled to a wall.  Well lets just say I listened intently to what had transpired between Aelanes and the WORST PERSON EVER! And I'll tell you all about it... next entry. So now I've chained you to a wall, because I'm nice like that.

Well Sure That Makes No Sense

"I have to kill you." We had come so far from drunkenly throwing up on my shoes and proclaiming he was my number one fan to murder (also known as the meeting Trezlan Lorentino arc of history). Sidir had collected himself feeling better a little bit after his drunken celebration, so now it was down to the real reason he captured us (sadly it wasn't like a really weird way of getting my autograph).

"You'll have to kill him over my dead body." Aelanes was at least being the best apprentice ever.

Sidir laughed, "That's part of the idea, I can't possibly take all over Lorentino's life force without an appetizer." Which at least told me why Sidir was my biggest fan (I had hoped it was my brilliant treatise on the southern trade barons, a volume I might add that is over a thousand pages long full of notes and annotations, my greatest work that I keep working on. Ok so "greatest" is an evolving term).

"You can't take any of my power Sidir, at best you'll just get a taste overload on it and die a pitiful shriveled drunk who flew too close to the sun that is my greatness." Have I mentioned I have a healthy ego? I have a healthy ego. On top of that what have I always told you kids about trying to use necromancy against me? IT NEVER WORKS BEECAUSE I KNOW MORE ABOUT NECROMANCY THAN ANYONE ELSE!!! Well except for Morley, and even then I might know more than he does (one day Morley you son of a bitch, I've got quite a few rituals I'd love to lash into your flesh, if you are reading this after killing me, you're already dead the journal is booby trapped). Sidir squinted at me, and then called a couple people into his torture area and they collected my apprentice. Aelanes went willingly (fighting would have been kind of useless unarmed against people were armed and we were both magishackled) and I had a bit of worry in me. I mean I can survive a lot of failed necromancy due to my guile and bullshit, Aelanes had not been trained with any of that (aside from the bullshit).

"Have anything to say to this young man before he dies?" Sidir suddenly confident for no reason.

"Yeah Aelanes your name has too many voweles in it." Aelanes smiled and they lead him out. I have to tell you the longer I sat hanging from that wall the more worried I got, and when something finally did happen well to say I was surprised was an understatement. And thats where I'll leave you wondering what will happen, like I've done for the last couple entries. Man I drag things out, THATS WHAT SHE SAID BOOOM!!!

The Price of Popularity

Sidir arrived stumbling into his little dungeon. He stank of being drunk and had all the motor functions the same. His hair was equally unkempt and he looked like his bender had been going on for several days. Aelanes turned his head in disgust, but I was insulted, I mean I've been imprisoned by all sorts of people, but never someone who was way drunk like this. I mean I've had drunk people trap me in hallways outside of taverns even bang on my store doors well past closing time, but I've never had drunk people show up to torture me.  It was just unseemingly! I mean I'm the great Trezlan gods damned Lorentino, the least he could do was show up on time, with proper torture implements AND NOT FREAKING DRUNK! He didn't even talk for a bit, just stumbled around the room looked at us and giggled. HE GIGGLED! Every minute this farce went on I was more and more enraged. I racked Scar's memory and there wasn't any kind of indication of drunkeness with his interactions with Sidir. But here the asshole was drunk out of his mind stumbling around LIKE AN ASSHOLE!

"OH COME ON!" I finally broke the silence after he collapsed near my feet and start giggling again. He threw up on my shoes and I felt that this was the most interesting torture I'd ever experienced, if by torture I mean complete stupidity.

"I am your biggest fan." He finally said something and then threw up again, I heard Aelanes laugh I was not laughing. I mean come on! This guy? THIS GUY? IS MY BIGGEST FAN? I tell you I've been physically tortured more than I ever want to remember, but this mental torture? It was the worst, because they finally hit me where it hurt, my ego.

A True Lorentino Plan

"Well this isn't optimal mind you it does play into my strengths." We'd been chained to a wall in an underground cave, I allowed them to take us because in true Lorentino fashion this worked out to our benefit, well other than the magical shackling that part always sucks.

"You have a plan for being captured?" Aelanes was new at adventuring you must forgive him.

