One For the Road, Maybe Two

"One for me, and one for my not friend here, oh and the glasses are your gift, I would have wrapped them but you know Val I don't care for the holidays." Val grunted took my gift of glasses and actually looked fairly happy (they were good glasses cost a decent amount of money, well I think it was a decent amount, I have no idea anymore, I feel like a child in this world).

"Thank you Mr. Lorentino." My "friend" was balding but otherwise fit and didn't look too much past forty. He looked like what would have been a lord in a previous generation, but now just meant he probably owned land.

"That's the only thing you'll get from me, so drink up and make on your way, the answer is no."

"I haven't even asked you for anything yet." He seemed appalled at my honesty. Which is something most people are appalled by. I swear its like they expect everyone to lie and be nice like they are. That's not who I am!

"You have not asked, but I will not help you. No one ever seeks me out because I'm a first option, I'm the last option after every other sketchy shitty option has been addressed." I finished my drink and he sat there looking at his.

"You're not wrong I tried everyone, the government, mercenaries, even consulted a sketchy group of vagabonds that ended up just lining the walls, you are my last option."

"Well that's that then, finish your drink and go, I will not suffer another foolish quest." He sat there just staring into the drink and then he started to cry. It was a surprising reaction I've never brought a man to tears before like this. Other methods sure, but like this? I felt bad for the guy, and so against my better judgement I let him tell me what he needed and wouldn't you freaking know it, I agreed to help. Gods forbid one of these times I say no and mean it!

The Perfect Gift, Sort Of

"Do any of these say 'Sorry for life treating you like crap and making you short?'" I was in a clothing store looking at various coats, the sales person did not like my tone even though she wasn't a shorty despite selling their fashions.

"You know smaller folk are still people Mr. Lorentino."

"Sure they are, annoying ones who are of lesser standing in society." She seemed a bit miffed with my stance, she was probably one of those shorty sympathizers, you know the type walks on her knees doesn't treat them like crap. I tell you its one thing to think they are people, its something else to treat them that way!

"Mr. Lorentino if you keep up this attitude I'm going to ask you to leave my store." I was appalled at HER attitude! Also he prices were ridiculous so I put myself in a stomp and left. I figured I'd buy Val a nice jacket, but seeing how much things cost now I figured I could make better myself (I am a tailor as you may recall). Unfortunately clothing materials are freaking expensive to buy for one item and I lost all my useful contacts years ago for purchasing things whole sale, which lent me to just forget the clothing item thing and figure I'd buy some nice mugs for the bar (something I could get some use out of, the best kind of gift the one you give others that directly benefits yourself!).

Off I went to the local glass blowers, and when I didn't find them (look I generally don't do the shopping thing, you'd be amazed at how much I fail at being an adult at all times), I went to a department store where they sold just about everything (in little departments, hence the name department store, see I'm teaching you things, things you probably already knew). The store was crowded full of idiots attempting to buy things, or steal things, or just be standing in the way! I swear I hate crowds, and now I have a new hate, crowds attempting to purchase things! Ruder people have never been invented! It was during this melee of assholery someone grabbed my arm.

"Mr. Lorentino." I felt the tug and heard my name and I figured it was someone attempting to rob me, but alas it was not that simple. Nothing ever truly is in my damned life!

And Thus Ended That Experiment

I was back at Val's bar first thing in the morning (I cleaned up a bit and put on new clothes, thankfully the police did not find me as I really didn't want to answer more questions). He didn't seem surprised at all. He didn't even say anything for the first hour, just took my drink orders and kept them coming. I was well in to my fifth beer before he said anything of note.

"So decided to come back eh?"

"I ended up at a sex club for cannibals ran by one of Morley's disciples, they attempted to eat me and I burned the place down." He chuckled a little bit.

"Sounds like you had a more interesting holiday than I am."

"That's it you're not going to tell me I'm lying or claim that I just made that up?" I was kind of astonished actually.

"I heard the sirens and the paper had a thing about finding a bunch of burnt up bodies, I'm not an idiot Trezlan and this sounds like the exact kind of stupid thing you'd wind up getting involved in." I smiled at him.

"Thanks Val, I think even though you insulted me."

"You're welcome, that's about as good I can get for you, I mean it's the holidays this is your gift."

"I didn't get you anything!"

"That's fine I'd be terrified of what you give as a gift." I hopped down from my bar stool, stumbled to a table nearby, but made it to the door.

"No its not fine. I must get you a gift Valrym, I shall return!" I tried to flip my scarf in a triumphant way, but instead turned myself around, made myself sick and then collapsed to the floor. "Ok well when I get up in a bit I shall return!"

There Is Nothing In Life I Can't Blame On Morley

"Morley taught me all about you Trezlan." I have to admit I was not prepared to kill another of Morley's disciples, though it did at least explain who decided on the cannibalism change to this weird rich person orgy (what better way to hide your necromancy than having idiots eat your victims). I moved back into the flaming room to get some space.

"Apparently he didn't teach you what I looked like or you would have thought differently than to try and eat me." I sent a gout of flame at the Morley disciple and he countered it with some kind of wind magic (stupid wind magic). He threw my fire back at me, but apparently like my appearance Morley didn't teach him returning magic to the person who cast it generally will not work. He followed up his attempt to send my magic back at me with a bunch of random crap in the room thrown by his wind which I dodged because I was naked not blind (though I was a bit more aware I was flopping in the wind as it were). This kind of thing happened for a little bit until I closed the distance and punched him in the face. He stumbled backwards and I decided now would probably be a good time to leave (the room was starting to crumble from the flames and I could hear sirens). Unfortunately he did know necromancy and with my focus off him he hit me with a life drain.

"Now you die." I could feel the life being sucked out of me and knew if I didn't change things I'd be boned. But I was in a room full of fire that was screwed up because of all the burning and Morley's disciple was an idiot (his necromancy was weak its why I had time instead of just being dead). I intensified the fire and it burned a beam over the disciple which came crashing down on his dumb self (I made sure it burned hot just too extra cook his ass). Not wanting to join him I quickly exited the burning hotel and made my way off in the night completely naked and without my ID (which was a pain to get restablished).

And in the next entry I'll go over the aftermath of which there was some not a lot, but some!

The Real Deal

People with power do weird things. Some of them build everything out of gold (knew a guy like that literally everything, including things that didn't make sense like his toilet), some of them use it to abuse those lower than themselves in social strata, and then there were the cannibals. People who had money and authority who just wanted to engage in a decadent act of eating. I figured the majority of them were bored rich people who wanted to have an orgy (it was actually a sexual gathering as well though I didn't see that aspect of it for obvious reasons) and then someone decided that was too boring so they had to eat people poorer than themselves (You would think that would make the meat be awful! I'd prefer to eat a rich person they've obviously never missed a meal and lead an indulgent life!). I felt bad for the guy that was just there for the sex with other people's wives and yet he's got to eat someone to prove he's cool, not a whole lot of bad because he eats people, but you know just a twinge of regret.

"One of you comes near me with one of those swords and you'll regret it for the rest of your life all eight seconds of it." Naked, still groggy and slightly emotionally damaged I wasn't exactly the kind of animal these idiots were used to and that was the point of my threat. See I've talked about the nature of power before, I've talked about what real power is, but its still always true. I'm real power. I'm someone who has slain gods, I'm someone who walks (ok cowers but still I'm there) in darkness. I'm a terrifying person people should be afraid of, but no idiots always just think I'm a rube who is another fool to murder and it always turns out bad for them.

One of the guards grabbed me and the other brought is sword to cut my wrist. I was done, this whole thing while entertaining was not how I wanted to spend my night so I unleashed. The one holding me died to necromancy (because he was close and setting someone on fire while holding you is a bad idea). The one bringing his sword to stab me found how easy gold is to melt as I brought the cage melted onto his arm much to his screeching displeasure. Stepping out of my melted cage over the screaming guard the rest of the guests tried to run in terror (this was a mistake panic makes you do stupid things, like say running into a doorway that was set on fire burning you to death). The room was on fire people were burning and I was naked. This felt like the worst holiday party ever. I was on my way out of the room when a scorched man hit me in the face and sent me sprawling.

"You aren't leaving you poor son of a bitch." His face was burned but I could sense the power welling within himself (of course someone here would be magical of course).

"Can I at least put on pants before I kill you?" The answer was no. Also turns out killing him not as easy as I thought it would be. Because of course it wasn't!

Not On the Menu

Cannibals are weird. Like in the past cannibalism was something people did when they were tribal, feral, unable to eat normal animals but had a good supply of people (like ship wrecks or uhh ship wrecks...) But in the more modern times cannibals persevere, what was once something people resorted to, has become something some people seek out. I think its because of necromantic myth's about getting the power of the person you eat (which is patently ridiculous you have to magically eat them for this power...)

The dinner was very fancy everyone was wearing nice little mask, dressed in expensive extravagant suits, and they had very pretty silverware and plates. How did I know they were cannibals? The cooked bodies in display in the center of the room that were being carved up to be served. It was kind of a big hint. My cage at least had a pillow and was made of gold which was a nice aesthetic, and also gold is extremely easy to melt. I could see a half assed attempt at making the gold cage magic proof, but the sigils were all wrong (they actually hilariously had inscribed it in theory to increase magical power, but they kind of messed that up too). Too my right and left were guards, they were armed with what looked like ceremonial swords. They also had no pants or underware on (but oddly they had on tops, I was completely mystified at the dress code for this party).

"So this is a nice party, but if you gents don't mind I'd like to leave." They didn't answer me. The MC of the whole event was in the middle helping to distribute parts of people (the corpses were male and female, as one would expect the genitals were the first thing eaten, which is disgusting yet makes sense). I wondered what I was doing there, they certainly had enough meat (I mean two whole people should be enough, not to mention I wouldn't be cooked in time for the rest of them to eat) when the MC pointed at my cage and held up a goblet.

