Now You Say No

"What do you mean no?" It had taken me a bit to track down Hanlon, and when I had I was entirely disappointed in his response as you could imagine. Donel had decided not to come along when I told him I was going after Hanlon, having figured it was best not to be involved with him, and I couldn't fault him because I didn't want to have to deal with Hanlon.

"No its the opposite of yes I'll help you." He was seated at a cafe in a town on the coast, he didn't have a companion, but there had been a chair pulled out as if he was waiting for me.

"Why not?"

"Because Trezlan I'd prefer this world be wiped out at this point, it apparently longs to be destroyed more so than anything else, also its good for business, people in fear of their lives buy more weapons." I was so angry with him, because he was completely correct. The world did seem to want to explode, it did seem to want to be wiped out, and people would purchase his weapons in the end, but just because he was right didn't mean I had to accept it! I got up from the table and flipped him off (petulance is the one reserve I always have). Hanlon just gave me his same stare. It was not my most productive meeting. I ran into Donel up the street where he was waiting for me.

"Well is he going to help us?"

"No, he'd rather the world burn."

"So we're screwed?"

"No it means we wing it, because that's what I do, I wing things," Donel had a look on his face that told me he didn't think winging it was exactly a great solution, "Don't worry Donel I've lived all this time, I can do this."

"It's not you I'm worried about." You know Donel for being a bad ass warrior librarian was a bit of a downer. I mean come on things always work out for me! True not everyone I bring with me survives, but in my writing they do.

Necromantic Difficulties

"Does it hurt?" We were sitting around a fire outside of the sanitarium which was burning down. I was thinking we should have just stayed near the building for warmth, but you know that's probably rude to those people still stuck inside burning to death. I was shaking though because again necromancy is not an exact science and I use it like a cudgel which means sometimes things get messed up, ok a lot of the time.

"What necromancy? I have no idea probably extremely for those who die to it, but I've never really experienced it from that end." Still really haven't, I mean Morley has stung me a time or two with his bullshit, but its never been the full deal of killing someone.

"No I meant for you."

"Oh yeah that part? Hurts every time, like simple injuries healing themselves, or just taking in too much power, like right now I feel cold even though I know I shouldn't." I had been shivering despite being right near the fire, I could tell Donel was a bit worried. "Don't worry it passes, eventually, sometimes its harder than others, when I killed a god it took me a good long time for it to go away." Donel as most people when they hear these things said matter of factly had that stunned look on his face.

"What's it like?" That's the usual follow up.

"Like everyone shouting their entire life story at you all at once, except its in your head and you can't tell them to shut up." More or less, there are other aspects but no one wants to know about the bad dreams and potential loss of mental ability to a lingering soul.

"Wow, I'm sorry Trezlan."

"Its not your fault Donel, I killed them, I did this to myself because its what I do, it's how I've stayed alive all this time, and in this case it was important because now I know what the apocalypse is and we have to find Hanlon, he's the only one who can help us."

"The arms dealer?"

"Yeah we're going to need guns, a lot of them."

The Best Kind of Doctor

"Any ideas?" The good doctor and his friends had blocked off the exit and reinforced their position. I'd kind of blown my wad earlier and didn't have a lot of magical ability left because well sometimes you just don't know the strength of your own magical ability. We were already stuck because of my previous burning (see this is what happens when you ask for me to do something without telling me to do something minimal! So its really Donel's fault...) so we were between a wall of fire and a wall of bullets.

"I always like surrendering, it throws off your enemies." I don't necessarily "like" surrendering, I just tend to do it a lot.

"Pretty sure they won't accept our surrender." This was actually Donel's fault, he should have had an escape plan in advance, not just expected me to come up with one!

"You never know until you try." Donel tried to stop me from walking forward, but I did because well I'm brazen and a little crazy at times. They didn't fire on me, people are naturally averse to shooting on someone with their hands up, its general human nature.

"Willing to admit you have a problem Trezlan?" Doctor Tor had a sneer on his face, it was the look of someone who overestimated his chances.

"I'm completely willing to admit you have been a real pain in my ass Tor." I had gotten up to their barricade, I could see there were five of them plus the Doctor. Behind me I could hear Donel fidgeting, probably afraid I had turned on him after he had gone through all that effort to rescue me.

"Take him." One of the men came around the corner, his rifle had a bayonet on it and I grabbed it with my right hand. He looked surprised as I slid my hand down the knife slicing it open and then flung my blood onto him and his comrades.

"Gotcha." Necromancy is all about intimacy, ordinarily you have to be close to your target and willing to do something no one would expect, like say self injury to put your necromantic regent on everyone (blood is the greatest regent of them all, even if it means I've sliced my hands open in every way you can (and other parts of myself be thankful some of these stories are edited). Taking six people at once with a necomantic spell while under the effects of whatever they injected me with was moderately dangerous. Too many memories, too much power, all crammed into one person in a rush. It left me strained, like struggling to move strained. Donel realizing I was in trouble grabbed me and we exited the sanitarium before it burned to the ground (sorry other crazy people I'm sure that won't leave a horrific ghost presence in the burned out ruins or anything). Donel did at least have a truck waiting nearby, so that part of his escape plan worked. Not that I could do anything either way since I was racked with trying to stay partially sane and at the same time navigate the memories of the dead so that I could figure out what in the five fires was this apocalypse!