"Always Aelanes you see when an enemy captures you they assume they have the upper hand instead of the correct belief they just put themselves deeper into your stated goal, that being capturing/killing them (yes I vocalized slash because I'm awesome)." I may be lying a bit about the whole being captured thing as part of a plan, maybe.

"This does not seem like an intelligent set up Trezlan." Sidir's men had stripped us of our weaponry and told us the master would be to us shortly, this was several hours ago, I guess in henchman talk shortly means more than several hours, because assholes tell their own special version of time, asshole time.

"You have much to learn Aelanes, first off no villain who knows who you are will kill you outright, its against the basic rules of villainy, secondly they probably want something from us another point against our outright murder, and third anyone who lives in a cave with a torture room probably has at the very least hours of horrific torture ahead of us." I thought I made my case quite well.

"None of that sounds good at all Trezlan." I sighed and waited, because thats what I do, get dissapointed in humanity and await the person who intended on doing horrible things to us, just so I could flip the tables on him and kill him in some improbable way hopefully sparing Aelanes from being killed in the process (because seriously how many followers can be as combat competent as him? Not very many I guessed!). Sidir for his part kept us waiting several more hours and when he arrived well things took a turn for the weird? Awkward? Inappropriate? I dunno you'll have to read the next entry because of course you will.

What Do You Really See?

"It looks like a ramshackle shack on an unkempt plot of land." We were staring at Sidir's shack, and Aelanes was giving me his assessment of the situation.

"I see, any other things you notice about the shack?" This was a test, sadly Aelanes was failing.

"It looks badly built?" I sighed and Aelanes could see I was upset (I'm an open book of emotion).

"It appears that way because he wants it to look that way, you are seeing what Sidir wants you to see, you are looking at the cover and missing the entire volume." It wasn't entirely fair because I myself had seen behind the curtain because of Scars memories, but my apprentice needed to be more observant (please ignore that I am terribly unobservant for this little lesson).

"Is it illusion magic?"

"No, this is old fashioned shoddy construction and poor grounds maintenance."

"Underground, he has an entire complex underground."

"You are correct, but why are you correct?" Yes I asked him to show his work.

"House is built on a bit of hill, the unkempt land seems to spread around it in a way with difficult to traverse land areas or occupy them, allowing extra hidden entrances and preventing them from being easily discovered. Also there are no obvious bodies of water or creek nearby which makes it more likely to be able to build underground."

"Well done well done." At that point I heard a click of a rifle and noticed we had been surrounded.

"Apparently we missed all these people who had surrounded us Master."

"I believe the phrase is missing the assholes through the trees Aelanes." Not really, but in this case it really appeared to be the case. I guess this was my fault since I knew of the hidden entrance these guys had emerged from, but completely didn't think that someone would actually use it to over take us. Such is hubris my dear readers, a Lorentino curse.

Obvious Questions For the Obvious

"That was Necromancy." We were riding out of Bandit Town to a crowd of stunned people (something I imagine is difficult in bandit town, also before you ask "How did you get an infection after stealing life directly following drinking the bad beer" well first off somethings might not need an explanation ok? secondly as if to directly negate that infections don't happen overnight and while I healed all my current hurts at the time the infection was waiting int he wings like an annoying child you thought you put to sleep but wakes you just before you get to sleep, so there necromancy is not prophetic welcome to suck town it also can't cure wounds you get inflicted on you after you have necromanced, and now I've created a sub heading longer than the entire entry I'll probably finish here) Aelanes (remember the first start of this sentence yeah he was talking) had waited mercifully until we'd been out of ear shot of idiots to talk about things that can get you killed even in crap towns like bandit.

"Yes that is sadly my real claim to fame, I'm a necromancer Aelanes." He didn't seem phased by it, not much of a surprise I'm sure in my cult its not a huge secret that I'm a Necromancer (its not, hilariously though still unheard of in the lands of the Guard, such simple creatures these ones) as a god of giver and taker of life there's only really one way a man could do it outside of I dunno taking over the duties of some giver and taker of life god (of which I really hope there isn't one because man alive I've been doing his job for years).

"What's it like?" The other obvious question of necromancy, first people ask if thats what they just saw, next they wonder what its like.