"WHO WANTS THE FIRST DRINK?" He pointed at me and one of the guards brought up their saber.

"You guys are going to drink my blood? That's disgusting." As if everything else was fine up to this point (it wasn't but you know I wasn't personally threatened). With my life on the line I knew my time to act was upon myself. And I get into that in the next entry. You know I love dragging things out for the holidays.

I'm Confused By Pleasantries

"Good evening sir." The waiter at the bar was a polite older gentleman with frosted grey hair and a meticulously clean vest and white shirt. He was wearing gloves and looked to be in the process of cleaning an already clean bar.

"Good evening indeed." The bar was one in the richer parts of town, I realized perhaps I shouldn't have jumped right up from drive bar to fine dining, but I had money and no shame. I took a seat at the bar even though it was as empty as Valrym's it was a lot more inviting.

"I don't think you are in the right place sir." I frowned and took out some money.

"My money says otherwise." I knew this was the universal sign for leave me alone and from his reaction he seemed to agree.

"But of course sir, but you are under dressed for the affair, Charles!" He snapped his fingers and a young well built man showed up. "Please show our guest to the bath, he should be properly prepared for the evening." Ordinarily this should have given me pause, but I had already drank a lot this evening and as I've stated several hundred times I'm an idiot. Charles lead me to a bath of sorts and disrobed me, it wasn't exactly sexual when he washed me, but I could feel it almost was? I dunno it has been several hundred years since my last sexual encounter and so any kind of contact confuses me (I swear I'm not a monster I just pretend to be one wait that sounds worse). I was kind of liking the whole being bathed thing up until I felt an injection in the back of my neck. I was about to kill the crap out of Charles for drugging me, but the drugs worked too fast and when I came to I was completely naked an in a cage.

"WELCOME TO DINNER!" Was the shout I heard and I immediately regretted my bar choice. Should have went to a scummier restaurant, at least there the only risk is getting mugged/turned into a medical experiment.

Home For the Holidays

Sitting there at my spot at Valrym's bar, looking around at a mostly empty bar I wondered where everyone was (I mean it wasn't like I was drinking in the morning, yet, I mean I would be, but it was currently evening). The only person I could see was an old drunk I called pukey for the obvious reason. Val didn't even have a wait staff around, it was just him, which again was unusual.

"Where is everyone?" Valrym looked at me in disbelief, then again that was his normal growly bartender get out of here look I'd grown used to.

"With their families? Don't you have a family?"

"Val my only friend is you and Hanlon."

"I'm not your friend."

"So then Hanlon." I finished my drink and though how sad it was that my only friend was an arms dealer who was some kind of dark something or other. It was enough to cause a man to drink and I was already.

"Could be worse, you could try and rekindle your friendship with Morley." I guffawed. Really guffawed, though if I was being honest the thought had occurred to me. A dark horrible stupid thought, but a thought all the same.

"You're right I don't think he'd take you back since you're not as evil as he is."

"That's so nice of you to say."

"Not out of lack of trying Trezlan not out of lack of trying."

"And there is the bite to your story, just like usual you build me up and tear me down."

"You keep coming back one of these years you'll find a new bar and I'll improve my clientele." I hopped down off my stool and collapsed (had a bit more to drink than I expected), and then stood back up immediately thus negating the fall (in my mind).

"Then that is what I shall do!" I left the bar to find a new place to drink since I was tired of Valrym's lip. He harumphed and said that will be the day and off I went. And my plan totally worked I found a new place to drink and everything. Of course it had its own set backs but you know for a few days it was a great place to spend my lonely holiday!

It Wasn't a Dream

"Careful the last time he woke up from a dream he thought himself a god." Valrym was really helping me out with my small group of remaining alive friends (so Hanlon and uhhh Hanlon, man has it really come to that? Good lords).

"Did he now? Well it wouldn't be the first time someone falsely declared themself a god after a dream." Hanlon kind of left that one hanging, because he's Hanlon the master of allusions to other things he never explains. I got to my feet, and had to steady myself I had been out of it for a while.

"I'm not a god."

"Well I'm glad he let go of that delusion." Val walked off and Hanlon put his hand on my shoulder.

"You say that like something changed."

"I failed my test. I can't be a God." He got a quizzical look on his face.

"Test? What kind of test could there be for a god?"

"The Fire God got me out of prison and threw me into a pit where I had to face my fears, I failed, and then I woke up here. Now my magic is trapped inside of myself by vengeance, but I'm not honoring that either." Hanlon laughed.

"Your lawyer Maury Mcmurphy got you out of prison, and then he said you passed out on the way home probably from the cold. As far as your powers Trezlan that's all in your head you have a mental block preventing you from using your power until you think you have crossed some magical vengeance threshold, the magic is still inside you." I didn't exactly believe Hanlon, but when I tried a little bit of fire magic it was there again. Perhaps it all had been in my head.

"So I'm not a god?"

"No, the feeling was just a super charge from being so close to the hand of the Fire God and the Fire God herself, you kind of got a god Buzz on, no worry about having to do some duty of being a vengeance god or something." I felt better if only a little bit empty. I thought for a moment there I had more to do in life than just live.

"Feeling kind of sad now."

"Well if it makes you feel any better if there was a test, if that's a big If you did just pass out, but if there was one, I'm sure it wouldn't be about facing ones fears and more about not following just because you were told to." And with that Hanlon left me. So I'm not a vengeance god probably, but for a brief moment I totally was! Though I was left with one question, who in the gods name was Maury Mcmurphy?

Worst Final Choice Ever

"Welcome Trezlan sit." The last part of the trial was just a chair with a nice older man sitting at a desk waiting for me. The room was all light almost as a counter to the darkness I came through. I took my seat in the chair expecting something awful to happen and I wasn't wrong.

"So what horrible thing are you going to do to me?

"Is that how you view this? Some kind of torment to you specifically?"

"Well it seems that way." He sighed.

"Trezlan Lorentino, this is your interview process for being a god, you had to defeat your own fears and struggles to take your place among the elevated, I must say to say you failed is an understatement." I will say no matter how nice the old man was trying to be I was more than fed up with this whole thing.

"I failed? I FAILED? YOU ALL FAILED THIS ENTIRE THING IS A FAILURE! I'm done, this is it I'm over, let me out of your stupid game you damned gods. I don't want to be a member of your dumb order, I'd rather be a regular moron than stuck in this forever stupid thing!" The old man looked at me in astonishment and suddenly he was the huge spider from before.

"Then I guess you become lunch!" I went to shield myself from its attack and woke up to Hanlon slapping me in the face. It was to say the least shocking.

"Well I'm glad you are back with us Trezlan you have been asleep for like a day." I looked around and I was at Valrym's bar, I had been propped on a table, there was a collection plate nearby for "Trezlan's funeral expenses." I figured that was Valrym's vote of confidence.  So was it all a dream? What happened? Well... Yes its in the next entry. Yep I'm a jerk.

Darkness Is like Ignorance

Wandering through the darkness I couldn't help but feel this was a metaphor for how I lead my life. Stumbling around hoping to find a way to some nebulous goal all the while feeling like something I couldn't exactly see but merely felt was stalking me. I didn't even know if I was walking in the right direction, as it felt like I'd been walking for days and not gone anywhere. I couldn't see the ground but it felt just like ground. I didn't bump my head on the ceiling so I could assume it wasn't too low (I did jump just to be sure, which would have been a hilarious injury). At least whatever was hunting me took its sweet gods damned time before it announced it's presence, really let me think I was doomed without actually feeling I was.

"Look at you walking in the dark like a fool." Of course when it did announce its presence it was a real dick about it.

"You're down here to, so wouldn't that make you a fool as well?" The voice didn't answer for a bit and I picked up my pace, not that it helped, nor was I sure I was traveling in the right direction (or traveling at all, such is the issue with darkness).

"The difference between us is that I can see down here, you are just stumbling around blindly."

"Oh you're still here? I thought you left."

"I could say the same to you, what are you doing here? You're not a god, you're barely a man."

"I got lost after I left prison and I'm stuck here, I care little about being a god." Only part of this statement was true. Ok I wasn't lost, so really only the last part was true. The creature in the dark laughed.

"I doubt you were lost, but you are now, you are lost down here with me, perhaps if you were nicer I'd show you the way out of here."

"Maybe I like being down here."

"Well it is a nice darkness, mostly anyway, but you'll run out of food and water an die, and I'm sure you don't want that." The voice almost seemed like it was trying to convince me.

"I dunno I've lived a long time and been in a few too many situations like this, perhaps its time for me to die alone in the dark." The voice laughed and then all of a sudden I could see a light.

"Get out of here Lorentino, you're whining is getting on my nerves." I tried to turn around and see what had saved me, but I could see nothing. I almost suspected it was the darkness itself talking to me. I didn't exactly stick around trying to figure this one out. I just made my way to the exit and into the next part of my test which was my final part and thank gods for that. I was starting to get hungry!

Necromantic Difficulties

In the past I have talked of using necromancy when my normal magic was trapped. Since its based on ritual and using blood or life force as a regent it generally works when other magic would not. So you would be wondering "Well your fire is trapped, but you still have necromancy." Actually no, because I didn't have any power in my blood while it was corked up, like literally I was one of you disgusting normals, unable to use magic, unable to kill anything with magic or even utilize necromancy. It was the freaking worst feeling in the world being one of you. I honestly am surprised that any of you live past a day without the joy of magical ability. It shocks me.