See there is a method to my madness! Most of the time anyway!

Side Effects May Vary

The problem with being on multiple drugs to counteract an issue you don't actually have is that you start to wonder if what you think is reality is actually reality. Like as I was sitting in my padded room the door suddenly burst open and Donel was there heavily armed and sporting a wild eyed look. I couldn't tell if he was really there, or the drugs had the oddest side effects I'd ever heard of. I was still kind of in and out and having trouble moving, so what he said seemed slow and hard to process.

"Get up Trezlan they are coming!' I did my best to get up, but you try having your arms pinned behind your back and heavily sedated and try and stand up, its not exactly the easiest thing in the world to pull off! Donel realizing that I couldn't exactly make my feet easily took out an overly long knife and sliced the jacket open (thankfully even though my arms were in there he didn't cut either one, or if he did I certainly didn't feel it). Some orderlies arrived and Donel killed them with his shotgun. I was kind of shocked, in theory the Sanitarium was not some kind of prison or group of evil people, but Donel wasn't sparing anyone who got in his way. It was a bit shocking from someone who my previous interaction with was very much a librarian, like I know I look like nothing myself (its one reason I surprise so many people they have no idea!) but Donel looked like the kind of guy to worry about breaking nails now he was out there kicking ass and gunning people down it was a bit disconcerting. Also concerning was the amount of armed guards in the sanitarium. Like I hadn't noticed them on my way in, but wow the place was more fortress than place designed to help anyone (and here I just thought it was my paranoia saying the building felt like a prison).

"Where are we going?" Not like I could remember the way out of the location nor offer assistance, but you know sometimes I like to know where I'm being lead to.

"Anywhere but here, we have to get you out of here, the apocalypse is coming!"

"Doctor Tor said I made that up!"

"Doctor Tor is in on it as is everyone else here, you're lucky someone at the jail remembered the name of the person who took you or I would have never been able to find you." I hate relying on luck, it makes it seem like my skills are not as sharp as I claim they are.

"Could you maybe help or something? You're supposed to be good at this kind of stuff." The hallway was full of orderlies with weapons, they had set up a makeshift barrier of beds and were ordering us to put down our weapons.

"Oh right sorry." Sloppy magic is dangerous magic, I turned towards the orderlies and just meant to set the beds on fire, what I did was cause a wave of flame to scorch the hallway and set fire to the entire wing we were in.

"Wow thank the gods you're on our side."

"I don't even know what side I'm on!" It was true I was confused as to what was going on in general, who I was in theory helping. Unfortunately there was no time for me to get my bearings because people were coming including the Doctor/Not Doctor Tor and I direly needed to talk with him. And by talk I mean murder the crap out of.

Forgive Me Doctor

"Mr. Lorentino I can not help you, if you do not want to help yourself." This was my second session with Doctor Tor, he was not a very good listener, well at least he wasn't someone who listened and did anything about it! Just noted something down and had his orderlies come in and inject me with drugs that made me tired and loopy (treatment in this case seemed meaning make me docile, not actually helping me).

"I don't need help, or whatever help you are offering, what I need is to be let out so I can stop the coming apocalypse." I admit this does sound like crazy talk for a normal person. But I am not a normal damn person thank you very much!

"Ahh yes the coming apocalypse, and tell me Mr. Lorentino how do you intend on stopping this event?"

"Somehow, probably using a combination of magic and luck." As far as plans go this was not my strongest one, not my worst one by a long shot, it was just a little vague was the problem. I mean people just need to understand I'm best thinking on my feet, or back, or some other none standing position when I have to come up with something last minute, its how I work or don't work, depending on how I feel.

"And you think you can stop the apocalypse by yourself? A weak pathetic little shred of failure like you?" His voice took on a sinister tone and I felt all of a sudden perhaps, just perhaps Doctor Tor was not here to help me.

"Well Doctor I do know that our session is up." I didn't have much else to say at that point, I was locked into my jacket, and the doctor was free to do whatever he could to me, which was probably not the optimal position for me to be in.

"You will never leave this sanitarium, you will die here along with the rest of the squealing masses, and we will win!"

"Forgive me Doctor, but I think you're the one who's crazy." He called the orderlies and they came and injected me with a drug that not only made me loopy it made it extremely difficult to move, which was a real pain in the ass during my escape. Oh yeah I totally escaped, all by myself not assisted at all...

No One Trusts A Prophet

"Come on let me out of here I was just trying to tell you all you're doomed!" I admit my method of trying to get released from prison wasn't exactly the smartest move. On the other hand I was not aware trying to warn people about upcoming apocalypses was against the damn law!