"You take everything they are, and were, the life force is a rush, the memories not so much. For a man like Scars back there it was a life of misery either inflicting it or having it inflicted on him, what I can hope when I take such an ugly soul at the best is one perfect day. Something that the bully clings to, to try and say he's not a bad person, in the case of scars? His perfect day involved the gang assault of a young girl, his entire life was ugly and whatever punishment awaits bad people like him will be waiting for him with open arms." I could have taken the life force without the memories such is my skill at the art of taking a man (or woman I'm equal opportunity in life theft) but we needed his masters location and so I got the whole garbage tale.

"Truly a burden to take on all of that." This is the nice thing about having a disciple they are all understanding about your completely awful things.

"I make do, it'll hit me in a couple days you never walk away from taking a soul, the best you can do is mitigate it. Live your life better than the one you took and take solace in the fact you removed someone awful." In the case of stealing someone's life who was a nice person? Well don't do that you jerk! We rode on in silence, we didn't have a long way to travel to reach the masters lair, but we made camp outside of town to bed down for the evening. If there was one overriding rule when taking on crazy people, its never do it at night if you can avoid it (unless they are sleeping, than go ahead take them on at night, see still completely awful at times!)

Scurry Away Lesser Forms of Filth

"Aelanes, I don't recall ordering a side of assholes with my beer." There were four of them, scars, and three cronies. The cronies looked like the fleeing type, scars looked like the type of person to be working for someone else.

"Perhaps we should ask the bartender who ordered them?"

"I do believe he fled my friend." He had, service employees always do, they are the first ones out the door, which is a sad statement on the help!

"Are you two finished?" Scars despite all the scars had a fairly normal way of talking, which is weird for a hulking man child like himself, they usually talk all gravely to be scary.

"Nah we're just getting started." We really were just getting started I mean I can go hours of being a wise ass and I have done so several times (usually while incarcerated). Unfortunately Scars like all low level muscle decided to rush us for the insolence of talking. His rush attack like every mark on his body previous was ill advised, Aelanes tripped him slamming his head into the bar (thus destroying the bar with ease it was apparently built entirely of the weakest wood ever). His three friends as I guessed ran away. Aelanes put his blade to his neck and I crouched down to have a conversation.

"And now is when you tell us who sent you and why they sent you."

"Screw you both." Aelanes wanted to inflict a superficial cut but I shook my head.

"You see Aelanes this is when the low level muscle acts tough to us to reestablish himself as a still dominant force to be reckoned with, its partly to save face among the filth he travels in, and partly because he views us as less of a threat than what we are."

"How then do we impress upon this fellow that we are more dangerous to him than we appear?"

"Ordinarily I'd kill one of his henchman probably with fire to show him I'm not messing around, sadly his friends ran off and I can't really just grab an asshole off the street to kill him, just rude." Scars smiled seemingly pleased we would not break him.

"We could always cut off his penis, I'm sure that would get his attention." Again I felt at times Aelanes was more than well trained enough to take on my duties should something horrible happen to me. Scars did not like the solution being offered.

"Cut a bit too quick, I was thinking along the lines of burn." I made my hand of flame and suddenly Scars felt very very talkitive.

"Sidir sent me!"

"Ahh feeling more talkative now?" I extingued my hand flame (because it does hurt a little bit, like a mild sting).

"He wanted me to kill the young one and bring you to him, he knows who you are Lorentino."

"My reputation preceeds me I'm touched."

"You'll be dead Sidir will kill..." Aelanes cut his throat, a bit of an early reaction.

"Aelanes you need to learn to not jump the gun now he can't tell us where Sidir lives." I knelt closer and started to gather my power.

"I'm sorry Trezlan I'm sure someone else might know."

"Oh not to worry he can't tell us, but he'll definately give us the information." Scars blood leaking out of throat eyes went wide as I placed a hand on his chest and sucked the life right out of him.  Necromancy as always is a solution to all of lifes ills. Aelanes looked away, even not knowing what I was doing I think he could see it was not a nice thing. Sidir as it turned out shockingly also wasn't a very nice person, we finally had our evil, it just took a little bit to find it (as is the case with any good case of evil).

So Prophetic The Future Predicts Me

"This place is..." We were in the middle of a rowdy bar surrounded by all kinds of debauchery, I had just ordered a drink and Aelanes had his back to the bar taking in the chaos.

"Wretched." Was Aelanes response.