"YOU WILL JOIN!" Right back to the charred, sorry just had to correct something I'm sure was a question. The charred had an interesting premise of becoming one with their burned flesh which I was really sold on for sure, but I also had one more trick up my sleeve which was abject terror, mine not theirs. But then something funny happened, I noticed a face in the throne, it was one of twisted hatred. Like the person who had died had done so with a bunch of hate in his heart, and in noticing that I felt power rush up, a lot of power. Remember how I've talked before about how being on water screws with fire magic because its the opposite element? Well being surrounded by fire was the opposite of that.

"You have wronged people, and in that stained your souls with their anguish." The charred looked at me with a funny face.

"And you point is?"

"YOU WILL BURN!" The fire came from all around them and within them, I burned with impunity and without care (that was the thing about the vengeance powers I didn't have to worry about corruption it would seem, since my magic now came from someplace else the drawback was in limitation not usage, it was weird how magic operated on a give and take like that, but I'm not a huge magic scholar). With my magic uncorked I could actually control the lands of the fire and thus reduce the heat for myself to a more liveable version. I was able to find my way out after I scored the charred to ash.

Beyond the land of fire was another cave this one went down and down and down, seriously it was a huge spiral until I came upon a cavern of darkness. Just flat out darkness I couldn't even see in front of my face and of course I had no power, so no fire to light my way. At least I thought I was alone in the darkness, but I was wrong, I was completely not alone in that darkness. But that's next entry naturally.

Fire? Of course Sure

Going from extreme cold to burning fire screws with you. I mean its completely understandable, its like going from starving to being force fed more food than you could have ever wanted. You wanted to be warm, and now suddenly you are almost bathed in flame its a bit much. Like an overreaction to a previous want. The charred animated skeletons didn't help. Yeah there were animated skeletons, this did definitely support my theory that I was being messed with and this land of the discarded existed only in my head.

The charred appeared shortly after I crossed the tundra into the fire lands. Like I was just warming up and shedding my shirt (because I didn't learn anything from the coat earlier) when an army of charred showed up and tried to kill me. Animated skeletons always confuse the crap out of me, as there are so many anatomical questions that never get a satisfactory answer (no magical magic is not satisfactory!)  They didn't seem to attack me so much as lead me towards something. That something of course was a charred man sitting atop a throne of the dead (like literally a throne made out of dead people, to say it was disturbing is to put it politely).

"Another servant for the throne." His voice was hallow cackle, the skeletons arranged a wall behind me trapping me. The throne was arranged against a lava flow and the heat was getting to an unbearable level.

"What throne would that be?"

"THE THRONE OF THE FLESH!" At this pronouncement the skeletons clapped behind me, it was almost comedic.

"Sorry I don't recognize the authority of the throne of flesh, I'm kind of on a trial right now, so if you don't mind I'd like to get on with that." I moved to leave and the charred army of course stood in the way, like jerks.

"You're trial? YOU'RE TRIAL? AHAHAHAHAHAHA there is no trial, you were given to us for your flesh and now you will serve!" I didn't serve the flesh throne in case you were wondering, but I did have to do something creative. Well somewhat creative. Ok creative for me... SHUT UP I'll get to that next entry I have a head ache today, its hard being a god. No I'm not actually a god that's just more whining. GOD YOU'RE SUCH A JERK TODAY!

From Giant Spiders to Frozen Tundra

Midway through the inexplicable frozen tundra I found myself tromping through I really regretted leaving my coat behind. The wound on my head was pretty bad, though now the blood had frozen to my face thereby closing it off, so I at least had that going for me. I couldn't even explain how I went from a bone pit of moderate warmth to a snow capped landscape so cold it could freeze blood. I wasn't even walking so much as I was crawling using my previous bone weapon as a sort of crutch/claw to keep me going.

I could see other frozen people twisted in broken in the tundra, a lot of people. It was actually kind of weird. I figured if this was supposed to be a trial for a God, why were there so many bodies? Like were there really that many gods to test? Who were these people? How had they survived the spider but failed at walking through the snow? I have no idea. This was one of those situations where I started to wonder if I was actually seeing this stuff or if it was all in my head and I was actually still frozen in the library (I wasn't actually still frozen in the library).

At least there weren't any animals in the frozen tundra, or at least none that I saw when I was there. Which made sense because it was damned cold. Eventually I made it through the tundra to I kid you not a place filled with fire. This wasn't a trial it was a torture test of the elements. Unlike the tundra though, the land of fire had creatures in it, bad bad creatures. I'll get into that next entry of course.

That's It Don't Want To Be A God

The cave gave way to a pit of bones pretty early on (like not too far past the cave part). It was a pretty wide open chamber. I couldn't make out the ceiling, but it appeared all black up there, further beyond the pit was the light still shining (so in theory the ceiling could have been very low I just couldn't see it). The bones were unsettling, mostly because they were picked clean (probably by the herald for something to eat, I couldn't exactly hear or see any small animals to kill for food), but also because there were a lot of them. Like I was beginning to believe that herald that I was sent here to die by an unkind god (or gods since she apparently speaks for them all). I was wondering if this was just where the creatures of this place discarded their bones or if this was where whatever captured them ate them when I felt like something was right above me.

I didn't want to look up, because I knew doing so would lead me to madness. It was like the difference between thinking you are about to die and knowing it. So instead of looking up I just ran, because you know whatever was above me couldn't have been good and whatever was ahead of me had to be better (my logic is impenetrable don't even try!) Behind me I heard a thud and turned around to see a gigantic freaking spider. Like so big it took up almost the entire room I was fleeing from (which gave rise to so many questions about how a spider that big existed on the people sent to this place, or how it got in the room to begin with). It tried to impale me on one of its freakish legs and I dodged to the side, which unfortunately took me away from the place I was running toward and more towards a damned wall, which is what the spider wanted obviously since it pinned me in with its other leg.

"Look can't we talk this out?"

"No." I was terrified even more the creature could speak, even if it just told me no. Maybe that's the only word it knew. It was a no spider (no hope, no end to the terror, no uhh shit can't make this a three). I scrambled on the ground and the only weapon I could come up with was a broken femur of some poor bastard who came before. The no spider lunged in and I stabbed up wounding it (or just pissing it off) in its flailing it clubbed me away from the wall where I had been trapped. Which was good, though the wound it gave me obscured my sight and made it hard to see which was bad. But I was able to stumble out of the spiders room and I had my new bone weapon, so you know I wasn't completely useless! And the spider was trapped in its bone room (or so I thought at the time but now I know it wasn't... but you know things to come!).

So it was a total success for me as my first challenge of being a god. Complete victory bring on the next one!

The Land of the Discarded

I could see a huge cave in front of me, there was light from somewhere beyond it but nothing near the muck pit I scrambled out of. I could hear creatures in the dark, skittering things and also cackles but didn't see anything yet. I knew whatever was out there would try and kill me, and I also knew I was kind of screwed since I hadn't prepared for this (probably what the Fire God wanted because gods right? right.) There was some creepy hobbled guy waiting for me when I got out of the water. He only had one working eye and was a bit hunched. Clothing was all rags, body looked mal nourished, and he was missing most of his teeth. You know a real great indicator of the trial ahead.

"Welcome to the land of the discarded." His voice was actually normal, which made the rest of him look all the worse. It meant at one point he didn't look so horrible and that was terrible.

"Who are you?"

"The herald of this place, I inform the ones the god's cast down here what their fate shall be." I was still covered in the muck, it seemed to ooze all over my jacket, since I wasn't cold anymore and down here didn't feel that bad I just discarded the coat, this would end up being a bad idea.

"I wasn't cast down here, I was selected for a trial."

"Right sure you were, just like all the rest, well you're trial is ahead of you, survive it and you'll be rewarded, fail it and you'll become something for the beasts of this place to pick over."

"Aren't you a cheery sort, I'm just shocked this was under my city, is this whole damned world hollow?"

The herald looked at me with a cocked head, "Under a city? No this place is under no city, this place exists outside of time and place, you weren't put under a city you were put out of existence."

"Good talk, keep the jacket you look cold." I walked towards the light and I could hear the herald say something behind me but I didn't care enough to ask him to repeat it. I believe now in retrospect it was "Watch out for the huge man eating spiders ahead of you." Yeah that's what I'll say he said, it makes me feel better about him not telling me that.

Permission Slips

"What was on that paper?" We were in the street I figured I could ask the Fire God how a blank slip of paper convinced Morain to let me go. The Fire God and I were walking the street, no one seemingly giving her a second look, it was enough to have me worry my mania had created a new personality and I was actually still just freezing in a cell.

"Nothing to you and I, to those lessers it had what they wanted to see, just like to everyone else I look like an older gentleman with a slight limp, to you, you see closer to what I really look like." I felt at one point better and worse because this explanation also fit "I'm having a psychotic break" perfectly as well.

"Wait closer to what you actually look like?"

"My real form would burn your eyes from their sockets."

"Oh."

"Yeah you people have the weakest bodies around, part of the cosmic joke that is your existence. It is kind of funny without you, God's would not exist, and without us, you would probably all be dead from something else anyway, we have a weird symbiotic relationship." I frowned.

"You say that I'm not a god?" I had figured with the power restriction and general weirdness I was in the club! But apparently there are some restrictions.

"You are not, not yet anyway, see the thing is about being a god Trezlan is we aren't technically alive like you are, ok sort of alive your necromancy makes it impossible to determine exactly what you are at this point, but you are not a full god." We were walking at a good clip somewhere, I couldn't exactly tell where since I was following and the Fire God was leading, I hoped she knew where we were going, we had gone from a nicer part of town to an ugly one.

"So if I kill myself I could become a god?" It seemed like a good trade, well good of course being a nebulous term here.