"Trezlan if you don't shut up soon I'm going to make you have difficulty answering the charges against you." Law enforcement no matter the time period are generally staffed by dick holes. Its like some kind of job requirement.

"Ok ok fine let yourselves be doomed to a horrific darkness, all I was trying to do is issue a warning from the benevolent gods in my head, but if you guys want to be overtaken by the horrors of the dark that's your own play." The guard let me be and I thought that was the end of that, until the men in white coats arrived and transported me to a sanitarium (a jail for the crazy, which I was not). The men in white coats were nice though, they even gave me a new jacket which restricted my arms and kept me from hurting myself (something they kept assuring me they wouldn't let me do as if I intended on ever harming myself!). Ordinarily I wouldn't be that concerned I conjure fire gods damn it, but the jacket also had that maddening magic canceling crap from the shackles. My room at the sanitarium was padded (with the jacket this seemed overkill), I didn't have a traditional bed, or roommate, but the padding was easy to sleep on. Sort of. All in all I did not appreciate the accommodations, nor did I appreciate that I at no point got to speak to my lawyer. Eventually I did get to speak to someone, but that asshole wasn't even willing to listen to me about the coming apocalypse! In fact he actually seemingly wanted the complete opposite. More on that next entry!

Reluctant Savior

"You are not living up to your potential." The voice in my head in my locked in state was chastising me, this was unexpected. Usually this whole get trapped in your own mind thing means someone else was in charge, but no this was just a guilt trip.

"Thanks dad, I'm really glad you trapped me within me to complain I'm not doing enough." Petulance one of the many qualities I bring to heroism.

"You are the voice of prophecy! You are to protect this world, and here you sit getting drunk and not doing anything about it!"

"Look I didn't even know about this prophecy until I read an old book of mine I wrote it in! You can't exactly blame me for ignoring it."

"True." The voice changed its tone as if trying to change its tactics, "This is actually our fault, we wrote you off as a prophet years ago when you were imprisoned, we figured you'd get executed or turned into a monster or something, our bad." I was insulted and at the same time understanding I'm more than a little bit of a screw up in life.

"So I was selected?"

"Well it wasn't like we had a lot of choices, decades ago we sensed this threat coming, it was either you or the unborn child of a dirt farmer, we went with you because you had lived all that time, and the dirt farmer child died in a tragic farm animal accident."

"Really helping my confidence." I didn't even know which gods or if these were even gods. Honestly the pantheon of gods in my world is a bit confusing. They are all selfish dicks who only do things for themselves, in a way they definitely reflect their worshipers, so if these were my gods they fit me to a t even though I didn't believe in them.

"Sorry sorry, so like can you help us stop the coming apocalypse?" This was said with the kind of voice like your neighbor asking if they can borrow some sugar.

"Haven't I stopped like three at this point? But sure I guess if it gets you to leave me alone."

"Fantastic, uhh one second." And then I was back in charge of myself, apparently I was just standing outside the library looking dazed, I had gathered a group of people around me who were wondering if I was ok. It didn't help when I came to I started shouting about the coming apocalypse. Which promptly got me thrown in jail. I tell you no one trusts prophecy anymore!

Don't Mind Me, This is Temporary Crazy

"Trezlan if you are going to spout random crazy shit I'm going to have to ask you to leave." I had kind of zoned out for a moment, didn't even remember going to Val's bar, but there I was half eaten sandwhich in front of me, all the way drunk beer next to it. The worst part of sleep eating, not enjoying the beverage.

"I'm sorry what was I saying?"

"I don't know some random garbage, so aside from the weird way of punctuating a sentence by telling us we were all going to die, it was your normal bullshit." Val always a helper. It had been getting worse for me, I kept waking up places I didn't remember being and having people looking at me weird. I guess finding out I wrote something possessed had awoken the possession inside of me. Well either that or I'd been screaming about prophecies this entire time and everyone was far too polite to tell me, you know either or.

Feeling like I could only rely on one person to confront this information I went back to the library to find Donel, but he wasn't there. He had apparently quit the job shortly after I had translated the books he wanted and now no one knew where he was. I was about to curse my luck and blame him for my current status, when I passed out again. When I awoke I knew I was trapped in my own damn mind again. AGAIN I WAS STUCK IN MYSELF AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD THIS HAPPENS SO OFTEN!

I don't know why I shouted there, I just like to get frustrated about things that apparently never change.

The Madness Has No Name

"Well this is certainly something." I rolled the dice and informed Donel of the weirdness in the translation. He was mostly agreeable to me just rattling it off and then deciding if we should keep the information or destroy it (I was actually a little bit suspicious to how nice he was about this, but it turns out Donel is just a nice person, I know I know it shocked me too).

