Hanlaportation

Three days I rode around with three very burly looking men looking for Hanlon. And for three days I came up with nothing. The men were there to be my "bodyguards" but I'm pretty sure they were jailers and more assigned to watch the money than me (couldn't blame them considering my history). I was in the middle of urinating while the guards stood on their horses and harumphed (they never had to go the bathroom, or eat, or talk, they were the worst traveling companions I ever had save Nidget). When Hanlon appeared next behind the tree I was marking. It was enough to cause me to let out a startled yelp and almost piss on myself.

"Quiet Trezlan or they'll hear you." His voice was low almost hissing.

"Oh I'm sorry Hanlon, I'll try and react better when people appear behind trees I'm pissing on." I didn't think it was unreasonable.

"Make sure that you do. What in the five fires are you doing Trezlan?"

"What do you mean what am I doing? You're the war maker who started this."

"I did not start this conflict!"

"They were using your weapons!"

"They stole them from me, shockingly despite your lack of any discernible morals Trezlan you're the only person who has not directly stolen from me, a fact I'm sure only the Gods themselves could laugh about." In a way I was kind of proud of this fact.

"Well now they want to pay for them, the rough looking men behind me are willing to front the money." He looked aghast at the suggestion.

"I would never support such stupidity."

"You just supported a revolution!"

"TO PREVENT THEM FROM FALLING TO THIS ONE!" He almost shouted, I turned to make sure my "guards" hadn't noticed, they had not, though I knew I couldn't keep up the converation for long, I mean past a certain point people suspect you're doing more than peeing and thats not a rumor I wanted started.

"You are a very weird businessman Hanlon."

"Trezlan there are forces at work here you can not begin to understand, and thats all I'll say, now get away from these gentleman and help me end this pointless war." With that he was gone, if he was ever really there to begin with. You know at times I wonder if I make Hanlon up? Which is patently ridiculous, because there is no way I'd ever create a personality who despises me so much, I mean I already have Nidget (now you have to wonder if Nidget is real as well, aren't I nice?)