"I was going to say amazing, its like Lork before Lork got bought out by uptight assholes." Aelanes was tense I could see he felt we were going to be attacked at any moment, probably because we were.

"I would not drink anything from the taps here."

"Why not I mean its beer thats like disinfected right? I mean whats the worst thing that can happen?" Three weeks of a bladder infection, that is exactly what happened, if you ever want to piss blood and have to urinate every five flipping minutes, go ahead drink whatever you see fit.

"Trezlan there are times I worry that you despite being quite skilled in killing things and surviving have absolutely no knowledge on how to actually live."

"Says the guy not living it up in this tremendous town."

"We came here to kill everyone."

"We came here to find evil, all we have found is a bunch of rowdy morons having a good time, but don't worry I'm sure we'll find evil us don't worry Aelanes." Just as I said that a rather large scarred man and his crew arrived.

"EVERYONE BUT YOU TWO IDIOTS OUT!" I assumed the idiots were us (we were) and everyone else ran like bugs when the lights come on.

"You see Aelanes if you are just patient evil will find you." You know there are people who can actually see the future and I find that completely pointless because I myself can usually tell the future based on how predictable reality is! Well that and my actions tend to have easily forseeable consequences, but come on!

Who Runs Bandit Town?

"Son of a bitch its literally a town full of bandits." Bandit Town was as advertized, to say it was lawless would be redefining the term law to something less than it already is. It was like a whore house had a child with the rowdiest bar that ever existed and then raised it in the gutter. We could smell the town before we even got sight of it (the smell was not pleasant at all all of that lax oversight into sewage and general maintenance).  I was actually surprised bandit town hadn't been wiped out by the Guard already (turns out they have more important things to do than wipe out towns of people who are dirty and smelly, they leave that to private citizens!).  The town itself was one long street of wooden mishmash buildings that belched smoke and foul, bandits and whores wandered the streets going from one horrible thing to another (not trying to make a value statement on the whores as both men and women were clearly selling themselves here and both men and women were bandits, hell female bandits are the worst kind, mostly because they are the cruelest).

"Well you wanted evil Trezlan, that's an entire town of it."

"Yeah this is weird, because I wanted something and then I found it, and now I'm kind of at a loss as to what to do with it." It was like seeing a rather large mess on the floor and you don't know from which direction to start to clean it up. Aelanes nudged his horse forward and started toward the chaos.

"We ride Mr. Lorentino, we ride." And with that two fighters of evil walked into its den with nothing more than gumption a couple of swords, some magic, and enough bullshit to fill the town up three times over. So as you can see we were well armed.

I Seek A Higher Quality of Banditry

"Where are your leaders?" I had set one of the bandits on fire, Aelanes had cut another one in half (despite his sword being thin, it was very very sharp) and the third was currently being held at bay by my revolver (see I don't carry it in town for this very reason).

"WHAT?" He was terrified of course, there had been three of them and now two were dead and here I was demanding to know who he answered to.

"I don't know if these men have a leader Trezlan they barely seem to have weapons." Aelanes was picking through the corpse of the man he cut in half and he was right they had a couple rusty pistols and filth, not exactly a well maintained military presence.

"Well this is just disappointing."

"Maybe the next group will be more evil?" I had to give it to Aelanes he at least had a very optimistic belief in finding something to stop.

"So can I go?"

"No." We both answered in unison to the bandit, I mean he was still a bandit, and thats a very bad thing, if you are going to rob people you should at least kill them first under the auspice of doing the right thing (right that sounds sufficiently awful moving on).

"Aren't you guys the real bandits, I mean you have better weapons, magic and you killed two people, how is that heroic?"

"We have let you live up to this point, thats kind of heroic." Aelanes said exactly what I was thinking.

"So if you kill everyone else but let one guy live you think that makes you the good guys."

"Yeah because we aren't robbing people for a living idiot, we only do it after you guys have done it and we killed you for doing it." Aelanes nodded at me and the bandit only looked more confused (I haven't a clue why I thought my reasoning was perfect).

"Ok if you aren't going to let me go what do you want from me?" That was a good question I mean we killed the other two bandits, but I had hoped this one would have information on where more bandits would be, but it appeared he did not.

"Where do you go with your ill gotten gains?" Aelanes thinking quicker than me, sometimes I wondered if he was the master and I was his apprentice (whoa mind trip).