"I don't even know what to say, I mean most of this stuff I don't remember, its why I wrote it down in the first place, but I certainly don't remember writing a prophecy of destruction, you'd think that would be something to pay attention to." The prophecy was one of eternal darkness in the land of machines. I'm sure I just shrugged it off having no idea what a machine was at the time, nor what a land of them would be. Now that people drove cars, flew planes and had boats everywhere, well it could be considered a time of machines.

"Do you think its true?" Donel sounded afraid.

"Possibly? I can't say, I mean tell you the truth Donel I did a lot of really dumb dangerous things as a younger hundred year old, and part of that would have left a lingering evil inside of me." Lingering evil inside of me is usually what I say after I eat something that gives me gas. It's also something I say when I'm dealing with a potential possession of my self. Such is the joy of living a full life like I do.

"What should we do?" I shrugged, I didn't exactly know. I mean I'm hundreds of years old, I have knowledge of several kinds of necromantic rituals, and generally bad magic in general. But dark prophecies? Potential possessions? These are the kind of things I put under the bed and forget about. Or apparently write in obscure books and completely not remember doing it.

"How about we do nothing? I mean I write a lot of things that aren't true (not this journal kind reader this is all true...) I don't think we should worry about this at all!" And so I closed the book, moved on to translating the rest of Donel's books of mine and collected Morley's journal. All in all it was a fairly easy procedure and I got something good out of it. The best kind of transaction. See I wasn't lying saying things worked out.

Of course when I left things got screwed up, but you know that was after I left, completely different situation!

The Greatest Code Known To Man

"You seem to be struggling, having difficulty remembering what code you used." I had one of my books in front of me, I was dictating what was in the book to Donel who was on a type writer marking it down. I had gotten halfway through going at a decent clip but I was struggling with a sentence.

"Yeah I seemed to have switched it up mid sentence one second Donel." I hadn't actually used a code at all, tell you the truth my hand writing is just that awful. I was struggling to figure out what I had written because what was written didn't make any sense. Most of the book was a treatise on some economic whatever, I couldn't be assed to remember it (I wrote it down for a reason). But starting with the one sentence it appeared I started talking about something completely different. I don't remember writing this section at all, it was still very much my hand writing but now it was a different voice entirely. I cast a look at Donel and I noticed he seemed to be reading through what I had dictated and checking it for something. I didn't know what to tell him honestly, I was still inherently untrusting of anyone, but its not like he could have known the volume switched from an economic book to whatever madness it was that I had written down in some foreign voice.

"Anything I can do to help?" I contemplated keeping it to myself and making up something in its stead, but despite my epic bullshitting ability I decided against it.

"Look Donel we might have a problem." And thus began for things to take a turn for the weird, well weirder than randomly walking into a library and entering into an agreement to decipher my own hand writing for a man I barely know. Relatively weird is what I'm saying.

Return of the Lorekeeper

"This way please." We were going down into a subbasements, I prepared myself for the worst because well these kind of things hadn't worked out well for me in the past. The Librarian's name was Donel, something nice and short, a good strong name, if I made up a new name today I'd probably be a Donel. Just saying. The steps were at least well lighted and maintained. Donel informed me he had a really good cleaning staff (which was nice to hear because it meant he invited people into his basement and it wasn't some horrible dungeon or if it was, it was at least a clean dungeon). Down the steps was a well lit study, so no dungeon unless it was hidden out of view. The study had a couple of comfortable reading chairs and a small table in between. There were a couple books and a bottle of liquor on the table. The walls were lined with books, all kind of books, most of them old from the look of their jackets.

"What do you want from me?"

"Straight and to the point Mr. Lorentino as I would expect from you." I am always unnerved when people seem to know me before we meet, no matter how long I've been alive this is a feeling I can not stand.

"How do you know me? What do you want? Spit it out!"

"My apologies Mr. Lorentino, simply put I need your assistance. I gather rare books as you can see, I have volumes all over, some older than even you. And a few of them written by you, and that's what I need your help with, I have a couple volumes of yours that appear to be written in some form of code and I would very much like to know what they say." I was flattered, and a little worried, I didn't recall writing any book in code, let alone ever losing any of my personal volumes. For a moment I was worried it was one of my journals, but no these appeared to be some of my economic books, that may or may not have contained actual facts.

"And in return? What do I get?"

"I understand you and a Mr. Morley are adversaries, I have a book that might come in handy in that regard, something of his, its how I knew who you were in the first place." I'll admit the chance of getting something over on Morley was very tempting. Extremely so.

"You have a deal Mr. Donel."

"Just Donel will do, now Mr. Lorentino shall we begin?" He motioned me to the chair and I accepted his invitation. Positively salivating at the chance of damaging Morley in some way.

Librarious

"Really Trezlan you should have just claimed you were drunk the whole time, that part of your story was believeable." Valrym was offering his usual comfort to me after unfurling my latest tale upon him. I swear I write this stuff down in the journal, and then also tell Valrym all about it, if Valrym wrote the journal I'm sure I'd come out looking worse than when I write it! And not just because second hand stories are the worst.

