Why Does My Foot Love My Mouth?

"There was nothing in the box." I had been trying to explain this situation to a royal palance guard for about an hour, it was not going well.

"But there was something in the box." He was insistent in this principal, I could not convince him of it being different.

"How would you know that? You never opened it."

"I heard something in it."

"No you did not, you imagined you heard something in it." We'd been doing this dance for an hour AN HOUR! I had the box with the god thing inside of it, I'd replaced it with an empty box and I trying to convince the guard the box that I replaced it with should be considered the real one and what I was taking was not.

"Wait are you trying to say that I should pretend that box is the real one, and what you are taking is not actually taking but the box you showed up with, and if anyone opens that box and finds nothing inside that there was never really anything inside the real box you are carrying that clearly has something in it."

"Yes dear gods yes."

"Well why didn't you just say that?" He seemed smart, but his reasoning was so stupid it hurt me in a way I couldn't explain in a thousand years. I left him some coin (the payment for being an idiot implied) and made my way outside where Trix and another guard I'd previously paid off to arrange for her release was waiting.

"What took you so long?" The guard looked more anxious than he should have, we weren't being traitors, not really, what we were were damn heroes, just no one would ever find that out.

"If I had to explain it you wouldn't want me to."

"Well here's the lady and I gave her back her stuff, you owe me."

"Your payment will be continued existence! And of course a package that will be delivered in a couple days." He nodded and let go of Trix's reigns.  We were well away from the castle and the township before she spoke.

"So you found out I'm not lying and this is your version of your sorry?"

"Sure we'll go with that."

"Hows that foot taste Trezlan?"

"Worse than you'll feel if we fail." And with she lead to the cave of the abomination, and yet again I had to save the nation from something that would destroy it.  I swear I should get extra hazard pay from all this world saving because continued existence despite my opinion to the contrary IS NOT MUCH OF A REWARD!