Reluctant Savior

"You are not living up to your potential." The voice in my head in my locked in state was chastising me, this was unexpected. Usually this whole get trapped in your own mind thing means someone else was in charge, but no this was just a guilt trip.

"Thanks dad, I'm really glad you trapped me within me to complain I'm not doing enough." Petulance one of the many qualities I bring to heroism.

"You are the voice of prophecy! You are to protect this world, and here you sit getting drunk and not doing anything about it!"

"Look I didn't even know about this prophecy until I read an old book of mine I wrote it in! You can't exactly blame me for ignoring it."

"True." The voice changed its tone as if trying to change its tactics, "This is actually our fault, we wrote you off as a prophet years ago when you were imprisoned, we figured you'd get executed or turned into a monster or something, our bad." I was insulted and at the same time understanding I'm more than a little bit of a screw up in life.

"So I was selected?"

"Well it wasn't like we had a lot of choices, decades ago we sensed this threat coming, it was either you or the unborn child of a dirt farmer, we went with you because you had lived all that time, and the dirt farmer child died in a tragic farm animal accident."

"Really helping my confidence." I didn't even know which gods or if these were even gods. Honestly the pantheon of gods in my world is a bit confusing. They are all selfish dicks who only do things for themselves, in a way they definitely reflect their worshipers, so if these were my gods they fit me to a t even though I didn't believe in them.

"Sorry sorry, so like can you help us stop the coming apocalypse?" This was said with the kind of voice like your neighbor asking if they can borrow some sugar.

"Haven't I stopped like three at this point? But sure I guess if it gets you to leave me alone."

"Fantastic, uhh one second." And then I was back in charge of myself, apparently I was just standing outside the library looking dazed, I had gathered a group of people around me who were wondering if I was ok. It didn't help when I came to I started shouting about the coming apocalypse. Which promptly got me thrown in jail. I tell you no one trusts prophecy anymore!