"Bandit Town?"

"There's a town named Bandit?"

"Yes how have you never heard of it?" A valid question.

"Because I'm not a Bandit idiot." And then I cut his throat. Aelanes didn't have a problem with it (I'm his God and the guy was a bandit).

"So Bandit town?" Aelanes with the obvious question

"Sure why not?" The only answer I ever give when suggesting visiting towns made of bandits (not like their flesh though that would be weird).

No Evil Here

Evil is less reliable than I am, I don't know why that is? I mean when I seek it out, ITS NOWHERE TO BE FOUND! But when I'm in a vulnerable position, like jail, unconcious, or being extorted into assisting someone EVIL EVERYWHERE! Try and seek some evil out and you can't find any! It's almost like evil just waits for vulnerability and strikes! Which is just evil!

So yes my first few days of wondering the countryside with my apprentice went boringly. I mean sure he showed me how to better live off the land (you can't apparently just beg for assistance from gods that don't normally listen to you). I taught him how to track things (yes I know how to do that its a throwback to my monster hunting days a skill I learned quite well thank you very much!) I also learned my apprentice had a bit of magic to him in that he could control wind (which came in handy for sword work he claimed it upped his speed, I said being able to put someone on their ass was probably more handy).

So we learned from each other while wondering the countryside not destroying evil. We did find some farmers lost livestock and got a little bounty for that, so that was nice. I was just about to give up hope that my mission to find evil was doomed when we finally mercifully ran into some damn bandits. I've never been happier to be bothered by people trying to rob me! Which in retrospect does sound very very weird.

Lesson One I'm Unreliable

I have never really been big on teaching anyone anything (other than people in my current life to never underestimate me). So while I was thrilled to teach Aelanes how to be an evil killer (together not like an evil person who kills, but someone who kills evil, now I realize that sounds bad either way), I also struggled like all get out to come up with actual lessons (I mean I've recounted how I've won in the past, I don't think "Now wait for someone to show up and distract your target before you kill him with necromancy" is a great lesson). Aelanes for his part was way too accomodating. When I went on and on about store management he listened attentively and not like faking it as I always do (technically I attend every City Council meeting, I've never stayed awake or paid attention to a damn thing but I've been there every time waiting for the day they call me up to serve, so far it has not happened).

I also sadly left him waiting for me for days while I slept off hang overs and didn't feel like getting up at a reasonable hour. Aelanes didn't wait around I started to hear tales of his heroism stirring up the locals (he saved a small child from a tree and caught a pick pocket, such is the little acts of heroism that stir up the locals). About the only thing I taught him initially was I liked to ramble and that I was completely unreliable. That's the problem with real people instead of the idealization of gods, real people are screw ups, gods are whatever you want them to be (or pretend they are until they come down and show you how bad they really can be).

Aelanes was just so accomodating I felt like I was letting him down, which is why I decided why wait for evil to show up, and instead took my show on the road! I figured we'd run across some evil entity or some other really bad thing eventually also I'd get him out of a boring town (and stop having the locals fall in love with his perfect hair and chiseled physicique look I'm petty as well!) He also thought it would be a great idea, though for him it was more of a chance to save more people than do local good, whatever works to get him to come with me! Because the alternative of course was a direct threat and gods know that no follower likes being threatened by god, even if its for their own damn good! See I was already being a condescending ahole, halfway to every other god I'd already met.

Why the Extra Es?

"Aelanes? But the e and the s are silent."

"Yes as it is a family name."

"You come from a family of bad spellers?"

"To me and mine your country is the one with the poor spellers." I could see just then my apprentice was a wiley one. We had been walking a bit since his revelation of wanting to learn from me as his master. I was still trying to feel him out (outside of his silly name) he puported to be a master swordsman, and shockingly he didn't want to become a necromancer, but instead had sought me out for my expertise in dealing with evil (the lands of the east still consider the vengeance god evil, despite them giving her all that power to begin with, such is the problem with history being written by the victors). He had studied under someone who ran one of the cults devoted to me (they were all cults, because despite me saving all of their asses worship of me was considered wrong, which again history written by the victors).  When he reached his current status and could see no way of going higher he was told to sought me out, it was intended as a joke at the time, but clearly by him discovering me he took it very seriously. His name is prounced Alan by the way.