"No, well I don't think so, I wouldn't kill yourself that seems like a bad idea." I have to admit if the Fire God was set to become the God of our world I wanted one with a bit more omniscience. I guess that's another limitation of being a god.

"Where are we going?" I noticed we had gone from bad part of town to extremely ugly part of town, like a part I wouldn't go in even if I was fully armed which I was not.

"Well the other part of being a god is you have to do trials, so welcome to yours." A part of the ground gave way and I fell for what seemed like forever. I eventually splashed down into muck I'd prefer to not speak about and could see I was in a cavern far below the world. And I didn't have my magic since the whole vengeance thing. Have I mentioned I hate gods? I hate gods.

So Cold, Can We Speed This Up?

"Why are you shivering?" On top of having been frozen to damned near death the room was an ice chest, but of course the guardsman who I was to be interrogated by had no sense of any of that.

"I was frozen in a block of ice for a freaking hour and your interview room is cold as all get out, forgive me for being gods damned cold." He smirked and I just knew what was coming I knew in my bones what he was about to joke about.

"Well I've heard if you set a man on fire..."

"If you think I'll set myself on fire you're a gods damned imbecile and this conversation is over." He harumphed and attempted to speak with me more, but I kept up my stance. I didn't want to talk to someone who make such a stupid joke (ignore the times I myself have made this exact joke, ok good). Sure I was freezing to death and I felt like I was going to die, but I had principals gods damn it!  Eventually the captain came in and was none to pleased to be there.

"You really are being a difficult little shit Lorentino." This was a new captain a female this time, she had my file thick as usual in front of her. Morain was the name across her breast, I did not learn her first name.

"You send idiots in here to interrogate me, you the response I'm giving you." She sneered.

"I sent in exactly who I thought you deserved, we have you dead bang, you killed a man with magic when you were not asked to, in fact according to my man in the field you were asked to leave the premises and not return."

"Sure if you read it like that I'm the bad guy, but I stopped the situation."

"By burning a mentally ill magic user to death horrifically." I narrowed my eyes.

"So you're saying I'm going to be spending some time in prison."

"You're entire life as far as I'm concerned." Morain got up to leave and the door swung open, shockingly it was the Fire God, though she wasn't on a burning chariot or anything just her dapper red suit. She threw a piece of paper down on the table, there didn't appear to be anything on it.

"And that will be all Guard Captain," The Fire God peered at her name tag, "Morain, or I should say former Guard Captain Morain if you don't release my client immediately." I was a bit surprised, if only because she didn't do this riot act when I got arrested for crimes I committed for her!

"And you are?"

"Mr. Lorentino's attorney, as you can clearly see from the judge paper I have given you, now will you release this patriot or do I have to have you stripped of rank and burned at the stake as an example." After the last bit she winked at me, I swear the god's are a weird sort. Captain Morain looked at the paper as if something was actually on it and then instructed that I be released. I was too stunned to figure out what had just happened.

"What's going on?"

"I'm getting you out of jail, you should be thankful, now hurry along Trezlan." I was of course behind everyone else in life, but was out of jail, and by being near the Fire God felt warm for the first time that day, so you know all in all things worked out for the better for a little bit! A little bit until I had that conversation with the Fire God of course.

Frost Fire

Being stuck in a block of ice sucks. Like I've been trapped by all kinds of things in my life, the ice block I believe is the worst one (that's saying something). It was bad for a lot of reasons. It was painful, I wasn't able to move, and worst of awful it meant I was helpless while the crazy ice person continued to rant and rave. Like seriously I wish somehow the ice would have blocked my hearing. His main complaint seemed to be that people weren't listening to him, yet having heard him talk for a gods damned hour, well lets just say HE HAD NOTHING OF NOTE TO FREAKING SAY! Like seriously he kept demanding his hostages listen to him and then he's say complete none sense. How can you expect anyone to listen to you while you are just rambling like a jack ass? He also had a speech impediment which made him hard to understand at all!

Personally I was just frustrated that I had a solution to my problem, but I was prevented from using it at all. It was like having food close to your lips but not being able to eat it at all. I was actually worried this was how I'd die as some kind of lesson in hubris (how funny would it be for the god of vengeance to die frozen to death by a crazy person? NOT FUNNY AT ALL SINCE THAT IS ME YOU HORRIBLE PERSON!) It was in the midst of a panic attack when the crazy ice guy started stabbing one of the hostages. I admit I had tuned him out for a while so I missed what set him off, but I didn't miss that all of a sudden I could feel my power return, it was like a cork being popped off champagne. Free of restrictions I melted the ice, and stalked up to the ice crazy who was quite surprised to see me.

"How?" His voice showed fear, proper fear as he was about to die horribly.

"Fire of course." I snapped my fingers and ignited his entire body, at one point he tried to cool himself down, but I was long past letting that happen, it did lead to him being frozen and scorched though, which was as horrifying as you could imagine. The look on his face was amusing to me and scared everyone else in the room (I'm the avatar/god of vengeance, not one of like humility or tact so my thoughts of others is non existent).

It was of course at this point the Guard rushed into the library (they had a spotter outside see the commotion) and they arrested me. I RESOLVED THE SITUATION! But you know how people in authority are. All "We told you not to" this and "you are not a god" that. I tell you its almost enough to make me question helping them at all! And I still didn't get to go to the gods damned library.

Vengeance Apparently Has Its Limitations

I tend to be a bit more I want to say measured in my use of magic than others. Hold on stop laughing. No I tend to not jump immediately to the burn something burn it now solution, others don't tend to do that and I forgot that. So when I announced my presence the crazy person hit me with a bout of frost and froze me into a Trezlansicle. I'm not talking froze my feet like he did the others, he full on froze me into a block of ice which was as I assumed extremely painful. I could still breathe through the ice (no idea such is the wonder of magic) but I was otherwise detained.

My first thought was to use my magic and be free, but that didn't work at freaking all. Like I went to pull the trigger on some magic and came up dry. It wasn't like I didn't have magical prowess, I could feel it, I just couldn't use it at all. It was maddening. Like in shackles you know why you're magic is trapped, but here? It literally felt like something was keeping me in reserve and that's when a wild thought appeared in my head. What if as part of being a god of vengeance I could only use my abilities and therefore my magic in response for vengeance? It was terrifying to consider. I mean ordinarily I'm a counter killer anyway, only taking a life in response to an attempt on my own, but there are times I like to be proactive! NOT ANYMORE APPARENTLY!

What this meant was I got to watch helplessly as the guard dicked around trying to resolve a hostage situation. It was almost like being a normal non magical, non god person, completely freaking terrible. Honestly I don't know how you non magical's exist day to day? Its got to be awful, like seriously awful. Anyway I was stuck in ice for about an hour, and next entry I'll get into how I freed myself (hint I used magic, oh crap spoilers!)

Well Then I'll Take My Services Elsewhere!

"Get out of here Lorentino." I always feel I don't get the respect I deserve, which is completely true, I mean I'm a god gods damn it! Like a literal god, me deigning to help you should make you entirely grateful! Not telling me to get lost! That's unacceptable!! I mean its nice people know me by sight now, but its also infuriating they tell me to not help!

"But I am a master negotiator." This is a lie, I'm terrible at negotiating, like as a business person you'd think I'd be better at it, but I've never really developed those skills since my go to negotiating technique is do what I say or I'll burn you to death, which works great in most situations, but wouldn't probably work here. Probably, but you never know until you try gods damn it!

"You are a masterful pain in the ass, someone please remove this man." A member of the guard shunted me away from the main group and told me in no uncertain terms to not come back (they were in the entrance area, the guard took me outside amongst the rabble to be rid of me). To anyone else this would be the end of it, but I'm Trezlan Gods Damned Lorentino! I know ways into buildings that haven't even been discovered yet (mostly through sewers, so not exactly kind ways into buildings, but still ways!). So a few moments later I was into the library proper and sneaking up on the guy who had hostages (you'll note at this point I could have just gone to the section I wanted to be in and done my research, but I wanted to help so my current goal was to give that assistance!

The hostage taker guy was someone magical (way to help the cause you jerk!) he had frozen most of the poor library staff into place which I'm sure was extremely painful as freezing magic is still frost and cold hurts (not as bad as fire mind you, but fire like everything good in life is great and terrible at the same time). He was rambling when I came upon him in the library, I believe he was talking with the guard outside the library, but at the same time he was just nuts so he could have been talking to himself (as opposed to me, recently minted god by a dream I had... See perfectly sane!) His rambling was none sense though, he was worried about divine retribution and wanted us all to repent our sins. As someone who recently carried out said retribution and had no idea who this dick was? Yeah I think he was up the crazy tree.

"Hold on crazy pants just put your magic down." I admit this probably was not the best way to start things off (see not the greatest negotiator) and things only went down hill from here. For me though, which sucked because as an intro to god hood this whole situation was emasculating!

Delusions of Godhood

"You are not a god." Valrym as usual trying to return me to being grounded, but that was impossible now. Not when I had achieved godhood!

"I totally am, it explains everything." Not everything, not by a long shot, but you know me simple solutions for huge problems.

"And why did you come to this conclusion?" I got up from my painful position and stretched out, my neck was extremely sore, I guess sleeping on my head wasn't doing me any favors.

"Dream me told me I'm a god now." I admit saying that out loud not exactly the smartest sentence I've ever said. Not the dumbest though which is probably worse.

"Right of course that's logic that can't be touched." With that Val walked off cursing under his breath like the little jerk he was. I dusted myself off and set out to show the world what a god of vengeance could do! Ok I didn't actually do that, what I did do was go to the library, because despite my claim to Valrym and my dream self telling me I was a god now I had to make sure that's what this was, and it wasn't instead some horrible magical malady that would like blow me up or something.

