It's not all fun and games in my life I don't mind telling you. Sure I seem like I'm running from one horrible thing to the next, but thats because I'm speeding things up! There are days and days of doing nothing that is particularly boring (eat, go to the bathroom, sleep, accuse people of working for nefarious others). Especially in modern times. Like in the past there would be a good monster attack or witch burning or something interesting that happened. But now? Nothing. I practically have to invent horrible things to fix them! I swear the world moved forward and now its really boring (despite all the things I have chronicled here!) I mean I specifically created an agency to deal with the arcane, and no one seeks me out! Sure I accidentally burned down a town and they wanted to bill me for that (which is preposterous if they saw the contract I didn't have them sign, they'd have seen its completely not my fault!) So outside of dodging legal issues and eating you weren't missing out in much in the months since I burned down a town. I mean sure there were some discussions about what does and does not equate what death is (this was between me and a mouse that I trapped in my office, the mouse did have an interesting opinion that I gave it, but ultimately I didn't like its final argument of biting my hand and running off).
So it was nice when a real person arrived in my office. He was wearing a crumpled suit and smelled like the local food cart around the corner (and he was wearing part of his lunch on his shirt) not over fat, not especially thin, the only thing remarkable about him was the loose strands of hair on top of his head (he had very little hair but what was there was like a loose weed sitting on top of his skull it was comical, and when he got angry it seemingly responded to his anger). He came in with a vase and shoved it roughly on to my desk, thankfully there was nothing on my desk to disturb, but it was still rude. What if there had been something there? These are the questions that keep me up at night.
"Mr. Lorentino!" He started at a shout and I have to admit it seemed a bit weird, I have a fairly small office and I'm not hard of hearing.
"Mr?"
"Shobogon!"
"Mr. Shobogon, how can I help you?" I looked at the vase, it was clearly why he came, but I couldn't figure out why. Looked normal to me, no magical aura, or element of awful.
"I was told and I don't think its true, but I was told, and like I said I don't believe it was true and I told that person you couldn't possibly help me, but they directed you to me and I told them you couldn't do it but now that I'm here I might as well ask." If that reads confusing imagine what it was like being shouted at you.
"What?"
"Exactly, I knew you couldn't help."
"Its not that I can't help you, though I can't commit to helping you until I know exactly what it is you want my help with." He looked at me angrily and the weed on top of his head danced and I almost let out a loud laugh.
"This vase can you authenticate it?"
"Authenticate it for what?"
"I knew you couldn't help!" And with that Shobogon scooped up his vase and left my office. I was so mystified I almost just let him walk away, but I was also intrigued (and bored, and the mouse had bit me) so I gathered up my stuff (jacket, sword, wallet) and chased off after him. What can I say I'm a sucker for a mystery.
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