"And here we are at my shop." I had taken the long way, anticipating some ambush in one way or another there wasn't one, it appeared Aelanes was true to his word and he just wanted to be my apprentice.

"You hide in plain sight? Brilliant."

"One thing you'll note in this land I'm not thought of highly to put it lightly." Aelanes desposite the bag he was carrying of his supplies behind the counter, he took in my shop with an appraising eye.

"I understand, people are often willing to turn on their heroes so they can build new ones instead of appreciating the ones they have."

"Exactly." I tell you its a great ego boost to have someone who worships you. I'd recommend it to everyone I know. Now I know what you are thinking, why would I a person who destroys cults not only encourage one who worshipped me, but take on someone from that cult as my apprentice? Because they worship me! See all those other idiots worship the wrong god, if they just worshipped me instead they'd be safe! CONVERT OR DIE CULTISTS!

I'm Surprised it Took This Long

"Don't come back." That was Therod's very polite greeting toward me upon exiting my ten day jail stay. Its not like I wanted to spend ten days in jail (It doesn't mean I won't break the law, just means I'll try harder not to get caught, obviously), so the implication that I intentionally got sent to jail was ludicrous! She did at least hand me back my sword (hilariously since its actually a powerful magical artifact, but it doesn't look it and she's not some kind of evil creature so she'd never know). So I was protected in the city again (I don't normally carry a revolver in city limits, the temptation to shoot everyone is too great, killing a man with a sword is more work, see idiots of Rosettia you are saved by my lazyness). I was on my way back to my shop when a young man approached me. I could tell he wasn't a native of the guard/red hand lands, by his manor of dress (light fabrics not the heavy duty crap all the plebians where I live love to wear, swear to gods you idiots one reason you smell so awfully is the heavy layers!) and skin color, slighly orange, which spoke more to the people from the east. Well that and his obviously eastern accent (hard to explain an accent, but its very noticeable).

"Master Lorentino." That immediately tensed me up, the only people who call me master are either delusional or looking for money. Sometimes combined into two (delusional money seekers also known as the governement). I looked around to make sure he was the only person, I did note he was carrying a weird sword but no other armament (weird in that it was a fairly long, but exceptionally thin looking blade, which spoke again of being from the east).

"Not so loud kid you might clue the beggars into who I really am." Who am I really? Who are any of us, ponder that and get back to me!

"I'm sorry sir." Referring to me in reverence, another huge red flag.

"What do you want?" I looked around again to make sure I wasn't being followed and he wasn't the set up guy.

"To learn from you master, I have come to be your disciple." That was one of the most terrifying things I've ever heard from someone and I was confused once for the father of someones child ("confused" in that someone was trying to scam me). Though honestly it is sad it took this long for someone to want to learn from the great Trezlan Lorentino. I mean I've tried to teach Nidget all of my wisdom but he does that thing where he talks with his hand implying what I'm saying is not worth listening to. Like an ass. Anyway, read the next entry to learn he wasn't trying to be a necromancer (a tragedy if I never heard one, no one should seek necromancy).

A Just Reward For An Unjust Man

Ten days, thats how long I had to say in jail for the crime of pissing Therod off (there was some bullshit reasoning behind it but I can't be assed to remember what it was). The town as it always tended to do went back to normal business by the time I was let out. Oshujon his duty to bother me satisfied had left by the time I got out, he did visit once, if only to remark how it was so strange to get a jail sentence and not an execution. I tried to explain that it was a more progressive solution, but I was under the impresion he wasn't actually looking to listen to the argument.

Therod of course did not recognize my contribution to saving the town, prefering to believe that the damned in attempt to take my soul actually killed themselves. A theory not exactly wrong, since thats kind of what happened, just not with me specifically. See I realized the sword was taking our life force but not into itself just kind of dispelling it, which meant that either it was extremely wasteful OR it was some kind of anti life being and the way to destory was to let the life flow into it. So I basically reversed the flow of its evil magic to force the life force it was draining into itself, it couldn't handle all the life flow energy and exploded.

So if you ever find yourself fighting a cursed army with a life draining blade, just turn that magic back on them and bang you too can survive. I admit it sounds easier than it is, but I'm sure with practice you can figure this stuff out no issue! I mean I'm only hundreds of years old so its not impossible, just highly improbable.