When I arrived at the library things were in chaos. Some jerk had taken people hostage and was threatening to kill them if the local politicians didn't do something he wanted. I was pretty annoyed by the situation, if only because he wasn't even in the section of the library I needed! But no the stupid police wouldn't just let me in to read some books. I AM A GOD GODS DAMN IT!!! No that didn't work with the local Guard authorities in the area either. So I took it upon myself to resolve the issue on my own! Without telling anyone I was planning on doing that. Flawless plan as usual!

Not a Very Surprising Revelation

I awoke in a field I vaguely remembered. I say "awoke" but I knew I was asleep because it was definitely a dream because it had to be one! I was in the middle of a crater, it all seemed similar I had trouble placing it until the white form of the vengeance god I'd slain arrived. And then all of a sudden I knew exactly what was going wrong with me.

"Trezlan I figured it was time for a talk." It was weird hearing the creature speak like this, when I'd fought it before we weren't exactly on talking terms.

"You! You're the reason I'm having troubles." I thought being damn near catatonic and screwed up for a while was the resolution to killing this particular god. I was very very wrong.

"Yes and no, you are having problems because you haven't been exactly doing what you are supposed to be doing, and its only manifesting now because more and more people have been believing in you." I was taken a bit back by anyone believing in me, I mean sure there was a cult of me in that foreign land, but its not like it was a full blown religion (it actually had become one, though again it was me in the abstract not me in the reality, because gods are best thought of in that regard).

"So you're telling me that cult has made me a god? It has made me in theory you?" The creature smiled.

"They all start as cults Trezlan, and yes in effect you are me, and you are not me, at this point you are more like the avatar of vengeance closer to that earth godling bartender you associate with."

"And you aren't even that dead god, you are a part of me trying to tell myself what is going on because I'm too stupid to figure it out on my own." As soon as I said this the not god of vengeance transformed into me.

"Well I wouldn't say you were too stupid to figure it out, you did figure it out, you just had to tell yourself you did." I hate talking with myself, especially in dreams. But my revelation realized I woke up.

"I'm the god of vengeance!" I exclaimed to Val who was startled about my sudden waking up.

"Oh gods no."

"And my neck really hurts, like seriously." And thus began my new god hood. Sort of, again I'm not exactly a god, and in this world well god is a relative term... Look I get into this more in the next entry... MORTAL LOOK UPON MY JOURNAL AND... yeah no, just read the next entry!

The Downside of Surprise Power

I was having trouble controlling my magic. Like normally I wouldn't ever accidentally discharge fire, but ever since I woke up charged up it was all I could do to not burn down my entire office. On top of the magical issue I had a desire to murder people, and not just my random desire to kill everyone around me (because they are dumb and do things like stop in the street or make loud noises!) But I had these urge to kill people for things entirely unrelated to my normal issues with them! Like I wanted to kill someone who I bumped into because I got the feeling he was a bad tipper. It was all highly unusual and I could only fear what changes would come in the following days, so I did the only reasonable thing and went drinking.  Look drinking is my safety blanket even when I got so wasted I almost got cut up by a weirdo doctor.

"You sick or something?" Val almost had a look of concern on his face. Not concerned enough to not serve me of course.

"I can't explain it Val, I've been feeling weird as of late."

"You look weird, something off about you, can't put my finger on it."

"Thanks Hanlon blamed it on the necromancy, I'm not too sure."

"Oh its probably that for sure, but something else is wrong with you, you haven't done anything more awful than usual lately have you?"

"Val you know me that's a really open ended question, more awful than usual is pretty awful."

"True, but you haven't been involved in any weird rituals or done something you shouldn't have related to the gods?" I gave him a flat look that told him I had done at least both of those things, "Damn it Trezlan do you do anything in life that isn't bad?"

"I drink your beer and pay you for it."

"Well there is that." He went back to washing some glasses and I went back to drowning my sorrows. I drank until I passed out, and that's when thing went even more south (and not just because when I woke up I was laying in an uncomfortable position though that did definitely factor in!

You Ever Get That Super Charged Feeling?

Ordinarily when I wake up I wake up in a foul mood (shocking right?) I'm not a morning person, or an afternoon person or a night person; I'm a "sleep was better than this shit" person. I know as soon as I wake up the worst part of my day is about to begin. It's weird for someone who clings to life I hate living it at times. Anyway I say all of that because when I woke up after being released from prison I felt more spring in my step. It wasn't just because I wasn't going to be arrested. It felt like I had touched some really potent magic and came away with that power instead of just scorched. I figured it was due to my connection to the Fire God and some lingering gift of hers, or maybe from when I was touched by the wind whatever (is it weird I've so much interaction with the gods and yet at the same time do not want to believe in them? Kind of weird right). I would have kept thinking that until well Hanlon came to see me, to gloat or whatever it is Hanlon does normally when he's not leading rebellions or whatever.

"Something feels different about you." Hanlon had swung in to check up on me so he claimed. I think he just wanted to know if the Fire God was hanging around.

"Well I did feel more peppy when I woke up this morning, maybe I ate something good last night."

"Right food can make you surge with magical power that's for sure." Hanlon's dry sarcasm wounded me.

"Could be something residual from the fire god."

"Or it could be you have used necromancy haphazardly for so long it was bound to bounce something bad back at you, and now it has." He got to the point and I appreciated that, but at the same time, what????

"But I feel fine, better than fine!"

"For now Trezlan, but be careful what you are dealing with now could possibly destroy you, or empower you, you know either way." He left and I glared angrily at the door. As usual he told me something I didn't know and then left me with something to think about that scared me. Because Hanlon is a prick! And he wasn't wrong and things were about to get a lot worse.

New Partners Same Dance

Seated at a table shackles locked on my wrists an interrogator in front of me I realized I'd been here before. Several times before, the people change positions, the charges change, but ultimately its the same dance. I've become such and old hat at it I mentally critique my interrogators. I don't outwardly do it since that's a good way to turn a charge into something I might actually be arrested for, but this guy was kind of a loser. Rumpled outfit, smelled slightly. If I didn't know any better I'd figure the Guard didn't actually want these murders solved (they actually didn't because they suspected the Fire God herself did them and yeah you don't screw with a god, let alone one with Fire in her name). Still I couldn't help but feel disrespected.

"Thanks for coming down Mr. Lorentino." I held up my shackles as if to show it wasn't my choice.

"Well you guys were so polite in your invitation."

"Do you have a reason to want to kill members of the Followers of Fire?" His way of talking was that of a clerk asking names off a sheet.

"Are you trying to get me to admit to why I would be guilty of crimes? Guardsman that is insulting." He had a sheet he was reading, when I mentioned the insulting bit he looked up briefly, I couldn't really see his lips through an unkempt beard but it appeared he was chewing on something.

"Forgive me sir, but I'm just trying to figure out what happened, there are twenty people dead and you are known to use fire magic."

"Yeah magic not incineration! You know how hard it is to burn something to ash? Extremely difficult, doing it twice would push me into corruption alone. I get that you non magicals think that magic is well magical, but it has its limits, and the bodies the papers have reported on would be literally impossible for me to do, I could take you to the morgue to show you if you want to see a body burn in person." I was frustrated, though you have to remember I did kill those men, so I was angry about being accused of doing a crime I actually did, just not in the manner that I did it.

"That'll be all Mr. Lorentino."

"Well then unshackle me and let me go."

"When you're story checks out." It took me a few hours for my story to "check out" whatever that means. They gave me crap about not leaving town but its not like I was going to leave anyway. All the same I tell you authority sucks! I was glad I got out of jail when I did, because it was cold in town and the prison had poor heating!

Thanks For the Warning

I was alone in my office just waiting. I knew she'd be around, either to gloat or thank me, I just had to wait (its not like I could summon her or anything she was a god, possibly going to be THE god according to Hanlon, so I waited). I waited a long time it felt like hours since the last murder, but she showed up, not there one minute there the next, I'd gotten used to the trick with Hanlon, though he at least did it out of my eye sight to create the possibility I just didn't notice him, she appeared out of thin air, though I could feel heat in the room, so where ever she came from it was hot, which made sense.

"Glad to see you can do as you are told Trezlan."

"No thanks, no good job, just happy I followed your orders?"

"I'm a god what do you want a pat on the head?" I didn't actually want a pat on the head, not from someone who had threatened me with burning alive.

"Didn't bother to tell me they were working for Morley?"

"Figured that out on your own did you? No of course not one of them must have confessed in some misguided attempt to keep you from killing them."

"No I figured it out." She smiled, it was an actual warm smile (pardon the pun), but it was still upsetting.

"Sure you did of course Trezlan, as to answer your question, I wanted to see how dedicated you were to me, you killed those people because I told you to, not because you wanted to harm Morley. And you did that perfectly, so thank you Trezlan I'll remember this next time I ask of you." She turned around as if to leave.

"That's it we're done?"

"We're done, well I'm done you're about be arrested on suspicion of twenty homicides, oh and keep the hand, but keep it safe ok? I'd recommend hiding it the unworthy as you have found are devoured by it."

"Wait I'm about to be arrested?" And then she was gone, and the police were there and I was arrested. I was able to hide the hand (a box under my floor boards next to the other pistol that was a god hand, I had to laugh about that because it seemed silly, like I was collecting the damn things for some reason). Thankfully I wasn't actually charged but I'll get to that, you know I will... Probably. I might unleash that entry about economics I've warned about!

The Grandest Plan!