"I swear Val I don't even know why I tell you the true stories if you are going to disbelieve me anyway." Because I'm an optimist, truly an optimist.

"I don't know why you keep coming in here, I try my best to dissuade you, but like a persistent pest infection you keep returning."

"I like that Val, that's one of the nicest things you've ever said to me." He grunted and walked off because Val is Val. I surveyed the bar and found no one interesting to talk with and so I finished my drink, left a minuscule tip (look you mock me I take it out of the gratuity) and found somewhere else to be, which in Rosetia was increasingly a smaller and smaller group of locations. I actually ended up in the library (the one place where someone old could feel young based on the patrons of the library), I don't even remember what I was doing in there originally. I think it started raining and then I ducked inside to get out of the rain.

The building was actually pretty nice, it was done up a very grand style with sweeping stair cases and stone walk ways. Whoever had built it had spent some real money to make it very nice. The books contained within were also equally as grand and probably where the real money had been spent. There were several in dead languages, a lot of interesting choices that probably shouldn't have been in there (including one that detailed a lot of necromantic rites that probably wouldn't work, but I'd still be worried about it just hanging out in a library.) The staff was mostly non existant, but I did notice an older gentleman in fancy spectacles staring at me. I think he was under the impression I was going to steal something (it was a library though you borrow things? So I guess I was going to borrow something?)

"Can I help you?" He had approached me after an hour of staring at me. I almost felt insulted it took this long for him to introduce himself.

"Yes I'd like it if you'd stop staring at me its rude."

"Excuse me?"

"Oh come off it you've been staring at me this whole time, do you think I'm going to steal a book?" He looked incredulous, even made a grand gesture of opening his arms.

"I am merely doing my job, you looked like you could use some help." Now it was my turn to make a grand gesture of exasperation.

"With what?"

"With finding the proper book." He ushered me back to his desk and I distinctly recalled this being a set up before... But I followed afterward and I was completely glad I did. Being a hundred percent serious, look don't look at me like that I'm serious. Fine you jerk be that way.

I've Not Yet Begun To Accept Victory

"You've won Trezlan I admit defeat." Of all things I expected Hanlon to say when he sat down across from me at the hilariously long table I'd set up for the meeting, this was the one I'd not expected.

"I'm sorry you'll have to repeat that." I wasn't trying to be a dick, it was just the table was very long and it was hard to hear and I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Hanlon got a sour look on his face and marched down to my end of the table, the guards in the room tensed but I held out a hand to tell them to relax. Not that they would have been able to stop Hanlon if he wanted to kill me.

"You won you ignorant fool." I smiled.

"Well what's important here Hanlon is that you realize that." I admit at this point I was completely lost as to what to do. I hadn't expected Hanlon to admit defeat, nor did I expect him to just stand there while doing it. I was so completely lost I had to remain calm otherwise I would have started laughing like a mad man.

"So what do we do now?" I know what I wanted to do, crush Garret's pathetic army and watch as that weasel died beneath a mountain of corpses of his own creation.

"Leave Trezlan, this conflict is not for us."

"Leave? At my moment of triumph?" Ok so maybe the whole Lord General thing had gone to my head, the sad part is, it hadn't even been a week since I'd been in charge. What they say about power being corrupting is very very true.

"Leave before the child emperor has you killed and your insides displayed on the palace walls as an example to others for usurping his power."

"He wouldn't do that, I threatened him if he even thought of disobeying my orders!"

"Why do you think I was here in the first place? He wanted to know how much it would cost to kill you." Ok ok so maybe threatening to burn the little bastard down apparently hadn't inspired the loyalty I expected.

"Good point. But I still want to kill Garret."

"Unless you can resurrect him to kill him again its already done." I was taken a back by that, but I could imagine from Hanlon's smile that was something he did to convince me to leave.

"What about this country?" It was a minor concern I'll admit.

"It'll fall, the military now that you have shown them the way is a couple months from butchering the emperor, and no before you ask they'd kill you too for being too powerful." I sighed, my short time as Lord General had come to its end to early. I didn't even get to loot anything on the way out. Not that I would have or anything....

So I added a new title to my glorious achievements and skulked away in the night like a thief to avoid the assassins the emperor was going to send to kill me. I still think I could have prevented the horrific military dictatorship I inadvertently caused to happen, but Hanlon assured me that was not the case and who was I to disagree with him again in short fashion. Aside from an asshole of course.

General Disregard for Others

"General." My full title was Lord General of The Imperial Army, General for short. Yes I made up the title. Yes I'm that vain. The young man assigned to be my assistant was wearing a very crisp and clean uniform. Me I was wearing a full body coat/robe with my rank sewed into the shoulders. Open chested with a sash across, because I'm vain (look you lead the army, you get to choose your outfit!). I was in the process of trying to come up with new uniforms for the army, because the ones they currently had were terrible and if I was going to lead an army it was going to look very sharp. Fight like garbage, but look very sharp (apparently the tactics I'd seen on display was the height of imperial ability, which raised the question of how they'd ever defeated a group ever, also they made me a leader of their army, they can't be too smart).