The Power of Love and Rainbows and uhh *cough* blood magic

Necromantic magic used against you is always a bit of a riddle (a very painful lethal riddle, but a riddle all the same).  I could feel the sword and by extension its owner pulling at my and everyone around me's life force, but I couldn't figure where it was going since it was not going to the sword nor its owner. Which again is not unheard of, but partially confusing since you would think the Undead would want life force to in theory keep unliving (is that a term? It is now). It was then that I surmised the sword wasn't just a cursed evil object, it was some kind of anti life entity, spreading death and destroying life (not the first one I've ran into, it was the most powerful by far). I could tell I had to do something fast or we were all going to become damned ourselves (or just be destroyed by an evil sword, you know either or).

The problem of course was that necromancy is against the law (of man, of government, of goody two shoes who have never used blood magic yet feel the need to judge it like dicks!) and I was very much in public. So I knew I had to act to save all of us, but I also knew I had to not make it look like it was what it was or I'd be executed despite you know saving everyone. So with all of that and the pain of having my life force stripped out of me going on I sliced my hand and caused the world to ignite in white hot searing pain (the previous pain was that of purple slow pain, like the original pain was a lingering limp, this new pain was taking the leg off at the knee). I could hear the screams of everyone around me so I knew it wasn't just me in pain (look when you are using blood magic you have to uhhh hurt everyone, there's a price to pay).

The damned were the ones who felt it the most, the white pain moved from us to them, surged into the cursed blade and fanned out amongst the priests followers like wheat before a scythe cutting them down. The sword then itself exploded taking the PoD with it and showering us all in a nice light storm of white and purple (that could have just been the pain though). Everyone looked around in stunning disbelief, I quietly put my sliced hand in my pocket (thank gods I know a person who can get blood out clothing right?)

"What did you do Lorentino?" That was Therod who instead of cheering assumed I did something awful, which I did, but you know its not like I would admit it.

"Showed the sword the power of love and lollipops, what else?" I left them stunned with that response and shuffled on my way home.  I was sure Therod would show up to arrest me anyway (she did again) but for the time being I felt no need to explain my actions anymore than the gods do (because like the gods I work in mysterious ways, usually horrible with not adequate explination, is it any surprise I too am worshipped?)

Totally Got This Don't Worry

Twenty people who had previously been fighting the damned stopped and stared at a rider and his army. We should have I dunno just kept killing but when someone announces you are doomed you stop and take note of this for some reason (bad guys don't generally do this though, trust me I've tried it several times).  The Priest of the Damned (or Pod for short) had seen better days, it looked like he'd been beheaded and burned (probably because he had in fact been beheaded and burned).  His army of the damned from their style of dress looked to be also of the lands from the west (briefly I wondered about the random people this army must have come in contact with on the way to Rosettia, I liked to imagine they took it in stride "Oh look honey an army of the damned glad they aren't coming to OUR town") Seeing as I was the person with the most army of the damned experience I took the lead (yeah we'll go with that).

"Do you guys have the proper paperwork for a marauding if you don't I'm going to have to ask you to disperse." I'll admit going for the paperwork angle might not have been the smartest move.

The Pod sneered he opened his blackened maw and laughed, which you know did slow him down, "This is the best this world can come up with? A politician?"

"Unelected official thank you very much." I could hear Therod hitting her face with her hand.

"Trezlan shut up you're going to get us..."

"What super killed? Come on Therod let me have this I'm working my mojo." She had to admit I had a point they could only kill us once (well sort of they could then bring us back as damned and then kill us again, so uhh nevermind only once yep).  The PoD tired of being ignored drew the blade up above his head and the world suddenly became pain. I knew it became pain because man alive everything hurt all at once.  At first I couldn't understand what was going on, until I felt weakened, the sword was draining us of our life essence, some kind of necromantic magic. Which made me smile of course, because kids what have I told you over and over about necromancy? Never necromance a necromancer! Wait have I ever said that? Screw it going back and writing that in like every entry ever!

Damn Damned Double Damn

Towns do not react well to calamities. Even Rosettia which seems to be getting attacked every other week (not based on anything I do ever... yep we'll go with that) the people still react like cattle faced with fire.  Some people run, some fight, most just cower and hope things blow over (because they do usually, thanks to the thankless work of yours truly). Which is a nice way of saying when I exited the jail the whole town was in chaos. Some things were on fire, people were running about and the damned were all over being all damned (damn them).