"You're a dumb dumb person." Iris had four of her goons behind me, I still had the hand though, because no one wanted to touch it. The office had a nice view of the city, though I had to wonder how strong the windows were in case I had to leap out of one (even though it was a fairly far way to fall, I could have gotten lucky and like hit a cart full of hay or something). Iris was a fairly attractive older lady, pale skin regal features, short hair, I didn't see a ring on her finger, but perhaps when interrogating people she took it off.

"I've heard that before, it never usually ends well for the person telling me that." I heard a laugh from behind me, but I was being deadly serious (well as serious as I could be). I did have my hands in front of me, they gave me that much of a courtesy. I was also seated and not restrained to the chair, not that it would have made much of a difference either way.

"You're shackled in a chair and I have four guards all armed, I don't think I'm in any danger from you." There was a certain air of arrogance about her statement, I was going to love to prove her wrong.

"Sure sure, all of your guards and still you're terrified of me I can see it in your eyes." I could not actually see it in her eyes. She laughed of course.

"The only thing I'm afraid of is how you figured us out. Morley chose us for how unconnected to each other we were, and yet you methodically wiped us out without a single miss, that's impressive, so who helped you?"

"Helped? Please, Morley for all his intelligence makes mistakes all the same." This was a total bullshit bluff, but man alive here I thought I was just killing people who were trying to ruin the Fire God's reputation, turns out they were double agents (and none of the legends mention this facet at all, proving once and for all how bullshit legends are).

"Right the great Trezlan Lorentino, someone so stupid Morley specifically said not to kill you because you as it would be a waste of time? I'm shaking in my boots." Arrogance is my thing gods damn it! It was insulting to see it thrown in my face like this.

"I am Trezlan Gods Damned Lorentino lady, and you're just one more name on a list." The shackles melted away (a great effect, but gods damn did it hurt) and I pulled the Hand, despite having unloaded it earlier it was fully loaded when I pulled the trigger and Iris disintegrated. The four guards were too stunned to even pull the trigger so I shot them all to death as well. My task completed I took the stairs down, I'm sure the guards that were left in the building didn't expect me to get free, let alone kill their boss so they didn't even react or rush the stairs or anything. I was able to leave the building as non chalantly as I had arrived.

See I told you I had a damn plan!

A Little Harder Than Expected

The final name on my list was the current head of the Followers of Fire, which meant that I couldn't just like sneak up on her in an alley and shoot her dead (my preferred method for killing the names on the list, hilariously even as I killed a bunch of them they didn't prepare very much, I believe because I did it pretty much all in one week, and they didn't even know people were dead until I'd killed several of them). No she had a whole retinue of people around her at all times, it was kind of annoying. I was thinking I could just burn her to death from a distance instead of shooting her with the hand, but her damn army people kept one of those magical canceling things around and I didn't want to roast my stupid ass (also the hand was leaving no trace other than ashes, using my magic would cause a direct link). So instead of trying to arrange a murder like a normal person I decided to just swing in to her main headquarters and kill her there. Yes that was my plan, no I'm not that smart at times.

So I strolled into the main headquarters hand of the fire god in a shoulder clutch, big jacket on to try and hide that and not much else. I did like that the Hand for whatever reason despite being intensely magical did not trip any magical sensor at all (there were stupid little magic checkers all over the city to try and dissuade people from bringing in artifacts of unknown magical origin, they were easy to bypass though err I have no idea how to bypass one, never mind moving on). The man at the front desk was clearly more bodyguard than secretary, the fact he had a rifle near him kind of gave that away.

"Trezlan Lorentino loremaster here to see Iris Shade."

"Names not on the list." He didn't look at a list that I could see.

"Well its more of an impromptu thing, I want to document the church's ascension from lowly worshipers in the dirt to the big religion you are today." He didn't flinch at the insult to the church, they don't actually recognize their roots much anymore, which told me he wasn't a follower.

"No you aren't."

"I'm not?"

"No you're here to kill Iris Shade." I could hear boots tromping through hallways.

"What ever makes you think I'd want to do that?"

"Because we aren't idiots Mr. Lorentino." He went for his rifle and I drew the hand and burned him down.

"Sure you aren't." He was dead but you know the pithy one liner demanded to be said anyway! I turned around and there were a lot more of them than I expected (twenty by a quick headcount).

"Put the pistol down and get down on your belly." At least they didn't just shoot me, this was amazingly enough part of my plan. I let them shackle me and they took the hand (or they tried to, the first person who touched it was vaporized, after that they made me unload the magazine and let me keep it in my clutch). And then I was on my way up to see Iris. All part of my plan. Serious! Read next entry and then try and tell me I wasn't completely brilliant!

A Legend in the Making

One nice thing about living a long time is you see how full of shit legends really are. I don't mean like "Oh that's not exactly true but mostly right." No I mean how completely made up and not at all truthful they really are at all! And I don't mean just the ones I created (its a hobby of mine to plant made up stories over the years, and when I say hobby I mean complete accident brought on by me being a huge liar and story teller... but not this journal everything in here is 100% truthful!).

Like there is a legend about a man who found cursed treasure and his entire family was killed as a result of the curse. Its a nice simple legend, has a moral be careful about treasure etc etc. Not true at all! What the actual story was, was complete asshole thief robbed a bunch of people in town, the towns folk got up and murdered his entire family! The legend actually obscures horrible vigilante justice! That's generally what real legends are, they hide history people don't want to confront!

I bring up all of this of course because my work for the fire god caused an entirely new legend to emerge. The first couple kills just had people wondering what could make someone disintegrate like the hand was causing them to and who was killing followers of fire. Then shortly after I was about halfway done with the killings it came out the Fire God herself was smiting her followers for not respecting her, towards the end the legend had mutated that it was actually a creature who hated the Fire God destroying her worshipers trying to punish the fire god (I may have started this one...)

It was an interesting example of how over the course of twenty people being murdered how the legend twisted and turned. Eventually I'm sure it'll be that the Fire God herself struck down the unbelieving in the streets during a reign of blood! Maybe I'll spread that one. All the same I only had one person left on my list, but it was the current leader of the church, and crazily enough she actually prepared for my arrival. What a jerk!

No One is a Good Man

I had the hand of the fire god in a shoulder clutch (it looked like any modern pistol now, it was weird how it changed appearance almost as if to disguise itself). I had the list of names in my pocket and a drink in my hand, because getting a quest like this necessitates drinking. Valrym kept his distance, I was pretty sure he could sense the power I had with me. I was about to say something to him to try and start the dialogue when a hand clapped down on my shoulder, it was Hanlon. Thankfully I was seated at a table and not the bar, though I don't care that other people hear me, I don't like talking with Hanlon in public, if only because I'm afraid he'll kill me for disclosing some secret I didn't know was a secret.

"I love the smell of a god in the morning, smells like trouble." I continue to be amazed at Hanlon's ability to sense gods I'd almost think he was one, but what would he be the god of? Smugness? Secrets? I don't think there is a god of weaponry.

"You're always so chipper when you know I'm screwed."

"You're not screwed I'm sure, I see a list of names and you've got the hand of the fire god, I'm going to make a quick assumption and guess she wants you to kill the men on the list?"

"And one lady." Her name was at the top, I assumed that meant she was in charge (I was right).

"And you're thinking you're screwed because?"

"They're high ranking church officials, a church that was recently one all about combat, which tells me these people will be highly protected."

"Recently is a matter of opinion Trezlan, but I can assure you their protection isn't that good, its a side effect of being all conflict can be personal like they went to, means you stop thinking people will try and kill you." Of course Hanlon would know about the types of body guards that a member of the church would have, I should not have been surprised at all. Still despite him saying that I didn't exactly believe it.

"So I guess I should go out there and get the job done and stop delaying?"

"Unless you have some kind of conscience about killing people or something? Which I can't imagine you do. Might think they are innocent or not bad people."

"No on is a good person, not here, and especially not people who run a religion, I'm just trying to decide if I do this if I'll actually be free and clear."

"What you should be worried about is if the entity you were talking to is the fire god. Otherwise you'll just be killing the fire god's followers for some thing else thus pissing off the real one." I admit I hadn't thought of that particular issue. I took the Fire God at full face value.

"Wow thanks now I'm all the more terrified of doing this."

"I'm just screwing with you, though you do tend to take entities at their word and you really shouldn't. Though I'd recommend doing this for the good fire lady because her power is exponential and soon enough we'll stop thinking about gods and more about god, if you take my drift." Hanlon was the master of making you feel better one moment and then crushing you with depression the next. I finished my drink nodded at Hanlon and left, I had some killing to do.

Negotiations of the Fire God

"No, does no work for you,? no." I was not about to burn to death a bunch of people on the word of a god. I normally do that when they upset me, or I'm having a bad day or some other spurious reasoning! But not just because a god told me so. She smiled after she pouted a bit.

"Come on haven't you just wanted to truly let got and burn everything?"

"I did that once, I was corrupted beyond belief and was a scourge on the city I burned a lot of people."

"And how did that make you feel?"

"Awful."

She frowned, "You're no fun! I swear for someone who is what you are, you take no joy in being it." I was lot as to what she was alluding to, but years of dealing with Hanlon had trained me with this kind of speak in half tones bullshit.

"So if there isn't anything else there's the door you can see yourself out of it."

"Oh throwing me out like so much last nights trash? Have you forgot what I am and what you owe me? I saved you from damnation at least twice, and I can burn you alive." With the last statement I felt all of my body be extremely hot like my blood was boiling, it was brief but the threat had been repeated this time with the physical effect. The fire god then smiled and clapped her hands together. "Ok so you won't burn a bunch of people to death that's fine I guess fine be that way, what you can do for me, is kill a specific group of people, just some malcontents ruining my religion."

"You mean making your religion into a family friendly affair devoid of martial combat?"