"What is it now? The emperor thinks my current strategy is doomed for failure again?" Oh yes the emperor, an idiotic child (an actual child, not like some adult who was childish) who constantly undercut his military leadership with his completely insane plans. That was the reason they were mostly losing this conflict when they should have been winning.

"No general the emperor took it seriously when you told him the next time he bothered to correct you, you'd burn him to the ground and piss on the ashes."

"Good it appears the little shit can learn something." I'll admit being the military leader and having the ability to completely overtake the government and become its leader was a bit of a benefit.

"I believe he's planning on killing you."

"Oh he can try, anyway if its not the sniveling little twerp who is it?"

"A representative of the rebels has come to have a discussion with you." I smiled imagining Garret coming to me and begging me not to wipe his pathetic army off the face of the map. I'd blockaded the ports with the sizeable imperial navy, thus preventing him from escaping when the battle turned south. The only thing I had to worry about was Hanlon, and I didn't think Garret had the money to buy Hanlon's help out of a naval blockade.

"Garret?"

"No my General, a weapon merchant named Hanlon." I frowned, but being the benevolent leader of the imperial army I figured it was best to let Hanlon speak, I mean if he was here to apologize I'd at least appreciate the effort.

"Send him in." And thus began a conversation that I for one was happy to involved with. And it even stayed that way! Hooray something changed for the better for me!

An Accidental Heroic Action

After all the artillery and rifle fire there came a brief terrifying moment of everything getting quiet. It was the most terrifying period of time. Like I can understand a bunch of explosions and rifles, but when they stop? What do you do then? Surrender? Run? Keep waiting? I chose keep waiting/playing dead, because unlike creatures humans entirely are easy to fool into think you're dead, just slap some blood on your body and lay still. The honest truth is most people don't like touching the dead, or even looking at them too long (outside of necrophiliacs, but thankfully that is a gross habit mostly eliminated in modern times).

As I was sitting there hoping my enemies would leave me alone the enemy advanced as I expected them too. They didn't have cool uniforms like the imperial army, but they were a lot better at the murder. It was enough to make me think I joined the wrong side (in a conflict in which I didn't have to join either side, let me tell you I felt pretty stupid, and I was already feeling dumb to begin with!) They were also better than most forces at checking the dead. I mean the clearly destroyed bodies they didn't do anything to, but the more solid people like say me and the group of dead I was laying near? Yeah they were shooting those people just to make sure (I guess someone had pulled my play dead trick earlier?). I could hear the squad of men moving forward shooting the dead as I waited. Which again brought up a new question, do I put my hands up and surrender or fight back? I hadn't seen Hanlon bring over anti magical items, but this was close to the area Oshujon had caused his stupid war, so I had to be careful if my magic would actually work (I mean it had earlier in the refugee camp with necromancy, but necromancy has a low cost to entry for magical ability) or if it worked there could always be one of those magical reflector things. Fleeing was right out because a man to my right was apparently also playing dead, decided on flight over fight and got gunned down for his trouble.

The troops were getting closer to me and so my moment was coming. They were using Hanlon weapons which meant the bullets were anti magic capped, but they did have what appeared to be home made explosive devices (there were four of them in the make sure people were dead squad). With a slight bit of effort I exploded the devices of one of the young men, it took out his friend, which then lead to a hilarious if not horrifying example of explosive dominoes as one device blew up another blew up another, what started out as a means of blowing up a couple guys from killing me ended up wiping out half the enemy force (due to their being explosives on the bodies of some of the young soldiers, in fact it was so bad I feared the bodies of the dead I was standing next to, this incident would later lead to a reform in how explosives were used in combat, so I changed the world! Probably for the better... maybe).

In fact they were so confused by what had happened they fled the battle altogether. I stood up in disbelief at what I had done. I mean I know I'm awesome, but even in my awesomeness doing one thing has never caused so much death and destruction. Though it did lead me to getting promoted to leader of the imperial army.

Yeah I thought it was kind of a big step up at the time as well.

You're In the Imperial Army Now

"I'm excited this is exciting." He was a young man carrying his rifle askew and was the first to die in our unit (sorry I'm not a very good not telling you the outcomes of what happens teller). We were walking towards the front line after getting dropped off by our transport a mile away from the fighting (I could hear artillery landing up ahead, Hanlon stuff I could tell from the whistle). The rest of the unit was not excited, including me. My uniform itched, my rifle had blood stained into the wood from where the last user of it probably bled right into it, and my boots didn't fit. Overall I wasn't impressed with the imperial army. In the future I would not reenlist with the imperial army, if it were around anymore, which it is not. But should it be resurrected I would not join up again, most likely not.