I waded into it like a farmer tends his field, with a bit of a harumph and a sigh I took my sword up and started to cut down the damned (I didn't have a pistol since I don't ordinarily carry one around town, yes I carry a sword, yes I'm that guy in town). There are those who would think "maybe you could cure them?" And to that I say yeah right! I mean they are taken over by the damned they are effectively Damned, at this point they are so damned up with damnedness they are damn lucky that I give a damn to kill them. As is often the case with idiots fighting against the tide I wound up with the group fighting against the undead, which had Oshujon and Therod fighting side by side.

"This is all your damn fault."

"Damned nice to see you too Therod."

"I hope you truely are damned Lorentino I truely to." Therod was of course overjoyed to see me.

"Would you to shut your damned mouths and let us sort out this damned situation." Oshujon was the voice of reason in this damned world.  Of course it was all his fault to begin with so his reasonable was canceled out by it actually being his fault.

"YOU ARE ALL DAMNED!" The voice rose over the din and on a firey horse was the priest Oshujon and his fellows had killed from before, he was wielding the cursed sword (I guess damned sword would be a better choice?) Behind him was an army of the you guessed it and they looked to be enough to crush our small band of resistance fighers.

"Damn." Was all I could think of seeing our imminent destruction. Because I'm inventive!

And I'll Look On and say AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

I'd been waiting patiently in my cell for Therod to come around and realize she needed me (sure sure thats exactly why I was waiting) when I was roused from resting my eyes (totally not sleeping) by the sound of someone finally coming into the Captain's station to free me. I sat up off the bed and waiting for the impatient steps, the harsh language about realizing they can't do this without me and the quick apology with regards to imprisoning me in the first place. I was already readying my response when the boots shuffled through the door to the jail area.

"About time Captain Therod by the way I'm don't really want to... AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!" I have transcribed the exact amount of ahh there, you need that many h's believe me. What was greeting me was not a put upon Therod, no it was some kind of person infused with an undead spirit, glowing eyes evil otherworldly aura, and ugly, though the ugly was the person the spirit had taken over, not exactly its fault.

"You! You will become one with us." The spirit monster tried to reach through the bars, I stepped back (because I'm not an idiot). To my dismay he then bent the bars and started to come inside so I set his dumb spirit person ass on fire (I wasn't shackled since I was there pseudo willingly).  So I kind of sort of set a spirit on fire? Sort of. (I'm going to mark this one as a half goal in my life).  Unfortunately all I really did was set the spirit free from its ugly container (I could tell because it kind of floated off instead of dying in agony like the guy I set on fire).  Which told me the crisis was only going to get worse with each death and not better.

I sighed and got out of my cell, my days of sitting back and hoping someone else would solve the issue were over, and I knew it meant I had to destroy that stupid sword, even if I didn't want to (not out of any desire to not solve the issue, just meant I couldn't sell the dumb thing). So like everything else in life I did something directly against my financial interests for the greater good so I could stop being bothered by the problem that had become too big to ignore.  Honestly that sentence describes my entire life in general.

Well I Would Help, But I'm in Jail

There are few things that jail is nice for. One is the consistent eating schedule (I tend to forget to eat on my own, I believe I have mentioned before my bouts of not actually being hungry), the colorful characters you run into in jail (town drunk, town asshole, town guy who is creepy yet not creepy enough to be locked up forever), you also get to generally avoid a calamity thats affecting the whole town while you are imprisoned (this can also work against you when the calamity comes a knocking, also it ruins the first two benefits of consistent meals and interesting people).

So you can expect shortly after Therod arrested me for posessing a dangerous artifact in town, the artifact got loose and caused problems.  I dutifully waited in my cell like a good boy instead of freeing myself and helping out because screw those people! Seriously lock me up when I was trying to do the right thing? See if I help you when an undead priest of the west comes to town to collect his evil cursed sword and brings an undead army with him! Technically that was all Oshujon's fault anyway since he didn't properly deal with the priest to begin with!

You see my careless disregard for the town I lived in was completely justified because I was unfairly imprisoned in advance for causing a calamity that I hadn't yet caused. Yes this makes total sense, no don't question my motives!