"I mean turning my followers from the true spirit of belief in me and weaking me as a result, kill them and I'm sure the idiots will return to the way they are supposed to worship."

"And you can't do this because?"

"Stupid rules I agreed to with other gods, I can help my people, or this pathetic orb, but I can't direct them to worship properly! My hands are tied."

"But you can have someone else do it for you?"

"Well special people sure, you're one of them, a loop hole of sorts." I keep being terrified by god politics, even more so when they are threatening to burn me to death.

"And if I say no you'll incinerate me."

"Well I don't want to say I'll set your testicles on fire and turn your penis into charcoal."

"But you literally just did." She smiled and then produced a scroll with names blackened into it, gods never updated to type writers. And then she disappeared as suddenly as she was there. The list was twenty gods damned names deep though! But seeing as I wanted to keep my jangly bits not currently on fire I decided best to follow what she said.

Pawn of the Fire God

I sat there dumbfounded that the fire god was in my office. She didn't have all of her trappings of before, now she was wearing a red suit (fitting I guess) with a bright red shirt and tie. She almost looked like a lawyer or some other business professional. I didn't see a weapon, but I guess much like her followers she had switched to a more subdued style. She had short red hair as well, spiked in the front, who styles the hair of the gods? I have no idea.

"Whatever it is you think I did, I did not do it." Best to start at the place of do not destroy me for existing.

"Please Trezlan if I was here to annihilate you I would have done so before you even turned around, burned you from the inside out." She got close and I could feel the energy just bouncing from inside her. Like I'd been near her before, but this was intimately more personal and very much more intimidating. She basically told me she could blow me up, and I believed her.

"Mordere set me up I take it." It was the obvious choice, he gave me her hand, and knew I'd eventually touch it.

"Set up is so," She paused briefly to consider language, "Pedestrian, I like to think of arranged, but yes Mordere did arrange for you to have my weapon and assumed you'd need to use it as he had several children he knew would come for the weapon."

"So you want something from me?"

"Always getting right to business, why can't you just enjoy my company? I am the god you should be following instead of worshiping death like you do, sure you have extended your life, but I give you the power of life and death with your fire, if not for me you wouldn't have your necromancy." I've long wondered if the gods are any way associated with magic, I have noticed fire is a more common magical ability where as something like shifting is not (fire from the fire god, shifting from chaos? Who is dead maybe), but found no proof of this. Honestly I don't believe the Fire God was telling the truth about magical ability here either, Gods are like that, I mean warfare is not exactly an honest thing, and so the god of it wouldn't be some bastion of honesty either (I don't think there is a god of honesty because no one in this gods damned world could sustain that!)

"I don't worship death."

"Oh please you reek of it and your interactions with it, its infused in every essence of your being though I do sense the stink of another on you now, I swear Trezlan you could have just asked me for a favor I would have maybe obliged you." She ran a hand over my bald head and what little hair I had up there from my last shaving was gone instantly, she flashed her teeth and I could see a hinge of fire behind them. Whatever form she had taken she cared not to hide too much what she was.

"Get to what you want please." She flashed a pouty face.

"Fine straight to business, I need you to do something for me."

"And that is?"

"I want you to burn my followers alive."

"Oh." I have to admit I should have seen this coming.

Do not Tempt The Real Fire God

"Put the box down and step away." It was a man's voice though I suspected at first it would be a female (I guess the most recent daughter having had the power of the fire god once didn't seek it out like this moron did).

"You really want my grand mothers secret recipes? I won't stop you her cake was delicious." I never actually knew my grandmother, at this point I don't even remember her, did I even have one? Questions I'll never care to answer. The gunman had his pistol in my back, it felt like a modern one based on barrel and I didn't hear the hammer hit back, but he might have just been threatening and not intending on killing me.

"Don't bullshit me Lorentino, I know what's in the box, its the only thing my father would leave to someone like you." I turned around and saw the shriveled little punk who confronted me. He had a wispy mustache and baggy clothing. He looked like a dirty vagrant and I could see why Mordere the elder wanted nothing to do with him.

"Someone like me? What ever do you mean by that you little shit? Someone stronger than you? Someone able to kill you with the snap of a finger? Someone who has fought gods and killed them and could just as easily destroy you WITHOUT A THOUGHT? THAT'S WHAT YOU MEANT BY SOMEONE LIKE ME?!?" I admit I'm getting sick and tired of being treated like garbage, especially by some family cast off. he stumbled backwards and ran into one of my shelves, he pulled the hammer back on his pistol (it was modern, but even semi-auto's have a hammer, it taps the trigger for an easier pull).

"Stay back." His voice stammered, he wasn't sold on this.

"Oh now you want me to stay away from you? Big man with a gun? Well let me show you what you came to find!" I opened the box and drew the hand of the fire god, upon touching it was like sticking my hand in molten lava, but I didn't care, I drew the pistol and blasted the lesser Mordere. He was vaporized instantly. My anger dialed back down I put the pistol back into the box, it was draining to have fired it, and draining still to have even touched it. I shouldn't have bothered, but like I said I'm tired of being treated like a child, especially by someone who was a damned child. I almost worried someone would call the local police on me after my display, but I didn't hear boots tromping after me or anything. So I figured I was in the clear. And I was, from the authority anyway.

"Mr. Lorentino I'm so glad you contacted me." I turned around and it was the Fire God. Well it was, but it wasn't. I tell you things have gotten weird in the modern world, and the God's are one of those things that has gotten all screwed up. But as usual next entry blah blah blah. Look I give you a taste!

I Thought He Was Dead Already

"You know you'd be less scary if you just told people you were a mortician." The tall man was named Barrow and he was an undertaker as if my initial dialogue entry there wasn't a clue or anything. The men with him were his assistants. It at least explained the clothing.

"Actually I used to introduce myself as an undertaker and that scared people more." We were seated in Barrow's office, it was pleasant enough for an office where you go when someone dies (very sparse furniture wood tones so as to not be too threatening the complete opposite of the giant that was Barrow).

"I could see how that can happen, why did you become an undertaker in the first place?" He looked at me oddly like no one had ever asked him the question before.

"I'm a people person Mr. Lorentino." I couldn't tell if that was a joke or not, he seemed sincere and so I left it at that. I was with the undertaker because Mordere had died and left me something, I thought he was dead already, I swear I wrote that he died not too long ago (this is the reason I write this journal so as to not forget things I should know, now I'm wondering if time periods are blending in my head, oh gods best to not think about that). He produced a box and put it on the table I knew the box, and so I knew probably what was inside it, what I didn't know is why he was giving it to me.

"Is that all?"

"Yes everything else was given to the church." I nodded I didn't want to grab the box or even open it, I thought I was done with that pistol, but unfortunately Mordere the evil bastard had other plans.

"Why didn't this go to his family?"

"While Mr. Mordere had several children this box was specifically not to be given to any of them, which they all understood. In his instruction he left a note saying a blood line is imperfect but Lorentino is eternal. Which I have no clue what that mans Mr. Lorentino, other than I don't want to know what it means." I nodded and took the box.

"Will there be a funeral for people to pay their respects?"

"For an assassin? No, we'll bury the body without headstone and pray that will be the end of it. The church has disavowed Mr. Mordere and his type, they are going for a more welcoming image that that of Sins hiding in the shadows and displays of martial strength." That made me sad, that the Church of the Fire God was becoming more political and less overt, I mean things change, but come on YOU WORSHIP THE GOD OF CONFLICT! Followers these days!

"That's sad."

"That's business, which does lead me to one question, I checked my records and that of my predecessor I have never buried a Lorentino, neither has he. What are you Mr. Lorentino?"

I smiled, "Someone who is eternal obviously." Barrow did not return my smile instead he had the look most people do when they see beyond their station in life. I took my leave of the undertaker and made my way back to my office, trying not to draw any notice that I carried one of the most powerful weapons in creation. Sadly someone already knew and they were waiting for me at my office. No marginally good deed goes unpunished!

Stop Guessing You'll Never Guess

"It was money of course you'd take money." Val suddenly cared when I told him the Wind Goddess had granted me a wish. Though as usual he did not believe me when I said it. I had made my way back to town, the rain had mercifully stopped, though the cold was taking up the slack (because you can never have one without the other this time of damn year). I prefer a nice not too hot, not too cold climate. Something that is not possible anywhere, I swear I would have wished for that but the Wind Goddess would have probably just turned me into a fish or something equally horrible. Like I swear when I gave that lady my wish I had it completely written out, she actually frowned at me when I handed it to her. BUT I GOT WHAT I WANTED GODS DAMN IT!

"I did not take money Val." Because money is the root of all evil, on top of that again I'd probably be killed by a huge stack of money or some other horrible thing. I mean look what happened to Elise when she wished for power.

"Than eternal life."

"And wind up as a rock? No just stop guessing I shouldn't have brought it up."

"You brought it up because you wanted to brag, and then you didn't want to tell me because you didn't want me knowing what pact you made with that wind creature who is not a goddess despite what you think." I could sense what was coming next, Val and I had been doing this dance for years.

"I'll see myself out then."

"Make sure you do!" I didn't pay my bill, though he knew I'd be back to pay it so it wasn't like a major thing to do. I was a bit worried by the "she's not a goddess thing." but its not like what I asked for could have some long term horrible consequence years down the road (well it hasn't so far, so uhh fingers crossed!) I was on my way grumbling about a comeback for Val when I bumped into a tall man in a dark suit. Because I pay attention like garbage when I'm angry.

"Trezlan Lorentino?" His voice was booming, almost as loud as he was tall and he was very tall.

"If I say no will you go away."

"No." Quieter this time, but still there.

"Fine that's me lets get going I know no good can come of this." And I was right! Because I always am.