I did notice my unit appeared alone on the path we were walking, which I hoped meant other units were coming in from a different direction, but it appeared to mean we were alone and being sent to die (which was the truth). I didn't understand the strategy to be honest. It seemed stupid to send people in to die, but I have never been one for grand strategy (burn, necromancy, buy my way out of trouble).

We got massacred pretty badly. The artillery hit near by and started to kill people almost immediately. The young man and the two people standing near him got splattered by an artillery shell. The people in front of me were felled with rifle fire. I did the bravely heroic thing of ducking behind the pile of corpses and decided to wait for reinforcements who weren't coming. It took me a moment to realize they weren't coming (because I'm an optimist you see). No apparently our strategy was to sacrifice a couple units to make it appear like we were being lead by idiots, and then the other side died of laughter. I couldn't even tell you why they were doing this, the imperial army had more men, more guns, and superior positions, but they apparently didn't like having an actual strategy anymore than I do!

So my first battle with the imperial army went a lot like my first anything cowering behind a bunch of corpses hoping for the fighting to stop. Its a lot like having bad neighbors, in that its nothing like having bad neighbors at all.

I Might Just Might Have Not Thought This Plan Through

I'll admit joining the imperial army to crush Garret's rebels was probably one of my stupider plans. Like on a scale of one to really stupid, this one was pretty high on the stupid scale. The imperial army (the country doesn't really matter it was an imperial army, they aren't even around anymore) was brutal. I mean there was a good reason they had rebellions against them. And yet because of my stupid foolish pride there I was signing up to fight against the aggressors (you might be wondering how someone not born of their soil could sign up for the imperial army? They weren't picky, another not so great sign of how their military functioned.

I attempted to get at least promoted above the basic grunt with my knowledge and magical ability, but alas the imperial army cared more about numbers than ability. So I got folded in with new recruits. My unit was seemingly made up of people who shouldn't have been fighting anything. All old men, out of shape people, and young men who got conscripted. It was enough to make me think the recruiter who processed my paperwork did not think very highly of me as a soldier.

The unit as I was told would be serving on the front line, the front line of where I have no idea, but we were destined to be on the front lines.I had to tell you I didn't feel very comfortable with the people I'd joined up with. Most of them could barely hold a rifle let alone shoot one, and we had all of a weeks worth of training before we were loaded up on a flat bed truck and sent off to the war. Turns out my fears were completely unreasonable and everything worked out fine!

Yeah no.

Forgiveness Is not a Virtue

"We're transferring weapons to Garret?" I was not mildly amused when I found out why we were going back to the place I just left. I was even less amused to find out we were shipping weapons to the guy who had tried to kill me and planned to wipe out moronic refugees who trusted him.

"Yes his family is very rich." Hanlon was his usual compassionate self.

"And?"

"And they paid in advance? What do you want? Some kind of admission I care about that he attempted to kill you? That what he's doing is wrong? Because I don't care about either of those things at all, and neither should you." His voice was that hard edge he used when he was upset with me. I tell you he'd been using it a lot more as of late.

"He tried to kill me!"

"And failed, and now you get to sell him something, its the circle of commerce." He turned around and went back down below and I figured that was the end of the conversation. I was still pissed off with this. A I wanted to go home, and B. I didn't want to help Garret anymore than I had already inadvertently done! I tell you Hanlon just didn't seem to care. Because he never seemed to value me as an employee or as a person I jumped ship! I realize this seemed silly for someone who wanted to go home, and who hated getting directly involved in conflicts, but I'm also someone who hates getting pushed around and I felt Hanlon was jerking me around.

So yeah I left his employ again and signed up to fight with the imperial forces Garrett was going to get butchered by. Which now looking back on also seems like an asshole move, man there are times I wonder how heroic I really am.

Well I feel Enlightened Or Something

"I feel we've done this dance before." It was Hanlon, because of course he would be the one person who showed up with a boat to take me home. He also had guards to take Oshujon somewhere (he would not tell me where, apparently he too did not believe the loss of memory).

"Can we leave please I've had enough of clicks and clocks." After I had come back down the mountain the villager I had spoken with before made a call on a radio that he had and Hanlon's ship arrived shortly there after. If I believed in coincidence I would say it was one, but I don't, so I totally think this was somehow a Hanlon plan all along.

"I'm not ready to leave yet, I want to see this tiny little island that has somehow escaped my notice before now, so you'll have to wait. You're frankly lucky I was even in the area Trezlan, not that you would admit that." I would have felt some kind of sympathy for Hanlon if he wasn't being a dick to be a dick, so instead I just went into the cabin to sulk. I didn't drink any, which I think is a step up for me. Well a step somewhere. I've taken up writing really passive aggressive poems that explain my hurt feelings. Like this one.

The only people
Who still believe
Are idiots
Who forgot to grieve

I expect my invitation to every poetry gathering ever soon. Hanlon thankfully didn't want to stick around the island for long, I guess the natives didn't want to buy weapons. Sadly we didn't just return home. No no, because life hates me and just coming home is not something that ever happens.