Not a Very Fair Sacrifice

"She demands blood, and I figure your blood is the best I can offer, the last time I gave her my family and this is what I got." Elise was a horrific monster, and not just for the sacrificing her family part though that does seem pretty awful. Her body was all wrong, arms were double the size of her legs and were bent and twisted with too much muscle. Her fingers weren't all the same size and each one ended in a nasty claw. She wasn't wearing any clothes anymore, though its not like it was very tittilating to see her ugly misshapen naked body, it was revolting.

"A sacrifice usually is something from yourself not someone else." That's not entirely accurate of anything really, but I was shackled by a horrible monster who had been a wonderful young woman not to long before (why did she look one way before and now horrific? Side effect of her wish, she didn't specify properly her power and so outside of a super concentrated effort the monster before me was what she really looked like, I like to think it was an outer portrayal of her inner turmoil, but that was just me personally).

"Oh Trezlan if you weren't such an idiot you'd be endearing." I've heard this so many times. So the monster had me down and out, my hands shackled behind my back and there I was waiting for death when the wind goddess showed up. Now I've seen the Fire God (this seems like a brag because it is) and she is gorgeous, but the wind goddess is beyond beauty, like in my dreams when I think of true beauty I think of the wind goddess (sorry future ladies I'll disappoint). I won't even bother trying to describe her (also I think her appearance changed based on the person who perceives her, as the descriptions I read looked nothing like the wind goddess I saw).

"Children." Her voice was like a musical instrument, even with a simple one word sentence of children.

"Wind Goddess I bring you a gift for the slaughter grant me my wish!" The goddess looked at me and back to the twisted shape of Elise.

"I have already given you a gift, I see that you are unhappy with your strength."

"I'm hideous! You promised me power!"

"And you have power, you have strength and speed others wish they had, you did not care for your looks nor specify you wanted to keep them." She stalked to the wind goddess and looked to strike the goddess which I knew was a bad idea and as soon as she raised an arm she was annihilated. Elise vanquished the goddess turned to me with a smile. "Sacrifice accepted, child what gift can I bestow on you."

This sudden reversal of fortune brought a smile to my face. So what wish did I ask for? You know how this works! Actually I won't tell you because it was personal, let me just say that I didn't ask for money because I was really worried I'd get turned into money.

No time For Mourning

When I woke up in the morning my camp was empty. Elise had either left or been drug off in the night. I normally would have I dunno cared? But since my life was a happenstance of horrible I just kind of let this slide (it was also raining and windy and you know what I didn't really know Elise that well and I'm lazy so you do the not math on this one). I was a bit sad that in my great moment of triumph I wouldn't have someon there to cheer me on (because that's what I imagined Elise was there to do, not you know steal the wish for herself as she intended). I did notice when she left she took all my supplies with her, another reason I didn't exactly go looking for her, since she had sort of robbed me (ordinarily I might have charged after her for the theft, but I was in a hurry to meet the wind goddess, look things were rushed and precautions were not taken, unlike my normal really careful self...)

Climbing difficult cliffs without the gear I'd brought was a real pain in the ass. Like seriously, it took what should have been a difficult but doable climb, into something that was potentially fatal at each grab (I still continued instead of just going back to get more gear because the Wind Goddess was coming, and I didn't want to miss her). I was kind of surprised there weren't other people attempting to climb the cliffs. I mean the legend wasn't super widely known, but a legend granting wind goddess should have at least brought some other people out (again turns out other people had come out but gotten murdered by the monster that stalked the area). I was also pissed other people weren't there because one of the reasons I didn't just turn back was I was hoping I could uhh borrow someone elses climbing gear (look I'm still an asshole this never goes away).

So soaked to the bone, tired from climbing, and worried someone might have beaten me to the top I managed to scratch my way there only to be greeted by Elise. And by greeted I mean wrenched up by my arm and shackles tossed on my wrists. The creature she was is hard to describe, but I'll try, next entry of course. Got to leave you wanting more.

The Difference Between Existence and Living

"So you've lived hundreds of years?" I may have told my new follower a little bit too much about my life. Look when I someone starts listening I tend to forget that I'm supposed to keep some things secret. My new pseudo book smart follower's name was Elise, she was an orphan (aren't we all, though in her case its because she killed her parents, no I didn't know that at this time).

"I wouldn't say I have lived hundreds of years, I would say I have existed for hundreds of years."

"What's the difference?" I smiled, we were seated around a fire near the cliffs. Hilariously despite society advancing all over this area was nothing but untamed wilderness, more things change. Also apparently there was some horrific monster that stalked and killed anyone who tried to live near the cliffs, a legend I read about AFTER I stayed the night out there, because you know you read all these legends think you know whats up and then bam miss the one about the horrible murder monster.

"To live is to say you enjoy the experience, that you have lived it up, personally I have not enjoyed all of my time in this world, in fact I have down right hated some of my years specifically the ones associated with my imprisonment." I wouldn't of course wanted to be dead obviously, but I can say things have obviously not gone my way for a long time.

"So with your wish you hope to fix that?"

"Oh gods no, I intend to ask for money, because money fixes everything." It really really does. Elise and I went to sleep. Well I should I say I went to sleep, Elise disappeared in the night leaving me to wonder who exactly I'd brought along with me to the wind goddess.

Finally Someone Who Listens Who Isn't a Prick

"And so the legend of the wind goddess is that she appears every fifty years, no one knows why its every fifty years, or why she appears, but she shows up almost on clock work!" I say almost because the legends were kind of off. The young lady I was talking to was fairly bookish looking, she had on glasses and was carrying a large amount of books, I liked her immediately.

"What is she other than a wind goddess I mean?" She pushed her glasses up at the wind goddess part, if I wasn't so enraptured someone was listening to me I would have noticed her glasses didn't have any glass in them.

"Legend says she grants one person a wish, why again I have no idea, but that's what the legend says, and there are so many corroborating legends." Legends are always reliable except when they aren't. Basically if I wrote the legend, do not count on it (I spread a lot of false info in my early years of being immortal lets just say I have a very poor sense of humor, err had I'm way better now...)

"Why a wish?"

"Because gods are fickle, something about the winds of change or some garbage, look legends aren't exactly historical records." Despite me saying they kind of were... Look don't expect me to be consistent here!

"So she shows up every fifty years grants a wish and leaves? Is there a limit to the wish?"

"Not that I found, though I did read that you have to be very specific in what you want, apparently someone wasn't and they were crushed to death." What he asked for incorrectly that got him crushed to death? Best left to the imagination.

"Wow, this sounds like the quite the legend. So where does she show up?"

"Apparently an altar at the top of some cliffs, part of the ordeal is having to climb the cliffs, and there is apparently some kind of sacrifice to the winds that has to be made, but you know I'm sure I can puzzle it out when I get there." Also a part of the legend was all the rain, one reason I was drawn to the legend in the first place (it explained the torrential down pour we were experiencing).

"You're going to go?" She almost sounded in awe, but looking back this was just a rouse.

"Of course, I have to make sure someone doesn't wish for like eternal darkness or something."

"Can I come with you?" I should have said no, I should have realized this was a trap, but I'm an idiot with an ego so...

"Sure I can always use someone to document my greatness." I'm an idiot.

Light Reading

"So this lady shows up every fifty years Val, its almost time for her to show up again!" I had sourced the legend with thirty separate corroborating novels and historical documents. I was very excited, Val was not very excited, he hadn't heard of the legend in which I had become entirely too invested (it was still raining so I didn't exactly have anything else to do, not that I normally do anyway).

"That's great Trezlan why do you think I care?"

"Because you're a student of history!" He was not a student of history, no one was. I swear I was one of the few true historians who actually lived anymore! You know outside of all those scholarly people in colleges and such that study boring history and not the cool stuff like legends and obscure magical rituals.

"Trezlan despite what you believe I'm not a student of anything except food and drink, and since this lady of the air can neither be eaten or drank I care not for her or her legend. And if you aren't going to buy anything else I'm going to ask you to pay up and leave."

"Come on Val, Hanlon didn't want to listen to my story about her either, someone has to care!" He harumphed again pointed at the bill. I paid it (under protest!) and left. I went to the library since I figured someone there would care about my legend. And happily someone there did, sadly they had ulterior motives BECAUSE OF COURSE THEY DID!

Rain Rain Go Away

The rain was unending. Upon my return home the bad weather that had mysteriously vanished while we were on the high seas had apparently materialized back home. I swear to the gods it was raining non stop for three frigging weeks. Everywhere you went gutters were full, drains were clogged and puddles were ever present. I found myself having to change clothes more often do to getting splashed or being soaked by the time I got where I was going (buy an umbrella you say, NONESENSE STOP RAINING SAYS I!). I'd have suspected this weather system was the result of evil, but I'd lived in town long enough to know it was just the ficker weather gods screwing with us.

What it meant was I spent an inordinate amount of time in my office. Which sucked since with the weather no one was coming in and all I could do was sit and stare at the little bottle ship Hanlon sent over (it was an exact duplicate of Trezlan the red's ship including and I kid you not actual pirates that moved on it, I was fascinated by what animated them up to and including being terrified that it was actually Trezlan's ship trapped in a bottle for me to be amused by, not terrified enough of course to try and free them naturally). I started to go a bit stir crazy. I normally dislike being trapped in one place for too long because it reminds me of prison, but I also dislike traveling when the weather is awful. So I decided to read some of the books that was lining my walls (I had read or wrote most of them, but my memory gets hazy at times hence this journal).

It was while I was reading these books I came across a curious legend I'd never heard of that I immediately invested way too much time in. What can I say it was raining and I was bored and th is seemed more interesting than being stuck in my office all day! Next entry I'll get into that legend promise!