Ok I Give Up What Do You Want?

The creature had beaten me every which way it could on that mountain. It even somehow change the weather so that it was cold and raining on me, lightning was striking in the background. My poor body felt broken in every way it could be, bones were busted, wounds were exposed, and I was so tired, so very tired. I was still standing though, having pulled myself out of the dirt to stand in defiance to the creatures assault. I wasn't standing particularly strongly, I wasn't standing steady, and in fact I felt I was going to fall over, but I was standing.

"You are weak." The creature was still standing perfectly fine, showing itself no worse for the beating it gave me.

"You said that monster." Petulance was the only thing I still had in fresh supply.

"You still are." This was the longest actual conversation I'd had with the creature. At least it wasn't attacking me for the time being. I felt like a strong breeze could knock me over, the rain was pelting my face and causing my wounds to pool blood water at my feet.

"You know I never got your name creature, do you even have one?"

"I'm everything you are not, I'm what you refuse to be."

"A monster?"

"Strong." I felt like I preferred the beating to this mental assault the creature was pulling.

"Fine be that way, I'm just going to go back down the mountain now, I felt like this was useful, you've shown me so much." It hadn't actually shown me anything. The creature appeared before me, blocking the way back down.

"You aren't leaving."

"Oh yes I am, look you can kill me or not, but this torture crap is over and done with, I fought you, I lost, I'm going home, or dying on the side of the mountain whatever." I admit at this point my only thought was just leave, like when you've had too much to drink and know its time to give up and go home. Except replace drink with pain and suffering. He went to strike me and it passed through me. Like it wasn't even there.

"No, you must stay."

"I'm done with you, this is over!" I kept walking and the creature howled. And then I woke up. I was still on the mountain, I wasn't hurt (my throat was dry and I was very hungry but otherwise I was ok). I could see where I'd left the pack from my arrival, and it looked like I hadn't moved since I'd collapsed from making the top of the mountain. It felt like maybe a day had passed.

The worst part, I didn't even know if I succeeded in defeating the creature! I mean I thought I did, but I have no idea. I could have failed and instead of being sent home they'd just kill me and bury me (or that was their plan the whole time, you can never tell with native tribes) thankfully they let me know when I managed to get back down, which took less time because falling down is a lot easier than climbing up (something my recent bout with sobriety proved). So anyway, next entry the confusion err conclusion!

Odd I Don't Remember Being Afraid of That

I was breathing heavy, the creature that was hunting me had gotten closer. I had fallen asleep during the night and woke up to the feeling of something breathing on my neck. So I snatched my stuff up and started to run up the mountain despite being out of shape, tired, and not really qualified to climb a mountain for the first place. I didn't see the creature hunting me directly, but I saw the shadowy outline of it and I've got to say I've never had this particular fear outlined before, but it was very scary. It seemed to enjoy the chase up the mountain. Like anytime I'd rest it would make a loud noise near me. It seemingly was provoking me to reach the top of the mountain. I should have just stopped, but I felt driven to reach the top, more so than anything else in my life I figured if I could just make it up there I could take care of the creature and get the hell off the mountain. Eventually I reached the top, upon doing so I dropped my pack and celebrated.

The top of the mountain was less of a peak and more of a plateau, just a flat surface, there was some kind of ritualistic fire burning at the top, and a bunch of bones which didn't exactly speak to the safety of the peak. I was pretty exhausted having basically sprinted to the top, so when I laid down to rest I probably shouldn't have. I awoke to the snorting visage of the creature. It was a combination of many animals, bull, bat, scorpion, a little bit of insect and some squid (huge tentacles). It lifted me up with one of the tentacles and brought me face to face with his its horrible visage.

"Trezlan." The voice filled my head to the point of hurting my ears, the breath was so rancid it burned my nose.

"I didn't do it!" It was my go to response for just about any inquiry.

"You are weak, you could be strong." It tossed me, almost off the mountain. I gripped the plateau with my finger nails and broke one (which hurt like you wouldn't believe). I conjured fire and launched a burst of it towards the nightmare, but it just batted it aside like some kind of child hood toy.

"WEAK!!!" It called out and launched itself on top of me, I heard something pop with the impact probably one of my ribs. It drug its foot along my back and sent me sliding along the dirt towards the center altar. I could feel my anger rising and figured I'd use some necromancy, it always works, except this time it didn't do anything.

"Pathetic." The creature spit out my spell dark foul liquid hit the ground, burning and hissing.

"Look if you're going to kill me can you keep the insults to yourself, your hurting my ego." I think I saw a smile from the creature, but it could have just been thinking about what it was going to do to me next, which spoiler alert sucked. I tell you I've fought tougher opponent's than this nightmare, but I couldn't recall when at the time. And so it went for a full day, I would attempt to fight, and the creature would make me suffer. It was a lot like being married, or so I've been told!